RE: Re: using act for social anxiety

[Guest guest]

Thankyou everyone for your lovely and supportive replies and also for the advice you have all passed onto me.That has given me some pointers to think about and try out, most importantly I think I have learned from your respnses that the best thing to do is stay in the present moment and not give myself a hard time. I'm really interested in what people have to say but due to having poor concentration and having being put down by those around me in the past for a long time I have ended up feeling socially anxious. It sounds like you guys can relate to this in some shape or form but are finding ways to deal with this and are leading happier lives for it, which is both positive and inspiring to hear.

Many thanks again, = )

To: ACT_for_the_Public Sent: Mon, 4 October, 2010 19:47:06Subject: Re: using act for social anxiety

When my depression was particulary severe I had this problem really bad and it became a phobia. I would feel so humiliated and ridiculous.Anne Nightingale was a radio rock journalist in the UK who seemed very confident and one day the next radio presenter took over and he joked with her. When he finished talking Anne became very stiff and just managed to blurt out something that sounded so awkward and jerky. I could sense from her voice that she was in a real panic which must have been really hard for her in this sort of job. It was live on air and I was squirming with embarrassment just listening to her. I found later that she had become ill with this.I had a paniic attack in a bank the other day which took me by surprise because I have not had this for years. I was quite devasted afterwards but I tried my best to accept it. I don't think it will ever happen again but it is surprising how these things can turn up out of the

blue.Kaivey> > > >> > > > > > > > > > > > Hi - You are practicing EXPANSION simply by being at the social event fully and without defense. Rather than trying to do a specific expansion exercise while talking to a friend, how about practicing CONNECTION WITH THE PRESENT by simply participating in the conversation fully at the moment. Doing that itself is EXPANSION. You don't need to do anything else right then.> > > > > > > > It sounds to me like you might be trying too hard to use ACT. Relax and

enjoy the flexibility you have gained so far and more flexibility will likely come.> > > > > > > > Bill> > > > To: ACT_for_the_Public > > > > CC: ACT_for_the_Public > > > > From: aliciaholmes56@> > > > Date: Mon, 4 Oct 2010 11:23:12 +0000> > > > Subject: using act for social anxiety> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Hi everyone, I hope you are all finding A.C.T helpful. I have been using it for about for months now and am finding it very useful especially the expansion and defusion techniques for everday thoughts and feelings and in getting me to actually go to events that help me connect with my values, eventhough i fell very nervous and even dread them sometimes due to the uncomfortable feelings.> > > > However, I am putting A.C.T to good use to try and help me with social anxiety but I am finding i am struggling to use expansion whilst actually being in the social situations that make me so anxious. for example if i

were to practice expansion whilst talking to someone I would miss everything that they were saying which obviously defeats the purpous of talking to them. does anybody have any advice on how to use act to help with this ? I welcome any experiences anyone would like to tell me about in realtion to this.> > > > Many thanks> > > > > > > >> > >> >>

[Guest guest]

