RE: childhood issues

[Guest guest]

Bruce, I also struggle continually with childhood issues. I read something on a blog about this: " The statute of limitations has expired on most of our childhood traumas. " Bill, you ask some valid questions. I went back into psychodynamic therapy recently to deal with a current issue, but as expected, we delved into my childhood and I felt mired there. I started to realize that it would not help (I'd been there and done that) ... I need to let go of the past, not let it continue to define me.

Still, I resist taking the ACT path. I struggle with anger and feelings of low self-worth on a daily basis. I even get angry with myself for believing I am worthless (as if I could convince myself otherwise), but don't defuse from those thoughts of worthlessness. Or I will defuse, but half-heartedly.

~ lisa

 

Bruce - What would you do if you found out you will never get to the bottom of your childhood issues? Would you keep struggling with them? What would you do if you suddenly got to the bottom of those issues and didn't like the answers? Would you then struggle with the answers?  These two scenarios are probably more likely than a third one where you get to the bottom of them and find relief. But there is a fourth scenario. Stop struggling with all that stuff. It's not the issues. It's how you are thinking about them. You have become those issues. You need to try very specific defusion exercises on the thoughts. Today you are taking then seriously and struggling with them. You need to defuse from them. What has been your experience with using any of the defusion exercises?

 

Pretend you just received a post just like yours from another person on this list and that it is up to you to prepare a response to help the person use ACT. Imagine you have all of the ACT tools at your disposal. What would you recommend? This might help you put some distance from you and your thoughts, and see some possible solutions.

 

Seems like you and I are saying the same things over and over again. You tell us how much you are struggling. We tell you to stop struggling using ACT processes. ACT progress is incremental and comes from doing the exercises. It does not come from trying to think yourself out of the funk. That just makes it worse.

 

For what it's worth.

 

Bill

To: ACT_for_the_Public From: onebnz@...Date: Sun, 20 Feb 2011 09:55:41 -0800

Subject: Re: Re: what to do with thoughts

I guess what I was really saying is how important is it or how helpful can it be to process childhood issues? I have accepted the stuttering pretty well in the present. It has gotten better since I've been practicing ACT.

I've been working on giving myself a break, that some of what I feel now and am now is because I stuttered as a child and that's OK. Some of my attitudes came from the stuttering and vice versa. It's my impression that ACT is more about moving forward. But I feel like I'm dragging a big load with me.

I struggle with where I am in my career. But my career choices were heavily influenced by my stutter. There were many choices I thought I couldn't be successful at because of the way I talked. Now I look at those choices and say " I could have taken that road " , forgetting the reasons I had at the time. I'm also forgetting that where I am is not bad and could be far worse. It's just that it's so easy to compare myself to people who appear to be happier and more successful. I focus on what they appear to have and beat myself up in comparison. I'm trying very hard to stop doing this and drop the envy and comparison. But I feel like there's a fear deeply ingrained in me.

My form of stuttering is characterized by blocking of my speech. I get stuck on sounds. I think this is kind of a metaphor for my life, too. I get stuck on thoughts and feelings. I find it difficult to get unstuck on doing valued action. My speech gets stuck and my life gets stuck. It seems like more than a coincidence.

Anyway, maybe I'm making too much of this but I've been thinking about it. Along with the stutter, I've got some major father issues. Again, I never thought much of it until I began hearing other's stories and realized that my upbringing was pretty unusual. I guess my issues are pretty common but my circumstances were not. My mind tells me that others have gotten over worse and I should suck it up. But I realize I don't know how other people are coping. I look OK from the outside, too.

Bruce

[Guest guest]

Hmmm. Sounds like intellectual ACT. Try doubling your "half-hearted" defusion efforts for the full effect.

Has anyone tried the ipod app that plays back your words in a funny voice.? I can't find it on the web but it sounds like it might work for defusion. I think it has something to do with a talking turtle.

