Re: A.C.T at crisis point

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

Welcome! Yes ... life an get so overwhelming that we don't know where to begin or end with ACT, or anything. We just want to scream and hide under the covers.

Can you give an example of what you mean when you say you "slip back into old ways." We all do that from time to time, and it isn't always the pits. How is it causing trouble? Is the trouble from something you're doing, or something ourside of your control?

And you say " I feel that no matter what i do i upset everyone around me by just being me." Is that true, or just what your thoughts are telling you? And, yes, I often feel that way.

Please don't worry about offending or saying the wrong thing. I'm the queen of that, and I'm still here!

You made a brave start by posting here.

Helena

A.C.T at crisis point

Hi Everybody, I hope you are all well.First of all I would just like to say I would like to write back to other peoples' posts instead just asking for advice, there is so much i read on here and i do want to reply but i always feel i am going to offend someone or say the wrong thing. So as of yet I haven't. yes, my mind demons telling me stories agian, so something i will have to A.C.T on. One thing at a time tho , lol.Anyway, I am just wondering if anybody has the same problem(s) that I am having at the moment..1). I seem to have become a little lost with A.C.T lately. I have been under alot of stress recently and so feel at crisis point but I don't know where to begin applying A.C.T. anyone farmiliar with this?2)(and this is the thing at the heart of the crisis point right now) I feel that no matter what i do i upset everyone around me by just being me. Drama afer drama seems to happen everywhere i go. After a bipolar diagnosis 2.5 years ago and a lot of therapy (Transactional analysis and C.B.T mainly) I began to see why this was and set about working on these "faults". I have been rebuilding my life since the diagnosis and was begining to see changes for the better (especially since picking up A.C.T) But now I feel that the same thing is starting all over again and i'm letting the "new improved me" slip back into old ways and so it's causing trouble (again). Again does anyone out there feel this way?Also,what does A.C.T have to say about this?

[Guest guest]

Hi

I can really identify with your fears and reluctance to reply to posts. I tend

to compose replies in my head and there is always something wrong with them so I

hold back and then the moment is gone - usually someone has said what I wanted

to say but done a better job of it! I admire people like Helena who give so

readily and generously of their thoughts in good faith and in spite of the risk

of being misunderstood.

In regards to your 'problems'

1) When stress builds up to crisis point, I use it as an opportunity to go back

to basics. It is great material for getting in contact with the present moment,

really feeling what is there, sitting with, allowing, expanding around the

stress feelings. Where is it in my body? What does it feel like - size, shape,

colour - all those things, noticing any thoughts it brings up and defusing

around these. Whatever you can manage, even if it is fleeting moments of

getting present, is really valuable practice in the face of something so big and

overwhelming. Stress can be an opportunity to apply ACT rather than a barrier,

you just have to approach it without expectations.

2) Long standing patterns like " no matter what I do I upset everyone.... " etc

often provide the best juicy material to work with ACT because there can be

habitual thoughts and feelings involved that are so ingrained that they are not

usually noticed. Mindful, compassionate observations of your reactions when a

drama comes up may bring something new into awareness. Whatever thoughts you

notice (eg it is bad to upset people), give you something to practise defusing

from. Whatever feelings you open up to feel in the present moment, give you the

opportunity to integrate a part of your experience that you may have been

pushing away for a long time, back into your whole being.

In regards to slipping back into old ways, my experience has been that the mind

is very tricky and tends to hold onto what it is familiar with. Whenever some

change is made, sooner or later there is a rebellion, the mind trying to return

to its default mode. The challenge is to ride it out, knowing that time and

effort will be needed to entrench habits, remembering that the difficulties are

a natural expression of our neurology. If our brains could change too freely

and easily it would be hard to hold onto a continuous sense of self. So

congratulate yourself on progress made, expect the journey to be undulating, and

have compassion for your inevitable regressions.

Best wishes for your journey

Sent from my iPad

[Guest guest]

Hi Helena, thankyou for your reply,

Thankyou for the welcome too, thats nice to hear. Yes, indeed life does make us want to retreat to hiding under the covers and letting rip by screaming and venting.

However, not so productive for leading and A.C.T.ive life.

An example of "slipping back into old ways" would be not communicating my feelings assertvively enough, i.e i either get into a rage and "go for the jugular"or i'm a nervous wreck at speaking (so i don't stand up for myself and give into what others want to please them, the old people pleasing again) or i put off sorting out issues with family and friends because im affraid of conflict. then i make excuses and hide myself away from my family.

However, I feel there is alot of this within my family (miss communication and anger ect) so I think it is half within my control and half outside of it as I can only work on my actions, ofcourse.

The biggest one is that i get defensive, which i'm working very hard on by being more open and looking at objectively from other peoples' points of view.This is working wonders with my partner but not so much with my family as I feel manipulated in that area.

