RE: reply to Helen

[Guest guest]

Now, Helen -- (gee, you folks are making me work hard! But in a pleasant way, because it’s within areas that are of considerable importance to me. And as well, I don’t mind finding out and defining more clearly some significant things about myself.) That isn't to say that being exactly the same as your romantic partner would always be bad, but what I've read suggests it could lead to a lot of friction. Partners really need maturity and experience to be able to deal with flare-ups constructively, and not destructively. Now, what said seems to suggest is that cookie cutter sameness could also lead to stagnation. No, I cant imagine a lot of friction. I like the way I am, and would just love to associate with one or more others like myself. We would both be undemanding, and would know well how to keep out of each other’s way. Another the same as me would be non-reactive, would treat moment by moment disturbances with pragmatic unconcern and a peaceful shrug of the shoulders.In my opinion, if you have good conflict resolution skills (read: you can handle the friction) or conversely, if you really like everything on a flat-line even keel (to me that's stagnation but others may feel differently,) then sameness is all good.Ah, now you’ve hit. I love sameness, - flat-line even keel suits me just fine. It is just exactly how I run my own day to day life.In my world, I'd take the fireworks, hands down. That being said, the folks I have had the most challenges with in interpersonal (not romantic) relationships are those who are the most similar to me. They either love me or they hate me. Usually the latter. That makes me sad, because we could really get on like a house on fire if we could just be civil to each other. Usually it is the other person who has the problem with me, but I will admit there are times when the problem is at my end. No no no. keep me well away from the fireworks. With my 25 wives, it was always their big ups and downs, their volatile reactions to things that I simply and virtually never have when by myself, that got me upset. Pressure from another person, or confrontations are to me quite unnecessary. The determination to go on with interminable post-mortems on the smallest things that go wrong, are the sorts of things that I’d never engage in.The reality is that the things you dislike most about yourself are the things that will *really* rub you the wrong way in others. So, until you (and/or the other person) have " cleared that baggage through customs " as it were, no go. And there I do have to disagree for myself.. I’ve virtually never found anyone who handles things moment by moment in the way that I do. It was always the things that were opposite to my own style of handling things that got me upset. I’m not stubborn or demanding. I never confront others on their faults or their moment by moment blunders. I make excuses for just about anything I or another party might do. And this is largely because I simply don’t want to confuse or complicate my simple peaceful way of life. I rarely expect that others will do anything for me, unless it is easy and fits into the routine. I’m terribly independent and self sustaining. I’m not selfish, - however self-centred. With an identical person to myself, I would always know just what they wanted or needed. To return to my earlier post on this, it is essentially because I’ve not got any of the essential bonding abilities, or insight into any of the essence of another person, that I cant deal suitably with those who are unlike me. Anyway that should answer your questions. I want to highlight this statement of yours: " .. it was the very different temperaments and needs, both physical and emotional that made the marriages incompatible. " The corollary of that is:Similar temperaments and needs, both physical and emotional, are the keys to a successful relationship.Yes indeed. For me at any rate. Ron.