Re: Re: not sure if I should find a new therapist

[Guest guest]

"Coming back to the table" is excellent advice. The most memorable thing my best-ever therapist ever told me was to always put my cards on the table, gently, honestly, and without being confrontational. You may not always get the response you hope for, but your hurt cannot fester in the dark hiding places of your psyche if you bring it out to the light. There are times when my best-intended words were met with derision and criticism, so it is risky and scary, but the alternative--unresolved, un-expressed pain--is worse. The former leads to growth; the latter to stuckness. Most often, you will find understanding and acceptance when you bravely and gently put your truth out there.

I think you're on the right track--bravo!

Helena

Re: not sure if I should find a new therapist

A very good outlook you have on things I think, very helpful to think about things that way, thank you.> > > > > > > > >> > > > > > > > > So, I've been seeing a therapist for several months at a local clinic. The clinic is run by a local university and is staffed with graduate students who are under supervision. This is all I could afford at the time and the other option I had was to see a psychologist who was booked for 2 months and I didn't want to wait.> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > For the greater part of my therapy, things have been very focused and productive. I brought in my ACT book and discussed ACT and how I've been using it, and she was not only open-minded about using ACT, she got the book herself and said that her supervisor was very interested in ACT. We worked through some of the book together.> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Throughout the process I have learned so much about myself, have really grown and begun to accept myself and explore myself for all that I am. I've learned to not judge myself or what I feel in the ways that I used to. This has been a very painful process, but a good one. For every period of pain and growth I've come out stronger and with less of a burden.> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > I've had a lot of different, positive feelings towards my therapist. I've found that these feelings were at time confusing. I've come to understand that these feelings are that of openness, connectedness, trust etc. the kinds of feelings I've felt in my very close relationships. Yet there was also a part of me that felt attracted to her at times and the fact that we have so much in common also deepend my connection and closeness to her. It seems that over time I became more aware of these positive feelings, and I was judging some of them as 'inappropriate' etc. For example, I could tell that part of me was longing for a deeper relationship with her, something outside of therapy. I kept fighting this feeling, pushing it down within myself, telling myself that it was crazy etc. What's interesting to me now is that by suppressing it, it manifested itself much more than it would have if I had just explored it straight-away.> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > I brought this up with my therapist a few times, saying that I was confused about feelings that I was having in session, my feelings of closeness and openness with her etc. Eventually, I realized that I needed to tell her matter of factly, not in the round about way that I had been. More importantly, I realized that I shouldn't judge myself for having feelings. I can see there being inappropriate actions or words, but to feel a thing is perfectly natural. Over the course of a few weeks I noticed that she seemed uncomfortable at times and even was frustrated with me. When I asked her if she had been frustrated with me in the last session, she admitted that she was. I was glad she was honest and that I could trust my instincts. She brought up termination somewhere around this time, which seemed to come out of nowhere.> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Let me be clear, I never felt in love with my therapist, or obsessed or any such thing. I only would have wanted any kind of contact or relationship outside of the office if it was something that we both wanted, and the one thing I was sure of was that my therapy was going well and that I wanted to continue it. But I needed to get this out of the way. I needed to take a leap, to be totally honest and non-judgemental towards myself and also completely open with her. This was difficult and took a lot of effort.> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > When I told her all of how I felt, I explained that I had had many different feelings in session, some of them towards her, that of connection, etc. I even said that if I was forced to lablel them (which I'm loathe to do) I would label some of them as perhaps romantic, others as platonic and that I always felt respectful of her. I also told her that I was attracted to her in many ways, that even though I didn't know her very well that I felt I had a sense of the kind of person she was. She's always been very genuine and open with me and it's fostered a sense of trust between us and I told her how important that was and how it's helped me.> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > She told me that she was uncomfortable. When she asked how I thought she might react when I thought about telling her, I said that I had hoped she might explore the feelings more deeply with me and say something like, let's work through this. When I said that, she snapped at me that she wasn't a robot. I told her that I knew she wasn't a robot but that I hoped she might help me work through it. All that I've learned about therapy (disclosure here, I'm a psychology student myself) is that opening up to one's therapist, even about how you feel towards them, can be very positive and can help deepen one's self-acceptance and self-understanding. Being able to tell someone honestly how you feel about them is definitely a good thing, though sometimes painful. She told me that she hadn't had anything like this happen before and that she would need to talk to her supervisor.> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > At the next session she basically said that she felt that my telling her about my feelings were 'inappropriate' in the way that falling for a co-worker would be, that it crossed some kind of boundary. She seemed genuinely concerned about the course of therapy, but she didn't seem to budge on this point. We discussed it for a while and I told her that I felt that telling her those things was a major step forward for me, that I had assumed we would discuss the feelings and explore them the way we have my other feelings. I also told her that through telling her about those feelings, the one's that seemed 'romantic' diminished, or to put it a different way, I began to see them differently. Sometimes actually admitting something to oneself and being honest with yourself and another can make you see things differently and more clearly. I told her that I didn't have feelings for her in the way that she took what I had said. To be honest, I'm not en tirely cle ar what it is she 'heard' me say, she wouldn't tell me that directly when I asked her. She just kept saying that she thought we'd discussed it.> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > So at this point she started talking about what was best for me, and for her. I asked what her supervisor said, and she hesitated and said that she'd had a conversation with him and that he supported her and how she felt. For the first time since I started therapy with her, I doubted whether or not she was being honest with me. I told her that I would respect her feelings and if she wanted to start termination, we would do that. Yet, I also told her that I felt it a shame that my therapy might be derailed after such a big step forward for me and that I disagreed with her about the boundary thing. I felt I had crossed no such line and that I in fact SHOULD have told her especially, since she's my therapist and she could help me work through things.> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Anyhow, the session ended with us discussing some recent progress I'd made and I agreed to meet every two weeks as opposed to every week. Yet after I got home, I began to think over the session and I can't help feel, as I felt last week, that she has made this about her somehow. After all, I'm the client. I can only assume that what I told her has triggered something in her. Her reaction was immediate and visceral. It's not as though I threatened her, but it almost feels like she felt threatened somehow. Things being what they are, I am not sure that I should continue seeing her because it seems like she's filtering everything I bring up now through the context of this event. It's as if she's hearing what she expects me to say, not what I'm saying, and that can't really work. For example, when I told her about a recent breakthrough I'd had as regards relationships generally, she told me she was hearing that I still 'had feelings' for her. I had to exp lain again, highlighting the fact that I was talking about something I'd realized GENERALLY speaking and that it wasn't about her or the feelings I'd described.> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > So, at this point, I'm not sure what to do. I have two weeks before our next scheduled appointment, but I'm feeling like this therapy has in some ways already been derailed. And I am not sure if she's going to be able to really treat me if she can't focus on me and what I'm going through. On the other hand, maybe I should continue on through the termination process (which is open-ended at this point). I think a feeling I'm confronting now is a lack of trust in the process moving forward with her. With such a fundamental difference in how we view the boundaries, I'm not sure if we can move forward at all.> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Any advice, thoughts, insights on this would be greatly appreciated. Anyone have a similar experience?> > > > > > > > >> > > > > > > >> > > > > > >> > > > > >> > > > >> > > > > > > >> > >> > > >>

[Guest guest]

hbbr wrote:

>

>

> " Coming back to the table " is excellent advice.  The most memorable thing my

best-ever therapist ever told me was to always put my cards on the table,

gently, honestly, and without being confrontational.  You may not always get

the response you hope for, but your hurt cannot fester in the dark hiding

places of your psyche if you bring it out to the light.  There are times

when my best-intended words were met with derision and criticism, so it is risky

and scary, but the alternative--unresolved, un-expressed pain--is worse.  The

former leads to growth; the latter to stuckness.  Most often, you will find

understanding and acceptance when you bravely and gently put your truth out

there.

