Re: Recovery with ACT

[Guest guest]

That's awesome Experiential.

Grant

>

> The recovery journey is so dynamic huh. Every time I come out of another

> episode I feel stronger, dare I say, smarter. I have been practicing ACT for

> about 8 months I guess and have finally reached a stage where I am

> participating as opposed to theorising. Practicing goal setting towards your

> valued direction sounds so easy but much harder to maintain.

>

> Learning how to fully engage with whatever I am doing helped a lot, now I

> can do things `mindfully' to the best of my ability and enjoy the experience

> for what it is.

>

> I can sit with my history and observe the way I interact with it as well as

> conceive of the future.

>

> I see and feel my conceptualised-self in my everyday conversations, in the

> things I choose to talk about and what matters to me, the things that have

> struck my interest since I can remember.

>

> I enjoy the freedom and liberation of being 'out of my mind'...so to

> speak...

>

> :-)

>

>

[Guest guest]

That is wonderful!! I tend to do that too, but unfortunately , at the moment I

am in the midst of an episode, trying to defuse from and accept thoughts and

feelings about my job. It really does make sense that the areas you care about

the most are the areas that can bring out the most feelings and thoughts I don't

like. That in itself can be hard to accept. It is difficult to get to the end of

a session with a student and feel like I have accomplished nothing. I think part

of my struggle here is my preconceived idea of how I think things should go. My

distorted view of what I " should " be able to accomplish. It is hard for me to

sit with those feelings since my sense of worth seems to be tied up with the

results I see with a student. From what you hear me saying what type of ACT

advice would you give?

>

>

> The recovery journey is so dynamic huh. Every time I come out of another

episode I feel stronger, dare I say, smarter. I have been practicing ACT for

about 8 months I guess and have finally reached a stage where I am participating

as opposed to theorising. Practicing goal setting towards your valued direction

sounds so easy but much harder to maintain.

>

> Learning how to fully engage with whatever I am doing helped a lot, now I can

do things `mindfully' to the best of my ability and enjoy the experience for

what it is.

>

> I can sit with my history and observe the way I interact with it as well as

conceive of the future.

>

> I see and feel my conceptualised-self in my everyday conversations, in the

things I choose to talk about and what matters to me, the things that have

struck my interest since I can remember.

>

> I enjoy the freedom and liberation of being 'out of my mind'...so to speak...

>

> :-)

>

[Guest guest]

These thoughts are what your mind does.

Be skeptical of the thoughts. Very likely, they are not true.

Are they useful? Are they helping you live the valued life that you want?

If not, notice the thoughts and let them pass, like clouds passing in the sky.

Notice the feelings and make room for them.

When the thoughts and feelings hold on or return, do the defusing again.

Accept the feelings again.

And as this all goes on within you, do the actions that are consistent with your values.

[Guest guest]

Lesley,

I am a special education teacher, and wierdly enough, just came from a meeting

with our director, who spent about 10 minutes gushing praise about certain

teachers who " just do miracles " with these difficult students. It leaves the

rest of us (and even those teachers I suppose) judging ourselves by the

reactions of our students.

There is a tendency in the press and public mind as well, to link the quality of

a teacher with the scores of her students. It is difficult for me to give

advice, as I am often caught up in measuring my own success by these same

standards.

Two things that have helped me to get some relief:

1. A buddhist teacher who often talked about doing the work " without attachment

to the results "

2. Tracking time on task or lessons completed, rather than grades, averages, or

test scores. (This also encourages students who do poorly on tests. They can

say, " I did 30 assignments! " or " I read for three total hours! " rather than " I

got a D on the test. " )

Maybe if you tracked YOUR accomplishments in teaching this child, rather than

her reactions to you, it would mean more about your teaching than about her mood

or her behavior on that day.

I don't know if this is all compatible with ACT, as I am just beginning, but

hope it helps.

Shauna

> > >

> > >

> > > The recovery journey is so dynamic huh. Every time I come out of another

episode I feel stronger, dare I say, smarter. I have been practicing ACT for

about 8 months I guess and have finally reached a stage where I am participating

as opposed to theorising. Practicing goal setting towards your valued direction

sounds so easy but much harder to maintain.

> > >

> > > Learning how to fully engage with whatever I am doing helped a lot, now I

can do things `mindfully' to the best of my ability and enjoy the experience for

what it is.

> > >

> > > I can sit with my history and observe the way I interact with it as well

as conceive of the future.

> > >

> > > I see and feel my conceptualised-self in my everyday conversations, in the

things I choose to talk about and what matters to me, the things that have

struck my interest since I can remember.

