False Home Delusion Problems

[Guest guest]

My dear Kathy, I am glad my experience with Don gave you hope. One thing

about LBD is that it's always changing, so we never know what is going to

happen, but

the right medication may just be the ticket he needs. Of course there is

always the threat of an underlying illness that must be caught by the Doctor

too.

Yes, things on time are important, or at least according to our routine that

he is used to. I do sleep in late sometimes and it is no problem. He gets

his trusty peanut butter, crackers, banana, and coffee for breakfast and reads

the paper. He has had that of his own choice for years.

I do prepare a well balanced meal for lunch. That is our big meal for the

day. Then he sleeps about two hours afterwards.

Today, while he slept I updated our medical records on the computer, and

made printouts for Doctors, and our purses, as well as a special place in the

kitchen for Paramedics to find (it's called a " File of LIfe " in big red letters

that the police department provided for anyone wanting them.) Also a

printout for our medical file in the file cabinet. This way we are ready and

able to

grab it in a hurry from just about anywhere when needed.

Love a lot, it makes your face light up,

Imogene

In a message dated 3/9/2008 8:59:14 AM Central Standard Time,

kathymjacobs@... writes:

>

>

> Kathy, you have written the way my husband has been. I sure hope he

doesn't

> go back to that.

>

> I told the Doctor and he upped Don's Zoloft. It has done wonders.

My darling

> is his old self again. He doesn't fight me in the car, nor argue

about my

> driving. <snip>

Imogene,

Thank you. Your posts always give me hope and courage. I believe

senses his growing loss of control and his fear drives the

delusions. When he has his most lucid moments, he tells me how much he

loves me and appreciates me, and that he'd be long " gone " if he

didn't have me in his life. I see the current situation as a

fear-driven transition that we will either get through and able to

keep him at home, or will end with institutionalization and all that

implies in his case. He says he would rather die.

The fact that your husband weathered the transition gives me hope that

with the right medical and geriatric nursing assistance we can also

make it past this current phase.

To all the group members who have read of this problem and provided

valuable insight, I left to himself much of yesterday,

delivering meds on time, helping with urination, and bringing him

dinner. By bedtime he was fine. Today he slept late and is doing well.

Thank you all. I'll let you know how consulting with doctors and the

elder care nurse go.

Kathy

Kathy

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[Guest guest]

Hi Joanne, you have expressed your activity with your Mother exactly the way

I interact with my Don. I never argue with him, but love him and will put on

" our " dance music and then he wants to dance. Of course neither of us can

anymore, but we sure do talk about good memories. He is going back in time

also. I divert him in any thing that might agitate him. Loving and tenderness

is

the best medicine.

That's why I say " love a lot, " because it does somebody good. And most of

all you!

and, Love a Lot to you too dear,

Imogene

In a message dated 3/9/2008 9:11:47 AM Central Standard Time,

joannefp2000@... writes:

>Hello Kathy,

My name is Joanne and I am knew to this group, but not new to LBD. I

care for my Mother who has this terrible illness.

I have been through the I want to go home thing for a lot of years

but it seems to have subsided in her current stage of progression.

I think what I learned from this experience is that Mom was regressed

into her past, thinking of her home in where she grew up with

her Parents.

She was sundowning and wanting to go home, find her parents, etc.

I usually can head this off by keeping her in a lot of light. I play

music instead from her past I give her familiar pictures of family

and friends from this time period. Because Mom believed the picture

was the person. She began to not be able to separate a picture from

a person, a movie actress from a person in the room. She felt they

were right there talking to her.

I found ways to distract her and keep her thinking about something

else.

I would take her for an ice cream cone, something pleasant.

I also took her to a psychiatrist that specializes in dementia he was

the one that explained the LBD to me. Mom has frequent

hallucinations where she sees little children and angels, dogs etc.

I don't make a big deal out of it but instead I give her a baby doll

to hold, a stuffed dog animal, we have a dog too and we have her lay

by Mom and it calms her down.

Many of these things were very troublesome in the beginning. But I

have since learned not to play into her anxiety but instead I just

agree with her and I do what I think is best for her.

WE have her father and mothers pictures in the hallway and all her

childrens pictures and so when she says she wants her mom and dad I

walk her down the hallway with her walker, and she feels very content

with that.

