Re: Re: PREJUDICES and response-ability

[Guest guest]

I often wonder why it is that some people seem to have no problems dealing with this sort of thing and others (myself included) do. It's as if those people have an assertiveness "gene"! I would love to hear from people on the list how they deal with these situations, especially those who are "good" at being assertive!I have managed to become more assertive in these sort of situations as I've got older, but it is still a huge issue for me. It seems to come down to need for approval, worrying about what others think of me. Of all the things I could change about myself - that would be number one!KateIf I'm in the car as a passenger, I can saysomething like "I'm feeling uncomfortable at how close we are tothe car ahead of us, can we maybe back off a little?" Even this ishard, because it feels so uncomfortable to say anything. So therehave been times when I haven't said anything and later wish I had.

[Guest guest]

Kate, I do think assertiveness come more "naturally" to some people. I think a lack of assertiveness can be a trait that may come from ones genes, or it can reflect a lack of confidence in yourself. As a young adult, I was not at all assertive. Somehow, as my life progressed, I realized that I didn't want to allow people to take advantage of me, so I read some books on assertiveness, attended a class on how to be assertive, etc. With continued practice, it soon became a part of my personality,although it was difficult for a long time. Often, what works best for me is to express a sense of humor when I am being assertive. If I were in that car, I might say, "Hey, are you trying to kill me or something?" followed by a big laugh and "Seriously, aren't we traveling a little too close to the car in front of us?" The driver will probably respond with "You're right; thanks for telling me." Humor helps in a lot of situations!

Helena

Re: Re: PREJUDICES and response-ability

I often wonder why it is that some people seem to have no problems dealing with this sort of thing and others (myself included) do. It's as if those people have an assertiveness "gene"! I would love to hear from people on the list how they deal with these situations, especially those who are "good" at being assertive! I have managed to become more assertive in these sort of situations as I've got older, but it is still a huge issue for me. It seems to come down to need for approval, worrying about what others think of me. Of all the things I could change about myself - that would be number one!

Kate

If I'm in the car as a passenger, I can saysomething like "I'm feeling uncomfortable at how close we are tothe car ahead of us, can we maybe back off a little?" Even this ishard, because it feels so uncomfortable to say anything. So therehave been times when I haven't said anything and later wish I had.