> > >

> > > I enjoy the freedom and liberation of being 'out of my mind'...so to

speak...

> > >

> > > :-)

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Shauna, what you’ve said is totally ACT-consistent. Below is

an extract from my new book, The Confidence Gap, which addresses this

issue. (The book is out in Australia now, but not it’s not in the UK until March

2011, or the USA until August 2011)

Hope this helps,

Cheers,

Russ

What does the word ‘success’ mean to you?

When you hear ‘She is very successful’ or ‘He’s made a success of

himself’, what does that conjure up for you? Our society generally

defines success in terms of achieving goals: fame, wealth, status

and

respect; a big house, a luxury car, a prestigious job, a huge

salary.

When people achieve these things, our society tends to label them

as

‘successful’. But if we buy into this popular notion of success,

we set

ourselves up for a lot of unnecessary suffering.

How so? Well, this view of success inevitably pulls us into the

‘goal-focused life’, where we are always striving to achieve the

next

goal. We may strive for more money, a larger house, a better

neighbourhood,

smarter clothes, a slimmer body, bigger muscles, more

status, more fame, more respect and so on. We may strive to win

this

game or tournament, or make that sale, or get that promotion, or

win that contract, or find a more attractive partner, or buy that

smart

car, or get that qualification, or earn that university degree.

And the

illusion

is, ‘When I achieve this goal, then I will be successful.’

There are at least three big problems associated with going

through

life this way. First, there’s no guarantee you will achieve those

goals,

or they may be a long way off – which leads to chronic frustration

and disappointment. Second, even if you do achieve them, they will

not give you lasting happiness; usually they give you a brief

moment

of pleasure, satisfaction or joy – and then you start to focus on

the

next goal. Third, if you buy into this notion of success, it will

put you

under tremendous pressure – because you have to keep on achieving

and achieving to maintain it. As long as you can keep achieving

those goals, then you are ‘successful’ – ‘a winner’, ‘a high

achiever’,

‘a champion’. But if you stop achieving, then you are no longer

successful;

you are a ‘has-been’, ‘a failure’ or ‘a loser’.

It is this popular notion of success that creates the commonplace

problem of ‘fragile self-esteem’. Fragile self-esteem is very

common

in high-performing professionals. These high achievers often

develop

a strong positive self-image based on their performance: as long

as

they perform well, they have high self-esteem. But as soon as

their

performance drops, their self-esteem comes tumbling down: from

‘winner’ to ‘loser’, from ‘high achiever’ to ‘failure’.

If we live our lives ruled by this definition of success, we are

doomed to stress and misery (punctuated by brief moments of joy

when we achieve a goal). So I invite you to consider a radically

different

definition: True success is living by your values.

This definition makes our lives ever so much easier. Why? Because

in any moment, we can act on our values – yes, even if we’ve

neglected

them for years. Hey presto: instant success!

This concept is especially useful if your goals are a long way

off:

you don’t have to wait until you’ve achieved them; you can be

successful

right now through living by your values. Suppose you want to

change career and become a cardiac surgeon. You’re looking at a

minimum

of ten years before you can achieve this goal. That’s a long time.

But suppose the core value underlying that goal is ‘helping others’;

you can successfully act on that value over and over, all day,

every day,

for the rest of your life – even if you never become a cardiac

surgeon.

Consider this quote from Luther King, Jr: ‘I have a dream

that my four little children will one day live in a nation where

they

will not be judged by the colour of their skin, but by the content

of

their character.’ This comes from his famous speech, delivered on

the

steps of the Lincoln Memorial, Washington DC, to a crowd of 200

000

civil rights protesters, on 28 August 1963. By the popular notion

of

‘success equals achieving your goals’, Luther King was not successful.

He did not achieve his goal of equal rights for people of all

skin colours. And yet we remember, admire and respect him. Why?

Because he stood for something: he lived by his values!

When living by our values becomes the definition of success, it

means we can be successful right now. All we need to do is act on

our

values. From this perspective, the mother who gives up her career

to

act on her values around nurturing and supporting her children is

far more successful than the CEO who earns millions but completely

neglects his values around being there for his kids. Albert

Einstein put

it this way: ‘Try not to become a man of success, but rather try

to

become a man of value.’ And Helen Keller put it like this: ‘I long

to

accomplish a great and noble task, but it is my chief duty to

accomplish

small tasks as if they were great and noble.’ So next time your

mind is beating you up for not being successful enough, try saying

‘Thanks mind!’ And then ask yourself ‘What’s a tiny little thing I

can do

right now that’s consistent with my values?’ Then do it: instant

success!

