reproduction

[Guest guest]

Robin

Well, here I am the naysayer, but I thought you should see both sides of the

coin. During Caitlyn's first year I had my tubes tied. The OB that did it

did not know I only had 1 child and all of her problems, (my regular OB was

on maternity leave with her 5th child). When my regular OB came back, she

said I had acted hastily and would gladly untie them if I ever changed my

mind.

Well, C is now 4 and not a day goes by that I don't wish I had another

child, but I know in my heart I made the right decision, and will stick by

it. First of all, I've talked to many parents of a spec needs kid and they

are the first to admit they are unable to spend the time they need to with

their spec needs child no matter how hard they try. I spend almost all my

waking hours with Caitlyn on one problem or another, and because of all the

time I spend with her, she has done much better than anyone (including

myself expected). Drs appts and surgeries, (which we're not allowed to

bring sibs to) therapies, evals, etc. Much of my time is spent in waiting

rooms. If I had another child, Caitlyn would not get such a high level of

care--she'd miss even more appts than she misses now, and I'd have a nervous

breakdown (again).

Second of all, every time a see a " typical " child doing things at an age,

Caitlyn could only dream of doing--I get very depressed. I hate and avoid

going to events where I'll have to see typical kids. If I had another

child, it would be a Godsend for him/her to be another spec needs kid so

that I wouldn't have to be depressed seeing him/her succeed. And another

spec needs child would mean I would get to do everything all over again the

RIGHT way! Knowing what to do, without having to wait months before

stumbling on the information. Yet, I couldn't handle all the added stress

that 2 spec needs kids would bring.

One last thing I want to point out. Many of the moms here mention they've

had tests to rule out certain dxs. Yet, you have to decide first what you

would do if you the tests came back positive. If you couldn't handle an

abortion (as I could not) than having tests done would only help you be

prepared. Yet I think I would feel horrible if I had a test come back

positive only to bring a child into this world KNOWING he/she would have a

lifetime of tremendous pain and obstacles to face.

It's a lot to think about but only you can know in your heart what you want

and what you can handle. You can ask a hundred moms and get a hundred

different answers, because each of us is made up differently. You cannot

make up your mind based on our advice, you have to look deep within yourself

and decide. Take your time, and remember, that regardless of what your

dreams were prior to all this, it's never too late to change and readjust.

Jeanne

[Guest guest]

Jeanne,

You are a wise woman and a wonderful parent. Bravo to you for knowing yourself

so well.

Of course there are always regrets on both sides. My GP suggested (two years

ago) that I look seven years down the road

when reproduction is no longer an option. Will I be able to live with my

decision (yea or nay) then?

Although I have had my share of struggles and challenges with Penina (not to

mention extremely weepy PMS sometimes even

now), it is nothing compared with those struggles of the parents wheose children

are even more involved. And I still

can't say for sure that we'll deal with whatever comes.

And what of the effect on Penina?

Being a grown up really sucks!

Regards,

Anne, mom of Penina (CHARGE, 3)