- It's not important whether the thought is true or not. What matters is whether the thought is useful for living a valued life. Say I find out I have a terminal illness -I know I'm going to die sooner than I want. My mind keeps reminding me that I'm going to die. It might be a useful thought in terms of making sure I make proper preparations. It is not useful if it shuts me down and gets in the way of living a valued life - albeit shorter than I wish. If your thought of inadequacy leads to more study/preparation then it is useful, if you really need more study/preparation. It you just use it to beat up on yourself then it is not useful, in which case you use a defusion technique. Or maybe you just can't defuse from it so you just accept it and put it in your bag of stuff and keep on going. Acceptance in this case looks like you going ahead with your work regardless of your thoughts. The thoughts might not go away but they have less power over you. Bill> To: ACT_for_the_Public > Date: Tue, 5 Oct 2010 02:49:46 +0000> Subject: Re: using act for social anxiety> > what you said resonated with me. I have the same problem with my mind wondering if I did or will do something wrong when I am working with a student. Mine is usually work related, rather than social anxiety but it is still the same type of stuff that our minds chatter about. I find that interesting. I think it goes back to what has been said on this site before about the things we value the most are often what cause us the most angst. I had a student today that can be difficult and it is so easy for me to question myself when I don't get the response I think I "should" from him!!!Those thoughts can catch me so off guard.My first response is "I must make the thoughts leave". That is when I try to breathe deeply and tell myself it is a thought from my mind, not necessarily the truth. Anybody got any other helpful ideas. I still feel the need to convince myself that the thought is not true. > > > >> > Hi > > > > Adding to what I just posted- As Bill said just going into any social situation > > and trying to say present seems to be the best bet. I have largely beat my > > social anxiety since I started reading about ACT. In the past i tried cognitive > > therapy and Paxil etc with virtually no effect. The number one big thing for me > > in dealing with social anxiety is dealing with the secondry emotions and > > thoughts. I have found that social interactions being painful is really not such > > a big deal if you don't get depressed and beat yourself up everytime you have > > what you think is a 'bad' social interaction. For me most of the time, as I walk > > away from any social interaction, my mind will start trying to think of things > > wrong with what I did. In such situations i try to defuse from such thoughts and > > put myself back in the present. I have found that if I isolate the fear and > > negative thoughts, as far as possible, to the social situations that cause them- > > my life gets better and these the fear in my life shrinks day by day. So you > > must be willing to have some terrible social interations because if you aren't > > willing you will beat yourself up after each and every time things appear to go > > wrong. > > > > > > > > > > > > ________________________________> > > > To: ACT_for_the_Public > > Cc: ACT_for_the_Public > > Sent: Mon, October 4, 2010 6:23:12 PM> > Subject: using act for social anxiety> > > > > > Hi everyone, I hope you are all finding A.C.T helpful. I have been using it for > > about for months now and am finding it very useful especially the expansion and > > defusion techniques for everday thoughts and feelings and in getting me to > > actually go to events that help me connect with my values, eventhough i fell > > very nervous and even dread them sometimes due to the uncomfortable feelings.> > However, I am putting A.C.T to good use to try and help me with social anxiety > > but I am finding i am struggling to use expansion whilst actually being in the > > social situations that make me so anxious. for example if i were to practice > > expansion whilst talking to someone I would miss everything that they were > > saying which obviously defeats the purpous of talking to them. does anybody > > have any advice on how to use act to help with this ? I welcome any experiences > > anyone would like to tell me about in realtion to this.> > Many thanks> > > >> > > > > ------------------------------------> > For other ACT materials and list serves see www.contextualpsychology.org> > If you do not wish to belong to ACT_for_the_Public, you may > unsubscribe by sending an email to > ACT_for_the_Public-unsubscribe@...! Groups Links> > <*> To visit your group on the web, go to:> http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ACT_for_the_Public/> > <*> Your email settings:> Individual Email | Traditional> > <*> To change settings online go to:> http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ACT_for_the_Public/join> (Yahoo! ID required)> > <*> To change settings via email:> ACT_for_the_Public-digest > ACT_for_the_Public-fullfeatured > > <*>

[Guest guest]

Hi,Yes, I get that too. I can successfully defuse from a thought

for a long time but my mind may still want to get back to analyzing the

point and to try and be sure that whatever my bad thought is saying is 100% not true. But, of course if you allow yourself to fuse with the thought again the chances are things aren't going to get any better. I think that, for me, the most important thing here is to make sure that after defusing from the thought I reconnect with the present and get into whatever is going on in that moment rather than thinking about the troublesome moment that is caused me all the grief in the first place. Of course I often feel the heavy lurking presence of that whole negative

thought pattern ready to take me over in the background- but I find that if I just observe

that as apart of the now that I am now in as well as all the other stuff I can perceive, it will at some point be digested by the mind. It

sounds like you really care about your job. I am a teacher also and I know that it burns an incredible amount of mental energy- which, in my opinion, often leads us to be vulnerable to our own negative thinking processes. I realized a long time ago that if I worried to much about things at work I would burn out really quick and have to leave the profession. I also think it's important to know that the label of good teacher or bad teacher your mind may come up with can never diefiine who

you are. I just try to give around 80 percent to teaching -If I gave any more it would consume me.One of my coworkers had a quote of the week up on her office wall the other day. It said 'A good teacher is

like a candle: He/she consumes his/her self to light the way for others'. It sounds good but for me it is quite

wrong. For me it should read something more like- 'A good teacher learns not to consume themselves while lighting the way for others. I've

seen too many good teachers burn out. To: ACT_for_the_Public Sent: Tue, October 5, 2010 6:16:35 PMSubject: Re: using act for social anxiety

