Re: coming up empty--warning a bit long

October 10, 2010

Sounds like you did a good job in the end. You can only work with what you have got. I felt sort of disconnected. Out of balance. This happens pretty commonly for me,What do you think causes that?To: ACT_for_the_Public Sent: Sun, October 10, 2010 8:56:02 PMSubject: coming up empty--warning a bit long

I am just getting on the other side of some major jet lag (australia last week) and a head cold to boot. Anyhow, I wanted to share a little experience I had with the list. I was invited to do a small boatload of stuff at the Australian conference a preconference 2-day workshop, and a couple short workshops, one on substance abuse, one on my Things Might Go Terribly Horribly wrong book, and a clinical master class and a plenary address.

The preconference went fine. People really showed up and it was an excellent workshop in my estimation. Probably not for everyone, but mostly.

Anyhow, the next day, I had one that I was decidedly not worried about based on the Things book. I had a kick ass pictorial powerpoint. I had done that workshop this summer at the world conference and it went fantastic. So really, I figured it would be the simplest thing I would do. But, as the book title says, "things might go terribly horribly wrong"...and they did. A very short way into the workshop, I felt sort of disconnected. Out of balance. This happens pretty commonly for me, but I usually find my pace and everything goes fine. Not this time. I had an exercise sort of go flat, and then could not find my way to the next segment. I tried to ignore it and push ahead, but I was trying to drive a car on dead empty.S o there I was standing in a big lecture theater with hundreds of people who had gone to great expense to bring me there and I am flat as a pancake. I work without a script, so this is a worst fear. And, I don't even have a slideshow full

of bullets to read and brute force my way through. I had nothing.

Just a big room full of people and me standing there silent and thinking: "Wow, here it is." The other thing I have though is a set of principles, so, I just showed up. I just told people that I was out of gas, empty, zilch and no sense of where to go next. I used myself as an example of what you might do when things go terribly horribly wrong. I think a fair number of people did not believe it, at least at first. I called a break and told people that there were many other fine workshops going on at the same time, and that they would be welcome to bail on the break and go to a different workshop. I told them I could not promise that I would deliver much after the break, but I did commit to being there and to doing my job as best I was able on that day.

On the break, someone asked me: this is just an example right? I told them sure it was an example, but damned sure not on purpose. I came back. Looked to me like the whole or most of the audience returned. Or maybe some people changed to my workshop because they heard I was melting down and wanted to see what that looked like.

We did our job. WE did a few exercises, not much of what I had planned. I talked a bit about what it was like to show up on empty in front of a big international audience. I asked them how that was for them.

Anyhow, I was faithful to the process as much as I was able. And, I survived with my skin still attached.

A few people, I think, really got a lot out of it. Not what I intended, but a lot. What they got was, if he can flop and have that be ok, I guess I can flop.

It was wild. And, the worst meltdown in my career I think. Certainly worst in a high stakes setting. I did not fight it much. I was open about it with people there who mostly have the same values as me.

That night, I was a little worried: what if it happens again! The next day, I came back. Morning workshop, just got in there and worked and it was a blast. Afternoon session, I walked back into the same lecture theater and had a little woo hoo miniPTSD moment. But I waded to the front of the room. Mentioned it and then did my job with the master clinician class and then immediately followed with the plenary. Those went fine, not great in my estimation, but OK. I am a good presenter, so my OK is pretty good

October 10, 2010

I am so glad you shared this with us. Hey, if you -- with all your knowledge, education, accomplishments, love from family, fellow professionals, students and friends -- can flop and still bring your best self to the moment, second by second, instead of running or falling into self-recrimination -- well, I guess I can, too.

Thank you. I am honored to be one of your thousands of close friends!

