Guest guest Posted December 7, 2007 Report Share Posted December 7, 2007 I haven't written about " trust " problems in a while and have kept a lot of things to myself since too many things go on. But this one I'd like to share since I'm obsessing about it. As a reminder--and for those who don't know--I have two 24-hour caregivers for my Mom in her apartment--one for 4 days and the other for 3. Mom lives 40 minutes aways from me. I visit 3-4 times a week to check on everything, bring food, movies, arrange her pills, etc, etc, etc.. The traveling is harder than it sounds (many different roads and over a toll bridge) and, when I go after work, it means I drive into Manhattan (instead of taking the railroad) and then driving in rush hour traffic. It's hectic. But I'm happy to do it. Mom has been bed-bound for 6 months. She's no longer able to do anything for herself. Thankfully, she eats well, recognizes me, and is able to have some conversation, at times. And her sense of humor is still in tact. I'm very grateful for all of this. The weekend caregiver, , has been there for almost 6 months. I'm not crazy about her (and haven't been since she started). I need to clarify. She feeds my mother well, gives her her medication and keeps her clean. And, she's intelligent. But, she wears 3 pairs of gloves, a mask and an apron most of the time. I guess she has a germ phobia. My Mom can't even see her smile most of the time. And she argues with me every chance she gets because she wants to do things her way. And she's not a warm person. She's still there because it's extremely hard (I have tried continuously) to find a weekend live-in. The other caregiver, , has been there for almost 3 months. She has a calm temperment, smiles a lot, and is very agreeable. She's much warmer towards my Mom. As an aside, I've mentioned many times that I want to move my Mom to my home. (We have a house-a high ranch--with an extra bedroom, bathroom and family room downstairs.) But many arrangements have still to be made--though I'm doing all of them. This caregiver is willing to travel to my home (which others have not been willing to do) and continue caring for my Mom. I have been very happy about that. Now for the TRUST issue. I have had to trust more than 20 different aides at different times. It has been extremely difficult. My Mom is not able to tell me if something is wrong most of the time. So I have to have blind faith in these women. And I've learned that I shouldn't have had such faith because most were not trustworthy. My first question: Why do the majority have to lie? To cut to the chase, finally. . . I have my Mom's pills prepared for the week in an organizer--and separated by days. Each day is divided in half for morning and evening. When I went on Wednesday (having been there on Monday and filled all the pills), I noticed that all of Tuesday's pills (morning and evening) as well as Wednesday's morning pills were still in the organizer. When I questioned , she said she gave my mother all of the pills and she never forgets. I asked many times and in many different ways. She finally then told me that she had " replaced " the Wednesday pills herself from the vials. When I asked her why, she said she didn't know; she just did it. After all, she said, she used to do that for other patients. When I asked her about Tuesday's pills, she just kept telling me she gave them to my Mom. I have caught her in a lie twice before (small stuff). But this is much bigger now. My Mom said that her head hurt (not a normal thing she says) and, to say the least, I am still obsessing about this. I can tell you more, but I'll stop here. I am now rushing to get things done at my home ASAP. Of course, I also have to find two new caregivers. I am probably going to take at least a month leave from work to make sure all goes well. Any comments and prayers are most welcome. Thank you all, Norma Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 7, 2007 Report Share Posted December 7, 2007 HI Norma, While the majority of caregivers are wonderful, competent people there are some less than great ones out there and putting our trust in them is a scary thing -period.. Norma, you are doing the right thing by rushing things to get your mom over to your house. Once there you can keep a better eye on things. I will say a prayer and send positive thoughts your way that your mom remains safe/healthy until the move and that once at your house you get wonderful people who will help you through this journey. For caregivers who can't make other arrangements I'm reminded of a post that sent us a while ago explaining how to go about putting cameras in the house. Something to look into if you have any nagging doubts. Best to you both, Courage Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 7, 2007 Report Share Posted December 7, 2007 Dear Courage, Thank you so much. And, yes, cameras are going to be set up in my house (something I should have done long ago in my Mom's apartment, but I was too trusting). I will continue to trust, because that's my nature. But as soon as I find out that I shouldn't, that's it. x, Norma " gaat " Sent by: To LBDcaregivers@yah <LBDcaregivers > oogroups.com cc Subject 12/07/2007 09:21 Re: Trust AM Please respond to LBDcaregivers@yah oogroups.com HI Norma, While the majority of caregivers are wonderful, competent people there are some less than great ones out there and putting our trust in them is a scary thing -period.. Norma, you are doing the right thing by rushing things to get your mom over to your house. Once there you can keep a better eye on things. I