Re: So what are you going to do about it?

[Guest guest]

Hi Randy,

You have given me a lot to think about here. Your subject line is the question I have been asking myself for several years now. I don't seem to be making much progress or getting any traction in "changing the things I can", although I have found some peaceful acceptance of the things I cannot change. I seem so often to be "living a life of quiet desperation" and to be resigned to the status quo.

So, thank you for posing this question and giving examples from your personal life about what you are doing about it. I feel so stuck in the mud sometimes, but your post encourages me to just do something! I freely admit I am not doing enough values work. Often, I say to myself, "why bother; it's too late." At my age, I feel life has passed me by, even though I have at lease a couple of decades to look forward to.

Helena

How sad is this:

Most men lead lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with the song still in them.

Henry Thoreau (1817 - 1862) American Author

So what are you going to do about it?

I have a tendency to do a lot of questioning and critiquing ofvarious aspects of culture. And much of my questioning is quitecritical. I am especially concerned about the harm done toindividuals and society by such things as consumerism, the fictionof the corporation as a legal person, and abusive advertising.Beyond that I find the media to be problematic in its encouragementof simplistic and polarized views on nearly every topic ofimportance. (I used to be a news reporter, so I have some idea ofhow and why this occurs.)I could go on - I have a very long list.I believe my concerns are legitimate, especially since they areshared by many other critics. But what I find is, as important assuch critical activity may be, it's not enough by itself. Itdoesn't make me feel good if all I do is criticize - life is no funwhen it's nothing but a bitch session. Too often I have wound up onthe sidelines, bitter and seemingly helpless do to anything aboutsuch enormous societal problems. Not to mention the problems in myown life!This is where ACT is beginning to help me. In the name of valuing(or "importanting" or "mattering," or whatever you want to callit), I can choose not only to care about something, but take actionin some way to make the world better as best I can. The specificactions are often very small - but even a small action is biggerthan doing nothing. It might be something personal, like choosingto do something special for my girlfriend after she's had a roughday. Or it might be something public, like writing a newspaperop-ed pointing out that even "hands-free" cell phone use whiledriving is still extremely dangerous, and asking readers to examinetheir own cell phone habits. The latter is a good example for me ofmoving beyond merely criticizing, to taking positive action.So that to me is what values are - admitting that you care so muchabout something that you are willing to step forward and dosomething about it in your own life. And then doing it.It's a personal choice. Nobody will twist your arm.- Randy

[Guest guest]

Amen, Randy!!! The "GET MOVING " leg of the ACT three-legged stool is not much good with VALUES but no COMMITTED ACTION. For me, committed action is like the last pill of six days worth of an antibiotic. If you don't take all of the pills they might not do any good.Bill> To: ACT_for_the_Public > Date: Sun, 12 Dec 2010 15:41:15 +0000> Subject: So what are you going to do about it?> > I have a tendency to do a lot of questioning and critiquing of> various aspects of culture. And much of my questioning is quite> critical. I am especially concerned about the harm done to> individuals and society by such things as consumerism, the fiction> of the corporation as a legal person, and abusive advertising.> Beyond that I find the media to be problematic in its encouragement> of simplistic and polarized views on nearly every topic of> importance. (I used to be a news reporter, so I have some idea of> how and why this occurs.)> > I could go on - I have a very long list.> > I believe my concerns are legitimate, especially since they are> shared by many other critics. But what I find is, as important as> such critical activity may be, it's not enough by itself. It> doesn't make me feel good if all I do is criticize - life is no fun> when it's nothing but a bitch session. Too often I have wound up on> the sidelines, bitter and seemingly helpless do to anything about> such enormous societal problems. Not to mention the problems in my> own life!> > This is where ACT is beginning to help me. In the name of valuing> (or "importanting" or "mattering," or whatever you want to call> it), I can choose not only to care about something, but take action> in some way to make the world better as best I can. The specific> actions are often very small - but even a small action is bigger> than doing nothing. It might be something personal, like choosing> to do something special for my girlfriend after she's had a rough> day. Or it might be something public, like writing a newspaper> op-ed pointing out that even "hands-free" cell phone use while> driving is still extremely dangerous, and asking readers to examine> their own cell phone habits. The latter is a good example for me of> moving beyond merely criticizing, to taking positive action.> > So that to me is what values are - admitting that you care so much> about something that you are willing to step forward and do> something about it in your own life. And then doing it.> > It's a personal choice. Nobody will twist your arm.> > - Randy> > > > ------------------------------------> > For other ACT materials and list serves see www.contextualpsychology.org> > If you do not wish to belong to ACT_for_the_Public, you may > unsubscribe by sending an email to > ACT_for_the_Public-unsubscribe@...! Groups Links> > <*> To visit your group on the web, go to:> http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ACT_for_the_Public/> > <*> Your email settings:> Individual Email | Traditional> > <*> To change settings online go to:> http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ACT_for_the_Public/join> (Yahoo! ID required)> > <*> To change settings via email:> ACT_for_the_Public-digest > ACT_for_the_Public-fullfeatured > > <*>

