Re: Challenges in NT/AS relationships

[Guest guest]

Liz Cademy wrote:

> Wow ... a lot of this resonates with me in my AS-AS marriage.

I'm not surprised, Liz. Like you say, you are less mind-blind than your

ex, so it makes sense that you would also be able to identify/empathize

with the relationship struggles that some NTs experience with the Aspies

in their lives.

I must admit that I'm often hesitant about sharing these sort of links

within the Aspie community. There are so many defensive Aspies out

there who get their drawers all in a knot when Aspie faults are

discussed (especially by NT authors). I realize that this is a defense

mechanism on their part, yet it is nonetheless unpleasant when they get

all snarky at the messenger merely for sharing a link.

This group (and several others where I frequently post) are safe from

that sort of thing, so I don't worry about this reaction here.

Best,

~CJ

I had to pull out one quote:

>

>> 15. What can you expect if you divorce an AS man?

>> Unfortunately he will probably not understand why the woman wants a divorce

and he is likely to be quite angry about it. Not knowing how to handle his

distress he may turn the energy into revenge. It is believed that many high

conflict divorces are the result of the negativity and obsessing of the AS

partner regarding the wrongdoing he perceives of his NT spouse. It is likely to

be a long, painful and expensive divorce where all suffer, including the

children. ... Some NT former wives report that their former husband even still

refers to her as his “wife” years after the divorce.

>

> This is an excellent description of the way my divorce is going.

>

> Like CJ, I'm a lot less mind-blind than my ex, and this is making an enormous

difference in how the divorce is going. My ex is obsessed with me, and with how

I " abandoned and wronged " him. He is fighting for full custody of both kids,

while demanding I be " on call " during his time with our son in case any

parenting problems come up.

>

> Right now, I just want him out of my life.

>

> --Liz

>

>

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> Some are the melody, some are the rhythm, some are the harmony

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> ...Sondra

>

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[Guest guest]

Dear Liz,I'm sorry for your recent divorce and the troublesome way it's evolving. Do you have asperger syndrome too or is your husband the only one with the syndrome? How long were you married with him? regards,C. To: aspires-relationships Sent: Saturday, July 2, 2011 2:17 PMSubject: Re: Challenges in NT/AS relationships> I found that I could really relate to this frank look at the challenges > of NT/AS relationships. So much of the misunderstandings and > accumulated resentments the author speaks of described the difficulties > in my own marriage.Wow ... a lot of this resonates with me in my AS-AS marriage. I had to pull out one quote:> 15. What can you expect if you divorce an AS man?> Unfortunately he will probably not understand why the woman wants a divorce and he is likely to be quite angry about it. Not knowing how to handle his distress he may turn the energy into revenge. It is believed

that many high conflict divorces are the result of the negativity and obsessing of the AS partner regarding the wrongdoing he perceives of his NT spouse. It is likely to be a long, painful and expensive divorce where all suffer, including the children. ... Some NT former wives report that their former husband even still refers to her as his “wife†years after the divorce.This is an excellent description of the way my divorce is going.Like CJ, I'm a lot less mind-blind than my ex, and this is making an enormous difference in how the divorce is going. My ex is obsessed with me, and with how I "abandoned and wronged" him. He is fighting for full custody of both kids, while demanding I be "on call" during his time with our son in case any parenting problems come up.Right now, I just want him out of my life.--LizSHIRT SALE! through 5 July, 2011http://www.printfection.com/cartesianbear$5 off any order Coupon Code: StarSavings$10 off $50 or more Code: BrightSavings$30 off $100 or more Code: SpangledSavings------------------------------------ "We each have our own way of living in the world, together we are like a symphony.Some are the melody, some are the rhythm, some are the harmony It all blends together, we are like a symphony, and each part is crucial.We all contribute to the song of life." ...Sondra We might not always agree; but TOGETHER we will make a difference. ASPIRES is a closed, confidential, moderated list.Responsibility for posts to ASPIRES lies entirely with the original author. Do NOT post mail off-list without

the author's permission. When in doubt, please refer to our list rules at: http://www.aspires-relationships.com/info_rules.htm ASPIRES ~ Climbing the mountain TOGETHER http://www.aspires-relationships.com

[Guest guest]

> I'm sorry for your recent divorce and the troublesome way it's evolving. Do

you have asperger syndrome too or is your husband the only one with the

syndrome? How long were you married with him?

We're both Aspie, but in very different ways.

I have lots of sensory sensitivities, minor social communications problems, and

process things slowly. In my youth, I was clumsy, and had serious social skills

problems -- I've learned to manage my Asperger's quite well, and most people

don't know.

My ex has weak theory of mind and is very rigid (black and white thinking). He's

prone to rages when things don't make sense to him. And he hasn't seen these

traits as something he can compensate for and learn to manage.

We were married for 20 years.

I've written a lot about our relationship in the past. I don't know if this list

keeps archives, but if it does, all the details are in there.

--Liz