Guest guest Posted February 24, 2011 Report Share Posted February 24, 2011 Wow. This is how it works. Thanks Em, Bill To: ACT_for_the_Public From: tobepresentnow@...Date: Thu, 24 Feb 2011 23:15:05 +0000Subject: The cracked mattress A musing from me: ....Its like if with my fear-based existence I had made a pink foamy armour around me. An armour that restricts my movements and limits me. Its similar to walking around with a huge mattress tied round you in case you tumble. So yes, if I fall I feel sort of cushioned, but is that any consolation for the fact that the rest of the time I can hardly move! It also covers my eyes and ears and acts like a thick filter between me and the world. Because I still have the armour, its so pink and there, nothing seems different. I ACT, I meditate, I become aware of thoughts and feelings. I take small painful steps on my valued path (so small that sometimes I think you need a special camera to see the movement), and again, everything seems similar, or even worse. I feel I am sitting with a huge 10.000 peace puzzle and I am slowly putting the pieces together of my life. My back aches, and so does my head as I tackle it,. I sometimes see the task ahead and think: "I can't do this, its impossible". And then I smile at my mind and come back down to earth, to the now, and like a miracle two pieces fit. Okay there are 9.998 pieces left, but hope is fuelled and everything is just that tiny bit clearer. The goal is the process of doing the picture really, once its done we only crumble it and put it back in the box... ....Also now something else has started to be different. I have started to notice real cracks in many places. The armour sometimes feels thinner, even though its still rosy. Its sometimes so thin that its transparent or not really there at all, even if for fractions of seconds. But even when its fully there, its full of tiny wrinkles... ....In those incredible moments I feel totally alone with myself, and that is sometimes so beautiful and others so gruesome that it takes my breath away... ....I might be sitting here typing with a pink mattress around me, but I just wanted to say to you all: Its cracking. And I could cry for joy. ______________________ Signature: Mrs Em Equanimity This is my personal blog where I record my experience applying Acceptance Commitment Therapy to my anxiety and agoraphobia in particular, and my life in general. Feel free to browse. http://eyeofthehurricane-act.blogspot.com/ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 24, 2011 Report Share Posted February 24, 2011 Ahhh, this is a better analogy. I once thought I'm some sort of amoeba forming a cyst shell protecting me that in the end prevents me from getting nutrition. Pink mattress restricting movement is a better analogy Powered by Telkomsel BlackBerry®Sender: ACT_for_the_Public Date: Thu, 24 Feb 2011 16:25:43 -0700To: ACT_for_the_Public<act_for_the_public >ReplyTo: ACT_for_the_Public Subject: RE: The cracked mattress Wow. This is how it works. Thanks Em, Bill To: ACT_for_the_Public From: tobepresentnow@...Date: Thu, 24 Feb 2011 23:15:05 +0000Subject: The cracked mattressA musing from me:...Its like if with my fear-based existence I had made a pink foamy armour around me. An armour that restricts my movements and limits me. Its similar to walking around with a huge mattress tied round you in case you tumble. So yes, if I fall I feel sort of cushioned, but is that any consolation for the fact that the rest of the time I can hardly move! It also covers my eyes and ears and acts like a thick filter between me and the world. Because I still have the armour, its so pink and there, nothing seems different. I ACT, I meditate, I become aware of thoughts and feelings. I take small painful steps on my valued path (so small that sometimes I think you need a special camera to see the movement), and again, everything seems similar, or even worse. I feel I am sitting with a huge 10.000 peace puzzle and I am slowly putting the pieces together of my life. My back aches, and so does my head as I tackle it,. I sometimes see the task ahead and think: "I can't do this, its impossible". And then I smile at my mind and come back down to earth, to the now, and like a miracle two pieces fit. Okay there are 9.998 pieces left, but hope is fuelled and everything is just that tiny bit clearer. The goal is the process of doing the picture really, once its done we only crumble it and put it back in the box......Also now something else has started to be different. I have started to notice real cracks in many places. The armour sometimes feels thinner, even though its still rosy. Its sometimes so thin that its transparent or not really there at all, even if for fractions of seconds. But even when its fully there, its full of tiny wrinkles......In those incredible moments I feel totally alone with myself, and that is sometimes so beautiful and others so gruesome that it takes my breath away......I might be sitting here typing with a pink mattress around me, but I just wanted to say to you all: Its cracking. And I could cry for joy.______________________Signature: Mrs Em Equanimity This is my personal blog where I record my experience applying Acceptance Commitment Therapy to my anxiety and agoraphobia in particular, and my life in general. Feel free to browse. http://eyeofthehurricane-act.blogspot.com/ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 25, 2011 Report Share Posted February 25, 2011 Thank you so much for this well written post that explains the ACT process so beautifully. My fear imagery is of me flailing around in deep water (I can't swim) with people nearby ignoring me and laughing among themselves, oblivious that I'm drowning. I think I'll replace it with this much more realistic and hopeful imagery! You continue to inspire me, dear Em. Helena The cracked mattress A musing from me: ....Its like if with my fear-based existence I had made a pink foamy armour around me. An armour that restricts my movements and limits me. Its similar to walking around with a huge mattress tied round you in case you tumble. So yes, if I fall I feel sort of cushioned, but is that any consolation for the fact that the rest of the time I can hardly move! It also covers my eyes and ears and acts like a thick filter between me and the world. Because I still have the armour, its so pink and there, nothing seems different. I ACT, I meditate, I become aware of thoughts and feelings. I take small painful steps on my valued path (so small that sometimes I think you need a special camera to see the movement), and again, everything seems similar, or even worse. I feel I am sitting with a huge 10.000 peace puzzle and I am slowly putting the pieces together of my life. My back aches, and so does my head as I tackle it,. I sometimes see the task ahead and think: "I can't do this, its impossible". And then I smile at my mind and come back down to earth, to the now, and like a miracle two pieces fit. Okay there are 9.998 pieces left, but hope is fuelled and everything is just that tiny bit clearer. The goal is the process of doing the picture really, once its done we only crumble it and put it back in the box... ....Also now something else has started to be different. I have started to notice real cracks in many places. The armour sometimes feels thinner, even though its still rosy. Its sometimes so thin that its transparent or not really there at all, even if for fractions of seconds. But even when its fully there, its full of tiny wrinkles... ....In those incredible moments I feel totally alone with myself, and that is sometimes so beautiful and others so gruesome that it takes my breath away... ....I might be sitting here typing with a pink mattress around me, but I just wanted to say to you all: Its cracking. And I could cry for joy. ______________________ Signature: Mrs Em Equanimity This is my personal blog where I record my experience applying Acceptance Commitment Therapy to my anxiety and agoraphobia in particular, and my life in general. Feel free to browse. http://eyeofthehurricane-act.blogspot.com/ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 25, 2011 Report Share Posted February 25, 2011 Thank you for your kind words. I understand your fear imagery, it embodies the fear of embarrassment, unkindness and even worse: indifference. I think I also fear that in people, though I am working with the concept of basic goodness that exists in everyone (hard I know when we look around at the world). But I do think that many people's attitude, including indifference, has a basis in their own fear. So in some ways, we are all in the same boat.However, the mattress is not really an analogy of fear. Its the way I try to protect myself from feeling the fear. If I just felt the fear and that was it, I would have freedom of movement. The problem is I do everything to STOP feeling the fear, and that is what prevents me from moving. The mattress stops many blows, but then at the same time it really stops my life too. (Even though I must say that I have a fear-based life, I have a lot of good things that make my happy).You know, thinking more on your fear analogy, which I can fully understand and share, I think what we should concentrate on is learning to swim. If we can swim, we won't need others to help us out of the water. I have often depended on others to do what I can do so much better: take care of myself.On another note, even though I can swim, I am quite panicky in water. I really value swimming as an exercise, so overcoming that is something I will be working with at some point.Take care XXXXXXXXXXX______________________Signature: Mrs Em Equanimity This is my personal blog where I record my experience applying Acceptance Commitment Therapy to my anxiety and agoraphobia in particular, and my life in general. Feel free to browse. http://eyeofthehurricane-act.blogspot.com/--- El vie, 25/2/11, hbbr Asunto: Re: The cracked mattressPara: "ACT for the Public" <ACT_for_the_Public >Fecha: viernes, 25 de febrero, 2011 09:36 Thank you so much for this well written post that explains the ACT process so beautifully. My fear imagery is of me flailing around in deep water (I can't swim) with people nearby ignoring me and laughing among themselves, oblivious that I'm drowning. I think I'll replace it with this much more realistic and hopeful imagery! You continue to inspire me, dear Em. Helena The cracked mattress A musing from me: ....Its like if with my fear-based existence I had made a pink foamy armour around me. An armour that restricts my movements and limits me. Its similar to walking around with a huge mattress tied round you in case you tumble. So yes, if I fall I feel sort of cushioned, but is that any consolation for the fact that the rest of the time I can hardly move! It also covers my eyes and ears and acts like a thick filter between me and the world. Because I still have the armour, its so pink and there, nothing seems different. I ACT, I meditate, I become aware of thoughts and feelings. I take small painful steps on my valued path (so small that sometimes I think you need a special camera to see the movement), and again, everything seems similar, or even worse. I feel I am sitting with a huge 10.000 peace puzzle and I am slowly putting the pieces together of my life. My back aches, and so does my head as I tackle it,. I sometimes see the task ahead and think: "I can't do this, its impossible". And then I smile at my mind and come back down to earth, to the now, and like a miracle two pieces fit. Okay there are 9.998 pieces left, but hope is fuelled and everything is just that tiny bit clearer. The goal is the process of doing the picture really, once its done we only crumble it and put it back in the box... ....Also now something else has started to be different. I have started to notice real cracks in many places. The armour sometimes feels thinner, even though its still rosy. Its sometimes so thin that its transparent or not really there at all, even if for fractions of seconds. But even when its fully there, its full of tiny wrinkles... ....In those incredible moments I feel totally alone with myself, and that is sometimes so beautiful and others so gruesome that it takes my breath away... ....I might be sitting here typing