Helena

coming up empty--warning a bit long

I am just getting on the other side of some major jet lag (australia last week) and a head cold to boot. Anyhow, I wanted to share a little experience I had with the list. I was invited to do a small boatload of stuff at the Australian conference a preconference 2-day workshop, and a couple short workshops, one on substance abuse, one on my Things Might Go Terribly Horribly wrong book, and a clinical master class and a plenary address.The preconference went fine. People really showed up and it was an excellent workshop in my estimation. Probably not for everyone, but mostly.Anyhow, the next day, I had one that I was decidedly not worried about based on the Things book. I had a kick ass pictorial powerpoint. I had done that workshop this summer at the world conference and it went fantastic. So really, I figured it would be the simplest thing I would do. But, as the book title says, "things might go terribly horribly wrong"...and they did. A very short way into the workshop, I felt sort of disconnected. Out of balance. This happens pretty commonly for me, but I usually find my pace and everything goes fine. Not this time. I had an exercise sort of go flat, and then could not find my way to the next segment. I tried to ignore it and push ahead, but I was trying to drive a car on dead empty.S o there I was standing in a big lecture theater with hundreds of people who had gone to great expense to bring me there and I am flat as a pancake. I work without a script, so this is a worst fear. And, I don't even have a slideshow full of bullets to read and brute force my way through. I had nothing.Just a big room full of people and me standing there silent and thinking: "Wow, here it is." The other thing I have though is a set of principles, so, I just showed up. I just told people that I was out of gas, empty, zilch and no sense of where to go next. I used myself as an example of what you might do when things go terribly horribly wrong. I think a fair number of people did not believe it, at least at first. I called a break and told people that there were many other fine workshops going on at the same time, and that they would be welcome to bail on the break and go to a different workshop. I told them I could not promise that I would deliver much after the break, but I did commit to being there and to doing my job as best I was able on that day.On the break, someone asked me: this is just an example right? I told them sure it was an example, but damned sure not on purpose. I came back. Looked to me like the whole or most of the audience returned. Or maybe some people changed to my workshop because they heard I was melting down and wanted to see what that looked like. We did our job. WE did a few exercises, not much of what I had planned. I talked a bit about what it was like to show up on empty in front of a big international audience. I asked them how that was for them.Anyhow, I was faithful to the process as much as I was able. And, I survived with my skin still attached.A few people, I think, really got a lot out of it. Not what I intended, but a lot. What they got was, if he can flop and have that be ok, I guess I can flop.It was wild. And, the worst meltdown in my career I think. Certainly worst in a high stakes setting. I did not fight it much. I was open about it with people there who mostly have the same values as me. That night, I was a little worried: what if it happens again! The next day, I came back. Morning workshop, just got in there and worked and it was a blast. Afternoon session, I walked back into the same lecture theater and had a little woo hoo miniPTSD moment. But I waded to the front of the room. Mentioned it and then did my job with the master clinician class and then immediately followed with the plenary. Those went fine, not great in my estimation, but OK. I am a good presenter, so my OK is pretty good.And afterwards, surprisingly little aftermath. Not much in the way of ruminating or self-condemnation. Just got up to bat, swung, and missed. OK, next. Fascinating to see from the inside out.I am not giving advice here. I am not saying anyone should emulate this or that this would apply in all circumstances. This is a special audience and I might have just sucked it up and brute forced my way through it under other circumstances or with a less friendly audience. But I did not have an unfriendly audience. I had the one I had, and I think I did what I would want myself to do under the circumstances.Interestingly, I had someone in the audience (the conference chair) who has known me through the work for about 8 years ask me about whether I was being kind to myself. He asked right towards the end of the workshop. He qualified it first by saying, you have pushed me over the years, so I hope it is alright to push you. I stopped and thought a moment and answered in the affirmative. I told him that if that scared little boy I carry with me, who wants so bad to please, had just got to the conference and flopped, I would gently encourage him to just walk it out and do his best and that for that day, that moment, that would be enough and I would love him for showing up and doing his job--even on the hardest day.Anyhow, what a trip. And as I wrote this, I thought about my next four gigs in Europe in December and thought.....what if things go......I guess I will be faithful to myself and to the process and declare whatever outcome to be enough. Others can make their own evaluations.Just thought I would share my international belly flop with a couple thousand close friends;-)peace to all, G. 205 Peabody BuildingPsychology DepartmentUniversity of MississippiOxford, MS 38677ph: fax: academic homepage:www.olemiss.edu/working/kwilson/kwilson.htmalso check outwww.onelifellc.comwww.mindfulnessfortwo.comwww.facebook.com/kellygwilsonwww.tastybehaviorism.comwww.abnormalwootwoot.com

