Guest guest Posted November 4, 2010 Report Share Posted November 4, 2010 One tip that helps me: Tell yourself, I cannot control my nervousness or shaking, etc., but I can control my breathing. As you're sitting there waiting to go on, do deep belly breaths. Long, slow breaths, focusing on your lower abdomen. When you're speaking and nervous, you can run out of breath. The right breathing can help that. Don't fight the scary feelings; let them wash over you, like a wave. And come back to your breath. Break a leg! Ginny Subject: public speakingTo: ACT_for_the_Public Date: Thursday, November 4, 2010, 10:25 AM Anyone have some tips on dealing with public speaking? I'll be giving a talk this weekend. I usually get major stage fright. I get all these crazy excited feelings in my body, like my stomach area is on fire or something, and I get uncontrollable shaking. And my mind is racing and it's hard to give the talk. Lots of anxiety about things going wrong.I'll be trying to use my new ACT skills on this, but any other tips appreciated. It's hard to practice this because I rarely ever give talks. Perhaps I should do toastmasters, but that won't help this weekend. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 4, 2010 Report Share Posted November 4, 2010 My favorite:I try to connect with the simple fact thatI am not here for me. I am here for the audience.I'm going to serve them, and that is linked to the values I hold ...all the rest is stuff that comes along for the ride, and it is 100% welcome to do so.Once there 9 times out of 10 the stuff that comes along forride is obviously useful. For example, when I get afraid I may tell the audience thatand will use this sharing as a way to humanize the message I have (that is especially easy when I'm talking about ACT of course but it isoften possible in with other topics). Or I may find in my fearthe yearning to help and the uncertainty that I can. Rich soup that. It is not my enemy -- its usually why I'm talking in the first place. I've told this story often but I can see that it is myscared 8 year old hiding under the bed as my parents fight.I want to help -- I'm uncertain that I can. Fear is my marker for caring and my connection to the simple, humble, human reality that I am not all powerful.That is my enemy? No way.Protect your 8 year olds -- they are lovely sources of what is most human about you. When you hold your fear gently its like giving them a pat on the head or a hug.When you step up anyway it is like standing up for the values you hold dear.Very powerful moment ... worth savoring, not struggling with - S C. Foundation ProfessorDepartment of Psychology /298University of NevadaReno, NV 89557-0062 " Love isn't everything, it's the only thing " hayes@... or stevenchayes@...Fax: Psych Department: Contextual Change (you can use this number for messages if need be): Blogs: Psychology Today http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/get-out-your-mindHuffington Post http://www.huffingtonpost.com/steven-c-hayes-phd If you want my vita, publications, PowerPoint slides, try my training page or my blog at the ACBS site: http://www.contextualpsychology.org/steven_hayes http://www.contextualpsychology.org/blog/steven_hayes or you can try my website (not really quite functional yet) stevenchayes.com If you have any questions about ACT or RFT (articles, AAQ information etc), please first check the vast resources at www.contextualpsychology.org. You have to register on the site to download things, but the cost starts at a dollar. If you are a professional or student and want to be part of the world wide ACT discussion or RFT discussions go to http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/acceptanceandcommitmenttherapy/join orhttp://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/relationalframetheory/joinIf you are a member of the public reading ACT self-help books (e.g., " Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life " etc) and want to be part of the conversation go to: http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/ACT_for_the_Public/join One tip that helps me: Tell yourself, I cannot control my nervousness or shaking, etc., but I can control my breathing. As you're sitting there waiting to go on, do deep belly breaths. Long, slow breaths, focusing on your lower abdomen. When you're speaking and nervous, you can run out of breath. The right breathing can help that. Don't fight the scary feelings; let them wash over you, like a wave. And come back to your breath. Break a leg! Ginny Subject: public speakingTo: ACT_for_the_Public Date: Thursday, November 4, 2010, 10:25 AM Anyone have some tips on dealing with public speaking? I'll be giving a talk this weekend. I usually get major stage fright. I get all these crazy excited feelings in my body, like my stomach area is on fire or something, and I get uncontrollable shaking. And my mind is racing and it's hard to give the talk. Lots of anxiety about things going wrong. I'll be trying to use my new ACT skills on this, but any other tips appreciated. It's hard to practice this because I rarely ever give talks. Perhaps I should do toastmasters, but that won't help this weekend. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 4, 2010 Report Share Posted November 4, 2010 Do you think it is always good to share your emotions? I teach at university and still sometimes get thrown if a student asks me something out of the blue (Usually a personal question but anything that might put me under pressure). Usually I'm OK but occasionally it throws me (Which is one of the annoying things about SA as you think you have it sorted out then after weeks or months it resurrects itself). In such a situation I will feel a surge of panic mainly become self conscious about physiological reactions (Like going red), and the way in which my speech becomes awkward. Lately I have played with just telling them 'I feel a bit embarrassed- sorry!' It seems to work but sometimes I think that it may be better to just completely ignore the whole thing and watch (From an observer perspective and carry on with the lesson). Sometimes I feel that it is dangerous to let people in to my personal world as they may lose respect. This is particularly my thought with students as you need respect for the student teacher relationship to work.Any one? What do you reckon?CheersJimTo: ACT_for_the_Public Sent: Fri, November 5, 2010 3:27:19 AMSubject: Re: public speaking My favorite:I try to connect with the simple fact thatI am not here for me. I am here for the audience.I'm going to serve them, and that is linked to the values I hold ...all the rest is stuff that comes along for the ride, and it is 100% welcome to do so.Once there 9 times out of 10 the stuff that comes along forride is obviously useful. For example, when I get afraid I may tell the audience thatand will use this sharing as a way to humanize the message I have (that is especially easy when I'm talking about ACT of course but it isoften possible in with other topics). Or I may find in my fearthe yearning to help and the uncertainty that I can. Rich soup that. It is not my enemy -- its usually why I'm talking in the first place. I've told this story often but I can see that it is myscared 8 year old hiding under the bed as my parents fight.I want to help -- I'm uncertain that I can. Fear is my marker for caring and my connection to the simple, humble, human reality that I am not all powerful.That is my enemy? No way.Protect your 8 year olds -- they are lovely sources of what is most human about you. When you hold your fear gently its like giving them a pat on the head or a hug.When you step up anyway it is like standing up for the values you hold dear.Very powerful moment ... worth savoring, not struggling with - S C. Foundation ProfessorDepartment of Psychology /298University of NevadaReno, NV 89557-0062"Love isn't everything, it's the only thing" hayes@... or stevenchayes@...Fax: Psych Department: Contextual Change (you can use this number for messages if need be): Blogs: Psychology Today http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/get-out-your-mindHuffington Post http://www.huffingtonpost.com/steven-c-hayes-phd If you want my vita, publications, PowerPoint slides, try my training page or my blog at the ACBS site: http://www.contextualpsychology.org/steven_hayes http://www.contextualpsychology.org/blog/steven_hayes or you can try my website (not really quite functional yet) stevenchayes.com If you have any questions about ACT or RFT (articles, AAQ information etc), please first check the vast resources at www.contextualpsychology.org. You have to register on the site to download things, but the cost starts at a dollar. If you are a professional or student and want to be part of the world wide ACT discussion or RFT discussions go to http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/acceptanceandcommitmenttherapy/join orhttp://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/relationalframetheory/joinIf you are a member of the public reading ACT self-help books (e.g., "Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life" etc) and want to be part of the conversation go to: http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/ACT_for_the_Public/join One tip that helps me: Tell yourself, I cannot control my nervousness or shaking, etc., but I can control my breathing. As you're sitting there waiting to go on, do deep belly breaths. Long, slow breaths, focusing on your lower abdomen. When you're speaking and nervous, you can run out of breath. The right breathing can help that. Don't fight the scary feelings; let them wash over you, like a wave. And come back to your breath. Break a leg! Ginny Subject: public speakingTo: ACT_for_the_Public Date: Thursday, November 4, 2010, 10:25 AM Anyone have some tips on dealing with public speaking? I'll be giving a talk this weekend. I usually get major stage fright. I get all these crazy excited feelings in my body, like my stomach area is on fire or something, and I get uncontrollable shaking. And my mind is racing and it's hard to give the talk. Lots of anxiety about things going wrong. I'll be trying to use my new ACT skills on this, but any other tips appreciated. It's hard to practice this because I rarely ever give talks. Perhaps I should do toastmasters, but that won't help this weekend. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 5, 2010 Report Share Posted November 5, 2010 > > Anyone have some tips on dealing with public speaking? I'll be > giving a talk this weekend. I usually get major stage fright. This is not quite the same thing as a one-time speech to a particular group, but for what it's worth: I teach writing part-time each fall and winter, and the first class is always the most nervous-making - in part because I am facing a roomful of strangers with carefully blank expressions. The first couple of times this happened it was easy to think they were judging me and not approving of what they saw - I was like a standup comedian dying on stage. Things always warmed up by the second or third meeting, but that first class was tough. I don't know when I realized this, but at some point it came to me: the reason people usually look so uptight at a first class has nothing to do with me and everything to do with their own uncertainty. Is this the right class for them? Can I help them with their writing & whatever goals or dreams hang on that? Plus, like me are in a roomful of strangers. However much they may be judging me, they are even more afraid of being judged themselves. Knowing this doesn't remove nervousness - I am still nervous as I lead a first class - but it grounds me & connects me with everyone a little more than would otherwise be the case. - Randy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 5, 2010 Report Share Posted November 5, 2010 > Sometimes I feel that it is dangerous to let people in to my > personal world as they may lose respect. This is particularly > my thought with students as you need respect for the student > teacher relationship to work. I mentioned in the thread on public speaking that I teach writing part-time - with continuing ed students only. Nowhere near as tough as I imagine it would be teaching at the university level to undergrads or grads. But still I find teaching interesting & am keen on finding ways to teach better. Like you I often use what might be called an ACT approach when I stumble in class. I'll say it straight out that I'm worried I'm not being clear, don't have an answer to a particular question, etc. It can feel uncomfortable but I haven't sensed any loss of respect. I prefer to let students in on what I'm wrestling with rather than pretend to be all-knowing. Plus I think it's good to show students a writer who isn't afraid of admitting to feeling lost or foolish - after all, they must often feel that way as their own work is discussed. As for off-topic personal questions, though, I hardly ever get any, perhaps because I work with adults & not undergrads. My preference would be to avoid diversions that don't contribute to the class, so hopefully I could find a way to say this. But like many people I can be very slow in figuring out how to respond to unusual situations. -R. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 5, 2010 Report Share Posted November 5, 2010 Hi thereI used to be petrified of public speaking, but after years and years of practice (it's part of my job) I am finally able to accept my nerves, so they don't interfere too much. I don't know what type of event you are speaking at - so the following might be completely unhelpful, but here goes:1. Speak deliberately s-l-o-w-l-y. Adrenalin; a fear of silence; and a general wish to get to the end and sit down makes your mouth go faster than is sensible. It also stops you from breathing properly, at a time when you need oxygen most!2. Have some notes. They are great prompts if you dry up. Index cards are easiest to flick through and quite small and discreet. Write "SPEAK SLOWLY" on every other card to remind you of that.3. Find a friendly face somewhere in the audience near the front, and speak to him/her. 4. If there is opportunity, try to make a comment or something earlier on in the event which will get people looking at you. That way, when you stand up to speak, it won't be for the first time. In a sense, you've already "broken the ice".5. Many people disagree with this next tip, but I strongly believe that starting with "sorry, please excuse my nerves" is the wrong thing to do. In my experience, this feeds the monster. Besides, why should I say sorry? 6. Try to see the venue before you talk, and get a feel for the place.Good luck. xTo: ACT_for_the_Public Sent: Thu, 4 November, 2010 16:25:51Subject: public speaking Anyone have some tips on dealing with public speaking? I'll be giving a talk this weekend. I usually get major stage fright. I get all these crazy excited feelings in my body, like my stomach area is on fire or something, and I get uncontrollable shaking. And my mind is racing and it's hard to give the talk. Lots of anxiety about things going wrong. I'll be trying to use my new ACT skills on this, but any other tips appreciated. It's hard to practice this because I rarely ever give talks. Perhaps I should do toastmasters, but that won't help this weekend. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 5, 2010 Report Share Posted November 5, 2010 I was listening to Radio 4 the other day and I noticed after a while how this young reporter sounded a little bit anxious. I then started to listen out for it and I could tell that she was definately very nervous. When she passed back over to the next jouranlist I could hear in her exchange with him that she was still very nervous but her laugh was so infectious and sweet I could tell that she was at peace with her nervousness, i.e, totaly accepting of it. Wow! I thougt, nervousnes like that is not a problem. Kaivey > > Hi there > > I used to be petrified of public speaking, but after years and years of practice > (it's part of my job) I am finally able to accept my nerves, so they don't > interfere too much. I don't know what type of event you are speaking at - so > the following might be completely unhelpful, but here goes: > > 1. Speak deliberately s-l-o-w-l-y. Adrenalin; a fear of silence; and a general > wish to get to the end and sit down makes your mouth go faster than is > sensible. It also stops you from breathing properly, at a time when you need > oxygen most! > > 2. Have some notes. They are great prompts if you dry up. Index cards are > easiest to flick through and quite small and discreet. Write " SPEAK SLOWLY " on > every other card to remind you of that. > > 3. Find a friendly face somewhere in the audience near the front, and speak to > him/her. > > > 4. If there is opportunity, try to make a comment or something earlier on in > the event which will get people looking at you. That way, when you stand up to > speak, it won't be for the first time. In a sense, you've already " broken the > ice " . > > 5. Many people disagree with this next tip, but I strongly believe that > starting with " sorry, please excuse my nerves " is the wrong thing to do. In my > experience, this feeds the monster. Besides, why should I say sorry? > > > 6. Try to see the venue before you talk, and get a feel for the place. > > Good luck. > > x > > > > > > > > ________________________________ > > To: ACT_for_the_Public > Sent: Thu, 4 November, 2010 16:25:51 > Subject: public speaking > > > Anyone have some tips on dealing with public speaking? I'll be giving a talk > this weekend. I usually get major stage fright. I get all these crazy excited > feelings in my body, like my stomach area is on fire or something, and I get > uncontrollable shaking. And my mind is racing and it's hard to give the talk. > Lots of anxiety about things going wrong. > > I'll be trying to use my new ACT skills on this, but any other tips appreciated. > It's hard to practice this because I rarely ever give talks. Perhaps I should > do toastmasters, but that won't help this weekend. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 6, 2010 Report Share Posted November 6, 2010 Hi ,, I’m with Steve. I’ve been presenting more and more lately as part of my full-time job. I teach Motivational Interviewing skills, and somehow seem to be incorporating more and more ACT-consistent language in my presentations. What I’ve recognized is that my values around talking about ACT and teaching Motivational Interviewing are pretty powerful for me. Anyway, for the last few years I’ve been starting my presentations with the true statement that “I’m one of those people who would rather be shot than stand up in front of a group and talk, with everyone looking right at me, waiting for something from me.” And then I continue with “And yet I keep doing it because it’s sooo very important to me to talk about (this topic” (whatever the topic may be). And then I joke with them about being kind to me while i begin to calm down a bit”. I’ve found that mostly people are incredibly kind when I’m myself, and I end up getting good reviews. Something about letting them in seems to join us for a moment. Anyway, with time, I’ve noticed that sometimes I don’t find myself needing to start out that way, which is amazing to me! And sometimes I notice the feeling’s back, so I tell the truth, which simply tells me, again, how very important some things are to me. Best, Robyn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 6, 2010 Report Share Posted November 6, 2010 for a long time, I used to tug at my collar on day one, minute one and say "Is it anxious in here, or is it just me?"I still say this occasionally....just me gently teasing my anxiety. Pretty much always good for a small laugh.I had a student years ago with terrible public speaking anxiety get up in front of an audience holding a cup and say that she was so anxious she might throw up, hence the cup. She said that she might just throw up in the cup, but she was going to finish the talk. It was