I hope my sharing my experiences, help you to know you are not alone,

and to know that this too shall pass.

Medication management does help a great deal with the anger and

anxiety.

Best to you

Joanne P

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[Guest guest]

Courage,

I love your use of the word " fiblets " to describe what we sometimes have to

do. It may replace " nifty " and " spiffy " as my favorite word! lol

Dianne P

daughter of Bill, 84

gaat wrote:

Kathy,

If you think that is going to fight you on going to the Neuro appt. then

I would suggest that you don't tell him till the day arrives and then maybe say

that the " doctors " appointment is for you and that you need his support. I know

its a tremendous lie but we do what we have to do to get them to where we can

find some help. I had to tell my mom many, many fiblets when she was in the

beginning/middle stages of this damned disease.

Courage

False Home Delusion Problems

Today 's delusion that we have another home, and we need to go

there, is causing very serious problems. This has recently become an

almost daily problem. Yesterday we went and did some xeroxing at a

copy place, and when we returned home he seemed satisfied that we were

indeed home.

This morning after breakfast he said he wanted to go shopping, so I

got us ready. Just before we were ready to leave he said he wanted to

go home and check on his things before going to the store. I tried

reminding him that we came home yesterday, but he was adamant that we

needed to go home. I suggested going shopping first, and going home

afterward. That was not acceptable. Finally, rather than argue, I

drove to a nearby landmark he would recognize and drove back here,

showing him the street names as we passed them. When we reached our

driveway he grabbed the wheel and would not allow me to proceed. He

insisted I take him to the real home, our other home.

I tried repeating the process, but that didn't work. He became angry,

abusive and threatening. He even threatened to kill me and made

menacing gestures but obviously did not act upon his threats.

I parked in a university parking lot near home and offered to follow

his directions to go where he wanted. He didn't know the way. I

offered to call his son in CT and have him provide directions " home "

or give the address. He didn't agree to that. I offered to call or

take him to an old and trusted friend who would know where he lived.

He finally agreed to that, but his friend was not home. His second

choice for a friend to consult was at home but his phone was busy. I

asked if he would be able to recognize his friend's house. I

knew he lived near the university football stadium. So when we got

there, was unable to direct me to his friend's house. I drove

to the law school and found a phone book and got his friend's address.

I tried phoning but the line was still busy. I couldn't find the

street, and tried calling again and got through. We got directions and

visited his friend who helped me calm . could not be

convinced, naturally who can argue with someone deep in the throes of

a delusion, but finally agreed to return here, even if he won't admit

it's home.

He let me help him urinate, and make him lunch, but he's still angry

with me. He's fallen three times, and barely lets me help him stand

up. He has fortunately not injured himself, at least not yet. I know

he doesn't want to be hospitalized, and I hope I won't have to call

the paramedics.

I already had planned to try to make an appointment for him with a

neuro-psychiatrist recommended by Geri Hall, and will make that my

first priority for Monday. I just hope I can get him to an appointment.

I've sent an email to his son asking him to call, and say something

loving and supportive.

I hope he snaps out of his present state soon. It's not good.

Kathy

[Guest guest]

Dear Courage,

I also love " fiblets. " I learned " loving lies " from , and have started

using the phrase in my work with family members of the elderly and demented. Can

I adopt " fiblets " too?

Lin

Dianne wrote:

Courage,

I love your use of the word " fiblets " to describe what we sometimes have to do.

It may replace " nifty " and " spiffy " as my favorite word! lol

Dianne P

daughter of Bill, 84

gaat wrote:

Kathy,

If you think that is going to fight you on going to the Neuro appt. then

I would suggest that you don't tell him till the day arrives and then maybe say

that the " doctors " appointment is for you and that you need his support. I know

its a tremendous lie but we do what we have to do to get them to where we can

find some help. I had to tell my mom many, many fiblets when she was in the

beginning/middle stages of this damned disease.

Courage

False Home Delusion Problems

Today 's delusion that we have another home, and we need to go

there, is causing very serious problems. This has recently become an

almost daily problem. Yesterday we went and did some xeroxing at a

copy place, and when we returned home he seemed satisfied that we were

indeed home.