October 10, 2010

Thanks for another picture of what acceptance looks like. To me, there are no more important stories for us to tell and hear. They put a face on ACT, both on how it works and on what to expect when we've done the best we can.Bill> To: ACT_for_the_Public > Date: Sun, 10 Oct 2010 08:56:02 -0500> Subject: coming up empty--warning a bit long> > I am just getting on the other side of some major jet lag (australia last week) and a head cold to boot. Anyhow, I wanted to share a little experience I had with the list. I was invited to do a small boatload of stuff at the Australian conference a preconference 2-day workshop, and a couple short workshops, one on substance abuse, one on my Things Might Go Terribly Horribly wrong book, and a clinical master class and a plenary address.> > The preconference went fine. People really showed up and it was an excellent workshop in my estimation. Probably not for everyone, but mostly.> > Anyhow, the next day, I had one that I was decidedly not worried about based on the Things book. I had a kick ass pictorial powerpoint. I had done that workshop this summer at the world conference and it went fantastic. So really, I figured it would be the simplest thing I would do. But, as the book title says, "things might go terribly horribly wrong"...and they did. A very short way into the workshop, I felt sort of disconnected. Out of balance. This happens pretty commonly for me, but I usually find my pace and everything goes fine. Not this time. I had an exercise sort of go flat, and then could not find my way to the next segment. I tried to ignore it and push ahead, but I was trying to drive a car on dead empty.S o there I was standing in a big lecture theater with hundreds of people who had gone to great expense to bring me there and I am flat as a pancake. I work without a script, so this is a worst fear. And, I don't even have a slideshow full of bullets to read and brute force my way through. I had nothing.> > Just a big room full of people and me standing there silent and thinking: "Wow, here it is." The other thing I have though is a set of principles, so, I just showed up. I just told people that I was out of gas, empty, zilch and no sense of where to go next. I used myself as an example of what you might do when things go terribly horribly wrong. I think a fair number of people did not believe it, at least at first. I called a break and told people that there were many other fine workshops going on at the same time, and that they would be welcome to bail on the break and go to a different workshop. I told them I could not promise that I would deliver much after the break, but I did commit to being there and to doing my job as best I was able on that day.> > On the break, someone asked me: this is just an example right? I told them sure it was an example, but damned sure not on purpose. I came back. Looked to me like the whole or most of the audience returned. Or maybe some people changed to my workshop because they heard I was melting down and wanted to see what that looked like. > > We did our job. WE did a few exercises, not much of what I had planned. I talked a bit about what it was like to show up on empty in front of a big international audience. I asked them how that was for them.> > Anyhow, I was faithful to the process as much as I was able. And, I survived with my skin still attached.> > A few people, I think, really got a lot out of it. Not what I intended, but a lot. What they got was, if he can flop and have that be ok, I guess I can flop.> > It was wild. And, the worst meltdown in my career I think. Certainly worst in a high stakes setting. I did not fight it much. I was open about it with people there who mostly have the same values as me. > > That night, I was a little worried: what if it happens again! The next day, I came back. Morning workshop, just got in there and worked and it was a blast. Afternoon session, I walked back into the same lecture theater and had a little woo hoo miniPTSD moment. But I waded to the front of the room. Mentioned it and then did my job with the master clinician class and then immediately followed with the plenary. Those went fine, not great in my estimation, but OK. I am a good presenter, so my OK is pretty good.> > And afterwards, surprisingly little aftermath. Not much in the way of ruminating or self-condemnation. Just got up to bat, swung, and missed. OK, next. Fascinating to see from the inside out.> > I am not giving advice here. I am not saying anyone should emulate this or that this would apply in all circumstances. This is a special audience and I might have just sucked it up and brute forced my way through it under other circumstances or with a less friendly audience. But I did not have an unfriendly audience. I had the one I had, and I think I did what I would want myself to do under the circumstances.> > Interestingly, I had someone in the audience (the conference chair) who has known me through the work for about 8 years ask me about whether I was being kind to myself. He asked right towards the end of the workshop. He qualified it first by saying, you have pushed me over the years, so I hope it is alright to push you. I stopped and thought a moment and answered in the affirmative. I told him that if that scared little boy I carry with me, who wants so bad to please, had just got to the conference and flopped, I would gently encourage him to just walk it out and do his best and that for that day, that moment, that would be enough and I would love him for showing up and doing his job--even on the hardest day.> > Anyhow, what a trip. And as I wrote this, I thought about my next four gigs in Europe in December and thought.....what if things go......> > I guess I will be faithful to myself and to the process and declare whatever outcome to be enough. Others can make their own evaluations.> > Just thought I would share my international belly flop with a couple thousand close friends;-)> > peace to all,> > > > > G. > 205 Peabody Building> Psychology Department> University of Mississippi> Oxford, MS 38677> > ph: > fax: > > academic homepage:> www.olemiss.edu/working/kwilson/kwilson.htm> > also check out> www.onelifellc.com> www.mindfulnessfortwo.com> www.facebook.com/kellygwilson> www.tastybehaviorism.com> www.abnormalwootwoot.com> > > > ------------------------------------> > For other ACT materials and list serves see www.contextualpsychology.org> > If you do not wish to belong to ACT_for_the_Public, you may > unsubscribe by sending an email to > ACT_for_the_Public-unsubscribe@...! Groups Links> > <*> To visit your group on the web, go to:> http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ACT_for_the_Public/> > <*> Your email settings:> Individual Email | Traditional> > <*> To change settings online go to:> http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ACT_for_the_Public/join> (Yahoo! ID required)> > <*> To change settings via email:> ACT_for_the_Public-digest > ACT_for_the_Public-fullfeatured > > <*>