[Guest guest]

One of my values is to have strong social connections. Boy, do I need people, but I am woefully lonely and alone, which followed a long relationship with an abusive boyfriend. I am struggling to incorporate this into my life, and this is difficult for me as a single and somewhat older woman--there were way more opportunities when I was younger and, yes, quite a lot more attractive (although I don't think I'm a slouch now)!

Inspired by Randy's post, I picked up the phone and got myself invited myself to an old college friend's house for Christmas! I haven't seen Eliske for years. I am so looking forward to this! She is a brilliant and funny woman from Holland, and it is always a delight to be around her and her equally charming S/O, .

Last time I practiced ACT in this way was when I conquered my fears (actually, I didn't conquer them; I just acted in spite of them) and went to that office reunion party in October. Haven't done much since then, until now. I am feeling quite encouraged in my journey, having made that one simple phone call that paid off big. Small step, but mighty!

Helena

So what are you going to do about it?> > I have a tendency to do a lot of questioning and critiquing of> various aspects of culture. And much of my questioning is quite> critical. I am especially concerned about the harm done to> individuals and society by such things as consumerism, the fiction> of the corporation as a legal person, and abusive advertising.> Beyond that I find the media to be problematic in its encouragement> of simplistic and polarized views on nearly every topic of> importance. (I used to be a news reporter, so I have some idea of> how and why this occurs.)> > I could go on - I have a very long list.> > I believe my concerns are legitimate, especially since they are> shared by many other critics. But what I find is, as important as> such critical activity may be, it's not enough by itself. It> doesn't make me feel good if all I do is criticize - life is no fun> when it's nothing but a bitch session. Too often I have wound up on> the sidelines, bitter and seemingly helpless do to anything about> such enormous societal problems. Not to mention the problems in my> own life!> > This is where ACT is beginning to help me. In the name of valuing> (or "importanting" or "mattering," or whatever you want to call> it), I can choose not only to care about something, but take action> in some way to make the world better as best I can. The specific> actions are often very small - but even a small action is bigger> than doing nothing. It might be something personal, like choosing> to do something special for my girlfriend after she's had a rough> day. Or it might be something public, like writing a newspaper> op-ed pointing out that even "hands-free" cell phone use while> driving is still extremely dangerous, and asking readers to examine> their own cell phone habits. The latter is a good example for me of> moving beyond merely criticizing, to taking positive action.> > So that to me is what values are - admitting that you care so much> about something that you are willing to step forward and do> something about it in your own life. And then doing it.> > It's a personal choice. Nobody will twist your arm.> > - Randy> > > > ------------------------------------> > For other ACT materials and list serves see www.contextualpsychology.org> > If you do not wish to belong to ACT_for_the_Public, you may > unsubscribe by sending an email to > ACT_for_the_Public-unsubscribe@...! Groups Links> > <*> To visit your group on the web, go to:> http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ACT_for_the_Public/> > <*> Your email settings:> Individual Email | Traditional> > <*> To change settings online go to:> http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ACT_for_the_Public/join> (Yahoo! ID required)> > <*> To change settings via email:> ACT_for_the_Public-digest > ACT_for_the_Public-fullfeatured > > <*>

[Guest guest]

Fabulous! Well done Helena.

Incidentally, I always find your postings here insightful, encouraging and

helpful. Thanks for that!

bb

>

>

>

> One of my values is to have strong social connections. Boy, do I need

people, but I am woefully lonely and alone, which followed a long relationship

with an abusive boyfriend.  I am struggling to incorporate this into my

life, and this is difficult for me as a single and somewhat older woman--there

were way more opportunities when I was younger and, yes, quite a lot more

attractive (although I don't think I'm a slouch now)! 

