RE: Hello!

[Guest guest]

Hi Sheila,

I am looking for a buddy for March 4th 2002. If you are interested please let

me know.

Thanks,

P. (Florida)

melmikmalik@... wrote: I just wanted to say hello to all! My name is

Shellia and I just

joined the group a few days ago. I have sent for my medical records

and will hopefully receive them soon and I may be lucky enough to be

someones buddy in early 2002. I really enjoy reading the postings

here they keep me encouraged.

Shelia

[Guest guest]

Welcome to the group Sheila! Congrats on geting your

medical records. We all remember how important & big

that day is. If you any questions, just ask. You'll

find a lot of friends here. My name is Donna, I'm 34

and just had my TR 8-20-01. I have 3 kids (ages

14,15,16) and want just 1 more little mirracle.

Love, Donna

--- melmikmalik@... wrote:

> I just wanted to say hello to all! My name is

> Shellia and I just

> joined the group a few days ago. I have sent for my

> medical records

> and will hopefully receive them soon and I may be

> lucky enough to be

> someones buddy in early 2002. I really enjoy

> reading the postings

> here they keep me encouraged.

>

> Shelia

>

>

=====

Donna Fannin 34

DH Kenny 33

DD's Angie & 15 & 16

DS (bubby)14

TL 3-15-88 TR 8-20-01

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

Howdy neighbor, I live in Kitty Hawk, NC. Welcome to tae bo! Delana.

________________________________

From: tae-bo_on on behalf of grumbleworts13

Sent: Thu 12/1/2005 7:25 PM

To: tae-bo_on

Subject: Hello!

What is your name?

How old are you?

22

Where are you from?

Virginia Beach, by way of other places.

Tell us a bit about your family (spouse, kids, pets, etc.):

I have 1 younger brother, and two psychotic cats, my parents, and a

pair of awesome friends

How long have you been doing Tae-Bo?

About three days.

What tapes do you have?

THe Fat Blaster Pack

What are your fitness/weightloss goals?

What I'd LIKE to see is myself lose about 60-70 pounds, and/or drop

about 8 sizes. I'm willing to settle for looking and feeling good.

What results have you had so far (both physical and metal)?

Physical, obviously not much, unless you count sore muscles, good

sleep and a charlie horse. Mental, actually alot. I've started to

do workouts before, or dieting, but it only lasts a week or three.

I get tired of worrying about it all the time, and then i quit. Or

I cheat so much that I can't stand it. The last thing was pilates,

which is great, and it does work, but my best friend isn't here

anymore to make me do it with her, and quite frankly, you do a lot

of holding the same thing, i like the variety of Taebo, and the fact

that it works EVERYTHING.

What do you like most about Tae-Bo?

I probably just said that above. It is fast, it goes fast, you move

alot and he moves and works things all over the body.

What do you like least about Tae-Bo?

The fact that at the moment, I can't do the double time, and I'm

about 35 min into a 55 min tape...I can't get throught hte whole

thing just yet.

What other exercises/activities do you do?

I'm not sure it counts, but I'm a permanent substitute, so I never

sit down except at lunch. Thats about it. I am also starting a

dieting/healthy eating kick. But I'm working into that one.

What are your hobbies/interests?

I'm an artist, I love computers, movies, books, writing, music, Good

Eats, the food network (I'm an addict...I admit it.), and TRAVEL...

I LOVE to travel, and i love watching the travel channel and pining

for places I can't afford to go just yet.

What would you like people to know about you?

I think I'm nice, creative, a good listener, and I will do my best

to motivate others, especially if they will motivate me!

So yeah....there we go!

Hello everyone, and I look forward to talking with all of you and

reading the list!

Virginia Beach

As Deb has said: " Fitness is a journey and it begins with the first step. "

" This isn't about weight loss, it's about enlightenment " -

[Guest guest]

Hi Karoline...welcome to aspires. I have been here since November 2007, and

find it hard to believe even to this day I have been here that long. Almost

seems as if the past five years went by a flash before my own eyes. I'm sorry

to hear that the marriage wasn't anything like you thought it could be.

I moved from central Indiana to southeast Tennessee (Chattanooga area) to accept

a new position and to go from a long distance relationship to one where I would

be living in the same house as her. It would be during that time I lived with

her that I found out I had AS (and Adult AD/HD).

She chose to end the relationship, after repeatedly telling me to do very basic

things that I should have been able to do. Also, she was going through her own

health issues, and she was dealing with an adult child who had come from college

and staying at her house. When she chose to end the relationship, it allowed me

to start adjusting to becoming an autistic adult who lives with Adult AD/HD.