Thanks Bill! I do feel like it would be helpful to me if I could somehow not have my sense of adequacy so tied in to my students responses to me. One part of me knows that I have no control over how other people respond but I tend to feel like as a teacher that it is my job to control how these students behave, so I so often feel like a yoyo. If they respond well I have done well, if they have respond negatively it is so easy for my mind to see that response as some failure on my part. I know I need to defuse from those thoughts and accept but sometimes that does not seem like enough. I feel like I need to give myself a more compassionate job description but I am not sure what it should be!! There goes that "should" again.

> > >

> > > Hi

> > >

> > > Adding to what I just posted- As Bill said just going into any social situation

> > > and trying to say present seems to be the best bet. I have largely beat my

> > > social anxiety since I started reading about ACT. In the past i tried cognitive

> > > therapy and Paxil etc with virtually no effect. The number one big thing for me

> > > in dealing with social anxiety is dealing with the secondry emotions and

> > > thoughts. I have found that social interactions being painful is really not such

> > > a big deal if you don't get depressed and beat yourself up everytime you have

> > > what you think is a 'bad' social interaction. For me most of the time, as I walk

> > > away from any social interaction, my mind will start trying to think of things

> > > wrong with what I did. In such situations i try to defuse from such thoughts and

> > > put myself back in the present. I have found that if I isolate the fear and

> > > negative thoughts, as far as possible, to the social situations that cause them-

> > > my life gets better and these the fear in my life shrinks day by day. So you

> > > must be willing to have some terrible social interations because if you aren't

> > > willing you will beat yourself up after each and every time things appear to go

> > > wrong.

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > ________________________________

> > > From: Holmes <aliciaholmes56@>

> > > To: ACT_for_the_Public

> > > Cc: ACT_for_the_Public

> > > Sent: Mon, October 4, 2010 6:23:12 PM

> > > Subject: using act for social anxiety

> > >

> > >

> > > Hi everyone, I hope you are all finding A.C.T helpful. I have been using it for

> > > about for months now and am finding it very useful especially the expansion and

> > > defusion techniques for everday thoughts and feelings and in getting me to

> > > actually go to events that help me connect with my values, eventhough i fell

> > > very nervous and even dread them sometimes due to the uncomfortable feelings.

> > > However, I am putting A.C.T to good use to try and help me with social anxiety

> > > but I am finding i am struggling to use expansion whilst actually being in the

> > > social situations that make me so anxious. for example if i were to practice

> > > expansion whilst talking to someone I would miss everything that they were

> > > saying which obviously defeats the purpous of talking to them. does anybody

> > > have any advice on how to use act to help with this ? I welcome any experiences

> > > anyone would like to tell me about in realtion to this.

> > > Many thanks

> > >

> > >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > ------------------------------------

> >

> > For other ACT materials and list serves see www.contextualpsychology.org

> >

> > If you do not wish to belong to ACT_for_the_Public, you may

> > unsubscribe by sending an email to

> > ACT_for_the_Public-unsubscribe@...! Groups Links

> >

> >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Hi,Yes, I get that too. I can successfully defuse from a thought

for a long time but my mind may still want to get back to analyzing the

point and to try and be sure that whatever my bad thought is saying is 100% not true. But, of course if you allow yourself to fuse with the thought again the chances are things aren't going to get any better. I think that, for me, the most important thing here is to make sure that after defusing from the thought I reconnect with the present and get into whatever is going on in that moment rather than thinking about the troublesome moment that is caused me all the grief in the first place. Of course I often feel the heavy lurking presence of that whole negative