Now i love my family to bits, as we all do, and this is NOT me putting them down, rather that I am trying to learn what I can do by using A.C.T to help when such feelings arise from certain situations. I FEEL and THINK there is a power struggle and an element of control here and what I ended up saying is "I can't do anything right to please you guys". To this response I am told that I am as bad as my dad and that's what he says also.

So, i feel that some of it is my doing (i.e my thoughts and feelings response to the situations) and some of it is out of my control.

p.s- "the queen of saying the wrong thing" made me smile-i can identify with that and i found comfort in you saying it = )

To: ACT for the Public <ACT_for_the_Public >Sent: Fri, 17 December, 2010 23:45:04Subject: Re: A.C.T at crisis point

Hi ,

Welcome! Yes ... life an get so overwhelming that we don't know where to begin or end with ACT, or anything. We just want to scream and hide under the covers.

Can you give an example of what you mean when you say you "slip back into old ways." We all do that from time to time, and it isn't always the pits. How is it causing trouble? Is the trouble from something you're doing, or something ourside of your control?

And you say " I feel that no matter what i do i upset everyone around me by just being me." Is that true, or just what your thoughts are telling you? And, yes, I often feel that way.

Please don't worry about offending or saying the wrong thing. I'm the queen of that, and I'm still here!

You made a brave start by posting here.

Helena

A.C.T at crisis point

Hi Everybody, I hope you are all well.First of all I would just like to say I would like to write back to other peoples' posts instead just asking for advice, there is so much i read on here and i do want to reply but i always feel i am going to offend someone or say the wrong thing. So as of yet I haven't. yes, my mind demons telling me stories agian, so something i will have to A.C.T on. One thing at a time tho , lol.Anyway, I am just wondering if anybody has the same problem(s) that I am having at the moment..1). I seem to have become a little lost with A.C.T lately. I have been under alot of stress recently and so feel at crisis point but I don't know where to begin applying A.C.T. anyone farmiliar with this?2)(and this is the thing at the heart of the crisis point right now) I feel that no matter what i do i upset

everyone around me by just being me. Drama afer drama seems to happen everywhere i go. After a bipolar diagnosis 2.5 years ago and a lot of therapy (Transactional analysis and C.B.T mainly) I began to see why this was and set about working on these "faults". I have been rebuilding my life since the diagnosis and was begining to see changes for the better (especially since picking up A.C.T) But now I feel that the same thing is starting all over again and i'm letting the "new improved me" slip back into old ways and so it's causing trouble (again). Again does anyone out there feel this way?Also,what does A.C.T have to say about this?

[Guest guest]

Hi Helena, thankyou for your advice, I think the gnat analogy works well, I will try to apply that and also practice expansion as I know that even seeing this person will have me feeling very phyisically anxious. I think I felt I had to choose between not avoiding a discussion and sticking to my values and goal of finding a job. That has answered my question as I won't be avoiding the discussion but just prioritising a goal over it at that particular time. So far I have been practicing expansion to do this and it has helped, the more I do the better I will get at it. I will now apply this and let you know. You have put my head straight on this one so thanks again = )Have you had any luck with the dog walking and meeting people?

To: ACT for the Public <ACT_for_the_Public >Sent: Tue, 21 December, 2010 12:39:21Subject: Re: A.C.T at crisis point

wrote:

I am now concious that I mite bump into this particular family memeber whilst handing out job application forms this afternoon. My issue is this- do I ingore them as I Know that another discussion will result in me being so stressed/upset that I will not be in the right frame of mind to hand out job application forms (things like this totally throw me and i can bearly have a conversation, let alone come across well to potential employers) OR, do I enter into the same discussion and again as with friday assert how i feel and then use expansion afterwards but forgoe the job hunting until another day?I'm finding this tricky because either way i'm buying into shoulds and avoidance and control techniques and no amount of defusing that I can do on my own is seeming to provide an answer.

Hi ,

In the above situation, I don't see why you would have to enter into a conversation with this family member while you are handing out job applications. If he starts up the discussion again, couldn't you say that you're focusing on your job search right now and prefer to keep your energies on that? It takes two to carry a conversation, and you don't have to participate in one at an inconvenient time. Stay focused on your values and your current goal, which is finding a job. Like your partner noted, you can stay calm and stand your ground, so this would just be another opportunity to practice that. Stay in the moment and let those annoying, scary thought of being sabotaged and manipulated while job searching just be there in the background, while you go about your business. Think of them as gnats flitting around in your mind; annoying but not very powerful -- or whatever imagery

works for you. Let us know how it goes, ok?

