Guest guest Posted July 18, 2007 Report Share Posted July 18, 2007 HI Arlene, I am so sorry that you are having to go through this. Of course, my first reaction was that this is LBD rearing its ugly head but then I thought of how hard this must be on you. You matter too. Could you talk to your helper Sharon and ask her how she feels about the situation and how she might help you in trying to set your husband straight? For instance, when she left and asked if there was anything else she could do perhaps she could have told her your husband that kissing him goodbye was something she could never do because he is married to you, for 50 years. I'm also making a big assumption here that your husband is not completely over the LBD edge here and is able to follow conversation at least some of the time. This kind of intervention by Sharon may need to go on and on until your husband declines further or your may even have to think about finding a new helper. I'm feeling it for your Arlene. Courage (no subject) Here is a new twist to our Lewy life. My husband of 50 years, who has had a steady decline into dementia for a few years, hallucinates and has delusions, informed me that he was getting engaged. I asked him who he was getting engaged to and he said, Sharon. (Sharon is the 37 yr. old beauty from the Philippines who is my helper 5 days a week.) I then asked him if he had fallen in love with her and he said yes. When I asked him what he intended to do, he said that he hadn't decided yet. ABout two months ago I noticed him trying to touch her inappropriately and I took his hand away and looked directly into his eyes and told him he was not to do that. I am not in the room with them the majority of the time and so I don't know if he has attempted this again or not. I told her that she was not to tolerate any such behavior. Also, I started noticing about a month ago that when she arrives in the morning, she gets a big smile from him and his face lights up. I started greeting him exactly as she does and I don't get the same response, believe me. Bottom line is that I told him that he was a 72 yr. old man with a terrible disease and that she is paid **** a week to be nice to him and he had better get his thoughts off of her. Today when she left, she asked me if there was anything else that she could do and although the majority of the time he is in lala land, he turned his head and said, yes, kiss me goodbye. Now mind you, he doesn't ask ANYONE to give him a goodbye kiss at any time. So he is harboring the feelings although not overtly showing them when I am around. Actually, Sharon is just as beautiful as was, who married that old geezer when he was in his 80's. She washes his feet and upper body, dresses him, and does exercises with him in addition to helping with feeding. I'd be interested in some input on this because I either have to ignore this or do some more confronting. My husband's fluctuating cognition, alertness, and ability to do some things, seems to get better under her care and attention. She is here 4 hours a day, M-F. What do you think. Arlene ************************************** Get a sneak peek of the all-new AOL at http://discover.aol.com/memed/aolcom30tour Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 18, 2007 Report Share Posted July 18, 2007 Arlene, Have you talked to her about it and how comfortable she is with it? Or what she thinks about it. We have some spouses here, but that is a new one, I think. When Mom was inappropriate about anything, I always reminded her she needed to not do that. They understand some stuff at some level. And I think it is appropriate to stop his touching her. Sounds like she is good for him and my guess is unless she encourages it, it will go away by itself. Maybe some others will have some good ideas. Sorry. But it does give you a breather. Do the two of you still sleep together??(Tell me to mind my own business.) I mean in the same bed. I think he is just going back in time to another time and place. Does he know you as his wife? Sounds like he is doing his " show time " for her. We call it that here. Many of our LOs do it for the MD, company, etc. Hugs, Donna R Caregave for Mom (after I brought her from WI to MI) for 3 years and 4th year in a nh. She was almost 89 when she died in '02. No dx other than mine. (no subject) Here is a new twist to our Lewy life. My husband of 50 years, who has had a steady decline into dementia for a few years, hallucinates and has delusions, informed me that he was getting engaged. I asked him who he was getting engaged to and he said, Sharon. (Sharon is the 37 yr. old beauty from the Philippines who is my helper 5 days a week.) I then asked him if he had fallen in love with her and he said yes. When I asked him what he intended to do, he said that he hadn't decided yet. ABout two months ago I noticed him trying to touch her inappropriately and I took his hand away and looked directly into his eyes and told him he was not to do that. I am not in the room with them the majority of the time and so I don't know if he has attempted this again or not. I told her that she was not to tolerate any such behavior. Also, I started noticing about a month ago that when she arrives in the morning, she gets a big smile from him and his face lights up. I started greeting him exactly as she does and I don't get the same response, believe me. Bottom line is that I told him that he was a 72 yr. old man with a terrible disease and that she is paid **** a week to be nice to him and he had better get his thoughts off of her. Today when she left, she asked me if there was anything else that she could do and although the majority of the time he is in lala land, he turned his head and said, yes, kiss me goodbye. Now mind you, he doesn't ask ANYONE to give him a goodbye kiss at any time. So he is harboring the feelings although not overtly showing them when I am around. Actually, Sharon is just as beautiful as was, who married that old geezer when he was in his 80's. She washes his feet and upper body, dresses him, and does exercises with him in addition to helping with feeding. I'd be interested in some input on this because I either have to ignore this or do some more confronting. My husband's fluctuating cognition, alertness, and ability to do some things, seems to get better under her care and attention. She is here 4 hours a day, M-F. What do you