thought pattern ready to take me over in the background- but I find that if I just observe

that as apart of the now that I am now in as well as all the other stuff I can perceive, it will at some point be digested by the mind. It

sounds like you really care about your job. I am a teacher also and I know that it burns an incredible amount of mental energy- which, in my opinion, often leads us to be vulnerable to our own negative thinking processes. I realized a long time ago that if I worried to much about things at work I would burn out really quick and have to leave the profession. I also think it's important to know that the label of good teacher or bad teacher your mind may come up with can never diefiine who

you are. I just try to give around 80 percent to teaching -If I gave any more it would consume me.One of my coworkers had a quote of the week up on her office wall the other day. It said 'A good teacher is

like a candle: He/she consumes his/her self to light the way for others'. It sounds good but for me it is quite

wrong. For me it should read something more like- 'A good teacher learns not to consume themselves while lighting the way for others. I've

seen too many good teachers burn out. To: ACT_for_the_Public Sent: Tue, October 5, 2010 6:16:35 PMSubject: Re: using act for social anxiety

Thanks Bill! I do feel like it would be helpful to me if I could somehow not have my sense of adequacy so tied in to my students responses to me. One part of me knows that I have no control over how other people respond but I tend to feel like as a teacher that it is my job to control how these students behave, so I so often feel like a yoyo. If they respond well I have done well, if they have respond negatively it is so easy for my mind to see that response as some failure on my part. I know I need to defuse from those thoughts and accept but sometimes that does not seem like enough. I feel like I need to give myself a more compassionate job description but I am not sure what it should be!! There goes that "should" again.

> > >

> > > Hi

> > >

> > > Adding to what I just posted- As Bill said just going into any social situation

> > > and trying to say present seems to be the best bet. I have largely beat my

> > > social anxiety since I started reading about ACT. In the past i tried cognitive

> > > therapy and Paxil etc with virtually no effect. The number one big thing for me

> > > in dealing with social anxiety is dealing with the secondry emotions and

> > > thoughts. I have found that social interactions being painful is really not such

> > > a big deal if you don't get depressed and beat yourself up everytime you have

> > > what you think is a 'bad' social interaction. For me most of the time, as I walk

> > > away from any social interaction, my mind will start trying to think of things

> > > wrong with what I did. In such situations i try to defuse from such thoughts and

> > > put myself back in the present. I have found that if I isolate the fear and

> > > negative thoughts, as far as possible, to the social situations that cause them-

> > > my life gets better and these the fear in my life shrinks day by day. So you

> > > must be willing to have some terrible social interations because if you aren't

> > > willing you will beat yourself up after each and every time things appear to go

> > > wrong.

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > ________________________________

> > > From: Holmes <aliciaholmes56@>

> > > To: ACT_for_the_Public

> > > Cc: ACT_for_the_Public

> > > Sent: Mon, October 4, 2010 6:23:12 PM

> > > Subject: using act for social anxiety

> > >

> > >

> > > Hi everyone, I hope you are all finding A.C.T helpful. I have been using it for

> > > about for months now and am finding it very useful especially the expansion and

> > > defusion techniques for everday thoughts and feelings and in getting me to

> > > actually go to events that help me connect with my values, eventhough i fell

> > > very nervous and even dread them sometimes due to the uncomfortable feelings.

> > > However, I am putting A.C.T to good use to try and help me with social anxiety

> > > but I am finding i am struggling to use expansion whilst actually being in the

> > > social situations that make me so anxious. for example if i were to practice

> > > expansion whilst talking to someone I would miss everything that they were

> > > saying which obviously defeats the purpous of talking to them. does anybody

> > > have any advice on how to use act to help with this ? I welcome any experiences

> > > anyone would like to tell me about in realtion to this.