will say a prayer and send positive thoughts your way that your mom remains safe/healthy until the move and that once at your house you get wonderful people who will help you through this journey. For caregivers who can't make other arrangements I'm reminded of a post that sent us a while ago explaining how to go about putting cameras in the house. Something to look into if you have any nagging doubts. Best to you both, Courage Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 7, 2007 Report Share Posted December 7, 2007 I hear you on that! Re: Trust Dear Courage, Thank you so much. And, yes, cameras are going to be set up in my house (something I should have done long ago in my Mom's apartment, but I was too trusting). I will continue to trust, because that's my nature. But as soon as I find out that I shouldn't, that's it. x, Norma " gaat " Sent by: To LBDcaregivers@yah <LBDcaregivers > oogroups.com cc Subject 12/07/2007 09:21 Re: Trust AM Please respond to LBDcaregivers@yah oogroups.com HI Norma, While the majority of caregivers are wonderful, competent people there are some less than great ones out there and putting our trust in them is a scary thing -period.. Norma, you are doing the right thing by rushing things to get your mom over to your house. Once there you can keep a better eye on things. I will say a prayer and send positive thoughts your way that your mom remains safe/healthy until the move and that once at your house you get wonderful people who will help you through this journey. For caregivers who can't make other arrangements I'm reminded of a post that sent us a while ago explaining how to go about putting cameras in the house. Something to look into if you have any nagging doubts. Best to you both, Courage Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 7, 2007 Report Share Posted December 7, 2007 It is tough to trust strangers esp. when you are not around daily to monitor the goings on. Perhaps you should make the prescription bottles secure in some way so that the aide does not have access. It is my bet that she just didn't bother to give your mother the meds. The germ phobia must also be a source of irritation. It is difficult to find good help these days and probably even harder in an urban setting. Norma, you are being a wonderful daughter and God should bless you richly for your kindness to your mother. Leona Re: Trust I haven't written about " trust " problems in a while and have kept a lot of things to myself since too many things go on. But this one I'd like to share since I'm obsessing about it. As a reminder--and for those who don't know--I have two 24-hour caregivers for my Mom in her apartment--one for 4 days and the other for 3. Mom lives 40 minutes aways from me. I visit 3-4 times a week to check on everything, bring food, movies, arrange her pills, etc, etc, etc.. The traveling is harder than it sounds (many different roads and over a toll bridge) and, when I go after work, it means I drive into Manhattan (instead of taking the railroad) and then driving in rush hour traffic. It's hectic. But I'm happy to do it. Mom has been bed-bound for 6 months. She's no longer able to do anything for herself. Thankfully, she eats well, recognizes me, and is able to have some conversation, at times. And her sense of humor is still in tact. I'm very grateful for all of this. The weekend caregiver, , has been there for almost 6 months. I'm not crazy about her (and haven't been since she started). I need to clarify. She feeds my mother well, gives her her medication and keeps her clean. And, she's intelligent. But, she wears 3 pairs of gloves, a mask and an apron most of the time. I guess she has a germ phobia. My Mom can't even see her smile most of the time. And she argues with me every chance she gets because she wants to do things her way. And she's not a warm person. She's still there because it's extremely hard (I have tried continuously) to find a weekend live-in. The other caregiver, , has been there for almost 3 months. She has a calm temperment, smiles a lot, and is very agreeable. She's much warmer towards my Mom. As an aside, I've mentioned many times that I want to move my Mom to my home. (We have a house-a high ranch--with an extra bedroom, bathroom and family room downstairs.) But many arrangements have still to be made--though I'm doing all of them. This caregiver is willing to travel to my home (which others have not been willing to do) and continue caring for my Mom. I have been very happy about that. Now for the TRUST issue. I have had to trust more than 20 different aides at different times. It has been extremely difficult. My Mom is not able to tell me if something is wrong most of the time. So I have to have blind faith in these women. And I've learned that I shouldn't have had such faith because most were not trustworthy. My first question: Why do the majority have to lie? To cut to the chase, finally. . . I have my Mom's pills prepared for the week in an organizer--and separated by days. Each day is divided in half for morning and evening. When I went on Wednesday (having been there on Monday and filled all the pills), I noticed that all of Tuesday's pills (morning and evening) as well as Wednesday's morning pills were still in the organizer. When I questioned , she said she gave my mother all of the pills and she never forgets. I asked many times and in many different ways. She finally then told me that she had " replaced " the Wednesday pills herself from the vials. When I asked her why, she said she didn't know; she just did it. After all, she said, she used to do that