School!!!!

March 28, 2011

OK, felt better at school last Friday but did have trouble with a nagging

anxiety over the weekend and did not sleep well Sat. or Sun. night. BUT I went

to school this morning determined to accept my anxious thoughts and to accept

myself for feeling anxious. It is so easy to feel like everyone is just floating

along with things not bothering them like they are bothering me. I want to feel

calm and in control so it is HARD for me to accept not feeling that way!!! I

thought I was doing better at ACT these past few months that I have been off the

list but what I guess had really happened was that for some reason the anxious

thoughts had subsided so I was basking and fusing with the good feelings so that

now that the fears are back I feel so oppressed by them, like they are in

control. Where do I need to begin again???

If you will bare with me let me give you an example of what I do to see if

anyone has some helpful ideas. Ok, I have this difficult child and I tend to

have the feeling of anxiety while working with him because I am scared to death

he will do something I can't handle and that would make me look like a failure.

THEN I panic because I am having that feeling and think I won't be able to

function or feel normal again if I don't get rid of the feeling. It is so hard

for me not to see that feeling as a threat. I know these are classic symptoms of

struggle (the chess board, not dropping the rope) but I feel stuck there. The

more I feel like the thought is a threat to my well being, the more I argue with

it and the more defeated I feel. Then I go home feeling desperately out of

control. I did call a therapist I had seen 4 or 5 times to make an appointment

and that gave me a little relief and I must admit I took an ativan and that also

gave me some needed relief from the anxiety. I don't take those on a regular

basis but I allow myself to do that when these " spells " arise. Thanks in advance

for any help you can give me with a starting place of hopping back on the ACT

horse!!

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