Helena A.C.T at crisis point

Hi Everybody, I hope you are all well.First of all I would just like to say I would like to write back to other peoples' posts instead just asking for advice, there is so much i read on here and i do want to reply but i always feel i am going to offend someone or say the wrong thing. So as of yet I haven't. yes, my mind demons telling me stories agian, so something i will have to A.C.T on. One thing at a time tho , lol.Anyway, I am just wondering if anybody has the same problem(s) that I am having at the moment..1). I seem to have become a little lost with A.C.T lately. I have been under alot of stress recently and so

feel at crisis point but I don't know where to begin applying A.C.T. anyone farmiliar with this?2)(and this is the thing at the heart of the crisis point right now) I feel that no matter what i do i upset everyone around me by just being me. Drama afer drama seems to happen everywhere i go. After a bipolar diagnosis 2.5 years ago and a lot of therapy (Transactional analysis and C.B.T mainly) I began to see why this was and set about working on these "faults". I have been rebuilding my life since the diagnosis and was begining to see changes for the better (especially since picking up A.C.T) But now I feel that the same thing is starting all over again and i'm letting the "new improved me" slip back into old ways and

so it's causing trouble (again). Again does anyone out there feel this way?Also,what does A.C.T have to say about this?

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

Sounds like you are doing great by not avoiding what triggers your anxiety, but choosing to act toward your values in spite of that! I hope you will soon find the job you are seeking.

I haven't done anything yet except make some phone calls about joining the choir or dog walking/pet sitting. I plan to visit a couple of local churches to see which one has the best choir or the most comfortable atmosphere for me. Also, I will develop a plan for getting a pet sitting business going. I want to focus on birds instead of dogs since there is a real shortage of bird caretakers in this area. If I could advertise that I personally own birds and understand their unique needs, I bet I could get a lot of clients. I might have to travel further, but I would include that in my charge.

Thanks for asking. I need to stay on track with my intentions and commitments!

By the way, I can't ride a bike because my knees can't handle it, but thanks for the suggestions anyway.

Helena

A.C.T at crisis point

Hi Everybody, I hope you are all well.First of all I would just like to say I would like to write back to other peoples' posts instead just asking for advice, there is so much i read on here and i do want to reply but i always feel i am going to offend someone or say the wrong thing. So as of yet I haven't. yes, my mind demons telling me stories agian, so something i will have to A.C.T on. One thing at a time tho , lol.Anyway, I am just wondering if anybody has the same problem(s) that I am having at the moment..1). I seem to have become a little lost with A.C.T lately. I have been under alot of stress recently and so feel at crisis point but I don't know where to begin applying A.C.T. anyone farmiliar with this?2)(and this is the thing at the heart of the crisis point right now) I feel that no matter what i do i upset everyone around me by just being me. Drama afer drama seems to happen everywhere i go. After a bipolar diagnosis 2.5 years ago and a lot of therapy (Transactional analysis and C.B.T mainly) I began to see why this was and set about working on these "faults". I have been rebuilding my life since the diagnosis and was begining to see changes for the better (especially since picking up A.C.T) But now I feel that the same thing is starting all over again and i'm letting the "new improved me" slip back into old ways and so it's causing trouble (again). Again does anyone out there feel this way?Also,what does A.C.T have to say about this?

[Guest guest]

Helena - I assume all of those things you are going to do are written down on a list with firm commitment dates. BillTo: ACT_for_the_Public From: hbbr@...Date: Wed, 22 Dec 2010 12:25:28 +0000Subject: Re: A.C.T at crisis point

Hi ,

Sounds like you are doing great by not avoiding what triggers your anxiety, but choosing to act toward your values in spite of that! I hope you will soon find the job you are seeking.

I haven't done anything yet except make some phone calls about joining the choir or dog walking/pet sitting. I plan to visit a couple of local churches to see which one has the best choir or the most comfortable atmosphere for me. Also, I will develop a plan for getting a pet sitting business going. I want to focus on birds instead of dogs since there is a real shortage of bird caretakers in this area. If I could advertise that I personally own birds and understand their unique needs, I bet I could get a lot of clients. I might have to travel further, but I would include that in my charge.

Thanks for asking. I need to stay on track with my intentions and commitments!

By the way, I can't ride a bike because my knees can't handle it, but thanks for the suggestions anyway.