>

>

>

>I think you're on the right track--bravo!

>

>

>

>Helena

>

>

> Re: not sure if I should find a new therapist

>

> 

>

>

>

>

>A very good outlook you have on things I think, very helpful to think about

things that way, thank you.

>

>

>> > > > > > > > >

>> > > > > > > > > So, I've been seeing a therapist for several months at a

local clinic. The clinic is run by a local university and is staffed with

graduate students who are under supervision. This is all I could afford at the

time and the other option I had was to see a psychologist who was booked for 2

months and I didn't want to wait.

>> > > > > > > > >

>> > > > > > > > > For the greater part of my therapy, things have been very

focused and productive. I brought in my ACT book and discussed ACT and how I've

been using it, and she was not only open-minded about using ACT, she got the

book herself and said that her supervisor was very interested in ACT. We worked

through some of the book together.

>> > > > > > > > >

>> > > > > > > > > Throughout the process I have learned so much about myself,

have really grown and begun to accept myself and explore myself for all that I

am. I've learned to not judge myself or what I feel in the ways that I used to.

This has been a very painful process, but a good one. For every period of pain

and growth I've come out stronger and with less of a burden.

>> > > > > > > > >

>> > > > > > > > > I've had a lot of different, positive feelings towards my

therapist. I've found that these feelings were at time confusing. I've come to

understand that these feelings are that of openness, connectedness, trust etc.

the kinds of feelings I've felt in my very close relationships. Yet there was

also a part of me that felt attracted to her at times and the fact that we have

so much in common also deepend my connection and closeness to her. It seems that

over time I became more aware of these positive feelings, and I was judging some

of them as 'inappropriate' etc. For example, I could tell that part of me was

longing for a deeper relationship with her, something outside of therapy. I kept

fighting this feeling, pushing it down within myself, telling myself that it was

crazy etc. What's interesting to me now is that by suppressing it, it manifested

itself much more than it would have if I had just explored it straight-away.

>> > > > > > > > >

>> > > > > > > > > I brought this up with my therapist a few times, saying that

I was confused about feelings that I was having in session, my feelings of

closeness and openness with her etc. Eventually, I realized that I needed to

tell her matter of factly, not in the round about way that I had been. More

importantly, I realized that I shouldn't judge myself for having feelings. I can

see there being inappropriate actions or words, but to feel a thing is perfectly

natural. Over the course of a few weeks I noticed that she seemed uncomfortable

at times and even was frustrated with me. When I asked her if she had been

frustrated with me in the last session, she admitted that she was. I was glad

she was honest and that I could trust my instincts. She brought up termination

somewhere around this time, which seemed to come out of nowhere.

>> > > > > > > > >

>> > > > > > > > > Let me be clear, I never felt in love with my therapist, or

obsessed or any such thing. I only would have wanted any kind of contact or

relationship outside of the office if it was something that we both wanted, and

the one thing I was sure of was that my therapy was going well and that I wanted

to continue it. But I needed to get this out of the way. I needed to take a

leap, to be totally honest and non-judgemental towards myself and also

completely open with her. This was difficult and took a lot of effort.

>> > > > > > > > >

>> > > > > > > > > When I told her all of how I felt, I explained that I had had

many different feelings in session, some of them towards her, that of

connection, etc. I even said that if I was forced to lablel them (which I'm

loathe to do) I would label some of them as perhaps romantic, others as platonic

and that I always felt respectful of her. I also told her that I was attracted

to her in many ways, that even though I didn't know her very well that I felt I

had a sense of the kind of person she was. She's always been very genuine and

open with me and it's fostered a sense of trust between us and I told her how

important that was and how it's helped me.