>

> Inspired by Randy's post, I picked up the phone and got myself invited myself

to an old college friend's house for Christmas!  I haven't seen Eliske for

years. I am so looking forward to this!  She is a brilliant and funny woman

from Holland, and it is always a delight to be around her and her

equally charming S/O, .

>

> Last time I practiced ACT in this way was when I conquered my fears (actually,

I didn't conquer them; I just acted in spite of them) and went to that office

reunion party in October.  Haven't done much since then, until now.  I am

feeling quite encouraged in my journey, having made that one simple phone call

that paid off big.  Small step, but mighty!

>

>

>

> Helena

>

>

>

>

> So what are you going to do about it?

> >

> > I have a tendency to do a lot of questioning and critiquing of

> > various aspects of culture. And much of my questioning is quite

> > critical. I am especially concerned about the harm done to

> > individuals and society by such things as consumerism, the fiction

> > of the corporation as a legal person, and abusive advertising.

> > Beyond that I find the media to be problematic in its encouragement

> > of simplistic and polarized views on nearly every topic of

> > importance. (I used to be a news reporter, so I have some idea of

> > how and why this occurs.)

> >

> > I could go on - I have a very long list.

> >

> > I believe my concerns are legitimate, especially since they are

> > shared by many other critics. But what I find is, as important as

> > such critical activity may be, it's not enough by itself. It

> > doesn't make me feel good if all I do is criticize - life is no fun

> > when it's nothing but a bitch session. Too often I have wound up on

> > the sidelines, bitter and seemingly helpless do to anything about

> > such enormous societal problems. Not to mention the problems in my

> > own life!

> >

> > This is where ACT is beginning to help me. In the name of valuing

> > (or " importanting " or " mattering, " or whatever you want to call

> > it), I can choose not only to care about something, but take action

> > in some way to make the world better as best I can. The specific

> > actions are often very small - but even a small action is bigger

> > than doing nothing. It might be something personal, like choosing

> > to do something special for my girlfriend after she's had a rough

> > day. Or it might be something public, like writing a newspaper

> > op-ed pointing out that even " hands-free " cell phone use while

> > driving is still extremely dangerous, and asking readers to examine

> > their own cell phone habits. The latter is a good example for me of

> > moving beyond merely criticizing, to taking positive action.

> >

> > So that to me is what values are - admitting that you care so much

> > about something that you are willing to step forward and do

> > something about it in your own life. And then doing it.

> >

> > It's a personal choice. Nobody will twist your arm.

> >

> > - Randy

> >

> >

> >

> > ------------------------------------

> >

> > For other ACT materials and list serves see www.contextualpsychology.org

> >

> > If you do not wish to belong to ACT_for_the_Public, you may

> > unsubscribe by sending an email to

> > ACT_for_the_Public-unsubscribe@...! Groups Links

> >

> >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

That's fantastic, Helena!!I, too, feel inspired by your post Randy. I have definitely been caught in that trap of " things are wrong with the world " lately. Namely, in my workplace, I am running into political issues that are hugely frustrating to me. But there ARE small things I can do each day. Thanks for the reminder that those small things really are worth something.

 

One of my values is to have strong social connections. Boy, do I need people, but I am woefully lonely and alone, which followed a long relationship with an abusive boyfriend.  I am struggling to incorporate this into my life, and this is difficult for me as a single and somewhat older woman--there were way more opportunities when I was younger and, yes, quite a lot more attractive (although I don't think I'm a slouch now)! 

Inspired by Randy's post, I picked up the phone and got myself invited myself to an old college friend's house for Christmas!  I haven't seen Eliske for years. I am so looking forward to this!  She is a brilliant and funny woman from Holland, and it is always a delight to be around her and her equally charming S/O, .

Last time I practiced ACT in this way was when I conquered my fears (actually, I didn't conquer them; I just acted in spite of them) and went to that office reunion party in October.  Haven't done much since then, until now.  I am feeling quite encouraged in my journey, having made that one simple phone call that paid off big.  Small step, but mighty!