Earlier in my life, I chose to leave my then-wife in June 2002. I had been a

shell of myself for at least a few months, and it was only going to become worse

for me. While she was shocked literally to think I was leaving her, she had

thought everything was alright in the marriage. I thought differently.

Nothing, including life, is ever fair. Counseling and therapy can help, but

only if people choose to allow that. Also, love can only go so far as well.

I feel the question is.. do you feel you can coexist in the marriage where you

are right now or do you need to move on and forward in your life? I think that

is what you need to answer for yourself.

I hope this helps and welcome to aspires,

>

> Hi. I am a new member. So glad to have found this community. Have been married

9+years to a man I'm pretty sure has Asperger's.

> My family and I are the only people he has, so will feel guilty leaving him. I

actually married him because I felt sorry that he had no friends.

> Some background - I am a young 55, he is an old 61. Not my first marriage. We

have never had sex (he just lies there not moving if I try and initiate anything

so I gave up); he has no humor; no empathy; is very rigid and judgmental of

others; cannot reach out to others (except to me); gets very upset if his

routing is disrupted; and is critical of interests he doesn't care about. He

only wants to talk about baseball, politics, and music. He has an incredible

amount of data in his head as far as dates and baseball statistics. In addition,

he only takes one shower a week and it takes him 4 hours. Don't ask how long he

takes in the bathroom to defecate-- 2-12 hours!!!

> I write fiction and poetry (karolinebarrett.com) just to escape from my

marriage. At this point, I don't know how to have a fulfilling life! I'm a

Christian, but prayer hasn't helped.

>

[Guest guest]

On 7/4/2012 2:35 PM, Karoline Barrett

wrote:

But my husband is

not sociable. If I leave he will live the rest of his days

listening to Yankees games, Hannity, and listening to

60s music.  How can I do that to him?

Karoline, your husband (in name only) is not a child, and you are

not his mother.  How he chooses to live the rest of his days is up

to him alone.  It's not your responsibility to provide a life for

him.

Best,

~CJ

[Guest guest]

I second what CJ says!~ "Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal."--Albert Camus Sent from my VZW BlackBerrySender: aspires-relationships Date: Wed, 04 Jul 2012 16:39:52 -0700To: <aspires-relationships >ReplyTo: aspires-relationships Subject: Re: Re: Hello! On 7/4/2012 2:35 PM, Karoline Barrettwrote:But my husband isnot sociable. If I leave he will live the rest of his dayslistening to Yankees games, Hannity, and listening to60s music.  How can I do that to him? Karoline, your husband (in name only) is not a child, and you arenot his mother.  How he chooses to live the rest of his days is upto him alone.  It's not your responsibility to provide a life forhim.Best,~CJ

[Guest guest]

What CJ said. Feeling sorry for someone and feeling guilt about them being

alone is a pretty terrible reason to marry them... leaving them when you realize

your reasons for marrying them were flawed out the outset, when you have no

children with him and no real bond, is not unkind. If you don't leave, your

misery will grow and bitterness will ultimately eat you alive. You can still be

friends with him and your family doesn't have to hate/disown him, while you move

on with your life. You have not expressed any bond or reason for staying with

him, there is no sex and there is little but guilt, and to him you are probably

just taken for granted as there and he will probably not recognize your

unhappiness. It seems far more merciful and honest to leave, and he may

actually be better for it, who knows. Good luck.

Re: Re: Hello!

But my husband is not sociable. If I leave he will live the rest of his days

listening to Yankees games, Hannity, and listening to 60s music.  How can

I do that to him?

Karoline, your husband (in name only) is not a child, and you are not his

mother.  How he chooses to live the rest of his days is up to him alone.  It's

not your responsibility to provide a life for him.

Best,

~CJ

[Guest guest]

> PS Plus, he managed to live for 52 years without you, didn't he??? Don't set

yourself up for failure imaging you're his entire world. He got by before,

he'll get by again.

Well said, . You too, Melody Beattie.

http://melodybeattie.com/codependency/

> And there is really nothing inherently wrong with spending your days listening

to baseball and music. Don't know who Hannity is so can't comment : ).

>

Hannity is an ultra-conservative political commentator. He has a

nationally syndicated talk radio show. He also hosts a television news

show on the Fox Channel. I feel that some rather unkind words are about

to erupt from my keyboard, so I'll stop typing now.

