Guest guest Posted September 15, 2010 Report Share Posted September 15, 2010 That's awesome Experiential. Grant > > The recovery journey is so dynamic huh. Every time I come out of another > episode I feel stronger, dare I say, smarter. I have been practicing ACT for > about 8 months I guess and have finally reached a stage where I am > participating as opposed to theorising. Practicing goal setting towards your > valued direction sounds so easy but much harder to maintain. > > Learning how to fully engage with whatever I am doing helped a lot, now I > can do things `mindfully' to the best of my ability and enjoy the experience > for what it is. > > I can sit with my history and observe the way I interact with it as well as > conceive of the future. > > I see and feel my conceptualised-self in my everyday conversations, in the > things I choose to talk about and what matters to me, the things that have > struck my interest since I can remember. > > I enjoy the freedom and liberation of being 'out of my mind'...so to > speak... > > :-) > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 16, 2010 Report Share Posted September 16, 2010 That is wonderful!! I tend to do that too, but unfortunately , at the moment I am in the midst of an episode, trying to defuse from and accept thoughts and feelings about my job. It really does make sense that the areas you care about the most are the areas that can bring out the most feelings and thoughts I don't like. That in itself can be hard to accept. It is difficult to get to the end of a session with a student and feel like I have accomplished nothing. I think part of my struggle here is my preconceived idea of how I think things should go. My distorted view of what I " should " be able to accomplish. It is hard for me to sit with those feelings since my sense of worth seems to be tied up with the results I see with a student. From what you hear me saying what type of ACT advice would you give? > > > The recovery journey is so dynamic huh. Every time I come out of another episode I feel stronger, dare I say, smarter. I have been practicing ACT for about 8 months I guess and have finally reached a stage where I am participating as opposed to theorising. Practicing goal setting towards your valued direction sounds so easy but much harder to maintain. > > Learning how to fully engage with whatever I am doing helped a lot, now I can do things `mindfully' to the best of my ability and enjoy the experience for what it is. > > I can sit with my history and observe the way I interact with it as well as conceive of the future. > > I see and feel my conceptualised-self in my everyday conversations, in the things I choose to talk about and what matters to me, the things that have struck my interest since I can remember. > > I enjoy the freedom and liberation of being 'out of my mind'...so to speak... > > :-) > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 16, 2010 Report Share Posted September 16, 2010 These thoughts are what your mind does. Be skeptical of the thoughts. Very likely, they are not true. Are they useful? Are they helping you live the valued life that you want? If not, notice the thoughts and let them pass, like clouds passing in the sky. Notice the feelings and make room for them. When the thoughts and feelings hold on or return, do the defusing again. Accept the feelings again. And as this all goes on within you, do the actions that are consistent with your values. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 16, 2010 Report Share Posted September 16, 2010 Lesley, I am a special education teacher, and wierdly enough, just came from a meeting with our director, who spent about 10 minutes gushing praise about certain teachers who " just do miracles " with these difficult students. It leaves the rest of us (and even those teachers I suppose) judging ourselves by the reactions of our students. There is a tendency in the press and public mind as well, to link the quality of a teacher with the scores of her students. It is difficult for me to give advice, as I am often caught up in measuring my own success by these same standards. Two things that have helped me to get some relief: 1. A buddhist teacher who often talked about doing the work " without attachment to the results " 2. Tracking time on task or lessons completed, rather than grades, averages, or test scores. (This also encourages students who do poorly on tests. They can say, " I did 30 assignments! " or " I read for three total hours! " rather than " I got a D on the test. " ) Maybe if you tracked YOUR accomplishments in teaching this child, rather than her reactions to you, it would mean more about your teaching than about her mood or her behavior on that day. I don't know if this is all compatible with ACT, as I am just beginning, but hope it helps. Shauna > > > > > > > > > The recovery journey is so dynamic huh. Every time I come out of another episode I feel stronger, dare I say, smarter. I have been practicing ACT for about 8 months I guess and have finally reached a stage where I am participating as opposed to theorising. Practicing goal setting towards your valued direction sounds so easy but much harder to maintain. > > > > > > Learning how to fully engage with whatever I am doing helped a lot, now I can do things `mindfully' to the best of my ability and enjoy the experience for what it is. > > > > > > I can sit with my history and observe the way I