This morning after breakfast he said he wanted to go shopping, so I

got us ready. Just before we were ready to leave he said he wanted to

go home and check on his things before going to the store. I tried

reminding him that we came home yesterday, but he was adamant that we

needed to go home. I suggested going shopping first, and going home

afterward. That was not acceptable. Finally, rather than argue, I

drove to a nearby landmark he would recognize and drove back here,

showing him the street names as we passed them. When we reached our

driveway he grabbed the wheel and would not allow me to proceed. He

insisted I take him to the real home, our other home.

I tried repeating the process, but that didn't work. He became angry,

abusive and threatening. He even threatened to kill me and made

menacing gestures but obviously did not act upon his threats.

I parked in a university parking lot near home and offered to follow

his directions to go where he wanted. He didn't know the way. I

offered to call his son in CT and have him provide directions " home "

or give the address. He didn't agree to that. I offered to call or

take him to an old and trusted friend who would know where he lived.

He finally agreed to that, but his friend was not home. His second

choice for a friend to consult was at home but his phone was busy. I

asked if he would be able to recognize his friend's house. I

knew he lived near the university football stadium. So when we got

there, was unable to direct me to his friend's house. I drove

to the law school and found a phone book and got his friend's address.

I tried phoning but the line was still busy. I couldn't find the

street, and tried calling again and got through. We got directions and

visited his friend who helped me calm . could not be

convinced, naturally who can argue with someone deep in the throes of

a delusion, but finally agreed to return here, even if he won't admit

it's home.

He let me help him urinate, and make him lunch, but he's still angry

with me. He's fallen three times, and barely lets me help him stand

up. He has fortunately not injured himself, at least not yet. I know

he doesn't want to be hospitalized, and I hope I won't have to call

the paramedics.

I already had planned to try to make an appointment for him with a

neuro-psychiatrist recommended by Geri Hall, and will make that my

first priority for Monday. I just hope I can get him to an appointment.

I've sent an email to his son asking him to call, and say something

loving and supportive.

I hope he snaps out of his present state soon. It's not good.

Kathy

[Guest guest]

People have offered different possible " meanings " behind the false

home delusion. I suspect it may mean different things in different

cases, but I'd like to share some observations about my husband's

experience.

He started having this delusion as he began to have difficulties with

every day life. It first appeared last fall when he failed his driving

test at license renewal time. As he lost the ability to write checks

and had to ask my assistance to write them to pay bills he began to

talk more about the other " real " home.

When they revoked his license after the third failure to pass the

driving test he wandered out of the house one night. A neighbor found

him laying in the road and called the paramedics. He insisted that

home was around the block and looked for it in our neighborhood over

several days.

Visits to his internist and neurologist did not turn up any physical

stressors.

In January he had his first bad fall. Visits to his doctors again

failed to turn up any ailments, but provided the diagnosis " Lewy Body

Dementia " from his neurologist. This time both doctors gave him the

choice, get home health aides for the time I am away from work, or I

could quit work to care for him, but he should no longer be home

alone. I began working entirely from home, meeting via telephone,

although my company prefers I meet in person.

At this point the false home problem really got worse. Every time I

discussed quitting work, or getting HHAs he'd have an episode. The

Zombies he hallucinates got worse too.

The more his life threatened to go out of his control the worse the

delusion became until two days before he fell and broke his neck the

delusion reached crisis level. Taking him for a drive and bringing him

back home didn't solve the problem, it just made him furious. He

didn't know where home was, but he just was not home.

is a holocaust survivor. He escaped from the Warsaw ghetto as

a teenager the day after his mother was taken away in a boxcar. He

lived under a false identity and by his wits. As a result, it's very

important for him to be in control. As he finds it harder to be in

control of his day to day affairs, he feels more alienated and less at

home.

I think that for , being home is being in control.

Kathy

[Guest guest]

I think that maybe being home might be 'being in control'.

My dad died in 1962 and my mom raised five children (3-9) by herself and

never remarried. She had a hard life, but was a fantastic mother. What we

didn't have in material things was more than made up for in her love for us.

