The truth speaks from a quiet place

[Guest guest]

Sitting in my old room at my dads place, 12 at night, feeling just about like I did four years ago - exhausted from my thoughts, in the middle of a full blown anxiety attack. It's OCD related, with obsessions, sensations and some very real feeling fears that I haven't felt in a long time. It started at 3pm yesterday and has been going strong since. In fact I haven't had a break from the free floating anxiety and constant reminders until just now. After being so deeply introspective while under that veil of anxiety where every thought, memory and sensation feels like an absolute threat to my existence and my future... I have to say it is very nice to have this break. Everything must pass. I realized I was buying into my thoughts, taking them as absolute truth.

 I got to the end of chapter four in The Happiness Trap (and I wish I had it here because I would be quoting it) where it is explaining defusion. Right at the end of the last paragraph in chapter four it says something like " what if those thoughts are actually true? Good question " . Wow, that messed me up. For two days I couldn't escape that question. For two days I thought that was a huge step backwards. I realize now that this is a positive step forward. I know exactly what happens when I buy into my thoughts and my minds' stories. I have more than an intellectual understand of defusion now. I think I'm realizing how powerful it can be. 

Thanks for listening. Although that was more for me. I wanted to verbalize it, note it, know it, and remember it. Just like the subject, because I like it so much; a quote from the books Dexter - " The truth speaks from a quiet place " .

.