with a pink mattress around me, but I just wanted to say to you all: Its cracking. And I could cry for joy. ______________________ Signature: Mrs Em Equanimity This is my personal blog where I record my experience applying Acceptance Commitment Therapy to my anxiety and agoraphobia in particular, and my life in general. Feel free to browse. http://eyeofthehurricane-act.blogspot.com/ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 25, 2011 Report Share Posted February 25, 2011 So glad you liked it XXXX______________________Signature: Mrs Em Equanimity This is my personal blog where I record my experience applying Acceptance Commitment Therapy to my anxiety and agoraphobia in particular, and my life in general. Feel free to browse. http://eyeofthehurricane-act.blogspot.com/--- El jue, 24/2/11, Bill C escribió:De: Bill C Asunto: RE: The cracked mattressPara: "ACT_for_the_Public" <act_for_the_public >Fecha: jueves, 24 de febrero, 2011 23:25 Wow. This is how it works. Thanks Em, Bill To: ACT_for_the_Public From: tobepresentnow@...Date: Thu, 24 Feb 2011 23:15:05 +0000Subject: The cracked mattress A musing from me: ....Its like if with my fear-based existence I had made a pink foamy armour around me. An armour that restricts my movements and limits me. Its similar to walking around with a huge mattress tied round you in case you tumble. So yes, if I fall I feel sort of cushioned, but is that any consolation for the fact that the rest of the time I can hardly move! It also covers my eyes and ears and acts like a thick filter between me and the world. Because I still have the armour, its so pink and there, nothing seems different. I ACT, I meditate, I become aware of thoughts and feelings. I take small painful steps on my valued path (so small that sometimes I think you need a special camera to see the movement), and again, everything seems similar, or even worse. I feel I am sitting with a huge 10.000 peace puzzle and I am slowly putting the pieces together of my life. My back aches, and so does my head as I tackle it,. I sometimes see the task ahead and think: "I can't do this, its impossible". And then I smile at my mind and come back down to earth, to the now, and like a miracle two pieces fit. Okay there are 9.998 pieces left, but hope is fuelled and everything is just that tiny bit clearer. The goal is the process of doing the picture really, once its done we only crumble it and put it back in the box... ....Also now something else has started to be different. I have started to notice real cracks in many places. The armour sometimes feels thinner, even though its still rosy. Its sometimes so thin that its transparent or not really there at all, even if for fractions of seconds. But even when its fully there, its full of tiny wrinkles... ....In those incredible moments I feel totally alone with myself, and that is sometimes so beautiful and others so gruesome that it takes my breath away... ....I might be sitting here typing with a pink mattress around me, but I just wanted to say to you all: Its cracking. And I could cry for joy. ______________________ Signature: Mrs Em Equanimity This is my personal blog where I record my experience applying Acceptance Commitment Therapy to my anxiety and agoraphobia in particular, and my life in general. Feel free to browse. http://eyeofthehurricane-act.blogspot.com/ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 25, 2011 Report Share Posted February 25, 2011 I think that sound a great analogy too. I reminds of when people talk also of a shell, in which we hide in so not to be open to pain and fear. XXXX______________________Signature: Mrs Em Equanimity This is my personal blog where I record my experience applying Acceptance Commitment Therapy to my anxiety and agoraphobia in particular, and my life in general. Feel free to browse. http://eyeofthehurricane-act.blogspot.com/--- El vie, 25/2/11, metta.freedom@... escribió:De: metta.freedom@... Asunto: Re: The cracked mattressPara: ACT_for_the_Public Fecha: viernes, 25 de febrero, 2011 03:00 Ahhh, this is a better analogy. I once thought I'm some sort of amoeba forming a cyst shell protecting me that in the end prevents me from getting nutrition. Pink mattress restricting movement is a better analogy Powered by Telkomsel BlackBerry® Sender: ACT_for_the_Public Date: Thu, 24 Feb 2011 16:25:43 -0700To: ACT_for_the_Public<act_for_the_public >ReplyTo: ACT_for_the_Public Subject: RE: The cracked mattress Wow. This is how it works. Thanks Em, Bill To: ACT_for_the_Public From: tobepresentnow@...Date: Thu, 24 Feb 2011 23:15:05 +0000Subject: The cracked mattress A musing from me: ....Its like if with my fear-based existence I had made a pink foamy armour around me. An armour that restricts my movements and limits me. Its similar to walking around with a huge mattress tied round you in case you tumble. So yes, if I fall I feel sort of cushioned, but is that any consolation for the fact that the rest of the time I can hardly move! It also covers my eyes and ears and acts like a thick filter between me and the world. Because I still have the armour, its so pink and there, nothing seems different. I ACT, I meditate, I become aware of thoughts and feelings. I take small painful steps on my valued path (so small that sometimes I think you need a special camera to see the movement), and again, everything seems similar, or even worse. I feel I am sitting with a huge 10.000 peace puzzle and I am slowly putting the pieces together of my life. My back aches, and so does my head as I tackle it,. I sometimes see the task ahead and think: "I can't do this, its impossible". And then I smile at my mind and come back down to earth, to the now, and like a miracle two pieces fit. Okay there are 9.998 pieces left, but hope is fuelled and everything is just that tiny bit clearer. The goal is the process of doing the picture really, once its done we only crumble it and put it back in the box... ....Also now something else has started to be different. I have started to notice real cracks in many places. The armour sometimes feels thinner, even though its still rosy. Its sometimes so thin that its transparent or not really there at all, even if for fractions of seconds. But even when its fully there, its full of tiny wrinkles... ....In those incredible moments I feel totally alone with myself, and that is sometimes so beautiful and others so gruesome that it takes my breath away... ....I might be sitting here typing with a pink mattress around me, but I just wanted to say to you all: Its cracking. And I could cry for joy. ______________________ Signature: Mrs Em Equanimity This is my personal blog where I record my experience applying Acceptance Commitment Therapy to my anxiety and agoraphobia in particular, and my life in general. Feel free to browse. http://eyeofthehurricane-act.blogspot.com/ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 25, 2011 Report Share Posted February 25, 2011 If we invite the aunt (our pain) in to the party but keep hoping she won't stay very long we will suffer. The aunt's presence is the pain. How we think about her causes the suffering. Bill To: ACT_for_the_Public From: tobepresentnow@...Date: Fri, 25 Feb 2011 14:35:59 +0000Subject: Re: The cracked mattress Thank you for your kind words. I understand your fear imagery, it embodies the fear of embarrassment, unkindness and even worse: indifference. I think I also fear that in people, though I am working with the concept of basic goodness that exists in everyone (hard I know when we look around at the world). But I do think that many people's attitude, including indifference, has a basis in their own fear. So in some ways, we are all in the same boat. However, the mattress is not really an analogy of fear. Its the way I try to protect myself from feeling the fear. If I just felt the fear and that was it, I would have freedom of movement. The problem is I do everything to STOP feeling the fear, and that is what prevents me from moving. The mattress stops many blows, but then at the same time it really stops my life too. (Even though I must say that I have a fear-based life, I have a lot of good things that make my happy). You know, thinking more on your fear analogy, which I can fully understand and share, I think what we should concentrate on is learning to swim. If we can swim, we won't need others to help us out of the water. I have often depended on others to do what I can do so much better: take care of myself. On another note, even though I can swim, I am quite panicky in water. I really value swimming as an exercise, so overcoming that is something I will be working with at some point. Take care XXXXXX XXXXX ______________________ Signature: Mrs Em Equanimity This is my personal blog where I record my experience applying Acceptance Commitment Therapy to my anxiety and agoraphobia in particular, and my life in general. Feel free to browse. http://eyeofthehurricane-act.blogspot.com/--- El vie, 25/2/11, hbbr escribió: De: hbbr Asunto: Re: The cracked mattressPara: "ACT for the Public" <ACT_for_the_Public >Fecha: viernes, 25 de febrero, 2011 09:36 Thank you so much for this well written post that explains the ACT process so beautifully. My fear imagery is of me flailing around in deep water (I can't swim) with people nearby ignoring me and laughing among themselves, oblivious that I'm drowning. I think I'll replace it with this much more realistic and hopeful imagery! You continue to inspire me, dear Em. Helena The cracked mattress A musing from me: ....Its like if with my fear-based existence I had made a pink foamy armour around me. An armour that restricts my movements and limits me. Its similar to walking around with a huge mattress tied round you in case you tumble. So yes, if I fall I feel sort of cushioned, but is that any consolation for the fact that the rest of the time I can hardly move! It also covers my eyes and ears and acts like a thick filter between me and the world. Because I still have the armour, its so pink and there, nothing seems different. I ACT, I meditate, I become aware of thoughts and feelings. I take small painful steps on my valued path (so small that sometimes I think you need a special camera to see the movement), and again, everything seems similar, or even worse. I feel I am sitting with a huge 10.000 peace puzzle and I am slowly putting the pieces together of my life. My back aches, and so does my head as I tackle it,. I sometimes see the task ahead and think: "I can't do this, its impossible". And then I smile at my mind and come back down to earth, to the now, and like a miracle two pieces fit. Okay there are 9.998 pieces left, but hope is fuelled and everything is just that tiny bit clearer. The goal is the process of doing the picture really, once its done we only crumble it and put it back in the box... ....Also now something else has started to be different. I have started to notice real cracks in many places. The armour sometimes feels thinner, even though its still rosy. Its sometimes so thin that its transparent or not really there at all, even if for fractions of seconds. But even when its fully there, its full of tiny wrinkles... ....In those incredible moments I feel totally alone with myself, and that is sometimes so beautiful and others so gruesome that it takes my breath away... ....I might be sitting here typing with a pink mattress around me, but I just wanted to say to you all: Its cracking. And I could cry for joy. ______________________ Signature: Mrs Em Equanimity This is my personal blog where I record my experience applying Acceptance Commitment Therapy to my anxiety and agoraphobia in particular, and my life in general. Feel free to browse. http://eyeofthehurricane-act.blogspot.com/ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 25, 2011 Report Share Posted February 25, 2011 Yes, its another way of trying to control what cannot be controlled. Pain will come and go as it pleases, we like it or not. If we are going to be willing for Aunty Pain and Aunty Fear or Aunty ______ to be with us, we can't put conditions of time or intensity.