> > > Many thanks

> > >

> > >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > ------------------------------------

> >

> > For other ACT materials and list serves see www.contextualpsychology.org

> >

> > If you do not wish to belong to ACT_for_the_Public, you may

> > unsubscribe by sending an email to

> > ACT_for_the_Public-unsubscribe@...! Groups Links

> >

> >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Jim - You are absolutely right about the heavy lurking presence. It is just like the demons on the boat or passengers on the bus. We can't make them leave. We can only decide whether they get to steer. They can't take the wheel from us if we consistently use well-practiced ACT principles. Just in the last week we've had stories of demons attempting to hijack boats. In each case we were able to keep the boat going in the desired direction. Was it pleasant? No, but we did it and we are feeling better today than we would have if we would have allowed them to hijack our boat.DEFUSE from an unuseful thought if you can. ACCEPT it (not buy it) if you can't defuse. And, no matter what, take COMMITTED ACTION TOWARDS A VALUED LIFE, no matter what. OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER and OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER and OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER and OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVERBillTo: ACT_for_the_Public From: hensbyjim@...Date: Tue, 5 Oct 2010 04:53:15 -0700Subject: Re: Re: using act for social anxiety

Hi,Yes, I get that too. I can successfully defuse from a thought

for a long time but my mind may still want to get back to analyzing the

point and to try and be sure that whatever my bad thought is saying is 100% not true. But, of course if you allow yourself to fuse with the thought again the chances are things aren't going to get any better. I think that, for me, the most important thing here is to make sure that after defusing from the thought I reconnect with the present and get into whatever is going on in that moment rather than thinking about the troublesome moment that is caused me all the grief in the first place. Of course I often feel the heavy lurking presence of that whole negative

thought pattern ready to take me over in the background- but I find that if I just observe

that as apart of the now that I am now in as well as all the other stuff I can perceive, it will at some point be digested by the mind. It

sounds like you really care about your job. I am a teacher also and I know that it burns an incredible amount of mental energy- which, in my opinion, often leads us to be vulnerable to our own negative thinking processes. I realized a long time ago that if I worried to much about things at work I would burn out really quick and have to leave the profession. I also think it's important to know that the label of good teacher or bad teacher your mind may come up with can never diefiine who

you are. I just try to give around 80 percent to teaching -If I gave any more it would consume me.One of my coworkers had a quote of the week up on her office wall the other day. It said 'A good teacher is

like a candle: He/she consumes his/her self to light the way for others'. It sounds good but for me it is quite

wrong. For me it should read something more like- 'A good teacher learns not to consume themselves while lighting the way for others. I've

seen too many good teachers burn out. To: ACT_for_the_Public Sent: Tue, October 5, 2010 6:16:35 PMSubject: Re: using act for social anxiety

Thanks Bill! I do feel like it would be helpful to me if I could somehow not have my sense of adequacy so tied in to my students responses to me. One part of me knows that I have no control over how other people respond but I tend to feel like as a teacher that it is my job to control how these students behave, so I so often feel like a yoyo. If they respond well I have done well, if they have respond negatively it is so easy for my mind to see that response as some failure on my part. I know I need to defuse from those thoughts and accept but sometimes that does not seem like enough. I feel like I need to give myself a more compassionate job description but I am not sure what it should be!! There goes that "should" again.

> > >

> > > Hi

> > >

> > > Adding to what I just posted- As Bill said just going into any social situation

> > > and trying to say present seems to be the best bet. I have largely beat my

> > > social anxiety since I started reading about ACT. In the past i tried cognitive

> > > therapy and Paxil etc with virtually no effect. The number one big thing for me

> > > in dealing with social anxiety is dealing with the secondry emotions and

> > > thoughts. I have found that social interactions being painful is really not such

> > > a big deal if you don't get depressed and beat yourself up everytime you have

> > > what you think is a 'bad' social interaction. For me most of the time, as I walk

> > > away from any social interaction, my mind will start trying to think of things

> > > wrong with what I did. In such situations i try to defuse from such thoughts and

> > > put myself back in the present. I have found that if I isolate the fear and

> > > negative thoughts, as far as possible, to the social situations that cause them-

> > > my life gets better and these the fear in my life shrinks day by day. So you

> > > must be willing to have some terrible social interations because if you aren't

> > > willing you will beat yourself up after each and every time things appear to go

> > > wrong.

