My stress levels just went down 100 points!

[Guest guest]

We just heard that my husband's ex and his step daughter are moving

8 hours away in July. This has totally lowered my stress levels!

Her mother seems to think that we are her built in free babysitting

service that is on call to her. My husband accepts this because he

is afraid that if he tells her no then her mother won't let him see

her again and he isnt her bio dad so there isnt much that he can do

if she does that.

Anyway we both have a feeling that once we arent useful as the

babysitting service then we wont hear from her again until she needs

something. She is just like that.

I am so glad that I can live with that much less stress. It was

causing alot of tension between my husband and I. I couldnt

understand why he would want to hang on to something that wasnt his

and her mother was just using him!

Christie

[Guest guest]

He loves her (the step daughter) - simple as that.

Rita

My stress levels just went down 100 points!

> We just heard that my husband's ex and his step daughter are moving

> 8 hours away in July. This has totally lowered my stress levels!

> Her mother seems to think that we are her built in free babysitting

> service that is on call to her. My husband accepts this because he

> is afraid that if he tells her no then her mother won't let him see

> her again and he isnt her bio dad so there isnt much that he can do

> if she does that.

> Anyway we both have a feeling that once we arent useful as the

> babysitting service then we wont hear from her again until she needs

> something. She is just like that.

> I am so glad that I can live with that much less stress. It was

> causing alot of tension between my husband and I. I couldnt

> understand why he would want to hang on to something that wasnt his

> and her mother was just using him!

> Christie

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

True. Maybe I am being to harsh. I have had children

live with me from the time they are babies on to older

ages and then go home to their parents. I love them,

but I also realize that they are NOT my children. I

accept that and move on with life. I just dont see why

he cant do the same. Pining over a child that is not

yours and her mother will always hold that " carrot " in

front of your face to get exactly what she wants from

you.

Christie

--- Rita Pennington wrote:

---------------------------------

He loves her (the step daughter) - simple as that.

Rita

My stress levels just went down

100 points!

> We just heard that my husband's ex and his step

daughter are moving

> 8 hours away in July. This has totally lowered my

stress levels!

> Her mother seems to think that we are her built in

free babysitting

> service that is on call to her. My husband accepts

this because he

> is afraid that if he tells her no then her mother

won't let him see

> her again and he isnt her bio dad so there isnt much

that he can do

> if she does that.

> Anyway we both have a feeling that once we arent

useful as the

> babysitting service then we wont hear from her again

until she needs

> something. She is just like that.

> I am so glad that I can live with that much less

stress. It was

> causing alot of tension between my husband and I. I

couldnt

> understand why he would want to hang on to something

that wasnt his

> and her mother was just using him!

> Christie

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hello Christie,

In the town I used to live in I knew a fellow who married a woman who had

two kids - not his of course, so not his obligation. They got divorced, she

moved far away and took the kids with her, he never saw any of them again,

yet he not only allowed - he insisted, that he be allowed to take up the

obligation of child support!!! Sometimes we, and others, connect with one

or two people in a way that is so deep it defies explanation, and perhaps

sound judgement. This is apparently what has happened between your husband

and that child. The more you question it, the more you " fight " it, the more

you let it drive you bonkers, and drive a wedge between you and your

husband - even to the smallest degree - the worse the situation will get.

You can't change his heart - all you can do is love him. Yes, you now

have less stress in your life - but as his wife you have the obligation to

at least try to accept that this causes him MORE stress - even if you'll

never understand it all.

Grace and peace to you,

Rita

Re: My stress levels just went down 100 points!

True. Maybe I am being to harsh. I have had children live with me from the

time they are babies on to older ages and then go home to their parents. I

love them, but I also realize that they are NOT my children. I accept that

and move on with life. I just dont see why he cant do the same. Pining over

a child that is not yours and her mother will always hold that " carrot " in

front of your face to get exactly what she wants from you.

Christie

[Guest guest]

I'm sure things will work out in the end. They usually

do.

I think maybe I am just feeling a little bitter

towards her mother at the moment. For the last 2 years

we have been the on call babysitting service for this

woman. He will never tell her no because he is afraid

her mother will say he cant see her again. She has no

regard for what is best for the child. As long as she

gets to go do the things that she wants to do. He

would even tell her mother that we would take her when

I couldnt walk, was in HUGE PAIN, and other MS

attacks. Her mother has no regard for my health what

so ever but if she gets a cold or headache we have to

run over there and take the child so she can rest! I

dont think that is fair at all. I just feel very taken

advantage of and I am glad that they are going. I

think this will make my MS attacks less.