______________________Signature: Mrs Em Equanimity This is my personal blog where I record my experience applying Acceptance Commitment Therapy to my anxiety and agoraphobia in particular, and my life in general. Feel free to browse. http://eyeofthehurricane-act.blogspot.com/--- El vie, 25/2/11, Bill C escribió:De: Bill C Asunto: RE: The cracked mattressPara: "ACT_for_the_Public" <act_for_the_public >Fecha: viernes, 25 de febrero, 2011 14:43 If we invite the aunt (our pain) in to the party but keep hoping she won't stay very long we will suffer. The aunt's presence is the pain. How we think about her causes the suffering. Bill To: ACT_for_the_Public From: tobepresentnow@...Date: Fri, 25 Feb 2011 14:35:59 +0000Subject: Re: The cracked mattress Thank you for your kind words. I understand your fear imagery, it embodies the fear of embarrassment, unkindness and even worse: indifference. I think I also fear that in people, though I am working with the concept of basic goodness that exists in everyone (hard I know when we look around at the world). But I do think that many people's attitude, including indifference, has a basis in their own fear. So in some ways, we are all in the same boat. However, the mattress is not really an analogy of fear. Its the way I try to protect myself from feeling the fear. If I just felt the fear and that was it, I would have freedom of movement. The problem is I do everything to STOP feeling the fear, and that is what prevents me from moving. The mattress stops many blows, but then at the same time it really stops my life too. (Even though I must say that I have a fear-based life, I have a lot of good things that make my happy). You know, thinking more on your fear analogy, which I can fully understand and share, I think what we should concentrate on is learning to swim. If we can swim, we won't need others to help us out of the water. I have often depended on others to do what I can do so much better: take care of myself. On another note, even though I can swim, I am quite panicky in water. I really value swimming as an exercise, so overcoming that is something I will be working with at some point. Take care XXXXXX XXXXX ______________________ Signature: Mrs Em Equanimity This is my personal blog where I record my experience applying Acceptance Commitment Therapy to my anxiety and agoraphobia in particular, and my life in general. Feel free to browse. http://eyeofthehurricane-act.blogspot.com/--- El vie, 25/2/11, hbbr escribió: De: hbbr Asunto: Re: The cracked mattressPara: "ACT for the Public" <ACT_for_the_Public >Fecha: viernes, 25 de febrero, 2011 09:36 Thank you so much for this well written post that explains the ACT process so beautifully. My fear imagery is of me flailing around in deep water (I can't swim) with people nearby ignoring me and laughing among themselves, oblivious that I'm drowning. I think I'll replace it with this much more realistic and hopeful imagery! You continue to inspire me, dear Em. Helena The cracked mattress A musing from me: ....Its like if with my fear-based existence I had made a pink foamy armour around me. An armour that restricts my movements and limits me. Its similar to walking around with a huge mattress tied round you in case you tumble. So yes, if I fall I feel sort of cushioned, but is that any consolation for the fact that the rest of the time I can hardly move! It also covers my eyes and ears and acts like a thick filter between me and the world. Because I still have the armour, its so pink and there, nothing seems different. I ACT, I meditate, I become aware of thoughts and feelings. I take small painful steps on my valued path (so small that sometimes I think you need a special camera to see the movement), and again, everything seems similar, or even worse. I feel I am sitting with a huge 10.000 peace puzzle and I am slowly putting the pieces together of my life. My back aches, and so does my head as I tackle it,. I sometimes see the task ahead and think: "I can't do this, its impossible". And then I smile at my mind and come back down to earth, to the now, and like a miracle two pieces fit. Okay there are 9.998 pieces left, but hope is fuelled and everything is just that tiny bit clearer. The goal is the process of doing the picture really, once its done we only crumble it and put it back in the box... ....Also now something else has started to be different. I have started to notice real cracks in many places. The armour sometimes feels thinner, even though its still rosy. Its sometimes so thin that its transparent or not really there at all, even if for fractions of seconds. But even when its fully there, its full of tiny wrinkles... ....In those incredible moments I feel totally alone with myself, and that is sometimes so beautiful and others so gruesome that it takes my breath away... ....I might be sitting here typing with a pink mattress around me, but I just wanted to say to you all: Its cracking. And I could cry for joy. ______________________ Signature: Mrs Em Equanimity This is my personal blog where I record my experience applying Acceptance Commitment Therapy to my anxiety and agoraphobia in particular, and my life in general. Feel free to browse. http://eyeofthehurricane-act.blogspot.com/ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 25, 2011 Report Share Posted February 25, 2011 Maybe when we invite Aunty Fear to our space, we can imagine with what gentleness and freshness we do this. As if we have never met Aunty Fear, to look at her with curiosity, genuineness, with compassion. And to be with her fully, for as long as it takes and as uncomfortable as it may feel. And when Aunty Fear gets up and leaves our space, I don't think we will even sigh in relief. The only sigh will probably be of happiness.______________________Signature: Mrs Em Equanimity This is my personal blog where I record my experience applying Acceptance Commitment Therapy to my anxiety and agoraphobia in particular, and my life in general. Feel free to browse. http://eyeofthehurricane-act.blogspot.com/--- El vie, 25/2/11, Miss Equanimity escribió:De: Miss Equanimity Asunto: RE: The cracked mattressPara: ACT_for_the_Public Fecha: viernes, 25 de febrero, 2011 15:04 Yes, its another way of trying to control what cannot be controlled. Pain will come and go as it pleases, we like it or not. If we are going to be willing for Aunty Pain and Aunty Fear or Aunty ______ to be with us, we can't put conditions of time or intensity.______________________Signature: Mrs Em Equanimity This is my personal blog where I record my experience applying Acceptance Commitment Therapy to my anxiety and agoraphobia in particular, and my life in general. Feel free to browse. http://eyeofthehurricane-act.blogspot.com/--- El vie, 25/2/11, Bill C escribió:De: Bill C Asunto: RE: The cracked mattressPara: "ACT_for_the_Public" <act_for_the_public >Fecha: viernes, 25 de febrero, 2011 14:43 If we invite the aunt (our pain) in to the party but keep hoping she won't stay very long we will suffer. The aunt's presence is the pain. How we think about her causes the suffering. Bill To: ACT_for_the_Public From: tobepresentnow@...Date: Fri, 25 Feb 2011 14:35:59 +0000Subject: Re: The cracked mattress Thank you for your kind words. I understand your fear imagery, it embodies the fear of embarrassment, unkindness and even worse: indifference. I think I also fear that in people, though I am working with the concept of basic goodness that exists in everyone (hard I know when we look around at the world). But I do think that many people's attitude, including indifference, has a basis in their own fear. So in some ways, we are all in the same boat. However, the mattress is not really an analogy of fear. Its the way I try to protect myself from feeling the fear. If I just felt the fear and that was it, I would have freedom of movement. The problem is I do everything to STOP feeling the fear, and that is what prevents me from moving. The mattress stops many blows, but then at the same time it really stops my life too. (Even though I must say that I have a fear-based life, I have a lot of good things that make my happy). You know, thinking more on your fear analogy, which I can fully understand and share, I think what we should concentrate on is learning to swim. If we can swim, we won't need others to help us out of the water. I have often depended on others to do what I can do so much better: take care of myself. On another note, even though I can swim, I am quite panicky in water. I really value swimming as an exercise, so overcoming that is something I will be working with at some point. Take care XXXXXX XXXXX ______________________ Signature: Mrs Em Equanimity This is my personal blog where I record my experience applying Acceptance Commitment Therapy to my anxiety and agoraphobia in particular, and my life in general. Feel free to browse. http://eyeofthehurricane-act.blogspot.com/--- El vie, 25/2/11, hbbr escribió: De: hbbr Asunto: Re: The cracked mattressPara: "ACT for the Public" <ACT_for_the_Public >Fecha: viernes, 25 de febrero, 2011 09:36 Thank you so much for this well written post that explains the ACT process so beautifully. My fear imagery is of me flailing around in deep water (I can't swim) with people nearby ignoring me and laughing among themselves, oblivious that I'm drowning. I think I'll replace it with this much more realistic and hopeful imagery! You continue to inspire me, dear Em. Helena The cracked mattress A musing from me: ....Its like if with my fear-based existence I had made a pink foamy armour around me. An armour that restricts my movements and limits me. Its similar to walking around with a huge mattress tied round you in case you tumble. So yes, if I fall I feel sort of cushioned, but is that any consolation for the fact that the rest of the time I can hardly move! It also covers my eyes and ears and acts like a thick filter between me and the world. Because I still have the armour, its so pink and there, nothing seems different. I ACT, I meditate, I become aware of thoughts and feelings. I take small painful steps on my valued path (so small that sometimes I think you need a special camera to see the movement), and again, everything seems similar, or even worse. I feel I am sitting with a huge 10.000 peace puzzle and I am slowly putting the pieces together of my life. My back aches, and so does my head as I tackle it,. I sometimes see the task ahead and think: "I can't do this, its impossible". And then I smile at my mind and come back down to earth, to the now, and like a miracle two pieces fit. Okay there are 9.998 pieces left, but hope is fuelled and everything is just that tiny bit clearer. The goal is the process of doing the picture really, once its done we only crumble it and put it back in the box... ....Also now something else has started to be different. I have started to notice real cracks in many places. The armour sometimes feels thinner, even though its still rosy. Its sometimes so thin that its transparent or not really there at all, even if for fractions of seconds. But even when its fully there, its full of tiny wrinkles... ....In those incredible moments I feel totally alone with myself, and that is sometimes so beautiful and others so gruesome that it takes my breath away... ....I might be sitting here typing with a pink mattress around me, but I just wanted to say to you all: Its cracking. And I could cry for joy. ______________________ Signature: Mrs Em Equanimity This is my personal blog where I record my experience applying Acceptance Commitment Therapy to my anxiety and agoraphobia in particular, and my life in general. Feel free to browse. http://eyeofthehurricane-act.blogspot.com/ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 25, 2011 Report Share Posted February 25, 2011 In my case, she comes and goes as she pleases and I'm often surprised by her appearances and disappearances. To: ACT_for_the_Public From: tobepresentnow@...Date: Fri, 25 Feb 2011 15:11:58 +0000Subject: RE: The cracked mattress Maybe when we invite Aunty Fear to our space, we can imagine with what gentleness and freshness we do this. As if we have never met Aunty Fear, to look at her with curiosity, genuineness, with compassion. And to be with her fully, for as long as it takes and as uncomfortable as it may feel. And when Aunty Fear gets up and leaves our space, I don't think we will even sigh in relief. The only sigh will probably be of