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > ________________________________

> > > From: Holmes <aliciaholmes56@>

> > > To: ACT_for_the_Public

> > > Cc: ACT_for_the_Public

> > > Sent: Mon, October 4, 2010 6:23:12 PM

> > > Subject: using act for social anxiety

> > >

> > >

> > > Hi everyone, I hope you are all finding A.C.T helpful. I have been using it for

> > > about for months now and am finding it very useful especially the expansion and

> > > defusion techniques for everday thoughts and feelings and in getting me to

> > > actually go to events that help me connect with my values, eventhough i fell

> > > very nervous and even dread them sometimes due to the uncomfortable feelings.

> > > However, I am putting A.C.T to good use to try and help me with social anxiety

> > > but I am finding i am struggling to use expansion whilst actually being in the

> > > social situations that make me so anxious. for example if i were to practice

> > > expansion whilst talking to someone I would miss everything that they were

> > > saying which obviously defeats the purpous of talking to them. does anybody

> > > have any advice on how to use act to help with this ? I welcome any experiences

> > > anyone would like to tell me about in realtion to this.

> > > Many thanks

> > >

> > >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > ------------------------------------

> >

> > For other ACT materials and list serves see www.contextualpsychology.org

> >

> > If you do not wish to belong to ACT_for_the_Public, you may

> > unsubscribe by sending an email to

> > ACT_for_the_Public-unsubscribe@...! Groups Links

> >

> >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

- Have a look at The Happiness Trap, pp. 48-49. Sounds like Russ had some doubts as well. Perhaps "a more compassionate job description" will appear once you begin defusing and accepting. Bill> To: ACT_for_the_Public > Date: Tue, 5 Oct 2010 11:16:35 +0000> Subject: Re: using act for social anxiety> > Thanks Bill! I do feel like it would be helpful to me if I could somehow not have my sense of adequacy so tied in to my students responses to me. One part of me knows that I have no control over how other people respond but I tend to feel like as a teacher that it is my job to control how these students behave, so I so often feel like a yoyo. If they respond well I have done well, if they have respond negatively it is so easy for my mind to see that response as some failure on my part. I know I need to defuse from those thoughts and accept but sometimes that does not seem like enough. I feel like I need to give myself a more compassionate job description but I am not sure what it should be!! There goes that "should" again. > > > > > >> > > > Hi > > > > > > > > Adding to what I just posted- As Bill said just going into any social situation > > > > and trying to say present seems to be the best bet. I have largely beat my > > > > social anxiety since I started reading about ACT. In the past i tried cognitive > > > > therapy and Paxil etc with virtually no effect. The number one big thing for me > > > > in dealing with social anxiety is dealing with the secondry emotions and > > > > thoughts. I have found that social interactions being painful is really not such > > > > a big deal if you don't get depressed and beat yourself up everytime you have > > > > what you think is a 'bad' social interaction. For me most of the time, as I walk > > > > away from any social interaction, my mind will start trying to think of things > > > > wrong with what I did. In such situations i try to defuse from such thoughts and > > > > put myself back in the present. I have found that if I isolate the fear and > > > > negative thoughts, as far as possible, to the social situations that cause them- > > > > my life gets better and these the fear in my life shrinks day by day. So you > > > > must be willing to have some terrible social interations because if you aren't > > > > willing you will beat yourself up after each and every time things appear to go > > > > wrong. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > ________________________________> > > > From: Holmes <aliciaholmes56@>> > > > To: ACT_for_the_Public > > > > Cc: ACT_for_the_Public > > > > Sent: Mon, October 4, 2010 6:23:12 PM> > > > Subject: using act for social anxiety> > > > > > > > > > > > Hi everyone, I hope you are all finding A.C.T helpful. I have been using it for > > > > about for months now and am finding it very useful especially the expansion and > > > > defusion techniques for everday thoughts and feelings and in getting me to > > > > actually go to events that help me connect with my values, eventhough i fell > > > > very nervous and even dread them sometimes due to the uncomfortable feelings.> > > > However, I am putting A.C.T to good use to try and help me with social anxiety > > > > but I am finding i am struggling to use expansion whilst actually being in the > > > > social situations that make me so anxious. for example if i were to practice > > > > expansion whilst talking to someone I would miss everything that they were > > > > saying which obviously defeats the purpous of talking to them. does anybody > > > > have any advice on how to use act to help with this ? I welcome any experiences > > > > anyone would like to tell me about in realtion to this.> > > > Many thanks> > > > > > > >> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > ------------------------------------> > > > > > For other ACT materials and list serves see www.contextualpsychology.org> > > > > > If you do not wish to belong to ACT_for_the_Public, you may > > > unsubscribe by sending an email to > > > ACT_for_the_Public-unsubscribe@...! Groups Links> > > > > > > > >> >> > > > > ------------------------------------> > For other ACT materials and list serves see www.contextualpsychology.org> > If you do not wish to belong to ACT_for_the_Public, you may > unsubscribe by sending an email to > ACT_for_the_Public-unsubscribe@...! Groups Links> > <*> To visit your group on the web, go to:> http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ACT_for_the_Public/> > <*> Your email settings:> Individual Email | Traditional> > <*> To change settings online go to:> http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ACT_for_the_Public/join> (Yahoo! ID required)> > <*> To change settings via email:> ACT_for_the_Public-digest > ACT_for_the_Public-fullfeatured > > <*>