Journey and

Destination

We can now list another ‘rule’ for the confidence game:

Rule 6: True success is living

by your values.

Playing by this rule doesn’t mean we give up on our goals. It

means we use our values to set our goals, and to sustain us as we

move

towards them. I often hear people say, ‘It’s the journey that

counts,

not the destination’, but I don’t agree. The destination is important:

a journey from New York to Paris is not the same as a journey from

New York to Shanghai. The point is this: all you have in any

moment is

the journey itself, because the instant you actually reach your

destination,

it is, by definition, no longer your destination. The moment you

reach Paris, you’re in Paris. And then a split second later, you’re

on

a new journey, with a new destination: the hotel you’re staying

at. So

why not appreciate every moment of the journey, rather than

focusing

solely on the destination?

You may be more familiar with this concept in terms of ‘process’

and ‘outcome’. ‘Process’ is the way you go about doing something.

‘Outcomes’ are the results of what you’ve done. If you want to

develop

genuine confidence, perform at your peak, and find maximal

fulfilment

in what you do, you need to commit to the process, engaging

in it fully and detaching from the outcome.

Again, that doesn’t mean giving up on the goal; it simply means

shifting the emphasis: instead of obsessing about the outcome, you

get passionate about the process; about getting the most out of

it, and

doing it to the best of your ability.

One of my clients, Ginny, was learning to paint, but she didn’t

enjoy it very much because she spent the whole time fretting about

what the finished painting would look like – obsessing about the

outcome.

So I asked her what she could get out of the process, even if

the finished result wasn’t what she wanted. Ginny identified that

she

could learn how to use colour, tone, light and composition, and

how

to create different textures with the paintbrush. Next I asked her

what

values she wanted to act on in every moment of painting. She

identified

learning and being creative. Finally I asked her to go back to her

painting and get passionate about the process: to embrace it as an

opportunity for learning new skills and being creative. Ginny soon

found that the more she engaged in the process and detached from

the outcome, the more rewarding the experience was. Soon she was

able to enjoy the painting without getting hung up on the end

result.

And paradoxically, her paintings turned out much better!

So here’s another ‘rule’ for the confidence game:

Rule 7: Don’t obsess on the outcome; get passionate about the

process.

From: ACT_for_the_Public

[mailto:ACT_for_the_Public ] On Behalf Of shaunacateacher

Sent: Friday, 17 September 2010 11:05 AM

To: ACT_for_the_Public

Subject: Re: Recovery with ACT

Lesley,

I am a special education teacher, and wierdly enough, just came from a meeting

with our director, who spent about 10 minutes gushing praise about certain

teachers who " just do miracles " with these difficult students. It

leaves the rest of us (and even those teachers I suppose) judging ourselves by

the reactions of our students.

There is a tendency in the press and public mind as well, to link the quality

of a teacher with the scores of her students. It is difficult for me to give

advice, as I am often caught up in measuring my own success by these same

standards.

Two things that have helped me to get some relief:

1. A buddhist teacher who often talked about doing the work " without

attachment to the results "

2. Tracking time on task or lessons completed, rather than grades, averages, or

test scores. (This also encourages students who do poorly on tests. They can

say, " I did 30 assignments! " or " I read for three total

hours! " rather than " I got a D on the test. " )

Maybe if you tracked YOUR accomplishments in teaching this child, rather than

her reactions to you, it would mean more about your teaching than about her

mood or her behavior on that day.

I don't know if this is all compatible with ACT, as I am just beginning, but

hope it helps.

Shauna

> > >

> > >

> > > The recovery journey is so dynamic huh. Every time I come out of

another episode I feel stronger, dare I say, smarter. I have been practicing

ACT for about 8 months I guess and have finally reached a stage where I am

participating as opposed to theorising. Practicing goal setting towards your

valued direction sounds so easy but much harder to maintain.

> > >

> > > Learning how to fully engage with whatever I am doing helped a

lot, now I can do things `mindfully' to the best of my ability and enjoy the

experience for what it is.

> > >

> > > I can sit with my history and observe the way I interact with it

as well as conceive of the future.

> > >

> > > I see and feel my conceptualised-self in my everyday

conversations, in the things I choose to talk about and what matters to me, the

things that have struck my interest since I can remember.

> > >

> > > I enjoy the freedom and liberation of being 'out of my

mind'...so to speak...

> > >

> > > :-)

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

Great post & great replies from others on this thread.

