Encourage Me to Start Again - Two Months in the Psych World

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This is a long post, but those interested, stick with it. There's some weird

stuff in here. It describes my journey through the system the past two months,

and what is leading me back to ACT. I guarantee at least one shocking story.

I joined this group a few months ago after buying GOOYM. After trying and

failing at self-directed CBT, this seemed like a more realistic program for me.

About the same time, I had decided to see a doctor for my agoraphobia, just to

make sure I was healthy and to see what he had to say. Because there are so few

doctors who actually make house calls, my choices were limited. This guy seemed

somewhat ok, a little heavy on the meds, but also open to alternative ways of

dealing with the problem. In addition to the meds, he encouraged breathing

exercises, more sex, massage, aerobic workouts, meditation, etc. The price for

this session was a little over $400.

He put me on Klonopin 4mg/day, saying I was a hyper guy and that I needed to

calm down. He also said that Effexor would eventually do the job, but that the

Klonopin, at least for now, would be indefinite.

Needless to say, that dose of Klonopin helped my anxiety, but also made me very

tired and worst of all, removed every bit of motivation I had to try to continue

ACT. I stopped reading, stopped participating in this group, stopped the whole

thing. I thought I had found the drug that would ultimately make me better,

give me courage to do exposures, and I felt my life getting better. I have to

say that I love the Klonopin for what it does, and I hate it for what it makes

me not want to do. Drugs are nothing but a tool anyway, they are not a cure in

my opinion.

Ok, so fast forward two months, I'm taking the Klonopin, just starting the

Effexor, not doing the ACT, getting daily walks in, and that's about it. I was

getting ready for another appointment with the doctor to get some refills, when

I get a call one night. I had told this guy that I create websites for a

living, and he says he has a potential client for me. Great that he kept me in

mind. I hear some women in the background, and he tells me that he has some

women he needs to get somewhere. He starts describing on woman's butt as being

one that " puts others to shame " , and starts having the women talk to me. I play

it off, it's his night off I tell myself and to each his own. I don't judge.

Much. Then he gives me the number of an escort service, the potential client,

and I put it together that he is calling me while in the presence of two

escorts, and that the client was their boss. I called anyway, and while on the

phone with the person. he calls the escort service and interrupts twice. I

don't do adult sites, so I was trying to politely refuse.

So anyway, boundaries had been crossed, and I realized that this guy should not

be trusted with my mental health. Not because he frequents escorts, but because

he lacked the judgment to keep me out of his private life.

So I immediately start searching for another doctor. This time, I decide that I

should finally talk to a psychiatrist, something I had never done before.

Psychologists, yes, psychiatrists, never. I found one, and he agreed to have

phone sessions with me since I couldn't come to his office. At a price of $300

per session. Over the phone. And since he couldn't diagnose me in one session,

we had to go for a second, at another $300, so $600 in one week. He put me on

Zoloft, stopped the Effexor, and told me to cut down on the Klonopin. He also

said we needed to do a followup in a week or so at $130 to see how I was doing.

A house call from this doctor would be $600. This doctor seems to think my

major problem is OCD (it isn't, I have had panic disorder for over 18 years, I

know my diagnosis).

Meantime, I found another psychiatrist. This one would do face to face, is

nearby so when I get better I can come into the office, and is charging me a

much more reasonable $385 for a house call, with followups at $190. It sounds

like a lot, but it's really only an extra 15 minutes he's charging me, for

travel time. And for a face to face session, I wish I had found this guy to

begine with. I have a session this week, and I am curious what he comes up

with. He seems to be open to exploring ACT, and is a very ope type doctor so

far. No idea what he wants to do with meds.

So here's the thing. I feel strongly that at least for the time being, I need

some sort of meds to make my life manageable. I would like to keep motivated to

do ACT while on the meds. I have taken many different meds over the years, and

none have helped, except for the Klonopin, which I know I can't take long term,

and definitely shouldn't be taking 4mg/day. I really do like the Klonopin

though, my anxiety has gone down dramatically.

So after $400 + $600 + a $130 followup scheduled + a $385 initial evaluation

from this new doctor, prescriptions to Klonopin, Effexor, Zoloft, and yet to be

determined drugs from this new doctor, I feel a little jerked around. I also

had a problem with trust with doctors, and this one who crossed the boundary

didn't help.

Did I get on the shrink rollercoaster? Did I give up on ACT too soon? Is it

possible to use meds to get my life under control a little while doing the ACT?

Have I been taken for a ride? I feel the answer to all of these is yes. But

what I'm looking for here is not only encouragement to get back on ACT, but some

advice regarding psychiatrists and meds during the process. Anyone have any

input?

Thanks,

Steve