Bill

To: ACT_for_the_Public From: valibrarian68@...Date: Sun, 20 Feb 2011 15:26:33 -0500Subject: Re: childhood issues

Bruce, I also struggle continually with childhood issues. I read something on a blog about this: "The statute of limitations has expired on most of our childhood traumas."Bill, you ask some valid questions. I went back into psychodynamic therapy recently to deal with a current issue, but as expected, we delved into my childhood and I felt mired there. I started to realize that it would not help (I'd been there and done that) ... I need to let go of the past, not let it continue to define me.Still, I resist taking the ACT path. I struggle with anger and feelings of low self-worth on a daily basis. I even get angry with myself for believing I am worthless (as if I could convince myself otherwise), but don't defuse from those thoughts of worthlessness. Or I will defuse, but half-heartedly.~ lisa

Bruce - What would you do if you found out you will never get to the bottom of your childhood issues? Would you keep struggling with them? What would you do if you suddenly got to the bottom of those issues and didn't like the answers? Would you then struggle with the answers? These two scenarios are probably more likely than a third one where you get to the bottom of them and find relief. But there is a fourth scenario. Stop struggling with all that stuff. It's not the issues. It's how you are thinking about them. You have become those issues. You need to try very specific defusion exercises on the thoughts. Today you are taking then seriously and struggling with them. You need to defuse from them. What has been your experience with using any of the defusion exercises? Pretend you just received a post just like yours from another person on this list and that it is up to you to prepare a response to help the person use ACT. Imagine you have all of the ACT tools at your disposal. What would you recommend? This might help you put some distance from you and your thoughts, and see some possible solutions. Seems like you and I are saying the same things over and over again. You tell us how much you are struggling. We tell you to stop struggling using ACT processes. ACT progress is incremental and comes from doing the exercises. It does not come from trying to think yourself out of the funk. That just makes it worse. For what it's worth.

Bill

To: ACT_for_the_Public From: onebnz@...Date: Sun, 20 Feb 2011 09:55:41 -0800

Subject: Re: Re: what to do with thoughtsI guess what I was really saying is how important is it or how helpful can it be to process childhood issues? I have accepted the stuttering pretty well in the present. It has gotten better since I've been practicing ACT.

I've been working on giving myself a break, that some of what I feel now and am now is because I stuttered as a child and that's OK. Some of my attitudes came from the stuttering and vice versa. It's my impression that ACT is more about moving forward. But I feel like I'm dragging a big load with me.

I struggle with where I am in my career. But my career choices were heavily influenced by my stutter. There were many choices I thought I couldn't be successful at because of the way I talked. Now I look at those choices and say "I could have taken that road", forgetting the reasons I had at the time. I'm also forgetting that where I am is not bad and could be far worse. It's just that it's so easy to compare myself to people who appear to be happier and more successful. I focus on what they appear to have and beat myself up in comparison. I'm trying very hard to stop doing this and drop the envy and comparison. But I feel like there's a fear deeply ingrained in me.

My form of stuttering is characterized by blocking of my speech. I get stuck on sounds. I think this is kind of a metaphor for my life, too. I get stuck on thoughts and feelings. I find it difficult to get unstuck on doing valued action. My speech gets stuck and my life gets stuck. It seems like more than a coincidence.

Anyway, maybe I'm making too much of this but I've been thinking about it. Along with the stutter, I've got some major father issues. Again, I never thought much of it until I began hearing other's stories and realized that my upbringing was pretty unusual. I guess my issues are pretty common but my circumstances were not. My mind tells me that others have gotten over worse and I should suck it up. But I realize I don't know how other people are coping. I look OK from the outside, too.

Bruce

[Guest guest]

My cousin had an ipad that had a cat that would repeat back to you what you said in a funny voice. XXX______________________Signature: Mrs Em Equanimity This is my personal blog where I record my experience applying Acceptance Commitment Therapy to my anxiety and agoraphobia in particular, and my life in general. Feel free to browse. http://eyeofthehurricane-act.blogspot.com/--- El dom, 20/2/11, Bill C

escribió:De: Bill C Asunto: RE: childhood issuesPara: "ACT_for_the_Public" <act_for_the_public >Fecha: domingo, 20 de febrero, 2011 21:11

Hmmm. Sounds like intellectual ACT. Try doubling your "half-hearted" defusion efforts for the full effect.