She was the one in control, she managed the family on a small annuity, and

maintained her home. Up until a few years ago she would go out and mow the

lawn. Now she is unable to do many things, especially since she is on the

medication and I don't think that she likes the fact that she has to rely on

others to help her out. I went on disability at the time that she needed me

the most, and I think that having someone with her all the time has made her

feel like she doesn't have much control any more. It is true that she can't

do things on her own, but she knows that and probably is looking for 'the

way it used to be' when she was the head of the household and had her family

- where she took care of us rather than us taking care of her.

On the other hand, I think that when she refers to going home to her

parents, she might be saying that as a response to the fact that she hates

living like this and has at some times said that she would rather be dead

than to be living like this, thus to be where her parents are. But - she

never refers to my Dad whom she loved dearly and still does to this day.

I think that in their foggy minds they don't recognize their homes because

now it is just a place that they sit around rather than do the 'day-to-day'

living things that they had in the past.So maybe it's not a matter of being

in control, but rather being themselves again.

I guess we will never know, because asking them afterwards what they meant

doesn't help because they don't remember asking to go home.

[Guest guest]

I, personally, find this subject fascinating. Do our LOs see " home " as an

individual place or

are we moving on to a more universal place here with what has been shared by

Joan and

Kathy? Loss of control in life, loss of independence, and with that, possibly

feeling more

like a child, of giving up and the desire to " go home " to Heaven? That in

itself could be a

spectrum. Whoa, could be the subject of a thesis! So, so much more to learn.

Thank you Joan.

, Oakville Ont.

Mother, age 92, died Aug. 12/06 after 13 year decline from PDD

>

> I think that maybe being home might be 'being in control'.

>

>

>

> My dad died in 1962 and my mom raised five children (3-9) by herself and

> never remarried. She had a hard life, but was a fantastic mother. What we

> didn't have in material things was more than made up for in her love for us.

> She was the one in control, she managed the family on a small annuity, and

> maintained her home. Up until a few years ago she would go out and mow the

> lawn. Now she is unable to do many things, especially since she is on the

> medication and I don't think that she likes the fact that she has to rely on

> others to help her out. I went on disability at the time that she needed me

> the most, and I think that having someone with her all the time has made her

> feel like she doesn't have much control any more. It is true that she can't

> do things on her own, but she knows that and probably is looking for 'the

> way it used to be' when she was the head of the household and had her family

> - where she took care of us rather than us taking care of her.

>

>

>

> On the other hand, I think that when she refers to going home to her

> parents, she might be saying that as a response to the fact that she hates

> living like this and has at some times said that she would rather be dead

> than to be living like this, thus to be where her parents are. But - she

> never refers to my Dad whom she loved dearly and still does to this day.

>

>

>

> I think that in their foggy minds they don't recognize their homes because

> now it is just a place that they sit around rather than do the 'day-to-day'

> living things that they had in the past.So maybe it's not a matter of being

> in control, but rather being themselves again.

>

>

>

> I guess we will never know, because asking them afterwards what they meant

> doesn't help because they don't remember asking to go home.

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I've always thought the reason they want to go home is

that they have regressed to an earlier age, and going

home is where they lived with their parents. By the

time my husband started doing that, he no longer

recognized our home, where we had lived for 23 years,

so I don't believe it was home for him, so he wanted

to go home. It usually happened right after we ate

the evening meal. He would get up from his chair and

announce that it was time to go home now. At times,

he would go get his coat. No amount of trying to

convince him he was home worked.

It could be that the reason she doesn't mention your

father is that she has regressed to a time before he

was in the picture, and she does not remember that

time period. The short-term memory goes first, and

gradually, they will lose longer-term memory. I also

believe that is the reason for Capgras - particularly

with husbands/wives. In their minds, they see the

person they knew years ago, and the present person may

look similar but isn't the same one. I would show my

husband our picture together, and he would say, " well

that looks like my wife, but it's not her. "

I still laugh about the time I was washing dishes and

he was drying them, and he leaned over and very

confidentally said to me, " That other woman who is

here is sure bossy. " Of course, that was me, because

I had to tell him to do everything by then. But, he

did not recognize that there was only one person in

the house.

If only we could get inside their minds, it would be

fascinating, wouldn't it?