for other patients. When I asked her about Tuesday's pills, she just kept telling me she gave them to my Mom. I have caught her in a lie twice before (small stuff). But this is much bigger now. My Mom said that her head hurt (not a normal thing she says) and, to say the least, I am still obsessing about this. I can tell you more, but I'll stop here. I am now rushing to get things done at my home ASAP. Of course, I also have to find two new caregivers. I am probably going to take at least a month leave from work to make sure all goes well. Any comments and prayers are most welcome. Thank you all, Norma Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 8, 2007 Report Share Posted December 8, 2007 And precious caregiver, may you always be blessed with good families. You are a prize that everyone wants for their LO. Love a bunch, Imogene In a message dated 12/8/2007 12:14:03 PM Central Standard Time, yjama7@... writes: Good Morning Imogene, Thanks and yes we need to know that are LO are having the best of care. Just reading some of those posting yesterday Really Hit Home I can't imagine someone feeling that way about there caregiver. It's different for me I guess because I always seem to get a patient were the family isn't really involved. I have nothing to hide. Sometime I feel like I get to " comfortable " however, I am like a family member. Have a great week-end. **************************************Check out AOL's list of 2007's hottest products. (http://money.aol.com/special/hot-products-2007?NCID=aoltop00030000000001) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 11, 2007 Report Share Posted December 11, 2007 Norma, Sending you good thoughts and prayers. I sure hope you can get your Mom moved to your house. Sounds like her one caregiver hasn't figured out it isn't catching! And she just has to give your Mom her meds! It sure isn't the same as saying the aide didn't get the dishes washed. Consistency of drugs are important. Hope your catching her " stories, " which doesn't make any sense at all. will increase her giving your Mom her meds. Hugs, Donna R Caregave for Mom (after I brought her from WI to MI) for 3 years and 4th year in a nh. She was almost 89 when she died in '02. No dx other than mine. Re: Trust I haven't written about " trust " problems in a while and have kept a lot of things to myself since too many things go on. But this one I'd like to share since I'm obsessing about it. As a reminder--and for those who don't know--I have two 24-hour caregivers for my Mom in her apartment--one for 4 days and the other for 3. Mom lives 40 minutes aways from me. I visit 3-4 times a week to check on everything, bring food, movies, arrange her pills, etc, etc, etc.. The traveling is harder than it sounds (many different roads and over a toll bridge) and, when I go after work, it means I drive into Manhattan (instead of taking the railroad) and then driving in rush hour traffic. It's hectic. But I'm happy to do it. Mom has been bed-bound for 6 months. She's no longer able to do anything for herself. Thankfully, she eats well, recognizes me, and is able to have some conversation, at times. And her sense of humor is still in tact. I'm very grateful for all of this. The weekend caregiver, , has been there for almost 6 months. I'm not crazy about her (and haven't been since she started). I need to clarify. She feeds my mother well, gives her her medication and keeps her clean. And, she's intelligent. But, she wears 3 pairs of gloves, a mask and an apron most of the time. I guess she has a germ phobia. My Mom can't even see her smile most of the time. And she argues with me every chance she gets because she wants to do things her way. And she's not a warm person. She's still there because it's extremely hard (I have tried continuously) to find a weekend live-in. The other caregiver, , has been there for almost 3 months. She has a calm temperment, smiles a lot, and is very agreeable. She's much warmer towards my Mom. As an aside, I've mentioned many times that I want to move my Mom to my home. (We have a house-a high ranch--with an extra bedroom, bathroom and family room downstairs.) But many arrangements have still to be made--though I'm doing all of them. This caregiver is willing to travel to my home (which others have not been willing to do) and continue caring for my Mom. I have been very happy about that. Now for the TRUST issue. I have had to trust more than 20 different aides at different times. It has been extremely difficult. My Mom is not able to tell me if something is wrong most of the time. So I have to have blind faith in these women. And I've learned that I shouldn't have had such faith because most were not trustworthy. My first question: Why do the majority have to lie? To cut to the chase, finally. . . I have my Mom's pills prepared for the week in an organizer--and separated by days. Each day is divided in half for morning and evening. When I went on Wednesday (having been there on Monday and filled all the pills), I noticed that all of Tuesday's pills (morning and evening) as well as Wednesday's morning pills were still in the organizer. When I questioned , she said she gave my mother all of the pills and she never forgets. I asked many times and in many different ways. She finally then told me that she had " replaced " the Wednesday pills herself from the vials. When I asked her why, she said she didn't know; she just did it. After all, she said, she used to do that for other patients. When I asked her about Tuesday's pills, she just kept telling me she gave them to my Mom. I have caught her in a