 

Helena

 

So what are you going to do about it?> > I have a tendency to do a lot of questioning and critiquing of> various aspects of culture. And much of my questioning is quite

> critical. I am especially concerned about the harm done to> individuals and society by such things as consumerism, the fiction> of the corporation as a legal person, and abusive advertising.> Beyond that I find the media to be problematic in its encouragement

> of simplistic and polarized views on nearly every topic of> importance. (I used to be a news reporter, so I have some idea of> how and why this occurs.)> > I could go on - I have a very long list.

> > I believe my concerns are legitimate, especially since they are> shared by many other critics. But what I find is, as important as> such critical activity may be, it's not enough by itself. It

> doesn't make me feel good if all I do is criticize - life is no fun> when it's nothing but a bitch session. Too often I have wound up on> the sidelines, bitter and seemingly helpless do to anything about

> such enormous societal problems. Not to mention the problems in my> own life!> > This is where ACT is beginning to help me. In the name of valuing> (or " importanting " or " mattering, " or whatever you want to call

> it), I can choose not only to care about something, but take action> in some way to make the world better as best I can. The specific> actions are often very small - but even a small action is bigger

> than doing nothing. It might be something personal, like choosing> to do something special for my girlfriend after she's had a rough> day. Or it might be something public, like writing a newspaper

> op-ed pointing out that even " hands-free " cell phone use while> driving is still extremely dangerous, and asking readers to examine> their own cell phone habits. The latter is a good example for me of

> moving beyond merely criticizing, to taking positive action.> > So that to me is what values are - admitting that you care so much> about something that you are willing to step forward and do

> something about it in your own life. And then doing it.> > It's a personal choice. Nobody will twist your arm.> > - Randy> > > > ------------------------------------

> > For other ACT materials and list serves see www.contextualpsychology.org> > If you do not wish to belong to ACT_for_the_Public, you may

> unsubscribe by sending an email to > ACT_for_the_Public-unsubscribe@...! Groups Links> > <*> To visit your group on the web, go to:> http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ACT_for_the_Public/

> > <*> Your email settings:> Individual Email | Traditional> > <*> To change settings online go to:> http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ACT_for_the_Public/join

> (Yahoo! ID required)> > <*> To change settings via email:> ACT_for_the_Public-digest > ACT_for_the_Public-fullfeatured

> > <*>

[Guest guest]

>Incidentally, I always find your postings here insightful, encouraging and helpful. Thanks for that!

Looking around to see who you're talking to... Gee, thanks! I know my posts have been of concern at times to others (and some of them were pure crap--my posts, that is), but I am trying to be more gentle and kind. I really am. That's who I am in my heart.

Helena

So what are you going to do about it? > > > > I have a tendency to do a lot of questioning and critiquing of > > various aspects of culture. And much of my questioning is quite > > critical. I am especially concerned about the harm done to > > individuals and society by such things as consumerism, the fiction > > of the corporation as a legal person, and abusive advertising. > > Beyond that I find the media to be problematic in its encouragement > > of simplistic and polarized views on nearly every topic of > > importance. (I used to be a news reporter, so I have some idea of > > how and why this occurs.) > > > > I could go on - I have a very long list. > > > > I believe my concerns are legitimate, especially since they are > > shared by many other critics. But what I find is, as important as > > such critical activity may be, it's not enough by itself. It > > doesn't make me feel good if all I do is criticize - life is no fun > > when it's nothing but a bitch session. Too often I have wound up on > > the sidelines, bitter and seemingly helpless do to anything about > > such enormous societal problems. Not to mention the problems in my > > own life! > > > > This is where ACT is beginning to help me. In the name of valuing > > (or "importanting" or "mattering," or whatever you want to call > > it), I can choose not only to care about something, but take action > > in some way to make the world better as best I can. The specific > > actions are often very small - but even a small action is bigger > > than doing nothing. It might be something personal, like choosing > > to do something special for my girlfriend after she's had a rough > > day. Or it might be something public, like writing a newspaper > > op-ed pointing out that even "hands-free" cell phone use while > > driving is still extremely dangerous, and asking readers to examine > > their own cell phone habits. The latter is a good example for me of > > moving beyond merely criticizing, to taking positive action. > > > > So that to me is what values are - admitting that you care so much > > about something that you are willing to step forward and do > > something about it in your own life. And then doing it. > > > > It's a personal choice. Nobody will twist your arm. > > > > - Randy > > > > > > > > ------------------------------------ > > > > For other ACT materials and list serves see www.contextualpsychology.org > > > > If you do not wish to belong to ACT_for_the_Public, you may > > unsubscribe by sending an email to > > ACT_for_the_Public-unsubscribe@...! Groups Links > > > > > >>

[Guest guest]

Helena, I too have struggled with depression from loneliness. In fact, I've had

it since I was a child with Selective Mutism during Middle School.