JuneC

--- Joan Croft wrote:

> I think that maybe being home might be 'being in

> control'.

>

>

>

> My dad died in 1962 and my mom raised five children

> (3-9) by herself and

> never remarried. She had a hard life, but was a

> fantastic mother. What we

> didn't have in material things was more than made up

> for in her love for us.

> She was the one in control, she managed the family

> on a small annuity, and

> maintained her home. Up until a few years ago she

> would go out and mow the

> lawn. Now she is unable to do many things,

> especially since she is on the

> medication and I don't think that she likes the fact

> that she has to rely on

> others to help her out. I went on disability at the

> time that she needed me

> the most, and I think that having someone with her

> all the time has made her

> feel like she doesn't have much control any more.

> It is true that she can't

> do things on her own, but she knows that and

> probably is looking for 'the

> way it used to be' when she was the head of the

> household and had her family

> - where she took care of us rather than us taking

> care of her.

>

>

>

> On the other hand, I think that when she refers to

> going home to her

> parents, she might be saying that as a response to

> the fact that she hates

> living like this and has at some times said that she

> would rather be dead

> than to be living like this, thus to be where her

> parents are. But - she

> never refers to my Dad whom she loved dearly and

> still does to this day.

>

>

>

> I think that in their foggy minds they don't

> recognize their homes because

> now it is just a place that they sit around rather

> than do the 'day-to-day'

> living things that they had in the past.So maybe

> it's not a matter of being

> in control, but rather being themselves again.

>

>

>

> I guess we will never know, because asking them

> afterwards what they meant

> doesn't help because they don't remember asking to

> go home.

>

>

>

> [Non-text portions of this message have been

> removed]

>

>

________________________________________________________________________________\

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[Guest guest]

Donna, I'm pretty sure it was a $10 kill switch! LOL Big difference in being

able to afford

one!

> > >

> > > People have offered different possible " meanings "

> > behind the false

> > > home delusion. I suspect it may mean different

> > things in different

> > > cases, but I'd like to share some observations

> > about my husband's

> > > experience.

> > >

> > > He started having this delusion as he began to

> > have difficulties with

> > > every day life. It first appeared last fall when

> > he failed his driving

> > > test at license renewal time. As he lost the

> > ability to write checks

> > > and had to ask my assistance to write them to pay

> > bills he began to

> > > talk more about the other " real " home.

> > >

> > > When they revoked his license after the third

> > failure to pass the

> > > driving test he wandered out of the house one

> > night. A neighbor found

> > > him laying in the road and called the paramedics.

> > He insisted that

> > > home was around the block and looked for it in our

> > neighborhood over

> > > several days.

> > >

> > > Visits to his internist and neurologist did not

> > turn up any physical

> > > stressors.

> > >

> > > In January he had his first bad fall. Visits to

> > his doctors again

> > > failed to turn up any ailments, but provided the

> > diagnosis " Lewy Body

> > > Dementia " from his neurologist. This time both

> > doctors gave him the

> > > choice, get home health aides for the time I am

> > away from work, or I

> > > could quit work to care for him, but he should no

> > longer be home

> > > alone. I began working entirely from home, meeting

> > via telephone,

> > > although my company prefers I meet in person.

> > >

> > > At this point the false home problem really got

> > worse. Every time I

> > > discussed quitting work, or getting HHAs he'd have

> > an episode. The

> > > Zombies he hallucinates got worse too.

> > >

> > > The more his life threatened to go out of his

> > control the worse the

> > > delusion became until two days before he fell and

> > broke his neck the

> > > delusion reached crisis level. Taking him for a

> > drive and bringing him

> > > back home didn't solve the problem, it just made

> > him furious. He

> > > didn't know where home was, but he just was not

> > home.

> > >

> > > is a holocaust survivor. He escaped from

> > the Warsaw ghetto as

> > > a teenager the day after his mother was taken away

> > in a boxcar. He

> > > lived under a false identity and by his wits. As a

> > result, it's very

> > > important for him to be in control. As he finds it

> > harder to be in

> > > control of his day to day affairs, he feels more

> > alienated and less at

> > > home.

> > >

> > > I think that for , being home is being in

> > control.

> > >

> > > Kathy

> > >

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>

>

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