happiness. ______________________ Signature: Mrs Em Equanimity This is my personal blog where I record my experience applying Acceptance Commitment Therapy to my anxiety and agoraphobia in particular, and my life in general. Feel free to browse. http://eyeofthehurricane-act.blogspot.com/--- El vie, 25/2/11, Miss Equanimity escribió: De: Miss Equanimity Asunto: RE: The cracked mattressPara: ACT_for_the_Public Fecha: viernes, 25 de febrero, 2011 15:04 Yes, its another way of trying to control what cannot be controlled. Pain will come and go as it pleases, we like it or not. If we are going to be willing for Aunty Pain and Aunty Fear or Aunty ______ to be with us, we can't put conditions of time or intensity. ______________________ Signature: Mrs Em Equanimity This is my personal blog where I record my experience applying Acceptance Commitment Therapy to my anxiety and agoraphobia in particular, and my life in general. Feel free to browse. http://eyeofthehurricane-act.blogspot.com/--- El vie, 25/2/11, Bill C escribió: De: Bill C Asunto: RE: The cracked mattressPara: "ACT_for_the_Public" <act_for_the_public >Fecha: viernes, 25 de febrero, 2011 14:43 If we invite the aunt (our pain) in to the party but keep hoping she won't stay very long we will suffer. The aunt's presence is the pain. How we think about her causes the suffering. Bill To: ACT_for_the_Public From: tobepresentnow@...Date: Fri, 25 Feb 2011 14:35:59 +0000Subject: Re: The cracked mattress Thank you for your kind words. I understand your fear imagery, it embodies the fear of embarrassment, unkindness and even worse: indifference. I think I also fear that in people, though I am working with the concept of basic goodness that exists in everyone (hard I know when we look around at the world). But I do think that many people's attitude, including indifference, has a basis in their own fear. So in some ways, we are all in the same boat. However, the mattress is not really an analogy of fear. Its the way I try to protect myself from feeling the fear. If I just felt the fear and that was it, I would have freedom of movement. The problem is I do everything to STOP feeling the fear, and that is what prevents me from moving. The mattress stops many blows, but then at the same time it really stops my life too. (Even though I must say that I have a fear-based life, I have a lot of good things that make my happy). You know, thinking more on your fear analogy, which I can fully understand and share, I think what we should concentrate on is learning to swim. If we can swim, we won't need others to help us out of the water. I have often depended on others to do what I can do so much better: take care of myself. On another note, even though I can swim, I am quite panicky in water. I really value swimming as an exercise, so overcoming that is something I will be working with at some point. Take care XXXXXX XXXXX ______________________ Signature: Mrs Em Equanimity This is my personal blog where I record my experience applying Acceptance Commitment Therapy to my anxiety and agoraphobia in particular, and my life in general. Feel free to browse. http://eyeofthehurricane-act.blogspot.com/--- El vie, 25/2/11, hbbr escribió: De: hbbr Asunto: Re: The cracked mattressPara: "ACT for the Public" <ACT_for_the_Public >Fecha: viernes, 25 de febrero, 2011 09:36 Thank you so much for this well written post that explains the ACT process so beautifully. My fear imagery is of me flailing around in deep water (I can't swim) with people nearby ignoring me and laughing among themselves, oblivious that I'm drowning. I think I'll replace it with this much more realistic and hopeful imagery!You continue to inspire me, dear Em.Helena The cracked mattress A musing from me: ....Its like if with my fear-based existence I had made a pink foamy armour around me. An armour that restricts my movements and limits me. Its similar to walking around with a huge mattress tied round you in case you tumble. So yes, if I fall I feel sort of cushioned, but is that any consolation for the fact that the rest of the time I can hardly move! It also covers my eyes and ears and acts like a thick filter between me and the world. Because I still have the armour, its so pink and there, nothing seems different. I ACT, I meditate, I become aware of thoughts and feelings. I take small painful steps on my valued path (so small that sometimes I think you need a special camera to see the movement), and again, everything seems similar, or even worse. I feel I am sitting with a huge 10.000 peace puzzle and I am slowly putting the pieces together of my life. My back aches, and so does my head as I tackle it,. I sometimes see the task ahead and think: "I can't do this, its impossible". And then I smile at my mind and come back down to earth, to the now, and like a miracle two pieces fit. Okay there are 9.998 pieces left, but hope is fuelled and everything is just that tiny bit clearer. The goal is the process of doing the picture really, once its done we only crumble it and put it back in the box... ....Also now something else has started to be different. I have started to notice real cracks in many places. The armour sometimes feels thinner, even though its still rosy. Its sometimes so thin that its transparent or not really there at all, even if for fractions of seconds. But even when its fully there, its full of tiny wrinkles... ....In those incredible moments I feel totally alone with myself, and that is sometimes so beautiful and others so gruesome that it takes my breath away... ....I might be sitting here typing with a pink mattress around me, but I just wanted to say to you all: Its cracking. And I could cry for joy. ______________________ Signature: Mrs Em Equanimity This is my personal blog where I record my experience applying Acceptance Commitment Therapy to my anxiety and agoraphobia in particular, and my life in general. Feel free to browse. http://eyeofthehurricane-act.blogspot.com/ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 25, 2011 Report Share Posted February 25, 2011 Then we must learn to expect the unexpected ______________________Signature: Mrs Em Equanimity This is my personal blog where I record my experience applying Acceptance Commitment Therapy to my anxiety and agoraphobia in particular, and my life in general. Feel free to browse. http://eyeofthehurricane-act.blogspot.com/--- El vie, 25/2/11, Bill C escribió:De: Bill C Asunto: RE: The cracked mattressPara: "ACT_for_the_Public" <act_for_the_public >Fecha: viernes, 25 de febrero, 2011 15:39 In my case, she comes and goes as she pleases and I'm often surprised by her appearances and disappearances. To: ACT_for_the_Public From: tobepresentnow@...Date: Fri, 25 Feb 2011 15:11:58 +0000Subject: RE: The cracked mattress Maybe when we invite Aunty Fear to our space, we can imagine with what gentleness and freshness we do this. As if we have never met Aunty Fear, to look at her with curiosity, genuineness, with compassion. And to be with her fully, for as long as it takes and as uncomfortable as it may feel. And when Aunty Fear gets up and leaves our space, I don't think we will even sigh in relief. The only sigh will probably be of happiness. ______________________ Signature: Mrs Em Equanimity This is my personal blog where I record my experience applying Acceptance Commitment Therapy to my anxiety and agoraphobia in particular, and my life in general. Feel free to browse. http://eyeofthehurricane-act.blogspot.com/--- El vie, 25/2/11, Miss Equanimity escribió: De: Miss Equanimity Asunto: RE: The cracked mattressPara: ACT_for_the_Public Fecha: viernes, 25 de febrero, 2011 15:04 Yes, its another way of trying to control what cannot be controlled. Pain will come and go as it pleases, we like it or not. If we are going to be willing for Aunty Pain and Aunty Fear or Aunty ______ to be with us, we can't put conditions of time or intensity. ______________________ Signature: Mrs Em Equanimity This is my personal blog where I record my experience applying Acceptance Commitment Therapy to my anxiety and agoraphobia in particular, and my life in general. Feel free to browse. http://eyeofthehurricane-act.blogspot.com/--- El vie, 25/2/11, Bill C escribió: De: Bill C Asunto: RE: The cracked mattressPara: "ACT_for_the_Public" <act_for_the_public >Fecha: viernes, 25 de febrero, 2011 14:43 If we invite the aunt (our pain) in to the party but keep hoping she won't stay very long we will suffer. The aunt's presence is the pain. How we think about her causes the suffering. Bill To: ACT_for_the_Public From: tobepresentnow@...Date: Fri, 25 Feb 2011 14:35:59 +0000Subject: Re: The cracked mattress Thank you for your kind words. I understand your fear imagery, it embodies the fear of embarrassment, unkindness and even worse: indifference. I think I also fear that in people, though I am working with the concept of basic goodness that exists in everyone (hard I know when we look around at the world). But I do think that many people's attitude, including indifference, has a basis in their own fear. So in some ways, we are all in the same boat. However, the mattress is not really an analogy of fear. Its the way I try to protect myself from feeling the fear. If I just felt the fear and that was it, I would have freedom of movement. The problem is I do everything to STOP feeling the fear, and that is what prevents me from moving. The mattress stops many blows, but then at the same time it really stops my life too. (Even though I must say that I have a fear-based life, I have a lot of good things that make my happy). You know, thinking more on your fear analogy, which I can fully understand and share, I think what we should concentrate on is learning to swim. If we can swim, we won't need others to help us out of the water. I have often depended on others to do what I can do so much better: take care of myself. On another note, even though I can swim, I am quite panicky in water. I really value swimming as an exercise, so overcoming that is something I will be working with at some point. Take care XXXXXX XXXXX ______________________ Signature: Mrs Em Equanimity This is my personal blog where I record my experience applying Acceptance Commitment Therapy to my anxiety and agoraphobia in particular, and my life in general. Feel free to browse. http://eyeofthehurricane-act.blogspot.com/--- El vie, 25/2/11, hbbr escribió: De: hbbr Asunto: Re: The cracked mattressPara: "ACT for the Public" <ACT_for_the_Public >Fecha: viernes, 25 de febrero, 2011 09:36 Thank you so much for this well written post that explains the ACT process so beautifully. My fear imagery is of me flailing around in deep water (I can't swim) with people nearby ignoring me and laughing among themselves, oblivious that I'm drowning. I think I'll replace it with this much more realistic and hopeful imagery!You continue to inspire me, dear Em.Helena The cracked mattress A musing from me: ....Its like if with my fear-based existence I had made a pink foamy armour around me. An armour that restricts my movements and limits me. Its similar to walking around with a huge mattress tied round you in case you tumble. So yes, if I fall I feel sort of cushioned, but is that any consolation for the fact that the rest of the time I can hardly move! It also covers my eyes and ears and acts like a thick filter between me and the world. Because I still have the armour, its so pink and there, nothing seems different. I ACT, I meditate, I become aware of thoughts and feelings. I take small painful steps on my valued path (so small that sometimes I think you need a special camera to see the movement), and again, everything seems similar, or even worse. I feel I am sitting with a huge 10.000 peace puzzle and I am slowly putting the pieces together of my life. My back aches, and so does my head as I tackle it,. I sometimes see the task ahead and think: "I can't do this, its impossible". And then I smile at my mind and come back down to earth, to the now, and like a miracle two pieces fit. Okay there are 9.998 pieces left, but hope is fuelled and everything is just that tiny bit clearer. The goal is the process of doing the picture really, once its done we only crumble it and put it back in the box... ....Also now something else has started to be different. I