>> > > > > > > > >

>> > > > > > > > > She told me that she was uncomfortable. When she asked how I

thought she might react when I thought about telling her, I said that I had

hoped she might explore the feelings more deeply with me and say something like,

let's work through this. When I said that, she snapped at me that she wasn't a

robot. I told her that I knew she wasn't a robot but that I hoped she might help

me work through it. All that I've learned about therapy (disclosure here, I'm a

psychology student myself) is that opening up to one's therapist, even about how

you feel towards them, can be very positive and can help deepen one's

self-acceptance and self-understanding. Being able to tell someone honestly how

you feel about them is definitely a good thing, though sometimes painful. She

told me that she hadn't had anything like this happen before and that she would

need to talk to her supervisor.

>> > > > > > > > >

>> > > > > > > > > At the next session she basically said that she felt that my

telling her about my feelings were 'inappropriate' in the way that falling for a

co-worker would be, that it crossed some kind of boundary. She seemed genuinely

concerned about the course of therapy, but she didn't seem to budge on this

point. We discussed it for a while and I told her that I felt that telling her

those things was a major step forward for me, that I had assumed we would

discuss the feelings and explore them the way we have my other feelings. I also

told her that through telling her about those feelings, the one's that seemed

'romantic' diminished, or to put it a different way, I began to see them

differently. Sometimes actually admitting something to oneself and being honest

with yourself and another can make you see things differently and more clearly.

I told her that I didn't have feelings for her in the way that she took what I

had said. To be honest, I'm not en tirely cle ar what it is she 'heard' me say,

she wouldn't tell me that directly when I asked her. She just kept saying that

she thought we'd discussed it.

>> > > > > > > > >

>> > > > > > > > > So at this point she started talking about what was best for

me, and for her. I asked what her supervisor said, and she hesitated and said

that she'd had a conversation with him and that he supported her and how she

felt. For the first time since I started therapy with her, I doubted whether or

not she was being honest with me. I told her that I would respect her feelings

and if she wanted to start termination, we would do that. Yet, I also told her

that I felt it a shame that my therapy might be derailed after such a big step

forward for me and that I disagreed with her about the boundary thing. I felt I

had crossed no such line and that I in fact SHOULD have told her especially,

since she's my therapist and she could help me work through things.

>> > > > > > > > >

>> > > > > > > > > Anyhow, the session ended with us discussing some recent

progress I'd made and I agreed to meet every two weeks as opposed to every week.

Yet after I got home, I began to think over the session and I can't help feel,

as I felt last week, that she has made this about her somehow. After all, I'm

the client. I can only assume that what I told her has triggered something in

her. Her reaction was immediate and visceral. It's not as though I threatened

her, but it almost feels like she felt threatened somehow. Things being what

they are, I am not sure that I should continue seeing her because it seems like

she's filtering everything I bring up now through the context of this event.

It's as if she's hearing what she expects me to say, not what I'm saying, and

that can't really work. For example, when I told her about a recent breakthrough

I'd had as regards relationships generally, she told me she was hearing that I

still 'had feelings' for her. I had to exp lain again, highlighting the fact

that I was talking about something I'd realized GENERALLY speaking and that it

wasn't about her or the feelings I'd described.

>> > > > > > > > >

>> > > > > > > > > So, at this point, I'm not sure what to do. I have two weeks

before our next scheduled appointment, but I'm feeling like this therapy has in

some ways already been derailed. And I am not sure if she's going to be able to

really treat me if she can't focus on me and what I'm going through. On the

other hand, maybe I should continue on through the termination process (which is

open-ended at this point). I think a feeling I'm confronting now is a lack of

trust in the process moving forward with her. With such a fundamental difference

in how we view the boundaries, I'm not sure if we can move forward at all.

>> > > > > > > > >

>> > > > > > > > > Any advice, thoughts, insights on this would be greatly

appreciated. Anyone have a similar experience?

>> > > > > > > > >

>> > > > > > > >

>> > > > > > >

>> > > > > >

>> > > > >

>> > > >

>> > > >

>> > >

>> >

>> >

>>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Ah, you are writing as a therapist, Barbara, and it's very interesting therefore to get your take on this, as well as the AAMFT's, of course.