If you are not too tired of reading ACT books, one you

might find especially pertinent to the thoughts you

are experiencing in relation to your value of teaching

is the book, " Mindfulness For Two. " It is

meant for therapists not laypersons but it is also very

clearly written. When I read it I find clear parallels

between the struggles describes for therapists

and the struggles the rest of us experience in our own

fields - and teaching would certainly come to mind.

Certainly not a must read but a very compassionate

& mind-blowing/opening experience if you have the time.

It's not a big book either.

Good luck w/the teaching - sounds like you care a lot

not just about your image but about your students,

which is more than half the battle. And yes I think

it is a battle to teach well - which is OK; it is more

a matter of choice of " weapons. " For me compassion

and waking up to the present moment seem useful when

I remember them.

-Randy

> >

> >

> > The recovery journey is so dynamic huh. Every time I come out of another

episode I feel stronger, dare I say, smarter. I have been practicing ACT for

about 8 months I guess and have finally reached a stage where I am participating

as opposed to theorising. Practicing goal setting towards your valued direction

sounds so easy but much harder to maintain.

> >

> > Learning how to fully engage with whatever I am doing helped a lot, now I

can do things `mindfully' to the best of my ability and enjoy the experience for

what it is.

> >

> > I can sit with my history and observe the way I interact with it as well as

conceive of the future.

> >

> > I see and feel my conceptualised-self in my everyday conversations, in the

things I choose to talk about and what matters to me, the things that have

struck my interest since I can remember.

> >

> > I enjoy the freedom and liberation of being 'out of my mind'...so to

speak...

> >

> > :-)

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks for the kind words about Mindfulness for Two Randy. The funny thing is you say:When I read it I find clear parallelsbetween the struggles describes for therapists and the struggles the rest of us experience in our ownfields - and teaching would certainly come to mind. Of course, the point I am working to make from the other side to therapists is that the struggles their clients are having are not particularly far afield from the struggles they are coming up against in the therapy room and elsewhere in their own lives. We are all poured from the same vessel I think. Cultivating a place where that fact can be noticed is my living project.many blessings....time to go get yoga'd up. Hope all have a weekend in which they can spare a few moments to offer themselves some small kindness. For me...going to yoga this morning--this is a small kindness I offer to myself. This day. Perhaps you can find some small kindness to offer as a gift from you to you. (and, especially if you don't "deserve" it because then it will be ultra clear that it is a gift and is not about deserving.) I would love to hear about them:-)peace,

G. 205 Peabody BuildingPsychology DepartmentUniversity of MississippiOxford, MS 38677ph: fax: Psychology Today Bloghttp://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/living-one-lifeacademic homepage:www.olemiss.edu/working/kwilson/kwilson.htmalso check outwww.onelifellc.comwww.mindfulnessfortwo.comwww.facebook.com/kellygwilsonwww.tastybehaviorism.comwww.abnormalwootwoot.com

Hi ,

Great post & great replies from others on this thread.

If you are not too tired of reading ACT books, one you

might find especially pertinent to the thoughts you

are experiencing in relation to your value of teaching

is the book, "Mindfulness For Two." It is

meant for therapists not laypersons but it is also very

clearly written. When I read it I find clear parallels

between the struggles describes for therapists

and the struggles the rest of us experience in our own

fields - and teaching would certainly come to mind.

Certainly not a must read but a very compassionate

& mind-blowing/opening experience if you have the time.

It's not a big book either.

Good luck w/the teaching - sounds like you care a lot

not just about your image but about your students,

which is more than half the battle. And yes I think

it is a battle to teach well - which is OK; it is more

a matter of choice of "weapons." For me compassion

and waking up to the present moment seem useful when

I remember them.

-Randy

> >

> >

> > The recovery journey is so dynamic huh. Every time I come out of another episode I feel stronger, dare I say, smarter. I have been practicing ACT for about 8 months I guess and have finally reached a stage where I am participating as opposed to theorising. Practicing goal setting towards your valued direction sounds so easy but much harder to maintain.

> >

> > Learning how to fully engage with whatever I am doing helped a lot, now I can do things `mindfully' to the best of my ability and enjoy the experience for what it is.

> >

> > I can sit with my history and observe the way I interact with it as well as conceive of the future.

> >

> > I see and feel my conceptualised-self in my everyday conversations, in the things I choose to talk about and what matters to me, the things that have struck my interest since I can remember.

> >

> > I enjoy the freedom and liberation of being 'out of my mind'...so to speak...

> >

> > :-)

> >

>