lie twice before (small stuff). But this is much bigger now. My Mom said that her head hurt (not a normal thing she says) and, to say the least, I am still obsessing about this. I can tell you more, but I'll stop here. I am now rushing to get things done at my home ASAP. Of course, I also have to find two new caregivers. I am probably going to take at least a month leave from work to make sure all goes well. Any comments and prayers are most welcome. Thank you all, Norma Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 11, 2007 Report Share Posted December 11, 2007 Donna & Leona (and whoever else may have answered!), Thanks so much for your words. They're very appreciated. Leona, I never received your post till just now when I scrolled down on Donna's reply. Thank you very much! I'm wondering if I may have missed others. It seems to happen often. All the best everyone, Norma " Donna Mido " <twomido@... t> To Sent by: LBDcaregivers LBDcaregivers@yah cc oogroups.com Subject RE: Trust 12/11/2007 09:06 AM Please respond to LBDcaregivers@yah oogroups.com Norma, Sending you good thoughts and prayers. I sure hope you can get your Mom moved to your house. Sounds like her one caregiver hasn't figured out it isn't catching! And she just has to give your Mom her meds! It sure isn't the same as saying the aide didn't get the dishes washed. Consistency of drugs are important. Hope your catching her " stories, " which doesn't make any sense at all. will increase her giving your Mom her meds. Hugs, Donna R Caregave for Mom (after I brought her from WI to MI) for 3 years and 4th year in a nh. She was almost 89 when she died in '02. No dx other than mine. Re: Trust I haven't written about " trust " problems in a while and have kept a lot of things to myself since too many things go on. But this one I'd like to share since I'm obsessing about it. As a reminder--and for those who don't know--I have two 24-hour caregivers for my Mom in her apartment--one for 4 days and the other for 3. Mom lives 40 minutes aways from me. I visit 3-4 times a week to check on everything, bring food, movies, arrange her pills, etc, etc, etc.. The traveling is harder than it sounds (many different roads and over a toll bridge) and, when I go after work, it means I drive into Manhattan (instead of taking the railroad) and then driving in rush hour traffic. It's hectic. But I'm happy to do it. Mom has been bed-bound for 6 months. She's no longer able to do anything for herself. Thankfully, she eats well, recognizes me, and is able to have some conversation, at times. And her sense of humor is still in tact. I'm very grateful for all of this. The weekend caregiver, , has been there for almost 6 months. I'm not crazy about her (and haven't been since she started). I need to clarify. She feeds my mother well, gives her her medication and keeps her clean. And, she's intelligent. But, she wears 3 pairs of gloves, a mask and an apron most of the time. I guess she has a germ phobia. My Mom can't even see her smile most of the time. And she argues with me every chance she gets because she wants to do things her way. And she's not a warm person. She's still there because it's extremely hard (I have tried continuously) to find a weekend live-in. The other caregiver, , has been there for almost 3 months. She has a calm temperment, smiles a lot, and is very agreeable. She's much warmer towards my Mom. As an aside, I've mentioned many times that I want to move my Mom to my home. (We have a house-a high ranch--with an extra bedroom, bathroom and family room downstairs.) But many arrangements have still to be made--though I'm doing all of them. This caregiver is willing to travel to my home (which others have not been willing to do) and continue caring for my Mom. I have been very happy about that. Now for the TRUST issue. I have had to trust more than 20 different aides at different times. It has been extremely difficult. My Mom is not able to tell me if something is wrong most of the time. So I have to have blind faith in these women. And I've learned that I shouldn't have had such faith because most were not trustworthy. My first question: Why do the majority have to lie? To cut to the chase, finally. . . I have my Mom's pills prepared for the week in an organizer--and separated by days. Each day is divided in half for morning and evening. When I went on Wednesday (having been there on Monday and filled all the pills), I noticed that all of Tuesday's pills (morning and evening) as well as Wednesday's morning pills were still in the organizer. When I questioned , she said she gave my mother all of the pills and she never forgets. I asked many times and in many different ways. She finally then told me that she had " replaced " the Wednesday pills herself from the vials. When I asked her why, she said she didn't know; she just did it. After all, she said, she used to do that for other patients. When I asked her about Tuesday's pills, she just kept telling me she gave them to my Mom. I have caught her in a lie twice before (small stuff). But this is much bigger now. My Mom said that her head hurt (not a normal thing she says) and, to say the least, I am still obsessing about this. I can tell you more, but I'll stop here. I am now rushing to get things done at my home ASAP. Of course, I also have to find two new caregivers. I am probably going to take at least a month leave from work to make sure all goes well. Any comments and prayers are most welcome. Thank you all, Norma Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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