Re: Re: How to use ACT for guilt?

[Guest guest]

, your spirited, darling little girl knows that she is so loved, and that is what she will always remember--not the smackaroo : )

Be kind to yourself and take away the lesson: That you are human and sometimes make mistakes. But that does not detract one iota from the fact that you are a loving, attentive parent who, just this once, lost her patience for a moment. I wish I had been privileged to have a mother like you!

Helena

>> I have been having a hard time with guilt lately. I know I feel it to the extreme, I'm normally able to accept the feelings and move on because I know they are not even warranted feelings of guilt just depression trying to get the best of me.> > One of my values is to be a patient, loving, attentive parent. That has always been a core value of mine. I practice a philosophy called Attachment Parenting and one of the main beliefs is to NOT spank. I've been having a lot of marital problems and yesterday we had a huge fight. My very spirited little girl was being very rambunctious and jumping around the baby while I was nursing him. Landing on his head once. I could feel my pressure rising. I asked her numerous times to go back to bed. I raised my voice, she knew I couldn't get up because the baby was falling asleep so she just kept going and going and then I did it. I hit her. My God, I feel like the most horrible person in the world. I feel like I'm an abuser, that I should be punished. I'm having a hard time defusing from these thoughts because I really feel what I did was very wrong, although logically I know I'm not an abuser or need to be punished. Can you defuse from thoughts that you feel are true but are of no use to you?>

[Guest guest]

Terry, I was in another kind of training (not ACT) where we did that kind of thing, but we were instructed to go up to people, shake hands, and say "Hello, I'm <such-and-such>." Mine was "Hello, I'm unlovable." A lot of people chose that one, and I suddenly realized that I am not alone in thinking that about myself. Lots of people were crying, others were laughing, and some were doing both (me). I still think I'm unlovable, but since ACT, I now realize that it's a lie my mind is telling me. It simply is NOT TRUE! I can't say how critically helpful ACT has been to me in defusing that thought! ACT was the first thing in my life that helped me make real progress in dealing with my depression, and I'm grateful. And special thanks to the professionals on this list (including you, Terry) and to the other helping souls who are in the trenches with us. Truly, I am not alone.

Helena

Terry wrote: But yes, defusion really helps move away from shame. I was at an ACT training and we all wore badges about something our minds insisted we were (something we felt embarrassed or uncomfortable or even ashamed about ourselves, something that were willing to share). And proceeded to walk around during break with this on our chest, without uttering a word. Amazing defusion exercise. So freeing! I noticed a few "I'm a bad mother" stickies and I also noticed folks seemed lighter after the exercise. I sure was.

[Guest guest]

You may be right GG ... I think I got the idea that she was a pro because a year or so ago, there was a critical discussion among professionals on this list, and she was part of that discussion. I guess we'll have to let her clear it up -- to me, it doesn't matter either way if she chooses to reveal her occupation or not. Yet, I agree that it would be nice to know.

Helena

Re: Re: How to use ACT for guilt?

Terry, I was in another kind of training (not ACT) where we did that kind of thing, but we were instructed to go up to people, shake hands, and say "Hello, I'm <such-and-such>." Mine was "Hello, I'm unlovable." A lot of people chose that one, and I suddenly realized that I am not alone in thinking that about myself. Lots of people were crying, others were laughing, and some were doing both (me). I still think I'm unlovable, but since ACT, I now realize that it's a lie my mind is telling me. It simply is NOT TRUE! I can't say how critically helpful ACT has been to me in defusing that thought! ACT was the first thing in my life that helped me make real progress in dealing with my depression, and I'm grateful. And special thanks to the professionals on this list (including you, Terry) and to the other helping souls who are in the trenches with us. Truly, I am not alone.

Helena

Terry wrote: But yes, defusion really helps move away from shame. I was at an ACT training and we all wore badges about something our minds insisted we were (something we felt embarrassed or uncomfortable or even ashamed about ourselves, something that were willing to share). And proceeded to walk around during break with this on our chest, without uttering a word. Amazing defusion exercise. So freeing! I noticed a few "I'm a bad mother" stickies and I also noticed folks seemed lighter after the exercise. I sure was.