have started to notice real cracks in many places. The armour sometimes feels thinner, even though its still rosy. Its sometimes so thin that its transparent or not really there at all, even if for fractions of seconds. But even when its fully there, its full of tiny wrinkles... ....In those incredible moments I feel totally alone with myself, and that is sometimes so beautiful and others so gruesome that it takes my breath away... ....I might be sitting here typing with a pink mattress around me, but I just wanted to say to you all: Its cracking. And I could cry for joy. ______________________ Signature: Mrs Em Equanimity This is my personal blog where I record my experience applying Acceptance Commitment Therapy to my anxiety and agoraphobia in particular, and my life in general. Feel free to browse. http://eyeofthehurricane-act.blogspot.com/ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 25, 2011 Report Share Posted February 25, 2011 Miss E, That's a great analogy for the relationship I have with anxiety and fear. But I think anxiety/fear gets overbilled as the chief avoidance object. At least in my personal experience, the object of the anxiety/fear should get equal billing. The difficulty with getting to equal billing is that anxiety looms so large that it occludes our sightlines to the feared experiences. So we don't even know that we are avoiding them passionately and sedulously. With our ACT tools, we start getting into the anxiety and the focus on anxiety being the problem prevents us from seeing that there is a very real and legitimate object of the anxiety, e.g., shame, hurt, sadness, depression. We defuse and accept and grip tightly our ACT processes with "target anxiety" guiding us in our efforts and end up avoiding something else. For a long time I thought if I could just not have anxiety I'd be ok, because "anxiety is the problem". I would even call a lot of non-anxiety experiences "anxiety". Now that I have a much more willing attitude toward my anxiety--opening and even taking off the pink mattress--there is another realm of avoided experiences which must be explored and had. I have found this difficult but also invigorating. It basically involves noticing the anxiety and in the course of accepting it, trying to see what is beyond the anxiety, experientially. In closing, I think accepting anxiety is important as heck, but we should also try to see through the anxiety and get to experiencing the experiences anxiety is trying to keep us away from, in order to get to know them and get experience with having them willingly. Not easy! Oki To: ACT_for_the_Public Sent: Fri, February 25, 2011 6:35:59 AMSubject: Re: The cracked mattress Thank you for your kind words. I understand your fear imagery, it embodies the fear of embarrassment, unkindness and even worse: indifference. I think I also fear that in people, though I am working with the concept of basic goodness that exists in everyone (hard I know when we look around at the world). But I do think that many people's attitude, including indifference, has a basis in their own fear. So in some ways, we are all in the same boat. However, the mattress is not really an analogy of fear. Its the way I try to protect myself from feeling the fear. If I just felt the fear and that was it, I would have freedom of movement. The problem is I do everything to STOP feeling the fear, and that is what prevents me from moving. The mattress stops many blows, but then at the same time it really stops my life too. (Even though I must say that I have a fear-based life, I have a lot of good things that make my happy). You know, thinking more on your fear analogy, which I can fully understand and share, I think what we should concentrate on is learning to swim. If we can swim, we won't need others to help us out of the water. I have often depended on others to do what I can do so much better: take care of myself. On another note, even though I can swim, I am quite panicky in water. I really value swimming as an exercise, so overcoming that is something I will be working with at some point. Take care XXXXXX XXXXX ______________________ Signature: Mrs Em Equanimity This is my personal blog where I record my experience applying Acceptance Commitment Therapy to my anxiety and agoraphobia in particular, and my life in general. Feel free to browse. http://eyeofthehurricane-act.blogspot.com/--- El vie, 25/2/11, hbbr escribió: De: hbbr Asunto: Re: The cracked mattressPara: "ACT for the Public" <ACT_for_the_Public >Fecha: viernes, 25 de febrero, 2011 09:36 Thank you so much for this well written post that explains the ACT process so beautifully. My fear imagery is of me flailing around in deep water (I can't swim) with people nearby ignoring me and laughing among themselves, oblivious that I'm drowning. I think I'll replace it with this much more realistic and hopeful imagery! You continue to inspire me, dear Em. Helena The cracked mattress A musing from me: ....Its like if with my fear-based existence I had made a pink foamy armour around me. An armour that restricts my movements and limits me. Its similar to walking around with a huge mattress tied round you in case you tumble. So yes, if I fall I feel sort of cushioned, but is that any consolation for the fact that the rest of the time I can hardly move! It also covers my eyes and ears and acts like a thick filter between me and the world. Because I still have the armour, its so pink and there, nothing seems different. I ACT, I meditate, I become aware of thoughts and feelings. I take small painful steps on my valued path (so small that sometimes I think you need a special camera to see the movement), and again, everything seems similar, or even worse. I feel I am sitting with a huge 10.000 peace puzzle and I am slowly putting the pieces together of my life. My back aches, and so does my head as I tackle it,. I sometimes see the task ahead and think: "I can't do this, its impossible". And then I smile at my mind and come back down to earth, to the now, and like a miracle two pieces fit. Okay there are 9.998 pieces left, but hope is fuelled and everything is just that tiny bit clearer. The goal is the process of doing the picture really, once its done we only crumble it and put it back in the box... ....Also now something else has started to be different. I have started to notice real cracks in many places. The armour sometimes feels thinner, even though its still rosy. Its sometimes so thin that its transparent or not really there at all, even if for fractions of seconds. But even when its fully there, its full of tiny wrinkles... ....In those incredible moments I feel totally alone with myself, and that is sometimes so beautiful and others so gruesome that it takes my breath away... ....I might be sitting here typing with a pink mattress around me, but I just wanted to say to you all: Its cracking. And I could cry for joy. ______________________ Signature: Mrs Em Equanimity This is my personal blog where I record my experience applying Acceptance Commitment Therapy to my anxiety and agoraphobia in particular, and my life in general. Feel free to browse. http://eyeofthehurricane-act.blogspot.com/ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 25, 2011 Report Share Posted February 25, 2011 Thank you for you insightful post. I do agree. I have actually done exercises where you look into the anxiety and see what is behind it. We have to keep unscrewing those papers we put in the bin and reading them. Its going to be one heck of a journey, but I am certainly game. XXX______________________Signature: Mrs Em Equanimity This is my personal blog where I record my experience applying Acceptance Commitment Therapy to my anxiety and agoraphobia in particular, and my life in general. Feel free to browse. http://eyeofthehurricane-act.blogspot.com/--- El vie, 25/2/11, O Kisutch escribió:De: O Kisutch Asunto: Re: The cracked mattressPara: ACT_for_the_Public Fecha: viernes, 25 de febrero, 2011 21:05 Miss E, That's a great analogy for the relationship I have with anxiety and fear. But I think anxiety/fear gets overbilled as the chief avoidance object. At least in my personal experience, the object of the anxiety/fear should get equal billing. The difficulty with getting to equal billing is that anxiety looms so large that it occludes our sightlines to the feared experiences. So we don't even know that we are avoiding them passionately and sedulously. With our ACT tools, we start getting into the anxiety and the focus on anxiety being the problem prevents us from seeing that there is a very real and legitimate object of the anxiety, e.g., shame, hurt, sadness, depression. We defuse and accept and grip tightly our ACT processes with "target anxiety" guiding us in our efforts and end up avoiding something else. For a long time I thought if I could just not have anxiety I'd be ok, because "anxiety is the problem". I would even call a lot of non-anxiety experiences "anxiety". Now that I have a much more willing attitude toward my anxiety--opening and even taking off the pink mattress--there is another realm of avoided experiences which must be explored and had. I have found this difficult but also invigorating. It basically involves noticing the anxiety and in the course of accepting it, trying to see what is beyond the anxiety, experientially. In closing, I think accepting anxiety is important as heck, but we should also try to see through the anxiety and get to experiencing the experiences anxiety is trying to keep us away from, in order to get to know them and get experience with having them willingly. Not easy! Oki To: ACT_for_the_Public Sent: Fri, February 25, 2011 6:35:59 AMSubject: Re: The cracked mattress Thank you for your kind words. I understand your fear imagery, it embodies the fear of embarrassment, unkindness and even worse: indifference. I think I also fear that in people, though I am working with the concept of basic goodness that exists in everyone (hard I know when we look around at the world). But I do think that many people's attitude, including indifference, has a basis in their own fear. So in some ways, we are all in the same boat. However, the mattress is not really an analogy of fear. Its the way I try to protect myself from feeling the fear. If I just felt the fear and that was it, I would have freedom of movement. The problem is I do everything to STOP feeling the fear, and that is what prevents me from moving. The mattress stops many blows, but then at the same time it really stops my life too. (Even though I must say that I have a fear-based life, I have a lot of good things that make my happy). You know, thinking more on your fear analogy, which I can fully understand and share, I think what we should concentrate on is learning to swim. If we can swim, we won't need others to help us out of the water. I have often depended on others to do what I can do so much better: take care of myself. On another note, even though I can swim, I am quite panicky in water. I really value swimming as an exercise, so overcoming that is something I will be working with at some point. Take care XXXXXX XXXXX ______________________ Signature: Mrs Em Equanimity This is my personal blog where I record my experience applying Acceptance Commitment Therapy to my anxiety and agoraphobia in particular, and my life in general. Feel free to browse. http://eyeofthehurricane-act.blogspot.com/--- El vie, 25/2/11, hbbr escribió: De: hbbr Asunto: Re: The cracked mattressPara: "ACT for the Public" <ACT_for_the_Public >Fecha: viernes, 25 de febrero, 2011 09:36 Thank you so much for this well written post that explains the ACT process so beautifully. My fear imagery is of me flailing around in deep water (I can't swim) with people nearby ignoring me and laughing among themselves, oblivious that I'm drowning. I think I'll replace it with this much more realistic and hopeful imagery! You continue to inspire me, dear Em. Helena The cracked mattress A musing from me: ....Its like if with my fear-based existence I had made a pink foamy armour around me. An armour that restricts my movements and limits me. Its similar to walking around with a huge mattress tied round you in case you tumble. So yes, if I fall I feel sort of cushioned, but is that any