October 10, 2010

, I SO needed to hear that, I too have the pleasing gene!!! That is part of

the reason my teaching creates so much anxiety for me, if the students aren't

responding like I think they should then I am not pleasing the powers that be!

(Those " powers " are usually in my mind, not anyone actually telling me I am not

performing well). But I don't think I have ever thought it was ok to just not be

able to not show up. How awesome is that????!!! Flopping is actually an option!!

No wonder I feel like I need a break from my job,I certainly don't give myself a

break while on the job!!! This is what I meant the other day when I posted that

I needed a more compassionate job description. I felt like I needed more than

defusing and accepting my anxiety, I need a kinder, gentler philosophy. I see

that a little better now, slowly but surely, I value being a good teacher, but

very often that value gets twisted with my pleasing, perfection part and my

expectations and judgments get way too rigid. Maybe it would help me to remember

that being a good teacher still allows me to be human!!!! , you reminded me

of that and how to take care of my scared little girl inside!

>

> I am just getting on the other side of some major jet lag (australia last

week) and a head cold to boot. Anyhow, I wanted to share a little experience I

had with the list. I was invited to do a small boatload of stuff at the

Australian conference a preconference 2-day workshop, and a couple short

workshops, one on substance abuse, one on my Things Might Go Terribly Horribly

wrong book, and a clinical master class and a plenary address.

>

> The preconference went fine. People really showed up and it was an excellent

workshop in my estimation. Probably not for everyone, but mostly.

>

> Anyhow, the next day, I had one that I was decidedly not worried about based

on the Things book. I had a kick ass pictorial powerpoint. I had done that

workshop this summer at the world conference and it went fantastic. So really, I

figured it would be the simplest thing I would do. But, as the book title says,

" things might go terribly horribly wrong " ...and they did. A very short way into

the workshop, I felt sort of disconnected. Out of balance. This happens pretty

commonly for me, but I usually find my pace and everything goes fine. Not this

time. I had an exercise sort of go flat, and then could not find my way to the

next segment. I tried to ignore it and push ahead, but I was trying to drive a

car on dead empty.S o there I was standing in a big lecture theater with

hundreds of people who had gone to great expense to bring me there and I am flat

as a pancake. I work without a script, so this is a worst fear. And, I don't

even have a slideshow full of bullets to read and brute force my way through. I

had nothing.

>

> Just a big room full of people and me standing there silent and thinking:

" Wow, here it is. " The other thing I have though is a set of principles, so, I

just showed up. I just told people that I was out of gas, empty, zilch and no

sense of where to go next. I used myself as an example of what you might do when

things go terribly horribly wrong. I think a fair number of people did not

believe it, at least at first. I called a break and told people that there were

many other fine workshops going on at the same time, and that they would be

welcome to bail on the break and go to a different workshop. I told them I could

not promise that I would deliver much after the break, but I did commit to being

there and to doing my job as best I was able on that day.

>

> On the break, someone asked me: this is just an example right? I told them

sure it was an example, but damned sure not on purpose. I came back. Looked to

me like the whole or most of the audience returned. Or maybe some people changed

to my workshop because they heard I was melting down and wanted to see what that

looked like.

>

> We did our job. WE did a few exercises, not much of what I had planned. I

talked a bit about what it was like to show up on empty in front of a big

international audience. I asked them how that was for them.