think. Arlene ************************************** Get a sneak peek of the all-new AOL at http://discover.aol.com/memed/aolcom30tour Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 18, 2007 Report Share Posted July 18, 2007 Arlene My Dad did what your husband is doing now. He propositioned almost every female who came into his room. Thank goodness none of them took him seriously. I have a feeling the young lady that works for you has been trained to deal with this situation. I think you will find almost everyone here can tell you a story about their LO being inappropriate at one time or another. I know this is hard to take when it is your husband doing it but remember he can't help it. It does have to do with Lewy. He loves you deep down, I really believe that they don't forget in their soul of souls. They just can't tell you anymore. My neighbor used to help me out with my Dad at times and when he suggested she climb into bed with him, she told him her husband and my Mom wouldn't like it and they would be mad at them. If he suggested anything else out of line she would remind him of her husband and his wife. It seemed to work. Maybe this would work for your situation. Hope you find the solution soon. Cyber Hugs, Jacqui from So Fl ************************************** Get a sneak peek of the all-new AOL at http://discover.aol.com/memed/aolcom30tour Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 19, 2007 Report Share Posted July 19, 2007 Arlene you really don't need this kind of upset after all the rest you are living with. I hope you are a member of the spouses' group to get some input from them as well. Personally, I would start by approaching Sharon for some input from her as to your husband's behaviour toward her and conversations with her. This is a hard one, but you really don't need to be living with any more stress. Sharon is there to assist and give you some relief, as well as help care for your husband. You have to look at the whole picture here and not just what is best for him. All the best. , Oakville Ont. Mother, age 92, died Aug. 12/06 after 13 year decline from PDD > > Here is a new twist to our Lewy life. > My husband of 50 years, who has had a steady decline into dementia for a few > years, hallucinates and has delusions, informed me that he was getting > engaged. I asked him who he was getting engaged to and he said, Sharon. > (Sharon is the 37 yr. old beauty from the Philippines who is my helper 5 days a > week.) I then asked him if he had fallen in love with her and he said yes. When > I asked him what he intended to do, he said that he hadn't decided yet. > ABout two months ago I noticed him trying to touch her inappropriately and > I took his hand away and looked directly into his eyes and told him he was > not to do that. I am not in the room with them the majority of the time and so > I don't know if he has attempted this again or not. I told her that she was > not to tolerate any such behavior. Also, I started noticing about a month > ago that when she arrives in the morning, she gets a big smile from him and his > face lights up. I started greeting him exactly as she does and I don't get > the same response, believe me. > Bottom line is that I told him that he was a 72 yr. old man with a terrible > disease and that she is paid **** a week to be nice to him and he had better > get his thoughts off of her. Today when she left, she asked me if there was > anything else that she could do and although the majority of the time he is in > lala land, he turned his head and said, yes, kiss me goodbye. Now mind > you, he doesn't ask ANYONE to give him a goodbye kiss at any time. So he is > harboring the feelings although not overtly showing them when I am around. > Actually, Sharon is just as beautiful as was, who married > that old geezer when he was in his 80's. She washes his feet and upper body, > dresses him, and does exercises with him in addition to helping with > feeding. > I'd be interested in some input on this because I either have to ignore > this or do some more confronting. My husband's fluctuating cognition, > alertness, and ability to do some things, seems to get better under her care and > attention. She is here 4 hours a day, M-F. What do you think. Arlene > > > > ************************************** Get a sneak peek of the all-new AOL at > http://discover.aol.com/memed/aolcom30tour > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 19, 2007 Report Share Posted July 19, 2007 Arlene, i'm sorry i'm not sure how you should deal with this but i just wanted to let you know that we had many similar situations with my granda. In fact i wrote a few times to the group about how sexually explicit he was with women carers especially one who he would make goo goo eyes at and call her a lovely lady! When in the nursing home he did the same to two of the women and ignored the rest of them. His language became more explicit too which coming from an extremely shy man was difficult to listen to, he'd never, ever spoke like that in his life, even to my gran. We would always explain that his behaviour was inappropriate and was making the women feel uncomfortable. Maybe if you ask this woman to explain to him that she feels uncomfotable with his remarks this might jolt him into stopping. .xx (no subject) Here is a new twist to our Lewy life. My husband of 50 years, who has had a steady decline into dementia for a few years, hallucinates and has delusions, informed me that he was getting engaged. I asked him who he was getting engaged to and he said, Sharon. (Sharon is the 37 yr. old beauty from the Philippines who is my helper 5 days a week.) I then asked him if he had fallen in love with her and he said yes. When I asked him what he intended to do, he said that he hadn't decided yet. ABout two months ago I noticed him trying to touch her inappropriately and I took his hand away and looked directly into his eyes and told him he was not to do that. I am not in the room with them the majority of the time and so I don't know if he has attempted this again or not. I told her that she was not to tolerate any such behavior. Also, I started noticing about a month ago that when she arrives in the morning, she gets a big smile from him and his face lights up. I started greeting him exactly as she does and I don't get the same response, believe me. Bottom line is that I told him that he was a 72 