radical! And, she went on to give the clearest most articulate talk I had ever seen her give.I am not giving advice here. I don't know what people should do. I am not sure that what my student did would be the best thing for everyone to do everywhere. but for her....in that moment, it was right for her...and I sat in the audience with a mixed sense of awe and pride at her willingness and commitment.k G. 205 Peabody BuildingPsychology DepartmentUniversity of MississippiOxford, MS 38677ph: fax: academic homepage:www.olemiss.edu/working/kwilson/kwilson.htmalso check outwww.onelifellc.comwww.mindfulnessfortwo.comwww.facebook.com/kellygwilsonwww.tastybehaviorism.comwww.abnormalwootwoot.com Hi ,, I’m with Steve. I’ve been presenting more and more lately as part of my full-time job. I teach Motivational Interviewing skills, and somehow seem to be incorporating more and more ACT-consistent language in my presentations. What I’ve recognized is that my values around talking about ACT and teaching Motivational Interviewing are pretty powerful for me. Anyway, for the last few years I’ve been starting my presentations with the true statement that “I’m one of those people who would rather be shot than stand up in front of a group and talk, with everyone looking right at me, waiting for something from me.” And then I continue with “And yet I keep doing it because it’s sooo very important to me to talk about (this topic” (whatever the topic may be). And then I joke with them about being kind to me while i begin to calm down a bit”. I’ve found that mostly people are incredibly kind when I’m myself, and I end up getting good reviews. Something about letting them in seems to join us for a moment. Anyway, with time, I’ve noticed that sometimes I don’t find myself needing to start out that way, which is amazing to me! And sometimes I notice the feeling’s back, so I tell the truth, which simply tells me, again, how very important some things are to me. Best, Robyn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 8, 2010 Report Share Posted November 8, 2010 Thanks for all the great posts and ideas about public speaking, they were a huge help. It turned out well, and I give a lot of the credit to ACT. This last week was one of the most intense experiences of my life. I couldn't have done it without ACT/mindfulness. I was able to work on my various presentations over the week prior and rehearse them, whereas in the past the anxiety would have shut me down and I'd be paralyzed and unable to think well and procrastinate. Instead, I was able to focus on what I wanted to say during this preparation phase, and do the work of preparing slides and organizing my thoughts. I think what was especially helpful to me was the idea about being there for the audience, not for myself, that it's expressing my values to move forward despite the fear. It turned out that things went really well. When the time came for each presentation (there were like 5 of them over 3 days), I was prepared, knew what I wanted to communicate, had polished slides or had thought about what to show, and I was able to be present during the presentation (hmm… interesting wordplay there). I had little or no nerves during the presentations (well, the first one was a bit nervy). If difficult or distracting thoughts came up during the presentation, or if there was someone was dominating the discussion, I was able to relax and let things flow instead of needing to control, and I was able to (mostly) stay present and listen instead of drifting off thinking about what to say next. I was also able to stay more present at other times in this crowded social situation, like in the hallways or dining rooms, which for me has always been very difficult in the past. I'm an introvert in that being around so many people and crowds and noise of people talking loudly, it's all very draining and stressful. Not my idea of a fun time. But I was able to just be with the uncomfortable feelings, and not worry if I wasn't finding people to talk to. Reminded myself of why I was there, that it came from my values. And occasionally I did find people to talk with, and even had a couple of extraordinary conversations. As I say, I give major credit to ACT (and to me as well). I'm starting to see what is meant about showing up for your life and moving forward in spite of the fear. Oh, and I did it all without caffeine. > > Anyone have some tips on dealing with public speaking? I'll be giving a talk this weekend. I usually get major stage fright. I get all these crazy excited feelings in my body, like my stomach area is on fire or something, and I get uncontrollable shaking. And my mind is racing and it's hard to give the talk. Lots of anxiety about things going wrong. > > I'll be trying to use my new ACT skills on this, but any other tips appreciated. It's hard to practice this because I rarely ever give talks. Perhaps I should do toastmasters, but that won't help this weekend. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 8, 2010 Report Share Posted November 8, 2010 - Thank you for sharing the details of your success, especially about how ACT worked for you. Enjoy your success lightly. Bill> To: ACT_for_the_Public > Date: Tue, 9 Nov 2010 02:00:20 +0000> Subject: Re: public speaking> > > > Thanks for all the great posts and ideas about public speaking, they were a huge help. It turned out well, and I give a lot of the credit to ACT.> > This last week was one of the most intense experiences of my life. I couldn't have done it without ACT/mindfulness. I was able to work on my various presentations over the week prior and rehearse them, whereas in the past the anxiety would have shut me down and I'd be paralyzed and unable to think well and procrastinate. Instead, I was able to focus on what I wanted to say during this preparation phase, and do the work of preparing slides and organizing my thoughts. > > I think what was especially helpful to me was the idea about being there for the audience, not for myself, that it's expressing my values to move forward despite the fear. > > It turned out that things went really well. When the time came for each presentation (there were like 5 of them over 3 days), I was prepared, knew what I wanted to communicate, had polished slides or had thought about what to show, and I was able to be present during the presentation (hmm… interesting wordplay there). I had little or no nerves during the presentations (well, the first one was a bit nervy). If difficult or distracting thoughts came up during the presentation, or if there was someone was dominating the discussion, I was able to relax and let things flow instead of needing to control, and I was able to (mostly) stay present and listen instead of drifting off thinking about what to say next.> > I was also able to stay more present at other times in this crowded social situation, like in the hallways or dining rooms, which for me has always been very difficult in the past. I'm an introvert in that being around so many people and crowds and noise of people talking loudly, it's all very draining and stressful. Not my idea of a fun time. But I was able to just be with the uncomfortable feelings, and not worry if I wasn't finding people to talk to. Reminded myself of why I was there, that it came from my values. And occasionally I did find people to talk with, and even had a couple of extraordinary conversations.> > As I say, I give major credit to ACT (and to me as well). I'm starting to see what is meant about showing up for your life and moving forward in spite of the fear.> > Oh, and I did it all without caffeine.> > > >> > Anyone have some tips on dealing with public speaking? I'll be giving a talk this weekend. I usually get major stage fright. I get all these crazy excited feelings in my body, like my stomach area is on fire or something, and I get uncontrollable shaking. And my mind is racing and it's hard to give the talk. Lots of anxiety about things going wrong.> > > > I'll be trying to use my new ACT skills on this, but any other tips appreciated. It's hard to practice this because I rarely ever give talks. Perhaps I should do toastmasters, but that won't help this weekend.> >> > > > ------------------------------------> > For other ACT materials and list serves see www.contextualpsychology.org> > If you do not wish to belong to ACT_for_the_Public, you may > unsubscribe by sending an email to > ACT_for_the_Public-unsubscribe@...! Groups Links> > <*> To visit your group on the web, go to:> http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ACT_for_the_Public/> > <*> Your email settings:> Individual Email | Traditional> > <*> To change settings online go to:> http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ACT_for_the_Public/join> (Yahoo! ID required)> > <*> To change settings via email:> ACT_for_the_Public-digest > ACT_for_the_Public-fullfeatured > > <*> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 8, 2010 Report Share Posted November 8, 2010 > > Oh, and I did it all without caffeine. Extra-cool! -R. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 15, 2010 Report Share Posted November 15, 2010 I like to keep my speeches short for example " If I could just say a few words......... I'd be a better public speaker! " Job done! On a serious note remembering to keep control of your breathing talk slowly are key in my jittery opinion. > > Anyone have some tips on dealing with public speaking? I'll be giving a talk this weekend. I usually get major stage fright. I get all these crazy excited feelings in my body, like my stomach area is on fire or something, and I get uncontrollable shaking. And my mind is racing and it's hard to give the talk. Lots of anxiety about things going wrong. > > I'll be trying to use my new ACT skills on this, but any other tips appreciated. It's hard to practice this because I rarely ever give talks. Perhaps I should do toastmasters, but that won't help this weekend. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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