interact with it as well as conceive of the future. > > > > > > I see and feel my conceptualised-self in my everyday conversations, in the things I choose to talk about and what matters to me, the things that have struck my interest since I can remember. > > > > > > I enjoy the freedom and liberation of being 'out of my mind'...so to speak... > > > > > > :-) > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 16, 2010 Report Share Posted September 16, 2010 Hi Shauna, what you’ve said is totally ACT-consistent. Below is an extract from my new book, The Confidence Gap, which addresses this issue. (The book is out in Australia now, but not it’s not in the UK until March 2011, or the USA until August 2011) Hope this helps, Cheers, Russ What does the word ‘success’ mean to you? When you hear ‘She is very successful’ or ‘He’s made a success of himself’, what does that conjure up for you? Our society generally defines success in terms of achieving goals: fame, wealth, status and respect; a big house, a luxury car, a prestigious job, a huge salary. When people achieve these things, our society tends to label them as ‘successful’. But if we buy into this popular notion of success, we set ourselves up for a lot of unnecessary suffering. How so? Well, this view of success inevitably pulls us into the ‘goal-focused life’, where we are always striving to achieve the next goal. We may strive for more money, a larger house, a better neighbourhood, smarter clothes, a slimmer body, bigger muscles, more status, more fame, more respect and so on. We may strive to win this game or tournament, or make that sale, or get that promotion, or win that contract, or find a more attractive partner, or buy that smart car, or get that qualification, or earn that university degree. And the illusion is, ‘When I achieve this goal, then I will be successful.’ There are at least three big problems associated with going through life this way. First, there’s no guarantee you will achieve those goals, or they may be a long way off – which leads to chronic frustration and disappointment. Second, even if you do achieve them, they will not give you lasting happiness; usually they give you a brief moment of pleasure, satisfaction or joy – and then you start to focus on the next goal. Third, if you buy into this notion of success, it will put you under tremendous pressure – because you have to keep on achieving and achieving to maintain it. As long as you can keep achieving those goals, then you are ‘successful’ – ‘a winner’, ‘a high achiever’, ‘a champion’. But if you stop achieving, then you are no longer successful; you are a ‘has-been’, ‘a failure’ or ‘a loser’. It is this popular notion of success that creates the commonplace problem of ‘fragile self-esteem’. Fragile self-esteem is very common in high-performing professionals. These high achievers often develop a strong positive self-image based on their performance: as long as they perform well, they have high self-esteem. But as soon as their performance drops, their self-esteem comes tumbling down: from ‘winner’ to ‘loser’, from ‘high achiever’ to ‘failure’. If we live our lives ruled by this definition of success, we are doomed to stress and misery (punctuated by brief moments of joy when we achieve a goal). So I invite you to consider a radically different definition: True success is living by your values. This definition makes our lives ever so much easier. Why? Because in any moment, we can act on our values – yes, even if we’ve neglected them for years. Hey presto: instant success! This concept is especially useful if your goals are a long way off: you don’t have to wait until you’ve achieved them; you can be successful right now through living by your values. Suppose you want to change career and become a cardiac surgeon. You’re looking at a minimum of ten years before you can achieve this goal. That’s a long time. But suppose the core value underlying that goal is ‘helping others’; you can successfully act on that value over and over, all day, every day, for the rest of your life – even if you never become a cardiac surgeon. Consider this quote from Luther King, Jr: ‘I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the colour of their skin, but by the content of their character.’ This comes from his famous speech, delivered on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial, Washington DC, to a crowd of 200 000 civil rights protesters, on 28 August 1963. By the popular notion of ‘success equals achieving your goals’, Luther King was not successful. He did not achieve his goal of equal rights for people of all skin colours. And yet we remember, admire and respect him. Why? Because he stood for something: he lived by his values! When living by our values becomes the definition of success, it means we can be successful right now. All we need to do is act on our values. From this perspective, the mother who gives up her career to act on her values around nurturing and supporting her children is far more successful than the CEO who earns millions but completely neglects his values around being there for his kids. Albert Einstein put it this way: ‘Try not to become a man of success, but rather try to become a man of value.’ And Helen Keller put it like this: ‘I long to accomplish a great and noble task, but it is my chief duty to accomplish small tasks as if they were great and noble.’ So next time your mind is beating you up for not being successful enough, try saying ‘Thanks mind!’ And then ask yourself ‘What’s a tiny little thing I can do right now that’s consistent with my values?’ Then do it: instant success! Journey and Destination We can now list another ‘rule’ for the confidence game: Rule 6: True success is living by your values. Playing by this rule doesn’t mean we give up on our goals. It means we use our values to set our goals, and to sustain us as we move towards them. I often hear people say, ‘It’s the journey that counts, not the destination’, but I don’t agree. The destination is important: a journey from New York to Paris is not the same as a journey from New York to Shanghai. The point is this: all you have in any moment is the journey itself, because the instant you actually reach your destination, it is, by definition, no longer your destination. The moment you reach Paris, you’re in Paris. And then a split second later, you’re on a new journey, with a new destination: the hotel you’re staying at. So why not appreciate every moment of the journey, rather than focusing solely on the destination? You may be more familiar with this concept in terms of ‘process’ and ‘outcome’. ‘Process’ is the way you go about doing something. ‘Outcomes’ are the results of what you’ve done. If you want to develop genuine confidence, perform at your peak, and find maximal fulfilment in what you do, you need to commit to the process, engaging in it fully and detaching from the outcome. Again, that doesn’t mean giving up on the goal; it simply means shifting the emphasis: instead of obsessing about the outcome, you get passionate about the process; about getting the most out of it, and doing it to the best of your ability. One of my clients, Ginny, was learning to paint, but she didn’t enjoy it very much because she spent the whole time fretting about what the finished painting would look like – obsessing about the outcome. So I asked her what she could get out of the process, even if the finished result wasn’t what she wanted. Ginny identified that she could learn how to use colour, tone, light and composition, and how to create different textures with the paintbrush. Next I asked her what values she wanted to act on in every moment of painting. She identified learning and being creative. Finally I asked her to go back to her painting and get passionate about the process: to embrace it as an opportunity for learning new skills and being creative. Ginny soon found that the more she engaged in the process and detached from the outcome, the more rewarding the experience was. Soon she was able to enjoy the painting without getting hung up on the end result. And paradoxically, her paintings turned out much better! So here’s another ‘rule’ for the confidence game: Rule 7: Don’t obsess on the outcome; get passionate about the process. From: ACT_for_the_Public [mailto:ACT_for_the_Public ] On Behalf Of shaunacateacher Sent: Friday, 17 September 2010 11:05 AM To: ACT_for_the_Public Subject: Re: Recovery with ACT Lesley, I am a special education teacher, and wierdly enough, just came from a meeting with our director, who spent about 10 minutes gushing praise about certain teachers who " just do miracles " with these difficult students. It leaves the rest of us (and even those teachers I suppose) judging ourselves by the reactions of our students. There is a tendency in the press and public mind as well, to link the quality of a teacher with the scores of her students. It is difficult for me to give advice, as I am often caught up in measuring my own success by these same standards. Two things that have helped me to get some relief: 1. A buddhist teacher who often talked about doing the work " without attachment to the results " 2. Tracking time on task or lessons completed, rather than grades, averages, or test scores. (This also encourages students who do poorly on tests. They can say, " I did 30 assignments! " or " I read for three total hours! " rather than " I got a D on the test. " ) Maybe if you tracked YOUR accomplishments in teaching this child, rather than her reactions to you, it would mean more about your teaching than about her mood or her behavior on that day. I don't know if this is all compatible with ACT, as I am just beginning, but hope it helps. Shauna > > > > > > > > > The recovery journey is so dynamic huh. Every time I come out of another episode I feel stronger, dare I say, smarter. I have been practicing ACT for about 8 months I guess and have finally reached a stage where I am participating as opposed to theorising. Practicing goal setting towards your valued direction sounds so easy but much harder to maintain. > > > > > > Learning how to fully engage with whatever I am doing helped a lot, now I can do things `mindfully' to the best of my ability and enjoy the experience for what it is. > > > > > > I can sit with my history and observe the way I interact with it as well as conceive of the future. > > > > > > I see and feel my conceptualised-self in my everyday conversations, in the things I choose to talk about and what matters to me, the things that have struck my interest since I can remember. > > > > > > I enjoy the freedom and liberation of being 'out of my mind'...so to speak... > > > > > > :-) > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 17, 2010 Report Share Posted September 17, 2010 Hi , Great post & great replies from others on this thread. If you are not too tired of reading ACT books, one