yr. old man with a terrible disease and that she is paid **** a week to be nice to him and he had better get his thoughts off of her. Today when she left, she asked me if there was anything else that she could do and although the majority of the time he is in lala land, he turned his head and said, yes, kiss me goodbye. Now mind you, he doesn't ask ANYONE to give him a goodbye kiss at any time. So he is harboring the feelings although not overtly showing them when I am around. Actually, Sharon is just as beautiful as was, who married that old geezer when he was in his 80's. She washes his feet and upper body, dresses him, and does exercises with him in addition to helping with feeding. I'd be interested in some input on this because I either have to ignore this or do some more confronting. My husband's fluctuating cognition, alertness, and ability to do some things, seems to get better under her care and attention. She is here 4 hours a day, M-F. What do you think. Arlene ************************************** Get a sneak peek of the all-new AOL at http://discover.aol.com/memed/aolcom30tour Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 19, 2007 Report Share Posted July 19, 2007 I don't know if speaking to him will do any good, as from what I've heard, part of the brain where the inhibitions they always had is destroyed, and this is another aspect that might not be able to be controlled. One of the nurses at the NH where my husband was said that often they become very sexually oriented. They may not realize they are doing it, which doesn't help, but may explain. My husband seemed to like one of the young aides at the NH, and she told me he kept calling her by a certain name. When we finally figured it out, it was the nickname of one of our granddaughters who resembled this girl very much, and their names sounded alike. I don't think he was ever inappropriate with her, but I think she reminded him of our granddaughter, one who was one of his favorites. Also, remember that their mind may be back many years, and he may be suffering from Capgras and think that is his wife at a younger age. My husband always thought there were two of me, but only one was his wife. Certainly, the caretakers need to tell them when it's inappropriate, as that probably would help as much as anything. --- danny campbell wrote: > Arlene, i'm sorry i'm not sure how you should deal > with this but i just wanted to let you know that we > had many similar situations with my granda. In fact > i wrote a few times to the group about how sexually > explicit he was with women carers especially one who > he would make goo goo eyes at and call her a lovely > lady! When in the nursing home he did the same to > two of the women and ignored the rest of them. His > language became more explicit too which coming from > an extremely shy man was difficult to listen to, > he'd never, ever spoke like that in his life, even > to my gran. > We would always explain that his behaviour was > inappropriate and was making the women feel > uncomfortable. Maybe if you ask this woman to > explain to him that she feels uncomfotable with his > remarks this might jolt him into stopping. > .xx > (no subject) > > > Here is a new twist to our Lewy life. > My husband of 50 years, who has had a steady > decline into dementia for a few > years, hallucinates and has delusions, informed me > that he was getting > engaged. I asked him who he was getting engaged to > and he said, Sharon. > (Sharon is the 37 yr. old beauty from the > Philippines who is my helper 5 days a > week.) I then asked him if he had fallen in love > with her and he said yes. When > I asked him what he intended to do, he said that > he hadn't decided yet. > ABout two months ago I noticed him trying to touch > her inappropriately and > I took his hand away and looked directly into his > eyes and told him he was > not to do that. I am not in the room with them the > majority of the time and so > I don't know if he has attempted this again or > not. I told her that she was > not to tolerate any such behavior. Also, I started > noticing about a month > ago that when she arrives in the morning, she gets > a big smile from him and his > face lights up. I started greeting him exactly as > she does and I don't get > the same response, believe me. > Bottom line is that I told him that he was a 72 > yr. old man with a terrible > disease and that she is paid **** a week to be > nice to him and he had better > get his thoughts off of her. Today when she left, > she asked me if there was > anything else that she could do and although the > majority of the time he is in > lala land, he turned his head and said, yes, kiss > me goodbye. Now mind > you, he doesn't ask ANYONE to give him a goodbye > kiss at any time. So he is > harboring the feelings although not overtly > showing them when I am around. > Actually, Sharon is just as beautiful as > was, who married > that old geezer when he was in his 80's. She > washes his feet and upper body, > dresses him, and does exercises with him in > addition to helping with > feeding. > I'd be interested in some input on this because I > either have to ignore > this or do some more confronting. My husband's > fluctuating cognition, > alertness, and ability to do some things, seems to > get better under her care and > attention. She is here 4 hours a day, M-F. What do > you think. Arlene > > ************************************** Get a sneak > peek of the all-new AOL at > http://discover.aol.com/memed/aolcom30tour > > [Non-text portions of this message have been > removed] > > > > > > [Non-text portions of this message have been > removed] > > ________________________________________________________________________________\ ____ Park yourself in front of a world of choices in alternative vehicles. Visit the Yahoo! Auto Green Center. http://autos.yahoo.com/green_center/ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 29, 2009 Report Share Posted November 29, 2009 Hi everyone, I am finding it impossible to keep up with emails in recent months so am unsubscribing from several medical listserves. I would still like to be able to access the files for information but cannot continue to recieve emails. Is this possible? If so great. If not I guess I need to unsubscribe. Thanks, Carole Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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