>

> Anyhow, I was faithful to the process as much as I was able. And, I survived

with my skin still attached.

>

> A few people, I think, really got a lot out of it. Not what I intended, but a

lot. What they got was, if he can flop and have that be ok, I guess I can flop.

>

> It was wild. And, the worst meltdown in my career I think. Certainly worst in

a high stakes setting. I did not fight it much. I was open about it with people

there who mostly have the same values as me.

>

> That night, I was a little worried: what if it happens again! The next day, I

came back. Morning workshop, just got in there and worked and it was a blast.

Afternoon session, I walked back into the same lecture theater and had a little

woo hoo miniPTSD moment. But I waded to the front of the room. Mentioned it and

then did my job with the master clinician class and then immediately followed

with the plenary. Those went fine, not great in my estimation, but OK. I am a

good presenter, so my OK is pretty good.

>

> And afterwards, surprisingly little aftermath. Not much in the way of

ruminating or self-condemnation. Just got up to bat, swung, and missed. OK,

next. Fascinating to see from the inside out.

>

> I am not giving advice here. I am not saying anyone should emulate this or

that this would apply in all circumstances. This is a special audience and I

might have just sucked it up and brute forced my way through it under other

circumstances or with a less friendly audience. But I did not have an unfriendly

audience. I had the one I had, and I think I did what I would want myself to do

under the circumstances.

>

> Interestingly, I had someone in the audience (the conference chair) who has

known me through the work for about 8 years ask me about whether I was being

kind to myself. He asked right towards the end of the workshop. He qualified it

first by saying, you have pushed me over the years, so I hope it is alright to

push you. I stopped and thought a moment and answered in the affirmative. I told

him that if that scared little boy I carry with me, who wants so bad to please,

had just got to the conference and flopped, I would gently encourage him to just

walk it out and do his best and that for that day, that moment, that would be

enough and I would love him for showing up and doing his job--even on the

hardest day.

>

> Anyhow, what a trip. And as I wrote this, I thought about my next four gigs in

Europe in December and thought.....what if things go......

>

> I guess I will be faithful to myself and to the process and declare whatever

outcome to be enough. Others can make their own evaluations.

>

> Just thought I would share my international belly flop with a couple thousand

close friends;-)

>

> peace to all,

>

> G.

> 205 Peabody Building

> Psychology Department

> University of Mississippi

> Oxford, MS 38677

>

> ph:

> fax:

>

> academic homepage:

> www.olemiss.edu/working/kwilson/kwilson.htm

>

> also check out

> www.onelifellc.com

> www.mindfulnessfortwo.com

> www.facebook.com/kellygwilson

> www.tastybehaviorism.com

> www.abnormalwootwoot.com

>

October 10, 2010

Hi --I LOVE being a member of this list and one of your thousands of friends. It is so healing to heard about the belly flops we can have. That some of our anticipated fears can can actually come true...and we can survive. And the fact that you share it with us helps you get rid of any remaining (historical) shame at not being perfect. Plus, you are modeling how to walk through some of our worst fears and get through -- and help release some of our shame at being human and imperfect too.

Thanks for this.Barbara

I am just getting on the other side of some major jet lag (australia last week) and a head cold to boot. Anyhow, I wanted to share a little experience I had with the list. I was invited to do a small boatload of stuff at the Australian conference a preconference 2-day workshop, and a couple short workshops, one on substance abuse, one on my Things Might Go Terribly Horribly wrong book, and a clinical master class and a plenary address.

The preconference went fine. People really showed up and it was an excellent workshop in my estimation. Probably not for everyone, but mostly.

Anyhow, the next day, I had one that I was decidedly not worried about based on the Things book. I had a kick ass pictorial powerpoint. I had done that workshop this summer at the world conference and it went fantastic. So really, I figured it would be the simplest thing I would do. But, as the book title says, " things might go terribly horribly wrong " ...and they did. A very short way into the workshop, I felt sort of disconnected. Out of balance. This happens pretty commonly for me, but I usually find my pace and everything goes fine. Not this time. I had an exercise sort of go flat, and then could not find my way to the next segment. I tried to ignore it and push ahead, but I was trying to drive a car on dead empty.S o there I was standing in a big lecture theater with hundreds of people who had gone to great expense to bring me there and I am flat as a pancake. I work without a script, so this is a worst fear. And, I don't even have a slideshow full of bullets to read and brute force my way through. I had nothing.