consolation for the fact that the rest of the time I can hardly move! It also covers my eyes and ears and acts like a thick filter between me and the world. Because I still have the armour, its so pink and there, nothing seems different. I ACT, I meditate, I become aware of thoughts and feelings. I take small painful steps on my valued path (so small that sometimes I think you need a special camera to see the movement), and again, everything seems similar, or even worse. I feel I am sitting with a huge 10.000 peace puzzle and I am slowly putting the pieces together of my life. My back aches, and so does my head as I tackle it,. I sometimes see the task ahead and think: "I can't do this, its impossible". And then I smile at my mind and come back down to earth, to the now, and like a miracle two pieces fit. Okay there are 9.998 pieces left, but hope is fuelled and everything is just that tiny bit clearer. The goal is the process of doing the picture really, once its done we only crumble it and put it back in the box... ....Also now something else has started to be different. I have started to notice real cracks in many places. The armour sometimes feels thinner, even though its still rosy. Its sometimes so thin that its transparent or not really there at all, even if for fractions of seconds. But even when its fully there, its full of tiny wrinkles... ....In those incredible moments I feel totally alone with myself, and that is sometimes so beautiful and others so gruesome that it takes my breath away... ....I might be sitting here typing with a pink mattress around me, but I just wanted to say to you all: Its cracking. And I could cry for joy. ______________________ Signature: Mrs Em Equanimity This is my personal blog where I record my experience applying Acceptance Commitment Therapy to my anxiety and agoraphobia in particular, and my life in general. Feel free to browse. http://eyeofthehurricane-act.blogspot.com/ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 25, 2011 Report Share Posted February 25, 2011 LOL! Yes! Re: The cracked mattress Hehe, reminds me of this one: "I don't like country music, but I don't mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like country music, denigrate means 'put down.'" -- Bob Newhart So insightful, you are! I can't help but repeat a funny line that I heard on My Name is Earl on TV: Don't talk down to me. I know when I'm being comprehended to. In other words, you get me! LOL Helena ----- Original Message -----F Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 26, 2011 Report Share Posted February 26, 2011 I thought of you Oki when listening now to Pema Chödrön. I am going to transcribe a few words she says "To really see the thoughts as thoughts, if you let the thoughts go you will be left with the feeling. The thoughts that scare you or painful thoughts, if you let them go, you will be closer to the feelings that are under: the fears, the gut stuff. You are getting closer to the wound, the vulnerability and the fundamental gentleness that has been covered over."Hope you like it XXX__________________Signature: Mrs Em Equanimity This is my personal blog where I record my experience applying Acceptance Commitment Therapy to my anxiety and agoraphobia in particular, and my life in general. Feel free to browse. http://eyeofthehurricane-act.blogspot.com/--- El vie, 25/2/11, O Kisutch escribió:De: O Kisutch Asunto: Re: The cracked mattressPara: ACT_for_the_Public Fecha: viernes, 25 de febrero, 2011 21:05 Miss E, That's a great analogy for the relationship I have with anxiety and fear. But I think anxiety/fear gets overbilled as the chief avoidance object. At least in my personal experience, the object of the anxiety/fear should get equal billing. The difficulty with getting to equal billing is that anxiety looms so large that it occludes our sightlines to the feared experiences. So we don't even know that we are avoiding them passionately and sedulously. With our ACT tools, we start getting into the anxiety and the focus on anxiety being the problem prevents us from seeing that there is a very real and legitimate object of the anxiety, e.g., shame, hurt, sadness, depression. We defuse and accept and grip tightly our ACT processes with "target anxiety" guiding us in our efforts and end up avoiding something else. For a long time I thought if I could just not have anxiety I'd be ok, because "anxiety is the problem". I would even call a lot of non-anxiety experiences "anxiety". Now that I have a much more willing attitude toward my anxiety--opening and even taking off the pink mattress--there is another realm of avoided experiences which must be explored and had. I have found this difficult but also invigorating. It basically involves noticing the anxiety and in the course of accepting it, trying to see what is beyond the anxiety, experientially. In closing, I think accepting anxiety is important as heck, but we should also try to see through the anxiety and get to experiencing the experiences anxiety is trying to keep us away from, in order to get to know them and get experience with having them willingly. Not easy! Oki To: ACT_for_the_Public Sent: Fri, February 25, 2011 6:35:59 AMSubject: Re: The cracked mattress Thank you for your kind words. I understand your fear imagery, it embodies the fear of embarrassment, unkindness and even worse: indifference. I think I also fear that in people, though I am working with the concept of basic goodness that exists in everyone (hard I know when we look around at the world). But I do think that many people's attitude, including indifference, has a basis in their own fear. So in some ways, we are all in the same boat. However, the mattress is not really an analogy of fear. Its the way I try to protect myself from feeling the fear. If I just felt the fear and that was it, I would have freedom of movement. The problem is I do everything to STOP feeling the fear, and that is what prevents me from moving. The mattress stops many blows, but then at the same time it really stops my life too. (Even though I must say that I have a fear-based life, I have a lot of good things that make my happy). You know, thinking more on your fear analogy, which I can fully understand and share, I think what we should concentrate on is learning to swim. If we can swim, we won't need others to help us out of the water. I have often depended on others to do what I can do so much better: take care of myself. On another note, even though I can swim, I am quite panicky in water. I really value swimming as an exercise, so overcoming that is something I will be working with at some point. Take care XXXXXX XXXXX ______________________ Signature: Mrs Em Equanimity This is my personal blog where I record my experience applying Acceptance Commitment Therapy to my anxiety and agoraphobia in particular, and my life in general. Feel free to browse. http://eyeofthehurricane-act.blogspot.com/--- El vie, 25/2/11, hbbr escribió: De: hbbr Asunto: Re: The cracked mattressPara: "ACT for the Public" <ACT_for_the_Public >Fecha: viernes, 25 de febrero, 2011 09:36 Thank you so much for this well written post that explains the ACT process so beautifully. My fear imagery is of me flailing around in deep water (I can't swim) with people nearby ignoring me and laughing among themselves, oblivious that I'm drowning. I think I'll replace it with this much more realistic and hopeful imagery! You continue to inspire me, dear Em. Helena The cracked mattress A musing from me: ....Its like if with my fear-based existence I had made a pink foamy armour around me. An armour that restricts my movements and limits me. Its similar to walking around with a huge mattress tied round you in case you tumble. So yes, if I fall I feel sort of cushioned, but is that any consolation for the fact that the rest of the time I can hardly move! It also covers my eyes and ears and acts like a thick filter between me and the world. Because I still have the armour, its so pink and there, nothing seems different. I ACT, I meditate, I become aware of thoughts and feelings. I take small painful steps on my valued path (so small that sometimes I think you need a special camera to see the movement), and again, everything seems similar, or even worse. I feel I am sitting with a huge 10.000 peace puzzle and I am slowly putting the pieces together of my life. My back aches, and so does my head as I tackle it,. I sometimes see the task ahead and think: "I can't do this, its impossible". And then I smile at my mind and come back down to earth, to the now, and like a miracle two pieces fit. Okay there are 9.998 pieces left, but hope is fuelled and everything is just that tiny bit clearer. The goal is the process of doing the picture really, once its done we only crumble it and put it back in the box... ....Also now something else has started to be different. I have started to notice real cracks in many places. The armour sometimes feels thinner, even though its still rosy. Its sometimes so thin that its transparent or not really there at all, even if for fractions of seconds. But even when its fully there, its full of tiny wrinkles... ....In those incredible moments I feel totally alone with myself, and that is sometimes so beautiful and others so gruesome that it takes my breath away... ....I might be sitting here typing with a pink mattress around me, but I just wanted to say to you all: Its cracking. And I could cry for joy. ______________________ Signature: Mrs Em Equanimity This is my personal blog where I record my experience applying Acceptance Commitment Therapy to my anxiety and agoraphobia in particular, and my life in general. Feel free to browse. http://eyeofthehurricane-act.blogspot.com/ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 26, 2011 Report Share Posted February 26, 2011 For me, how I think about my pain is not what causes my suffering. It's the struggle, the saying 'No' to the thoughts, the unwillingness to simply have all that there. Terry > > > If we invite the aunt (our pain) in to the party but keep hoping she won't stay very long we will suffer. The aunt's presence is the pain. How we think about her causes the suffering. > > Bill > > > > To: ACT_for_the_Public > From: tobepresentnow@... > Date: Fri, 25 Feb 2011 14:35:59 +0000 > Subject: Re: The cracked mattress > > > > > > > > > > > > > Thank you for your kind words. I understand your fear imagery, it embodies the fear of embarrassment, unkindness and even worse: indifference. I think I also fear that in people, though I am working with the concept of basic goodness that exists in everyone (hard I know when we look around at the world). But I do think that many people's attitude, including indifference, has a basis in their own fear. So in some ways, we are all in the same boat. > > > However, the mattress is not really an analogy of fear. Its the way I try to protect myself from feeling the fear. If I just felt the fear and that was it, I would have freedom of movement. The problem is I do everything to STOP feeling the fear, and that is what prevents me from moving. The mattress stops many blows, but then at the same time it really stops my life too. (Even though I must say that I have a fear-based life, I have a lot of good things that make my happy). > > > You know, thinking more on your fear analogy, which I can fully understand and share, I think what we should concentrate on is learning to swim. If we can swim, we won't need others to help us out of the water. I have often depended on others to do what I can do so much better: take care of myself. > > > On another note, even though I can swim, I am quite panicky in water. I really value swimming as an exercise, so overcoming that is something I will be working with at some point. > > > Take care XXXXXX > > > > > XXXXX > > ______________________ > Signature: Mrs Em Equanimity > > This is my personal blog where I record my experience applying Acceptance Commitment Therapy to my anxiety and agoraphobia in particular, and my life in general. Feel free to browse. > > http://eyeofthehurricane-act.blogspot.com/ > > --- El vie, 25/2/11, hbbr escribió: > > > De: hbbr > Asunto: Re: The cracked mattress > Para: " ACT for the Public " <ACT_for_the_Public > > Fecha: viernes, 25 de febrero, 2011 09:36 > > > > > > > Thank you so much for this well written post that explains the ACT process so beautifully. My fear imagery is of me flailing around in deep water (I can't swim) with people nearby ignoring me and laughing among themselves, oblivious that I'm drowning. I think I'll replace it with this much more realistic and hopeful imagery! > > You continue to inspire me, dear Em. > > Helena > > > The cracked mattress > > > > > > > > > > > A musing from me: > > > ...Its like if with my fear-based existence I had made a pink foamy armour around me. An armour that restricts my movements and limits me. Its similar to walking around with a huge mattress tied round you in case you tumble. So yes, if I fall I feel sort of cushioned, but is that any consolation for the fact that the rest of the time I can hardly move! It also covers my eyes and ears and acts like a thick filter between me and the world. Because I still have the armour, its so pink and there, nothing seems different. I ACT, I meditate, I become aware of thoughts and feelings. I take small painful steps on my valued path (so small that sometimes I think you need a special camera to see the movement), and again, everything seems similar, or even worse. I feel I am sitting with a huge 10.000 peace puzzle and I am slowly putting the pieces together of my life. My back aches, and so does my head as I tackle it,. I sometimes see the task ahead and think: " I can't do this, its impossible " . And then I smile at my mind and come back down to earth, to the now, and like a miracle two pieces fit. Okay there are 9.998 pieces left, but hope is fuelled and everything is just that tiny bit clearer. The goal is the process of doing the picture really, once its done we only crumble it and put it back in the box... > > > ...Also now something else has started to be different. I have started to notice real cracks in many places. The armour sometimes feels thinner, even though its still rosy. Its sometimes so thin that its transparent or not really there at all, even if for fractions of seconds. But even when its fully there, its full of tiny wrinkles... > > > ...In those incredible moments I feel totally alone with myself, and that is sometimes so beautiful and others so gruesome that it takes my breath away... > > > ...I might be sitting here typing with a pink mattress around me, but I just wanted to say to you all: Its cracking. And I could cry for joy. > ______________________ > Signature: Mrs Em Equanimity > > This is my personal blog where I record my experience applying Acceptance Commitment Therapy to my anxiety and agoraphobia in particular, and my life in general. Feel free to browse. > > http://eyeofthehurricane-act.blogspot.com/ > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 26, 2011 Report Share Posted February 26, 2011 Off topic, but I just wanted to express my appreciation for your writing.Regards,Detlef>> Miss E, > > That's a great analogy for the relationship I have with anxiety and fear. But I > think anxiety/fear gets overbilled as the chief avoidance object. At least in my > personal experience, the object of the anxiety/fear should get equal billing. > > > The difficulty with getting to equal billing is that anxiety looms so large that > it occludes our sightlines to the feared experiences. So we don't even know that > we are avoiding them passionately and sedulously. With our ACT tools, we start > getting into the anxiety and the focus on anxiety being the problem prevents us > from seeing that there is a very real and legitimate object of the anxiety, > e.g., shame, hurt, sadness, depression. We defuse and accept and grip tightly > our ACT processes with "target anxiety" guiding us in our efforts and end up > avoiding something else. > > For a long time I thought if I could just not have anxiety I'd be ok, because > "anxiety is the problem". I would even call a lot of non-anxiety experiences > "anxiety". Now that I have a much more willing attitude toward my > anxiety--opening and even taking off the pink mattress--there is another realm > of avoided experiences which must be explored and had. I have found > this difficult but also invigorating. It basically involves noticing the anxiety > and in the course of accepting it, trying to see what is beyond the anxiety, > experientially. > > > In closing, I think accepting anxiety is important as heck, but we should also > try to see through the anxiety and get to experiencing the experiences anxiety > is trying to keep us away from, in order to get to know them and get experience > with having them willingly. Not easy! > > Oki > > > > > > > > ________________________________> > To: ACT_for_the_Public > Sent: Fri, February 25, 2011 6:35:59 AM> Subject: Re: The cracked mattress> > Thank you for your kind words. I understand your fear imagery, it embodies the > fear of embarrassment, unkindness and even worse: indifference. I think I also > fear that in people, though I am working with the concept of basic goodness that > exists in everyone (hard I know when we look around at the world). But I do > think that many people's attitude, including indifference, has a basis in their > own fear. So in some ways, we are all in the same boat. > > > However, the mattress is not really an analogy of fear. Its the way I try to > protect myself from feeling the fear. If I just felt the fear and that was it, I > would have freedom of movement. The problem is I do everything to STOP feeling > the fear, and that is what prevents me from moving. The mattress stops many > blows, but then at the same time it really stops my life too. (Even though I > must say that I have a fear-based life, I have a lot of good things that make my > happy).> > You know, thinking more on your fear analogy, which I can fully understand and > share, I think what we should concentrate on is learning to swim. If we can > swim, we won't need others to help us out of the water. I have often depended on > others to do what I can do so much better: take care of myself.> > On another note, even though I can swim, I am quite panicky in water. I really > value swimming as an exercise, so overcoming that is something I will be working > with at some point.> > Take care XXXXXX> > > XXXXX> ______________________> Signature: Mrs Em Equanimity > This is my personal blog where I record my experience applying Acceptance > Commitment Therapy to my anxiety and agoraphobia in particular, and my life in > general. Feel free to browse. > > http://eyeofthehurricane-act.blogspot.com/> > --- El vie, 25/2/11, hbbr hbbr@... escribió:> > > >De: hbbr hbbr@...> >Asunto: Re: The cracked mattress> >Para: "ACT for the Public" ACT_for_the_Public > >Fecha: viernes, 25 de febrero, 2011 09:36> >> >> > > >Thank you so much for this well written post that explains the ACT process so > >beautifully. My fear imagery is of me flailing around in deep water (I can't > >swim) with people nearby ignoring me and laughing among themselves, oblivious > >that I'm drowning. I think I'll replace it with this much more realistic and > >hopeful imagery!> >> >You continue to inspire me, dear Em.> >> >Helena> >> > > > The cracked mattress> >> > > >A musing from me:> >> >> >...Its like if with my fear-based existence I had made a pink foamy armour > >around me. An armour that restricts my movements and limits me. Its similar to > >walking around with a huge mattress tied round you in case you tumble. So yes, > >if I fall I feel sort of cushioned, but is that any consolation for the fact > >that the rest of the time I can hardly move! It also covers my eyes and ears > >and acts like a thick filter between me and the world. Because I still have the > >armour, its so pink and there, nothing seems different. I ACT, I meditate, I > >become aware of thoughts and feelings. I take small painful steps on my valued > >path (so small that sometimes I think you need a special camera to see the > >movement), and again, everything seems similar, or even worse. I feel I am > >sitting with a huge 10.000 peace puzzle and I am slowly putting the pieces > >together of my life. My back aches, and so does my head as I tackle it,. I > >sometimes see the task ahead and think: "I can't do this, its impossible". And > >then I smile at my mind and come back down to earth, to the now, and like a > >miracle two pieces fit. Okay there are 9.998 pieces left, but hope is fuelled > >and everything is just that tiny bit clearer. The goal is the process of doing > >the picture really, once its done we only crumble it and put it back in the > >box...> >> >> >...Also now something else has started to be different. I have started to notice > >real cracks in many places. The armour sometimes feels thinner, even though its > >still rosy. Its sometimes so thin that its transparent or not really there at > >all, even if for fractions of seconds. But even when its fully there, its full > >of tiny wrinkles...> >> >> >...In those incredible moments I feel totally alone with myself, and that is > >sometimes so beautiful and others so gruesome that it takes my breath away...> >> >> >...I might be sitting here typing with a pink mattress around me, but I just > >wanted to say to you all: Its cracking. And I could cry for > >joy.______________________> >Signature: Mrs Em Equanimity > >> >This is my personal blog where I record my experience applying Acceptance > >Commitment Therapy to my anxiety and agoraphobia in particular, and my life in > >general. Feel free to browse. > >> >http://eyeofthehurricane-act.blogspot.com/ > >> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 26, 2011 Report Share Posted February 26, 2011 Thanks Miss E. That's a grat quote. I hadn't thought about gentleness being there and I will have to see what happens in my experience. To: ACT_for_the_Public Sent: Sat, February 26, 2011 12:59:56 AMSubject: Re: The cracked mattress I thought of you Oki when listening now to Pema Chödrön. I am going to transcribe a few words she says "To really see the thoughts as thoughts, if you let the thoughts go you will be left with the feeling. The thoughts that scare you or painful thoughts, if you let them go, you will be closer to the feelings that are under: the fears, the gut stuff. You are getting closer to the wound, the vulnerability and the fundamental gentleness that has been covered over." Hope you like it XXX __________________ Signature: Mrs Em Equanimity This is my personal blog where I record my experience applying Acceptance Commitment Therapy to my anxiety and agoraphobia in particular, and my life in general. Feel free to browse. http://eyeofthehurricane-act.blogspot.com/--- El vie, 25/2/11, O Kisutch escribió: De: O Kisutch Asunto: Re: The cracked mattressPara: ACT_for_the_Public Fecha: viernes, 25 de febrero, 2011 21:05 Miss E, That's a great analogy for the relationship I have with anxiety and fear. But I think anxiety/fear gets overbilled as the chief avoidance object. At least in my personal experience, the object of the anxiety/fear should get equal billing. The difficulty with getting to equal billing is that anxiety looms so large that it occludes our sightlines to the feared experiences. So we don't even know that we are avoiding them passionately and sedulously. With our ACT tools, we start getting into the anxiety and the focus on anxiety being the problem prevents us from seeing that there is a very real and legitimate object of the anxiety, e.g., shame, hurt, sadness, depression. We defuse and accept and grip tightly our ACT processes with "target anxiety" guiding us in our efforts and end up avoiding something else. For a long time I thought if I could just not have anxiety I'd be ok, because "anxiety is the problem". I would even call a lot of non-anxiety experiences "anxiety". Now that I have a much more willing attitude toward my anxiety--opening and even taking off the pink mattress--there is another realm of avoided experiences which must be explored and had. I have found this difficult but also invigorating. It basically involves noticing the anxiety and in the course of accepting it, trying to see what is beyond the anxiety, experientially. In closing, I think accepting anxiety is important as heck, but we should also try to see through the anxiety and get to experiencing the experiences anxiety