Best,

~CJ

[Guest guest]

I agree with what you say, but it's not that easy for me to just coldly walk away. I guess I want to understand his condition a little better, too. Subject: Re: Hello!To: aspires-relationships Date: Thursday, July 5, 2012, 12:49 AM

I third what CJ says. You are both adults. He can make his own choices, like you can yours. You are not his mother. The world is not fair, as I found out as an Aspie. When my ex-girlfriend chose to leave me, she wasn't my mom. She and I were both adults. She chose what she needed to do, and this resulted in allowing me to become the person I am today.

Likewise, you should choose what you want or need to do. No one can tell you what to do - that's your choice. When I chose to leave my ex-wife, it was very scary for me to do. The thoughts went racing through my mind. I was at the altar before 225 people at my wedding and vowed and promised myself I would never get divorced. Then I had feelings of guilt for thinking what I was about to do to the 225 people.

No one says when they get married, "Oh, I think I'll pack it up and mail in my effort to keep the marriage going." No, you do the very best you can. However, there comes a time when you realize it's time. It's like the post wrote about The Gambler.. gotta know when to hold them, when to fold them. I held for as long as I can, and chose to fold when the time came.

I did what I needed to do in my life to no longer be a shelf of myself. If I guessed what you're feeling and going through at this this time in your life right now, I'd be more than willing to bet the "kitchen sink" that you are feeling a shell of you are reading this. If that's true...then yes I know, it's hard to leave something that you want to create with someone - because I went through it myself.

>

>

> > But my husband is not sociable. If I leave he will live the rest of

> > his days listening to Yankees games, Hannity, and listening to

> > 60s music. How can I do that to him?

> >

>

>

> Karoline, your husband (in name only) is not a child, and you are not

> his mother. How he chooses to live the rest of his days is up to him

> alone. It's not your responsibility to provide a life for him.

>

> Best,

> ~CJ

>

[Guest guest]

> You cannot fix other people or make them realize things, especially if they

are not ready to understand. That's 'fixer' mentality, and is why I suggest you

take a look at the Melody Beattie link I shared earlier with the group.

I haven't written here in a while ... busy with divorce stuff and my first

website client!

First, a quick introduction for the new members ... I'm mildly Aspie (clueless,

sensory and communication issues, not rage and weak theory of mind), and, until

last Thursday, was married to a man who was also Aspie -- though he was the rage

and weak theory of mind type.

We didn't realize x was AS until we began seeing our 4th marriage counselor,

after I found out he'd been having an affair with a man. He didn't deny his AS,

but ignored it, saying it wasn't important -- yet all our disagreements were

colored heavily by his AS reactions.

I thought we were on the road to healing the marriage when I found out he'd been

having gay/BDSM affairs non-stop for at least 6 years, probably 10. Even then I

was wiling to try to repair the marriage (see " clueless " above), but he was in

denial to such an extent that he got clinically depressed, and the meds

triggered a violent psychotic episode. I got a restraining order, he filed for

divorce, I counter filed. 18 months later, he's just now starting to come out of

his mental illness -- I think.

Why, after 10 years, was I agreeing to break the marriage? Because:

- all his rage was directed against me. In his mind, he was blameless, I had

caused him to have affairs, I needed to be punished. I wasn't safe around him.

- he could not see that he had weak theory of mind. If I didn't react the same

way he did, I must have ulterior motives. [He once wrote a long essay on how my

rage was glacial, and all the more destructive than his ... uh ... I have no

rage.]

- because of the deep denial about his orientation, any therapy to help with

that would take years -- years where I'd be blamed for " being frigid " , and not

sexually attracted to him.

Finally, we have two kids. I could not continue to have a loose cannon like x in

the house with them!

[Yes, this is the short version ... I've been in this group almost since the

beginning of the end, and wrote a lot more.]

Karoline, only you can tell if you need to walk away from him. Ignored issues

get worse over time, not better. If he can't see his AS he can't work on

compensatory strategies, and life with him won't improve. If so, you'll end up

being more of a " caretaker with benefits " than a life partner. And that's where

Cassandra Syndrome comes in.

If you're ok with this, and willing to spend the rest of your life that way,

stay. If not, you can try to wake him up, but please don't value yourself so

poorly that you'd sacrifice your life for him.

--Liz

[Guest guest]

> And if it is that you don't see yourself being able to marry again due to age,

etc. and are happier stayingt with the devil you know, well that is personal

preference, too

A lot of people do this, no matter what their age. If they perceive

that they might not be able to find a new partner, that desperation to

hang on no matter what is real to them. This is particularly true if

there is an issue of financial dependence involved. But this is a

decision they make to benefit themselves, not the other person.

Best,

~CJ