Just a big room full of people and me standing there silent and thinking: " Wow, here it is. " The other thing I have though is a set of principles, so, I just showed up. I just told people that I was out of gas, empty, zilch and no sense of where to go next. I used myself as an example of what you might do when things go terribly horribly wrong. I think a fair number of people did not believe it, at least at first. I called a break and told people that there were many other fine workshops going on at the same time, and that they would be welcome to bail on the break and go to a different workshop. I told them I could not promise that I would deliver much after the break, but I did commit to being there and to doing my job as best I was able on that day.

On the break, someone asked me: this is just an example right? I told them sure it was an example, but damned sure not on purpose. I came back. Looked to me like the whole or most of the audience returned. Or maybe some people changed to my workshop because they heard I was melting down and wanted to see what that looked like.

We did our job. WE did a few exercises, not much of what I had planned. I talked a bit about what it was like to show up on empty in front of a big international audience. I asked them how that was for them.

Anyhow, I was faithful to the process as much as I was able. And, I survived with my skin still attached.

A few people, I think, really got a lot out of it. Not what I intended, but a lot. What they got was, if he can flop and have that be ok, I guess I can flop.

It was wild. And, the worst meltdown in my career I think. Certainly worst in a high stakes setting. I did not fight it much. I was open about it with people there who mostly have the same values as me.

That night, I was a little worried: what if it happens again! The next day, I came back. Morning workshop, just got in there and worked and it was a blast. Afternoon session, I walked back into the same lecture theater and had a little woo hoo miniPTSD moment. But I waded to the front of the room. Mentioned it and then did my job with the master clinician class and then immediately followed with the plenary. Those went fine, not great in my estimation, but OK. I am a good presenter, so my OK is pretty good

October 11, 2010

Hi - With the others, thanks for sharing this with us.

Grant

> Hi --

>

> I LOVE being a member of this list and one of your thousands of friends. It

> is so healing to heard about the belly flops we can have. That some of our

> anticipated fears can can actually come true...and we can survive. And the

> fact that you share it with us helps you get rid of any remaining

> (historical) shame at not being perfect. Plus, you are modeling how to walk

> through some of our worst fears and get through -- and help release some of

> our shame at being human and imperfect too.

>

> Thanks for this.

>

> Barbara

>

>>

>> I am just getting on the other side of some major jet lag (australia last

>> week) and a head cold to boot. Anyhow, I wanted to share a little

>> experience

>> I had with the list. I was invited to do a small boatload of stuff at the

>> Australian conference a preconference 2-day workshop, and a couple short

>> workshops, one on substance abuse, one on my Things Might Go Terribly

>> Horribly wrong book, and a clinical master class and a plenary address.

>>

>> The preconference went fine. People really showed up and it was an

>> excellent workshop in my estimation. Probably not for everyone, but

>> mostly.

>>

>> Anyhow, the next day, I had one that I was decidedly not worried about

>> based on the Things book. I had a kick ass pictorial powerpoint. I had

>> done

>> that workshop this summer at the world conference and it went fantastic.

>> So

>> really, I figured it would be the simplest thing I would do. But, as the

>> book title says, " things might go terribly horribly wrong " ...and they did.

>> A

>> very short way into the workshop, I felt sort of disconnected. Out of

>> balance. This happens pretty commonly for me, but I usually find my pace

>> and

>> everything goes fine. Not this time. I had an exercise sort of go flat,

>> and

>> then could not find my way to the next segment. I tried to ignore it and

>> push ahead, but I was trying to drive a car on dead empty.S o there I was

>> standing in a big lecture theater with hundreds of people who had gone to

>> great expense to bring me there and I am flat as a pancake. I work without

>> a

>> script, so this is a worst fear. And, I don't even have a slideshow full

>> of

>> bullets to read and brute force my way through. I had nothing.

>>

>> Just a big room full of people and me standing there silent and thinking:

>> " Wow, here it is. " The other thing I have though is a set of principles,

>> so,

>> I just showed up. I just told people that I was out of gas, empty, zilch

>> and

>> no sense of where to go next. I used myself as an example of what you

>> might

>> do when things go terribly horribly wrong. I think a fair number of people

>> did not believe it, at least at first. I called a break and told people

>> that

>> there were many other fine workshops going on at the same time, and that

>> they would be welcome to bail on the break and go to a different workshop.

