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Re: Bipolar and Aspergers.

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> Just wondering, can those of you that are in a relationship with one person

being Bipolar and the other with Aspergers, make yourselves known to me?

>

>

I'm the Aspie. My (now late) husband was the Bipolar.

We were both ignorant of my diagnosis during the 20 years we were

married, and that ignorance lead to all sorts of misunderstandings about

my character and commitment to the relationship. For my husband, the

cumulative stresses finally awakened the predisposition for Bipolar

Disorder that was sleeping quietly in his genes. He was diagnosed (with

Bipolar II) only in the final years of his life.

Best,

~CJ

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Hi Cj,

I am with Helen on this one, but differ slightly. My bipolar has always been in

my, genetically. I was very fizzy when young, and Jon and I were attracted to

eachother, precisely because of the differences.

I don't think you should blame yourself too much. I suspect that the

relationship troubles have something to do with worsening my Bipolar, however, I

chose Jon, and love him greatly. Had I not met him, other relationship troubles

may well have occurred with another man, aspie or not. That's just how life

pans out. Obviously your husband loved you a lot when with you, and his

intensity may well have triggered you to withdraw at times. I know Jon has this

trouble when I am very manic and buzzy, because it hurts and confuses him! So

we're learning to work around our vast differences. I am just sad that others

don't always get the chance to do this, in knowledge, because its so effing hard

to get either disorder diagnosed. That doesn't mean you brought it out in him,

he may well have had it anyway. Mine was mainly triggered by my crazy

upbringing! Yes my relationship troubles didn't help, but equally that could be

my fault for having this silly illness in me, as much as it is in Jon for being

aspie.

Fundamentally, had you developed cancer or another highly stressful illness, and

that triggered his BP, then I expect you wouldn't be blaming yourself half as

much, because it's something that can't be helped. Well I view Aspieness and

Bipolar as being in the same camp. It's largely genetic, with a dose of

social/nurture in there, but it just can't be helped. It's a case of two very

extreme personality and development conditions. And you can't blame a person

for that, just as you wouldn't blame a person for Dyslexia or having Downs

Syndrome or similar. They're all really different, but it's not the persons

fault, it's just the way the cards fall.

I like 's answer to another current thread around trust in a relationship,

about knowing that you are a freak, and being ok with it. I know I am not

normal, and I do call myself a freak - some people might not be comfortable with

that specific label, but it's essentially accepting yourself for who you are and

embracing it. People with sever disfigurements have to, of having Diabetes and

going weird at times and acting like a drunk when it's hard to control the

illness. I think we're all freaks, and the normal people, frankly are bland and

the abnormal ones!

Like at the opticians, I found out I have a double astigmatism. The optician

said 'oh, don't worry, it's a common abnormality, around 80% of people have it.'

To which I asked 'If 80% have it, why is that not the 'norm' and the people who

don't have it classed as the freaks?' Simples!

Looking to hear from any more people who have the bipolar and aspie mix and also

what other chatrooms/forums they may be lurking, please!

:)

> > Just wondering, can those of you that are in a relationship with one person

being Bipolar and the other with Aspergers, make yourselves known to me?

> >

> >

>

> I'm the Aspie. My (now late) husband was the Bipolar.

>

> We were both ignorant of my diagnosis during the 20 years we were

> married, and that ignorance lead to all sorts of misunderstandings about

> my character and commitment to the relationship. For my husband, the

> cumulative stresses finally awakened the predisposition for Bipolar

> Disorder that was sleeping quietly in his genes. He was diagnosed (with

> Bipolar II) only in the final years of his life.

>

> Best,

> ~CJ

>

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