Has anyone tried the ipod app that plays back your words in a funny voice.? I can't find it on the web but it sounds like it might work for defusion. I think it has something to do with a talking turtle.

Bill

To: ACT_for_the_Public From: valibrarian68@...Date: Sun, 20 Feb 2011 15:26:33 -0500Subject: Re: childhood issues

Bruce, I also struggle continually with childhood issues. I read something on a blog about this: "The statute of limitations has expired on most of our childhood traumas."Bill, you ask some valid questions. I went back into psychodynamic therapy recently to deal with a current issue, but as expected, we delved into my childhood and I felt mired there. I started to realize that it would not help (I'd been there and done that) ... I need to let go of the past, not let it continue to define me.Still, I resist taking the ACT path. I struggle with anger and feelings of low self-worth on a daily basis. I even get angry with myself for believing I am worthless (as if I could convince myself otherwise), but don't defuse from those thoughts of worthlessness. Or I will defuse, but half-heartedly.~ lisa

Bruce - What would you do if you found out you will never get to the bottom of your childhood issues? Would you keep struggling with them? What would you do if you suddenly got to the bottom of those issues and didn't like the answers? Would you then struggle with the answers? These two scenarios are probably more likely than a third one where you get to the bottom of them and find relief. But there is a fourth scenario. Stop struggling with all that stuff. It's not the issues. It's how you are thinking about them. You have become those issues. You need to try very specific defusion exercises on the thoughts. Today you are taking then seriously and struggling with them. You need to defuse from them. What has been your experience with using any of the defusion exercises? Pretend you just received a post just like yours from another person on this list and that it is up to you to prepare a response to help the person use

ACT. Imagine you have all of the ACT tools at your disposal. What would you recommend? This might help you put some distance from you and your thoughts, and see some possible solutions. Seems like you and I are saying the same things over and over again. You tell us how much you are struggling. We tell you to stop struggling using ACT processes. ACT progress is incremental and comes from doing the exercises. It does not come from trying to think yourself out of the funk. That just makes it worse. For what it's worth.

Bill

To: ACT_for_the_Public From: onebnz@...Date: Sun, 20 Feb 2011 09:55:41 -0800

Subject: Re: Re: what to do with thoughtsI guess what I was really saying is how important is it or how helpful can it be to process childhood issues? I have accepted the stuttering pretty well in the present. It has gotten better since I've been practicing ACT.

I've been working on giving myself a break, that some of what I feel now and am now is because I stuttered as a child and that's OK. Some of my attitudes came from the stuttering and vice versa. It's my impression that ACT is more about moving forward. But I feel like I'm dragging a big load with me.

I struggle with where I am in my career. But my career choices were heavily influenced by my stutter. There were many choices I thought I couldn't be successful at because of the way I talked. Now I look at those choices and say "I could have taken that road", forgetting the reasons I had at the time. I'm also forgetting that where I am is not bad and could be far worse. It's just that it's so easy to compare myself to people who appear to be happier and more successful. I focus on what they appear to have and beat myself up in comparison. I'm trying very hard to stop doing this and drop the envy and comparison. But I feel like there's a fear deeply ingrained in me.

My form of stuttering is characterized by blocking of my speech. I get stuck on sounds. I think this is kind of a metaphor for my life, too. I get stuck on thoughts and feelings. I find it difficult to get unstuck on doing valued action. My speech gets stuck and my life gets stuck. It seems like more than a coincidence.

Anyway, maybe I'm making too much of this but I've been thinking about it. Along with the stutter, I've got some major father issues. Again, I never thought much of it until I began hearing other's stories and realized that my upbringing was pretty unusual. I guess my issues are pretty common but my circumstances were not. My mind tells me that others have gotten over worse and I should suck it up. But I realize I don't know how other people are coping. I look OK from the outside, too.

Bruce