you might find especially pertinent to the thoughts you are experiencing in relation to your value of teaching is the book, " Mindfulness For Two. " It is meant for therapists not laypersons but it is also very clearly written. When I read it I find clear parallels between the struggles describes for therapists and the struggles the rest of us experience in our own fields - and teaching would certainly come to mind. Certainly not a must read but a very compassionate & mind-blowing/opening experience if you have the time. It's not a big book either. Good luck w/the teaching - sounds like you care a lot not just about your image but about your students, which is more than half the battle. And yes I think it is a battle to teach well - which is OK; it is more a matter of choice of " weapons. " For me compassion and waking up to the present moment seem useful when I remember them. -Randy > > > > > > The recovery journey is so dynamic huh. Every time I come out of another episode I feel stronger, dare I say, smarter. I have been practicing ACT for about 8 months I guess and have finally reached a stage where I am participating as opposed to theorising. Practicing goal setting towards your valued direction sounds so easy but much harder to maintain. > > > > Learning how to fully engage with whatever I am doing helped a lot, now I can do things `mindfully' to the best of my ability and enjoy the experience for what it is. > > > > I can sit with my history and observe the way I interact with it as well as conceive of the future. > > > > I see and feel my conceptualised-self in my everyday conversations, in the things I choose to talk about and what matters to me, the things that have struck my interest since I can remember. > > > > I enjoy the freedom and liberation of being 'out of my mind'...so to speak... > > > > :-) > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 17, 2010 Report Share Posted September 17, 2010 Thanks for the kind words about Mindfulness for Two Randy. The funny thing is you say:When I read it I find clear parallelsbetween the struggles describes for therapists and the struggles the rest of us experience in our ownfields - and teaching would certainly come to mind. Of course, the point I am working to make from the other side to therapists is that the struggles their clients are having are not particularly far afield from the struggles they are coming up against in the therapy room and elsewhere in their own lives. We are all poured from the same vessel I think. Cultivating a place where that fact can be noticed is my living project.many blessings....time to go get yoga'd up. Hope all have a weekend in which they can spare a few moments to offer themselves some small kindness. For me...going to yoga this morning--this is a small kindness I offer to myself. This day. Perhaps you can find some small kindness to offer as a gift from you to you. (and, especially if you don't "deserve" it because then it will be ultra clear that it is a gift and is not about deserving.) I would love to hear about them:-)peace, G. 205 Peabody BuildingPsychology DepartmentUniversity of MississippiOxford, MS 38677ph: fax: Psychology Today Bloghttp://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/living-one-lifeacademic homepage:www.olemiss.edu/working/kwilson/kwilson.htmalso check outwww.onelifellc.comwww.mindfulnessfortwo.comwww.facebook.com/kellygwilsonwww.tastybehaviorism.comwww.abnormalwootwoot.com Hi , Great post & great replies from others on this thread. If you are not too tired of reading ACT books, one you might find especially pertinent to the thoughts you are experiencing in relation to your value of teaching is the book, "Mindfulness For Two." It is meant for therapists not laypersons but it is also very clearly written. When I read it I find clear parallels between the struggles describes for therapists and the struggles the rest of us experience in our own fields - and teaching would certainly come to mind. Certainly not a must read but a very compassionate & mind-blowing/opening experience if you have the time. It's not a big book either. Good luck w/the teaching - sounds like you care a lot not just about your image but about your students, which is more than half the battle. And yes I think it is a battle to teach well - which is OK; it is more a matter of choice of "weapons." For me compassion and waking up to the present moment seem useful when I remember them. -Randy > > > > > > The recovery journey is so dynamic huh. Every time I come out of another episode I feel stronger, dare I say, smarter. I have been practicing ACT for about 8 months I guess and have finally reached a stage where I am participating as opposed to theorising. Practicing goal setting towards your valued direction sounds so easy but much harder to maintain. > > > > Learning how to fully engage with whatever I am doing helped a lot, now I can do things `mindfully' to the best of my ability and enjoy the experience for what it is. > > > > I can sit with my history and observe the way I interact with it as well as conceive of the future. > > > > I see and feel my conceptualised-self in my everyday conversations, in the things I choose to talk about and what matters to me, the things that have struck my interest since I can remember. > > > > I enjoy the freedom and liberation of being 'out of my mind'...so to speak... > > > > :-) > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.