[Guest guest]

- The more I hear your story the more I think that acceptance is the best thing to work on - accepting that you are a perfectionist in an imperfect profession. It sounds like defusion is creating more struggle. Try thinking about acceptance in terms of the unwelcome aunt who shows up for your party uninvited. You can try to shoo her away but she's not going anywhere. Or you can invite her in, give her some tea and go about enjoying the party. When the feeling of inadequacy arises just chuckle to yourself and say "oh, here comes Aunt __________ (name her kindly!) and go on about your business. The aunt ain't going away and neither is your anxiety. But you can take a big edge off of it by just letting it be there.Bill> To: ACT_for_the_Public > Date: Wed, 6 Oct 2010 00:45:24 +0000> Subject: Re: using act for social anxiety> > > Again thanks to you, Bill, and Jim. It is nice to hear from a fellow teacher. I wonder if my expectations of what defusing and accepting feels like are on track. I do the "I am having a thought that he is acting such and such way because I did not do the right thing". I also do the funny voices ,but Jim you are so accurate to say I still tend to want to prove to myself that my thought is not true! For some reason, why I don't know, when I am feeling calm and confident, I tend to think "I've got this". I am not going to feel self doubting anymore!!! So then when those thoughts come up , it is like oh no, not again. My automatic gut reaction is "go away, go away, I had a good thing going till you showed up". So I then have to back track and try to defuse. I do keep working with the student but with anxiety. It is difficult for me to let go of the struggle of wanting it gone. So I try to accept the struggle . Does that sound right?? I keep thinking if I work hard enough I will find a thought to believe that will make the anxiety vanish!! So I try to accept that as well. Again what do yall think about that?? > > > > > > > >> > > > > > > Hi > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Adding to what I just posted- As Bill said just going into any social situation > > > > > > > and trying to say present seems to be the best bet. I have largely beat my > > > > > > > social anxiety since I started reading about ACT. In the past i tried cognitive > > > > > > > therapy and Paxil etc with virtually no effect. The number one big thing for me > > > > > > > in dealing with social anxiety is dealing with the secondry emotions and > > > > > > > thoughts. I have found that social interactions being painful is really not such > > > > > > > a big deal if you don't get depressed and beat yourself up everytime you have > > > > > > > what you think is a 'bad' social interaction. For me most of the time, as I walk > > > > > > > away from any social interaction, my mind will start trying to think of things > > > > > > > wrong with what I did. In such situations i try to defuse from such thoughts and > > > > > > > put myself back in the present. I have found that if I isolate the fear and > > > > > > > negative thoughts, as far as possible, to the social situations that cause them- > > > > > > > my life gets better and these the fear in my life shrinks day by day. So you > > > > > > > must be willing to have some terrible social interations because if you aren't > > > > > > > willing you will beat yourself up after each and every time things appear to go > > > > > > > wrong. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > ________________________________> > > > > > > From: Holmes <aliciaholmes56@>> > > > > > > To: ACT_for_the_Public > > > > > > > Cc: ACT_for_the_Public > > > > > > > Sent: Mon, October 4, 2010 6:23:12 PM> > > > > > > Subject: using act for social anxiety> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Hi everyone, I hope you are all finding A.C.T helpful. I have been using it for > > > > > > > about for months now and am finding it very useful especially the expansion and > > > > > > > defusion techniques for everday thoughts and feelings and in getting me to > > > > > > > actually go to events that help me connect with my values, eventhough i fell > > > > > > > very nervous and even dread them sometimes due to the uncomfortable feelings.> > > > > > > However, I am putting A.C.T to good use to try and help me with social anxiety > > > > > > > but I am finding i am struggling to use expansion whilst actually being in the > > > > > > > social situations that make me so anxious. for example if i were to practice > > > > > > > expansion whilst talking to someone I would miss everything that they were > > > > > > > saying which obviously defeats the purpous of talking to them. does anybody > > > > > > > have any advice on how to use act to help with this ? I welcome any experiences > > > > > > > anyone would like to tell me about in realtion to this.> > > > > > > Many thanks> > > > > > > > > > > > > >> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > ------------------------------------> > > > > > > > > > > > For other ACT materials and list serves see www.contextualpsychology.org> > > > > > > > > > > > If you do not wish to belong to ACT_for_the_Public, you may > > > > > > unsubscribe by sending an email to > > > > > > ACT_for_the_Public-unsubscribe@! Groups Links> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >> > > > >> >> > > > > ------------------------------------> > For other ACT materials and list serves see www.contextualpsychology.org> > If you do not wish to belong to ACT_for_the_Public, you may > unsubscribe by sending an email to > ACT_for_the_Public-unsubscribe@...! Groups Links> > <*> To visit your group on the web, go to:> http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ACT_for_the_Public/> > <*> Your email settings:> Individual Email | Traditional> > <*> To change settings online go to:> http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ACT_for_the_Public/join> (Yahoo! ID required)> > <*> To change settings via email:> ACT_for_the_Public-digest > ACT_for_the_Public-fullfeatured > > <*>