I'm now 27 years old and I still don't have any friends. Even worse, I'm

unemployed and spend a lot of my time inside my bedroom. This is only broken

when I would take solitary walks for about an hour. So it isn't a surprise that

I tend to oversleep, web-surf for more than 2 hours a day, and daydream a lot.

Thank goodness I've been seeing a therapist and living with my family (though

the fact I'm still living with them can be a source of shame at times).

Anyway, congratulations for taking the committed action of calling your friend

up and accepting the invitation! I hope I'll use this example to motivate me to

follow my value of having strong social connections.

C.

Use an ACT Workbook and live in the USA? Join the ACT Group of USA!

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ACT_Group_USA

>

>

>

> One of my values is to have strong social connections. Boy, do I need

people, but I am woefully lonely and alone, which followed a long relationship

with an abusive boyfriend.  I am struggling to incorporate this into my

life, and this is difficult for me as a single and somewhat older woman--there

were way more opportunities when I was younger and, yes, quite a lot more

attractive (although I don't think I'm a slouch now)! 

>

> Inspired by Randy's post, I picked up the phone and got myself invited myself

to an old college friend's house for Christmas!  I haven't seen Eliske for

years. I am so looking forward to this!  She is a brilliant and funny woman

from Holland, and it is always a delight to be around her and her

equally charming S/O, .

>

> Last time I practiced ACT in this way was when I conquered my fears (actually,

I didn't conquer them; I just acted in spite of them) and went to that office

reunion party in October.  Haven't done much since then, until now.  I am

feeling quite encouraged in my journey, having made that one simple phone call

that paid off big.  Small step, but mighty!

>

>

>

> Helena

>

>

>

>

> So what are you going to do about it?

> >

> > I have a tendency to do a lot of questioning and critiquing of

> > various aspects of culture. And much of my questioning is quite

> > critical. I am especially concerned about the harm done to

> > individuals and society by such things as consumerism, the fiction

> > of the corporation as a legal person, and abusive advertising.

> > Beyond that I find the media to be problematic in its encouragement

> > of simplistic and polarized views on nearly every topic of

> > importance. (I used to be a news reporter, so I have some idea of

> > how and why this occurs.)

> >

> > I could go on - I have a very long list.

> >

> > I believe my concerns are legitimate, especially since they are

> > shared by many other critics. But what I find is, as important as

> > such critical activity may be, it's not enough by itself. It

> > doesn't make me feel good if all I do is criticize - life is no fun

> > when it's nothing but a bitch session. Too often I have wound up on

> > the sidelines, bitter and seemingly helpless do to anything about

> > such enormous societal problems. Not to mention the problems in my

> > own life!

> >

> > This is where ACT is beginning to help me. In the name of valuing

> > (or " importanting " or " mattering, " or whatever you want to call

> > it), I can choose not only to care about something, but take action

> > in some way to make the world better as best I can. The specific

> > actions are often very small - but even a small action is bigger

> > than doing nothing. It might be something personal, like choosing

> > to do something special for my girlfriend after she's had a rough

> > day. Or it might be something public, like writing a newspaper

> > op-ed pointing out that even " hands-free " cell phone use while

> > driving is still extremely dangerous, and asking readers to examine

> > their own cell phone habits. The latter is a good example for me of

> > moving beyond merely criticizing, to taking positive action.

> >

> > So that to me is what values are - admitting that you care so much

> > about something that you are willing to step forward and do

> > something about it in your own life. And then doing it.

> >

> > It's a personal choice. Nobody will twist your arm.

> >

> > - Randy

> >

> >

> >

> > ------------------------------------

> >

> > For other ACT materials and list serves see www.contextualpsychology.org

> >

> > If you do not wish to belong to ACT_for_the_Public, you may

> > unsubscribe by sending an email to

> > ACT_for_the_Public-unsubscribe@...! Groups Links

> >

> >

> >

>