Helena

A.C.T at crisis point

Hi Everybody, I hope you are all well.First of all I would just like to say I would like to write back to other peoples' posts instead just asking for advice, there is so much i read on here and i do want to reply but i always feel i am going to offend someone or say the wrong thing. So as of yet I haven't. yes, my mind demons telling me stories agian, so something i will have to A.C.T on. One thing at a time tho , lol.Anyway, I am just wondering if anybody has the same problem(s) that I am having at the moment..1). I seem to have become a little lost with A.C.T lately. I have been under alot of stress recently and so feel at crisis point but I don't know where to begin applying A.C.T. anyone farmiliar with this?2)(and this is the thing at the heart of the crisis point right now) I feel that no matter what i do i upset everyone around me by just being me. Drama afer drama seems to happen everywhere i go. After a bipolar diagnosis 2.5 years ago and a lot of therapy (Transactional analysis and C.B.T mainly) I began to see why this was and set about working on these "faults". I have been rebuilding my life since the diagnosis and was begining to see changes for the better (especially since picking up A.C.T) But now I feel that the same thing is starting all over again and i'm letting the "new improved me" slip back into old ways and so it's causing trouble (again). Again does anyone out there feel this way?Also,what does A.C.T have to say about this?

[Guest guest]

You assume incorrectly. But, yessir, I will do that : )

Helena

A.C.T at crisis point

Hi Everybody, I hope you are all well.First of all I would just like to say I would like to write back to other peoples' posts instead just asking for advice, there is so much i read on here and i do want to reply but i always feel i am going to offend someone or say the wrong thing. So as of yet I haven't. yes, my mind demons telling me stories agian, so something i will have to A.C.T on. One thing at a time tho , lol.Anyway, I am just wondering if anybody has the same problem(s) that I am having at the moment..1). I seem to have become a little lost with A.C.T lately. I have been under alot of stress recently and so feel at crisis point but I don't know where to begin applying A.C.T. anyone farmiliar with this?2)(and this is the thing at the heart of the crisis point right now) I feel that no matter what i do i upset everyone around me by just being me. Drama afer drama seems to happen everywhere i go. After a bipolar diagnosis 2.5 years ago and a lot of therapy (Transactional analysis and C.B.T mainly) I began to see why this was and set about working on these "faults". I have been rebuilding my life since the diagnosis and was begining to see changes for the better (especially since picking up A.C.T) But now I feel that the same thing is starting all over again and i'm letting the "new improved me" slip back into old ways and so it's causing trouble (again). Again does anyone out there feel this way?Also,what does A.C.T have to say about this?

[Guest guest]

Hi Helena,

A bird sitting buisness! what an origional idea. yeah i bet you would get quite alot of buiness by the sounds of it.Including the travel coss in your charge would sort the gasoline matter too for work. Good luck and keep us informed. Thats a shame about your knees but somethings can't be helped. Good for you though for having a browse around local quiors. I hope you find one that fits what you are loking for.

I've just found a little part time job in a nightclub. I start newyear.woo. But I will keep practicing the techniques as an when I can.

Thankyou for your advice and kind words its been of great help. I hope you have a merry xmas and a happy new year = )

To: ACT for the Public <ACT_for_the_Public >Sent: Wed, 22 December, 2010 12:25:28Subject: Re: A.C.T at crisis point

Hi ,

Sounds like you are doing great by not avoiding what triggers your anxiety, but choosing to act toward your values in spite of that! I hope you will soon find the job you are seeking.

I haven't done anything yet except make some phone calls about joining the choir or dog walking/pet sitting. I plan to visit a couple of local churches to see which one has the best choir or the most comfortable atmosphere for me. Also, I will develop a plan for getting a pet sitting business going. I want to focus on birds instead of dogs since there is a real shortage of bird caretakers in this area. If I could advertise that I personally own birds and understand their unique needs, I bet I could get a lot of clients. I might have to travel further, but I would include that in my charge.

Thanks for asking. I need to stay on track with my intentions and commitments!

By the way, I can't ride a bike because my knees can't handle it, but thanks for the suggestions anyway.

Helena

A.C.T at crisis point

Hi Everybody, I hope you are all well.First of all I would just like to say I would like to write back to other peoples' posts instead just asking for advice, there is so much i read on here and i do want to reply but i always feel i am going to offend someone or say the wrong thing. So as of yet I haven't. yes, my mind demons telling me stories agian, so something i will have to A.C.T on. One thing at a time tho , lol.Anyway, I am just wondering if anybody has the same problem(s) that I am having at the moment..1). I seem to have become a little lost with A.C.T lately. I have been under alot of stress recently and so

feel at crisis point but I don't know where to begin applying A.C.T. anyone farmiliar with this?2)(and this is the thing at the heart of the crisis point right now) I feel that no matter what i do i upset everyone around me by just being me. Drama afer drama seems to happen everywhere i go. After a bipolar diagnosis 2.5 years ago and a lot of therapy (Transactional analysis and C.B.T mainly) I began to see why this was and set about working on these "faults". I have been rebuilding my life since the diagnosis and was begining to see changes for the better (especially since picking up A.C.T) But now I feel that the same thing is starting all over again and i'm letting the "new improved me" slip back into old ways and

so it's causing trouble (again). Again does anyone out there feel this way?Also,what does A.C.T have to say about this?