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

I’ve just caught up with this thread, and Bill has pretty

much said everything that I wanted to say. I just wanted to address this

comment of yours:

‘finding i am struggling to use expansion whilst

actually being in the social situations that make me so anxious. for example if

i were to practice expansion whilst talking to someone I would miss everything

that they were saying

The longer expansion exercises in The Happiness Trap ­ - where

you close your eyes and focus all your attention on the feelings inside your

body and practise breathing into them etc - are meant to be practiced in

private, not in social situations. But the book explains how, withj lots of

ongoing practice, you get to a point where you can step into expansion mode

almost instantaneously – see the section titled ‘The Power of One

Deep Breath’. Once you reach this point, you can go into a social situation,

take a deep breath, open up to your feelings, and get yourself into acceptance/expansion

mode within a few seconds.

Bill nailed it when he talked about the single most important

mindfulness skill to practice in social situations is connection/engagement –

being fully present in the conversation, focusing your attention on the other

person, rather than on your own thoughts and feelings. And as you become more

and more engaged in the conversation and the social interaction, both defusion

and expansion tend to happen as a side-effect.

All the best,

Cheers,

Russ

www.actmindfully.com.au

www.thehappinesstrap.com

From: ACT_for_the_Public [mailto:ACT_for_the_Public ]

On Behalf Of Barbara

Sent: Wednesday, 6 October 2010 11:14 AM

To: ACT_for_the_Public

Subject: Re: using act for social anxiety

You must live in a moderate climate! Here in

Minnesota when someone can't think of anything to say they talk about the

weather!

Barbara S

>

> Hi ,

>

> I'm glad you brought that up because the same thing would happen to me.

When a person would finish speaking I wouldn't have a clue what to say.