is trying to keep us away from, in order to get to know them and get experience with having them willingly. Not easy! Oki To: ACT_for_the_Public Sent: Fri, February 25, 2011 6:35:59 AMSubject: Re: The cracked mattress Thank you for your kind words. I understand your fear imagery, it embodies the fear of embarrassment, unkindness and even worse: indifference. I think I also fear that in people, though I am working with the concept of basic goodness that exists in everyone (hard I know when we look around at the world). But I do think that many people's attitude, including indifference, has a basis in their own fear. So in some ways, we are all in the same boat. However, the mattress is not really an analogy of fear. Its the way I try to protect myself from feeling the fear. If I just felt the fear and that was it, I would have freedom of movement. The problem is I do everything to STOP feeling the fear, and that is what prevents me from moving. The mattress stops many blows, but then at the same time it really stops my life too. (Even though I must say that I have a fear-based life, I have a lot of good things that make my happy). You know, thinking more on your fear analogy, which I can fully understand and share, I think what we should concentrate on is learning to swim. If we can swim, we won't need others to help us out of the water. I have often depended on others to do what I can do so much better: take care of myself. On another note, even though I can swim, I am quite panicky in water. I really value swimming as an exercise, so overcoming that is something I will be working with at some point. Take care XXXXXX XXXXX ______________________ Signature: Mrs Em Equanimity This is my personal blog where I record my experience applying Acceptance Commitment Therapy to my anxiety and agoraphobia in particular, and my life in general. Feel free to browse. http://eyeofthehurricane-act.blogspot.com/--- El vie, 25/2/11, hbbr escribió: De: hbbr Asunto: Re: The cracked mattressPara: "ACT for the Public" <ACT_for_the_Public >Fecha: viernes, 25 de febrero, 2011 09:36 Thank you so much for this well written post that explains the ACT process so beautifully. My fear imagery is of me flailing around in deep water (I can't swim) with people nearby ignoring me and laughing among themselves, oblivious that I'm drowning. I think I'll replace it with this much more realistic and hopeful imagery! You continue to inspire me, dear Em. Helena The cracked mattress A musing from me: ....Its like if with my fear-based existence I had made a pink foamy armour around me. An armour that restricts my movements and limits me. Its similar to walking around with a huge mattress tied round you in case you tumble. So yes, if I fall I feel sort of cushioned, but is that any consolation for the fact that the rest of the time I can hardly move! It also covers my eyes and ears and acts like a thick filter between me and the world. Because I still have the armour, its so pink and there, nothing seems different. I ACT, I meditate, I become aware of thoughts and feelings. I take small painful steps on my valued path (so small that sometimes I think you need a special camera to see the movement), and again, everything seems similar, or even worse. I feel I am sitting with a huge 10.000 peace puzzle and I am slowly putting the pieces together of my life. My back aches, and so does my head as I tackle it,. I sometimes see the task ahead and think: "I can't do this, its impossible". And then I smile at my mind and come back down to earth, to the now, and like a miracle two pieces fit. Okay there are 9.998 pieces left, but hope is fuelled and everything is just that tiny bit clearer. The goal is the process of doing the picture really, once its done we only crumble it and put it back in the box... ....Also now something else has started to be different. I have started to notice real cracks in many places. The armour sometimes feels thinner, even though its still rosy. Its sometimes so thin that its transparent or not really there at all, even if for fractions of seconds. But even when its fully there, its full of tiny wrinkles... ....In those incredible moments I feel totally alone with myself, and that is sometimes so beautiful and others so gruesome that it takes my breath away... ....I might be sitting here typing with a pink mattress around me, but I just wanted to say to you all: Its cracking. And I could cry for joy. ______________________ Signature: Mrs Em Equanimity This is my personal blog where I record my experience applying Acceptance Commitment Therapy to my anxiety and agoraphobia in particular, and my life in general. Feel free to browse. http://eyeofthehurricane-act.blogspot.com/ .. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 26, 2011 Report Share Posted February 26, 2011 Not really sure if you were showing your appreciation to Oki or to myself.If it was for me, then thank you.If it was for Oki, then I can agree with you that its very insightful and helpful. I also liked it a lot.Take care XXX______________________Signature: Mrs Em Equanimity This is my personal blog where I record my experience applying Acceptance Commitment Therapy to my anxiety and agoraphobia in particular, and my life in general. Feel free to browse. http://eyeofthehurricane-act.blogspot.com/--- El sáb, 26/2/11, michieux escribió:De: michieux Asunto: Re: The cracked mattressPara: ACT_for_the_Public Fecha: sábado, 26 de febrero, 2011 18:27 Off topic, but I just wanted to express my appreciation for your writing.Regards,Detlef>> Miss E, > > That's a great analogy for the relationship I have with anxiety and fear. But I > think anxiety/fear gets overbilled as the chief avoidance object. At least in my > personal experience, the object of the anxiety/fear should get equal billing. > > > The difficulty with getting to equal billing is that anxiety looms so large that > it occludes our sightlines to the feared experiences. So we don't even know that > we are avoiding them passionately and sedulously. With our ACT tools, we start > getting into the anxiety and the focus on anxiety being the problem prevents us > from seeing that there is a very real and legitimate object of the anxiety, > e.g., shame, hurt, sadness, depression. We defuse and accept and grip tightly > our ACT processes with "target anxiety" guiding us in our efforts and end up > avoiding something else. > > For a long time I thought if I could just not have anxiety I'd be ok, because > "anxiety is the problem". I would even call a lot of non-anxiety experiences > "anxiety". Now that I have a much more willing attitude toward my > anxiety--opening and even taking off the pink mattress--there is another realm > of avoided experiences which must be explored and had. I have found > this difficult but also invigorating. It basically involves noticing the anxiety > and in the course of accepting it, trying to see what is beyond the anxiety, > experientially. > > > In closing, I think accepting anxiety is important as heck, but we should also > try to see through the anxiety and get to experiencing the experiences anxiety > is trying to keep us away from, in order to get to know them and get experience > with having them willingly. Not easy! > > Oki > > > > > > > > ________________________________> > To: ACT_for_the_Public > Sent: Fri, February 25, 2011 6:35:59 AM> Subject: Re: The cracked mattress> > Thank you for your kind words. I understand your fear imagery, it embodies the > fear of embarrassment, unkindness and even worse: indifference. I think I also > fear that in people, though I am working with the concept of basic goodness that > exists in everyone (hard I know when we look around at the world). But I do > think that many people's attitude, including indifference, has a basis in their > own fear. So in some ways, we are all in the same boat. > > > However, the mattress is not really an analogy of fear. Its the way I try to > protect myself from feeling the fear. If I just felt the fear and that was it, I > would have freedom of movement. The problem is I do everything to STOP feeling > the fear, and that is what prevents me from moving. The mattress stops many > blows, but then at the same time it really stops my life too. (Even though I > must say that I have a fear-based life, I have a lot of good things that make my > happy).> > You know, thinking more on your fear analogy, which I can fully understand and > share, I think what we should concentrate on is learning to swim. If we can > swim, we won't need others to help us out of the water. I have often depended on > others to do what I can do so much better: take care of myself.> > On another note, even though I can swim, I am quite panicky in water. I really > value swimming as an exercise, so overcoming that is something I will be working > with at some point.> > Take care XXXXXX> > > XXXXX> ______________________> Signature: Mrs Em Equanimity > This is my personal blog where I record my experience applying Acceptance > Commitment Therapy to my anxiety and agoraphobia in particular, and my life in > general. Feel free to browse. > > http://eyeofthehurricane-act.blogspot.com/> > --- El vie, 25/2/11, hbbr hbbr@... escribió:> > > >De: hbbr hbbr@...> >Asunto: Re: The cracked mattress> >Para: "ACT for the Public" ACT_for_the_Public > >Fecha: viernes, 25 de febrero, 2011 09:36> >> >> > > >Thank you so much for this well written post that explains the ACT process so > >beautifully. My fear imagery is of me flailing around in deep water (I can't > >swim) with people nearby ignoring me and laughing among themselves, oblivious > >that I'm drowning. I think I'll replace it with this much more realistic and > >hopeful imagery!> >> >You continue to inspire me, dear Em.> >> >Helena> >> > > > The cracked mattress> >> > > >A musing from me:> >> >> >...Its like if with my fear-based existence I had made a pink foamy armour > >around me. An armour that restricts my movements and limits me. Its similar to > >walking around with a huge mattress tied round you in case you tumble. So yes, > >if I fall I feel sort of cushioned, but is that any consolation for the fact > >that the rest of the time I can hardly move! It also covers my eyes and ears > >and acts like a thick filter between me and the world. Because I still have the > >armour, its so pink and there, nothing seems different. I ACT, I meditate, I > >become aware of thoughts and feelings. I take small painful steps on my valued > >path (so small that sometimes I think you need a special camera to see the > >movement), and again, everything seems similar, or even worse. I feel I am > >sitting with a huge 10.000 peace puzzle and I am slowly putting the pieces > >together of my life. My back aches, and so does my head as I tackle it,. I > >sometimes see the task ahead and think: "I can't do this, its impossible". And > >then I smile at my mind and come back down to earth, to the now, and like a > >miracle two pieces fit. Okay there are 9.998 pieces left, but hope is fuelled > >and everything is just that tiny bit clearer. The goal is the process of doing > >the picture really, once its done we only crumble it and put it back in the > >box...> >> >> >...Also now something else has started to be different. I have started to notice > >real cracks in many places. The armour sometimes feels thinner, even though its > >still rosy. Its sometimes so thin that its transparent or not really there at > >all, even if for fractions of seconds. But even when its fully there, its full > >of tiny wrinkles...> >> >> >...In those incredible moments I feel totally alone with myself, and that is > >sometimes so beautiful and others so gruesome that it takes my breath away...> >> >> >...I might be sitting here typing with a pink mattress around me, but I just > >wanted to say to you all: Its cracking. And I could cry for > >joy.______________________> >Signature: Mrs Em Equanimity > >> >This is my personal blog where I record my experience applying Acceptance > >Commitment Therapy to my anxiety and agoraphobia in particular, and my life in > >general. Feel free to browse. > >> >http://eyeofthehurricane-act.blogspot.com/ > >> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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