I think I'd like to add that if I saw my therapist out with his family I would not avoid eye contact but not seek it either as I would not want to intrude! So I would give him the opportunity to make the first move if he wanted to. And I think I would (try to) make it clear by my reaction if I caught his eye that I could see he was busy.

But doesn't this apply to meeting anyone anywhere when they're with others?

The circumstances will vary from case to case.

S.

Subject: Re: Re: not sure if I should find a new therapistTo: ACT_for_the_Public Date: Friday, 3 December, 2010, 12:22

Hi --I'd like to mention a couple things.First of all, ethically, the same rules of confidentiality apply whether someone is a current or past client (ie.the therapist must not disclose any information about the therapy, or indeed that there even is/was a therapeutic relationship). And the reason a therapist leaves it up to a client (or or past client) to come over to them in public is maintain the client's confidentiality. For example, suppose a client was out in public with other people and the therapist/ex-therapist came over. If their friends ask "how do you know each other?" it puts the client in a position of of either disclosing the fact of the therapy (which they may not want to do) or lying or being evasive. The second thing thing is, ethically, a therapist is not supposed to be friends with a client after therapy is finished (the same thing goes for romantic relationships with clients). This

is for the good of the client. This isn't to say that this never happens, but it could result in the licensing board taking action against the therapist. There are a few reasons for this 'rule' but the most important one in my opinion is because it is up to the therapist to hold healthy boundaries. The therapeutic relationship is not an equal relationship in many ways. It is about the therapist taking care of the client (or it should be.) The therapist tends to be in a position of power (they know a lot about the client, the client knows little about them.) This is not in itself a bad thing -- it is appropriate for a therapist to focus on the client and not make sessions about themselves. But were the therapist to try to have a relationship out of/post therapy, this inequality would be an abuse of the power in the relationship. Now this may not be a particular issue to you, but many people have been hurt

in their lives because people who should have maintained boundaries, (ie. people in a power position) haven't. This can range from a parent making a child the caretaker in the relationship to sexual abuse. Both are abuses of power, both of them have to do with a lack of appropriate boundaries. Okay, this may be more than you are interested, and is just my take on the situation. I hope it clarifies some things for you. Ending a therapeutic relationship can be very challenging and upsetting. From my perspective, the very real issues and feelings of the termination of therapy, as well as your feelings about your ex-therapist would best be served by talking it through with another therapist (or using ACT principles to just sit with the feelings, notice them, etc.). You could contact your ex-therapist for a session to discuss your experience, but from what you disclosed about her, she doesn't seem all that

comfortable dealing with the complex feelings that come up in therapy. Of course, I view this as a shortcoming in a therapist, but we're talking about the best way to get YOUR needs met, and so I personally wouldn't want to go to an empty well. I hope this has been helpful -- take it for what it's worth.Best,Barbara W.

-- Barbara White, MFTMarriage and Family Therapistbarbarawhitetherapy.com

[Guest guest]

 

Bud,Huh!? I don't think you understand what I said or to what I was responding.  Really mundane thing I was saying but don't worry about it.,

My most humble apologies. I have only been on the ACT listserv for a week, so I think I missed the beginning of the thread. And I have only been skimming longer posts because of the volume of email. I had no context for your statement I replied to. Without context, it struck me as wrong. Again, I apologize to you. Now I understand the thread a little better and have a context for your remark.

Bud Polk

[Guest guest]

You didn't respond to my take, so I must have been way off base.

I'm sorry.