I can understand that he loves the child. I can

understand that he will miss her. I also think that we

should get on with our lives.

--- Rita Pennington wrote:

---------------------------------

Hello Christie,

In the town I used to live in I knew a fellow who

married a woman who had

two kids - not his of course, so not his obligation.

They got divorced, she

moved far away and took the kids with her, he never

saw any of them again,

yet he not only allowed - he insisted, that he be

allowed to take up the

obligation of child support!!! Sometimes we, and

others, connect with one

or two people in a way that is so deep it defies

explanation, and perhaps

sound judgement. This is apparently what has happened

between your husband

and that child. The more you question it, the more

you " fight " it, the more

you let it drive you bonkers, and drive a wedge

between you and your

husband - even to the smallest degree - the worse the

situation will get.

You can't change his heart - all you can do is love

him. Yes, you now

have less stress in your life - but as his wife you

have the obligation to

at least try to accept that this causes him MORE

stress - even if you'll

never understand it all.

Grace and peace to you,

Rita

Re: My stress levels just went

down 100 points!

True. Maybe I am being to harsh. I have had children

live with me from the

time they are babies on to older ages and then go home

to their parents. I

love them, but I also realize that they are NOT my

children. I accept that

and move on with life. I just dont see why he cant do

the same. Pining over

a child that is not yours and her mother will always

hold that " carrot " in

front of your face to get exactly what she wants from

you.

Christie

[Guest guest]

Hello Christie,

Since stress plays such a huge role in MS, I'm sure their leaving will

benefit you in that regard, and I'm happy for you for that. I'm

surprised that they are leaving though, in a way, because it makes one

wonder who she (the mom) plans on using wherever they're moving to. Oh

well - not our concern of course.

I'm sorry she was so hateful towards you, with your health problems and all.

That you were agreeable to take care of the girl whenever your husband

wanted to, shows that you are the " bigger/better " person in this situation.

That's admirable.

Rita

Re: My stress levels just went down 100 points!

I'm sure things will work out in the end. They usually do. I think maybe I

am just feeling a little bitter towards her mother at the moment. For the

last 2 years we have been the on call babysitting service for this woman. He

will never tell her no because he is afraid her mother will say he cant see

her again. She has no regard for what is best for the child. As long as she

gets to go do the things that she wants to do. He would even tell her mother

that we would take her when I couldnt walk, was in HUGE PAIN, and other MS

attacks. Her mother has no regard for my health what so ever but if she gets

a cold or headache we have to run over there and take the child so she can

rest! I dont think that is fair at all. I just feel very taken advantage of

and I am glad that they are going. I think this will make my MS attacks

less. I can understand that he loves the child. I can understand that he

will miss her. I also think that we should get on with our lives.

[Guest guest]

well said

Re: My stress levels just went down 100 points!True. Maybe I am being to harsh. I have had children live with me from thetime they are babies on to older ages and then go home to their parents. Ilove them, but I also realize that they are NOT my children. I accept thatand move on with life. I just dont see why he cant do the same. Pining overa child that is not yours and her mother will always hold that "carrot" infront of your face to get exactly what she wants from you.Christie

[Guest guest]

I agree!

RO wrote:

well said

-----

Original Message -----

From:

Rita

Pennington

To:

MSersLife

Sent:

Monday, June 21, 2004 11:13 AM

Subject:

Re: My stress levels just went down 100 points!

Hello Christie,

In the town I used to live in I knew a fellow who married a woman who

had

two kids - not his of course, so not his obligation. They got

divorced, she

moved far away and took the kids with her, he never saw any of them

again,

yet he not only allowed - he insisted, that he be allowed to take up the

obligation of child support!!! Sometimes we, and others, connect with

one

or two people in a way that is so deep it defies explanation, and

perhaps

sound judgement. This is apparently what has happened between your

husband

and that child. The more you question it, the more you "fight" it, the

more

you let it drive you bonkers, and drive a wedge between you and your

husband - even to the smallest degree - the worse the situation will

get.

You can't change his heart - all you can do is love him. Yes, you

now

have less stress in your life - but as his wife you have the obligation

to

at least try to accept that this causes him MORE stress - even if you'll

never understand it all.

Grace and peace to you,

Rita

Re: My stress levels just went down 100 points!

True. Maybe I am being to harsh. I have had children live with me from

the

time they are babies on to older ages and then go home to their

parents. I

love them, but I also realize that they are NOT my children. I accept

that

and move on with life. I just dont see why he cant do the same. Pining

over

a child that is not yours and her mother will always hold that "carrot"

in

front of your face to get exactly what she wants from you.

Christie