(article) Dating a man with autism taught me to be myself

[Guest guest]

This article about the challenges of a NT/AS relationship may be of

interest to the group.

To read the entire article, click the icon at the bottom of the page to

be redirected to " The Frisky " website.

Dating a man with autism taught me to be myself

http://theautismnews.com/2011/08/10/girl-talk-dating-a-man-with-autism-taught-me\

-to-be-myself/

Enjoy,

~CJ

[Guest guest]

Hi CJ,

Well, Enjoy I did! That was interesting! It was a bit onerous with the old

browser I was using .. I'm not online much at the moment because my laptop is a

paperweight, but this was great insight for my morning!

This blog, and *especially* the comments that follow the blog, are a " must read "

for our members here who are struggling in their relationships or would like to

understand why, like me, in the end, it could not endure. It will give them a

clearer perspective, from all sides, as AS and NT weigh in on the blog.

" Aspergers " wasn't mentioned and after reading through it a couple of times it

was clear to me that " " did indeed have high functioning autism, not just

Aspergers. His mom (who is mentioned in the blog) must have done an amazing job!

" " is at the more extreme ends of sensory difficulties.

" " is certainly a person who has learned to " fake it until you make it " and

has learned many compensating strategies, but could be very overwhelmed trying

to integrate things like the upheaval of moving to a new city, and the sudden

death of the author's father. He didn't manage that one very well. He probably

could have rescued the situation by saying he was sorry that he couldn't cope

with the two issues at once, instead of saying something to the effect of " this

conversation is over " when the author expressed hurt that he never acknowledged

her father's death. His reaction prompted some commenters to say he was

" selfish. "

We can certainly see the basis of miscommunication, misunderstanding and hurt

that can go on, on both sides in this account. We see clearly here the author's

emotional reaction to " 's " atypical responses or non-responses to her

behaviors or situations, and we can see that " " is distancing himself

because he is overwhelmed.

The comments that follow " Amelia's " blog are just as interesting. There is one

memorable line in the blog that will resonate with NTs, I think, and one AS

writer responds, disputing that all autistics only need themselves to be happy.

" We all need someone, " he says. One NT writer said, " I was lonelier in the

relationship than I am now that I am single. " Some posters pointed out a

realities that could be common to both AS and NT relationships, that the

problems aren't unique to either side. A few comments were bitter and mean

spirited but most were wise. My favourite was the writer who said the key to

successful relationships with an Aspie is " reasonable expectations. "

Thanks, CJ, and I hope our members will read it.

- Helen

>

>

> This article about the challenges of a NT/AS relationship may be of

> interest to the group.

>

> To read the entire article, click the icon at the bottom of the page to

> be redirected to " The Frisky " website.

>

>

> Dating a man with autism taught me to be myself

>

>

http://theautismnews.com/2011/08/10/girl-talk-dating-a-man-with-autism-taught-me\

-to-be-myself/

>

>

> Enjoy,

> ~CJ

>