Helena Re: not sure if I should find a new therapist

So I'm facing a challenge post-therapy. I ran into my therapist the other day and she wouldn't look at me from across a room in a coffee shop. More specifically she looked at me and then looked away. And a second time when I saw her she looked away quickly and then actually turned her back to me. I'd had her not look at me before and she explained that she wasn't allowed to talk to me or anything for confidentiality reasons, which I understood. She also said that I was welcome to say anything to her if I saw her in public. I did speak to her another time in public and it was fine. But now that therapy is over, I'm confused. We didn't talk about what would happen if I saw her in public post-therapy. Adding to my confusion is the fact that I told her that I would like to get to know her more as a person if possible. I expressed that I didn't have any expectations but that I was open to that possibility. She told me a while ago that we couldn't be friends while she was my therapist. I didn't get a direct response from her on this because it was something I wrote to her on a thank you card I gave to her in our last session. So, I'm conflicted. Should I approach her and clarify things? Or should I not because I want to respect the fact that she might not be comfortable talking to me? I'm very confused. I am really not sure what to do. I guess the biggest problem is feeling like I can't be on any kind of normal, or even civil basis with someone that I've opened up to so much. I know that the therapist/client relationship is different, some might even say unnatural. But we're both humans first, and I guess the human part of me isn't sure how to live the "client" role now that therapy is over.Coming at this from an ACT perspective, I realize that running into, even approaching her isn't really a problem. I guess the problem is I don't want to intrude on her world, if that makes sense. Maybe I need to just clarify things with her and let the pieces fall where they may? And maybe I can explain to her if I approach her how I feel I need some clarity and am not sure what else to do? Or maybe I just let it all drop, confront the pain of being shut out, so to speak? I may just have to accept the fact that she isn't comfortable interacting with me now.Any thoughts?> > > > > > > > > >> > > > > > > > > > So, I've been seeing a therapist for several months at a local clinic. The clinic is run by a local university and is staffed with graduate students who are under supervision. This is all I could afford at the time and the other option I had was to see a psychologist who was booked for 2 months and I didn't want to wait.> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > For the greater part of my therapy, things have been very focused and productive. I brought in my ACT book and discussed ACT and how I've been using it, and she was not only open-minded about using ACT, she got the book herself and said that her supervisor was very interested in ACT. We worked through some of the book together.> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Throughout the process I have learned so much about myself, have really grown and begun to accept myself and explore myself for all that I am. I've learned to not judge myself or what I feel in the ways that I used to. This has been a very painful process, but a good one. For every period of pain and growth I've come out stronger and with less of a burden.> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > I've had a lot of different, positive feelings towards my therapist. I've found that these feelings were at time confusing. I've come to understand that these feelings are that of openness, connectedness, trust etc. the kinds of feelings I've felt in my very close relationships. Yet there was also a part of me that felt attracted to her at times and the fact that we have so much in common also deepend my connection and closeness to her. It seems that over time I became more aware of these positive feelings, and I was judging some of them as 'inappropriate' etc. For example, I could tell that part of me was longing for a deeper relationship with her, something outside of therapy. I kept fighting this feeling, pushing it down within myself, telling myself that it was crazy etc. What's interesting to me now is that by suppressing it, it manifested itself much more than it would have if I had just explored it straight-away.> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > I brought this up with my therapist a few times, saying that I was confused about feelings that I was having in session, my feelings of closeness and openness with her etc. Eventually, I realized that I needed to tell her matter of factly, not in the round about way that I had been. More importantly, I realized that I shouldn't judge myself for having feelings. I can see there being inappropriate actions or words, but to feel a thing is perfectly natural. Over the course of a few weeks I noticed that she seemed uncomfortable at times and even was frustrated with me. When I asked her if she had been frustrated with me in the last session, she admitted that she was. I was glad she was honest and that I could trust my instincts. She brought up termination somewhere around this time, which seemed to come out of nowhere.> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Let me be clear, I never felt in love with my therapist, or obsessed or any such thing. I only would have wanted any kind of contact or relationship outside of the office if it was something that we both wanted, and the one thing I was sure of was that my therapy was going well and that I wanted to continue it. But I needed to get this out of the way. I needed to take a leap, to be totally honest and non-judgemental towards myself and also completely open with her. This was difficult and took a lot of effort.> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > When I told her all of how I felt, I explained that I had had many different feelings in session, some of them towards her, that of connection, etc. I even said that if I was forced to lablel them (which I'm loathe to do) I would label some of them as perhaps romantic, others as platonic and that I always felt respectful of her. I also told her that I was attracted to her in many ways, that even though I didn't know her very well that I felt I had a sense of the kind of person she was. She's always been very genuine and open with me and it's fostered a sense of trust between us and I told her how important that was and how it's helped me.> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > She told me that she was uncomfortable. When she asked how I thought she might react when I thought about telling her, I said that I had hoped she might explore the feelings more deeply with me and say something like, let's work through this. When I said that, she snapped at me that she wasn't a robot. I told her that I knew she wasn't a robot but that I hoped she might help me work through it. All that I've learned about therapy (disclosure here, I'm a psychology student myself) is that opening up to one's therapist, even about how you feel towards them, can be very positive and can help deepen one's self-acceptance and self-understanding. Being able to tell someone honestly how you feel about them is definitely a good thing, though sometimes painful. She told me that she hadn't had anything like this happen before and that she would need to talk to her supervisor.> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > At the next session she basically said that she felt that my telling her about my feelings were 'inappropriate' in the way that falling for a co-worker would be, that it crossed some kind of boundary. She seemed genuinely concerned about the course of therapy, but she didn't seem to budge on this point. We discussed it for a while and I told her that I felt that telling her those things was a major step forward for me, that I had assumed we would discuss the feelings and explore them the way we have my other feelings. I also told her that through telling her about those feelings, the one's that seemed 'romantic' diminished, or to put it a different way, I began to see them differently. Sometimes actually admitting something to oneself and being honest with yourself and another can make you see things differently and more clearly. I told her that I didn't have feelings for her in the way that she took what I had said. To be honest, I'm not en tirely cle ar what it is she 'heard' me say, she wouldn't tell me that directly when I asked her. She just kept saying that she thought we'd discussed it.> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > So at this point she started talking about what was best for me, and for her. I asked what her supervisor said, and she hesitated and said that she'd had a conversation with him and that he supported her and how she felt. For the first time since I started therapy with her, I doubted whether or not she was being honest with me. I told her that I would respect her feelings and if she wanted to start termination, we would do that. Yet, I also told her that I felt it a shame that my therapy might be derailed after such a big step forward for me and that I disagreed with her about the boundary thing. I felt I had crossed no such line and that I in fact SHOULD have told her especially, since she's my therapist and she could help me work through things.> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Anyhow, the session ended with us discussing some recent progress I'd made and I agreed to meet every two weeks as opposed to every week. Yet after I got home, I began to think over the session and I can't help feel, as I felt last week, that she has made this about her somehow. After all, I'm the client. I can only assume that what I told her has triggered something in her. Her reaction was immediate and visceral. It's not as though I threatened her, but it almost feels like she felt threatened somehow. Things being what they are, I am not sure that I should continue seeing her because it seems like she's filtering everything I bring up now through the context of this event. It's as if she's hearing what she expects me to say, not what I'm saying, and that can't really work. For example, when I told her about a recent breakthrough I'd had as regards relationships generally, she told me she was hearing that I still 'had feelings' for her. I had to exp lain again, highlighting the fact that I was talking about something I'd realized GENERALLY speaking and that it wasn't about her or the feelings I'd described.> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > So, at this point, I'm not sure what to do. I have two weeks before our next scheduled appointment, but I'm feeling like this therapy has in some ways already been derailed. And I am not sure if she's going to be able to really treat me if she can't focus on me and what I'm going through. On the other hand, maybe I should continue on through the termination process (which is open-ended at this point). I think a feeling I'm confronting now is a lack of trust in the process moving forward with her. With such a fundamental difference in how we view the boundaries, I'm not sure if we can move forward at all.> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Any advice, thoughts, insights on this would be greatly appreciated. Anyone have a similar experience?> > > > > > > > > >> > > > > > > > >> > > > > > > >> > > > > > >> > > > > >> > > > > > > > > >> > > >> > > > > >> >>