What If and What I Regret are two sides of the same problematic coin

[Guest guest]

Hi vc and all,

Regarding your message to Bill C. earlier today (see below where I copied and

pasted):

I'd say that yes: " What If " or " What Was "

ARE indeed a problem to the degree we fuse with these ruminations over the past

and/or obsessions about the future and are unable to move forward with what we

feel really enriches us, what matters to us in the present moment.

Both IMHO are attempts of the mind and the way it's hard-wired to control that

which we can't-- and to the extent we allow it to go on and on, we're robbed of

the here and now where life is actually happening, in all it's glory and sadness

and everything in-between!

So, yes, you're correct...there are often many underlying specific thoughts and

beliefs underneath the initial suffering thought like " I can't handle it " but

that's just one of many..there is also for example: " What if they don't like

me? " , " What if I look like a fool? " " What if I have a panic attack? " and so

forth. For each of us, it takes on a different twist.

So we each have our home-work to attempt to get at the suffering that pertains

to us and then defuse from it...but there is no right or wrong here, really

IMHO.

There is just a process of getting back into awareness, compassion and driving

where you want to go..

That's my two cents,

Terry

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Mon, November 29, 2010 10:21:40 AM

Re: An Important Question - Mind versus Experience

To: ACT_for_the_Public

" What If " isn't the problem, it's the underlying belief that " I can't handle it "

Which is always a lie

Both the question and the belief are conceptual

vc

================================

>

>

> I'm starting a new thread here as I think Randy brings up what I think is a

very important ACT question which I will rephrase - Which will you choose to

believe - your mind or your experience? As I've mentioned before I spent a lot

of my professional life as a contingency planner - what iffing every imaginable

scenario where I worked. My mind is world-class when it comes to what iffing.

But that skill is not especially useful when dealing with stuff inside my head.

I now find that my experience (wisdom?) is much more useful than what my

thinking self presents, when it comes to living a valued life.

>

> So the steps I use are:

>

> 1. Thinking self presents a " life what if. "

> 2. I look AT the thought through my experience lens.

> 3. I DEFUSE the thought if it is not useful for living a valued life or

> 4. I buy it if it is useful.

>

> Bill

>

> PS - I think one of ' recent posts included this question. It is a

question I've seen quite often in my ACT studies.