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[Guest guest]

Hi,

I was wondering if anyone could make any sense of a situation I find myself in.

Since my wife and I moved into the town we lived in 3 years ago we have known a

couple who we often spend time with. They are lovely people and they have been

extraordinarily generous to us. The problem is that I find them really boring

and I sink into a dark mood whenever they invite us for lunch, dinner or to go

away for a trip. I can handle the emotions (Just about), and function quite

normally. They tend to not have many opinions about anything so I find that my

wife and I talk a lot (Of nonsense) when we are with them. I value their

friendship on one level but on another my mind tells me stuff like ¡®They are so

boring¡¯, and, ¡®I could be doing much more useful and more interesting things

now¡¯.

I have read that psychological pain and avoidance (I will avoid going out to

lunch if possible), indicates values are nearby but in this situation I¡¯m

confused-what can this tell me about my values? To be honest, I feel that the

pain is maybe pain of absence ¨Cthe absence of doing something much more

interesting. I find it incredibly difficult to be assertive with them because

they are just so nice to us and I do think they are nice people. When it comes

to accepting or declining one of their invitations I tend to face a dilemma. My

mind tells me that I should assert myself and not do something if I don¡¯t want

to but at the same time it also tells me that there is no big deal about hanging

out with them if it makes them and my wife happy (My wife loves them). So, it

seems to be a clash of values or something. Can any one make any sense of this?

Any advice would be gratefully received. This sounds like a small problem but it

stirs up hellish emotions so I¡¯d like to get to the bottom of it.