>> I

>> told them I could not promise that I would deliver much after the break,

>> but

>> I did commit to being there and to doing my job as best I was able on that

>> day.

>>

>> On the break, someone asked me: this is just an example right? I told them

>> sure it was an example, but damned sure not on purpose. I came back.

>> Looked

>> to me like the whole or most of the audience returned. Or maybe some

>> people

>> changed to my workshop because they heard I was melting down and wanted to

>> see what that looked like.

>>

>> We did our job. WE did a few exercises, not much of what I had planned. I

>> talked a bit about what it was like to show up on empty in front of a big

>> international audience. I asked them how that was for them.

>>

>> Anyhow, I was faithful to the process as much as I was able. And, I

>> survived with my skin still attached.

>>

>> A few people, I think, really got a lot out of it. Not what I intended,

>> but

>> a lot. What they got was, if he can flop and have that be ok, I guess I

>> can

>> flop.

>>

>> It was wild. And, the worst meltdown in my career I think. Certainly worst

>> in a high stakes setting. I did not fight it much. I was open about it

>> with

>> people there who mostly have the same values as me.

>>

>> That night, I was a little worried: what if it happens again! The next

>> day,

>> I came back. Morning workshop, just got in there and worked and it was a

>> blast. Afternoon session, I walked back into the same lecture theater and

>> had a little woo hoo miniPTSD moment. But I waded to the front of the

>> room.

>> Mentioned it and then did my job with the master clinician class and then

>> immediately followed with the plenary. Those went fine, not great in my

>> estimation, but OK. I am a good presenter, so my OK is pretty good.

>>

>> And afterwards, surprisingly little aftermath. Not much in the way of

>> ruminating or self-condemnation. Just got up to bat, swung, and missed.

>> OK,

>> next. Fascinating to see from the inside out.

>>

>> I am not giving advice here. I am not saying anyone should emulate this or

>> that this would apply in all circumstances. This is a special audience and

>> I

>> might have just sucked it up and brute forced my way through it under

>> other

>> circumstances or with a less friendly audience. But I did not have an

>> unfriendly audience. I had the one I had, and I think I did what I would

>> want myself to do under the circumstances.

>>

>> Interestingly, I had someone in the audience (the conference chair) who

>> has

>> known me through the work for about 8 years ask me about whether I was

>> being

>> kind to myself. He asked right towards the end of the workshop. He

>> qualified

>> it first by saying, you have pushed me over the years, so I hope it is

>> alright to push you. I stopped and thought a moment and answered in the

>> affirmative. I told him that if that scared little boy I carry with me,

>> who

>> wants so bad to please, had just got to the conference and flopped, I

>> would

>> gently encourage him to just walk it out and do his best and that for that

>> day, that moment, that would be enough and I would love him for showing up

>> and doing his job--even on the hardest day.

>>

>> Anyhow, what a trip. And as I wrote this, I thought about my next four

>> gigs

>> in Europe in December and thought.....what if things go......

>>

>> I guess I will be faithful to myself and to the process and declare

>> whatever outcome to be enough. Others can make their own evaluations.

>>

>> Just thought I would share my international belly flop with a couple

>> thousand close friends;-)

>>

>> peace to all,

>>

>> G.

>> 205 Peabody Building

>> Psychology Department

>> University of Mississippi

>> Oxford, MS 38677

>>

>> ph:

>> fax:

>>

>> academic homepage:

>> www.olemiss.edu/working/kwilson/kwilson.htm

>>

>> also check out

>> www.onelifellc.com

>> www.mindfulnessfortwo.com

>> www.facebook.com/kellygwilson

>> www.tastybehaviorism.com

>> www.abnormalwootwoot.com

>>

>

> --

> Barbara White, MFT

> Marriage and Family Therapist

>

> barbarawhitetherapy.com

>

October 11, 2010

, so grateful for this share.A great giant space just opened up in me to be willing to let it all fall apart.Be well, get some good rest.Your friend,Terryhttp://www.abccreativity.com/2010/07/15/creative-journaling-willing-to-let-it-all-fall-apart/To: ACT_for_the_Public Sent: Sun, October 10, 2010 6:56:02 AMSubject: coming up empty--warning a bit long