Re: sorry off topic, (just need to vent a little)

October 15, 2007

Ron, I had wondered why you were home when you had siblings. But, through

time, I have learned that you are a CNA and still earning enough to sustain

you, and can care for your Mom at the same time. That is exactly what your

siblings are seeing. They are seeing their mother being cared for by a

qualified

person, and that eases their burden, while not thinking for a minute that you

also need help.

Ron, I am so sorry. You will have to put your foot down with your siblings.

Everyone gets time off from work, and work around the clock is what you are

doing. Without that time off you will break. You need refreshing time for you.

Totally away from this responsibility for a couple of days a week. Also,

some way, you Mom could use something to help her sleep, so you can sleep. NO

one can continue the way you are and not burnout.

Fire your Doctor, and get another that understands your problem. When you

are about to crumble you don't need scolding. You need help.

Now, if it sounds like I am scolding, I am not. I love you Ron, and felt

terrible about your burden.

This is what I am facing. But, right now my Man sleeps.

Ron, I am so terribly sorry. You need to cry on someone's shoulder, that

understands. Believe me we do. We are here for you. I am glad you wrote.

Please keep us posted on your situation. I really worry for you.

Love so much,

Imogene

In a message dated 10/15/2007 3:30:19 PM Central Daylight Time,

dawgg4456@... writes:

Hi everyone.Went back to the doctor today for myself because Im not having

much luck at feeling better.Wanted to discuss staying tired,

forgetting,dramatic weight gain and loss and basically I guess I was hoping

that I could treat

some of this with medication of some sort.My big thing is I dont want to get

sick and not be able to take care of mom.

Since starting the lewy trip Ive been put on zoloft for depression and

prevacid for stomache woes.So Im thinking we will treat these new symtoims and

go

from there.

Well when I get there I find that my blood pressure is 175 over 115.And Ive

gained 34 pounds in a month after losing over 70 pounds in 6 months.So I have

my list of what to talk to the dr about and I read it off to her and she

instantly goes into a long tyrade of me not taking care of myself.So I try to

explain to her that Im a 24 hour caregiver and it just basically gets worse.We

never did see eye to eye and I got nothing to help me with my problems so

basically I just got more stress from being so irate at the lack of

understanding I get in my life.So Im laying it out to anyone hear that will

listen.And i

respect oppinions and reeally would like to know if Im wrong and if I really

can change my situation;

1.Its very important to me not to put mom in the care of a stranger.I could

explain it but its long and just hate to go into it now

2If I could get more help from family members I would its that simple there

is a million things Id like to do but If the help isnt there then I cant

change that.

3.I really feel like if it isnt me doin this then mom is screwed and in a

nh.

4.I dont think Id enjoy my life anyway if I turned my back like the rest of

my siblings seem to be able to do.

Basically thats how I feel I just wanted something to help me cope with all

this and keep me from getting sick and instead Im feeling like Im wrong for

being this way AND I got absolutely no help today at all to deal with the

memory, sleep, fatigue, and weight fluxuations.Can someone just tell me how the

hell I am supposed to change my lifestyle doing this?If I could wake the hell

up in the morning and be a famous rock star I would but Im ron and I take

care of my mom and everytime I ask for help I get advice that just doesnt even

apply to my life.

************************************** See what's new at http://www.aol.com

October 15, 2007

Hi, Ron,

I would really like to pinch your doctor's head off at the moment. I am

sure she means well, but she definitely doesn't get it. Most doctors have no

idea what caregiving really is - especially 24/7. I had many of the same

feeling you are having now when I was taking care of my dad. I didn't want to

put

Dad's care in the hands of strangers either. I tried having a few people,

and Dad didn't respond very well to anyone but me. I have siblings, too, and

mine were about as much help as yours are. I would ask for help, and both of

them would always have some excuse or pitch a fit, so I stopped asking. You

are right - if the help isn't there, it just isn't there. As Dad got

progressively worse, my mother was always trying to put Dad in a nursing home,

and

that was always uncomfortable. I had power of attorney for my dad so my

mother was not in charge of making decisions for him. I know, it all sounds

strange - it was strange. My dad and I had always been really close, and I

guess

he knew who he wanted making decisions on his behalf. I felt like you do,

that I had my reasons for doing what I was doing, and it just wasn't worth

explaining anything to anyone because they wouldn't understand it anyway. It

was

between my dad and I, and that is all that mattered - just like it is between

you and your mom. I wish I had some great advice to give you. I don't have

a lot of advice, but I have a tremendous amount of understanding. I

eventually did find a lady to who my dad responded well. She would come two

afternoons per week for a few hours and be with my dad. I wouldn't leave the

house,

but it would give me some time to do my work or whatever else I could do -

maybe even rest. This lady couldn't do any heavy lifting with my dad, but he

liked being with her. I would be home to do anything that was physical if he

needed it. Would your siblings that won't help with your mom's care be

willing to pitch in towards hiring a small amount of outside help to give you a

break? You could still be home so you would know what was going on with your

mom, but you wouldn't have to be totally with her during that time. I gained

weight when I was taking care of my dad, too. Comfort food did just that for

me - it comforted me. Don't worry too much about the weight gain. You will

straighten that out in time. I just know it is near impossible to " take care

of yourself " when you are caring for someone 24/7. We know we are supposed

to take care of ourselves, but we can just do what we can do for ourselves.

I do know that you will be really glad that you took care of your mom, and

you will never regret it. I am going to stop rambling now. I just wish you

weren't having to go through what you are going through. Please come here and

rant whenever you need to. We are here for you.

Big hugs,

Piper

************************************** See what's new at http://www.aol.com

October 15, 2007

Ron, where to start!

I found looking after my granda was very much like taking care of my children

when they were babies. when i was cooking for my granda i made sure i ate too,

when he slept i would maybe nap too. don't get bogged down in household chores.

a house is always standing when your not. I know it can sound simplistic and

it's not. We become consumed with the job we have to do wtth our LO's and

sometimes it's at the expense of our own health. People will say 'don't worry so

much' but we do, we project into the future and think that we don't have our LO

for a very long time so we'll go all out to do everything we can to make sure

their remaining years/months are comfortable and not spent with strangers.

Everyones situation is unique. The only suggesion i have is to ask yourself, if

you saw someone you cared about in the exact situation your in..what would your

advice be to them. Would you tell them to slow down and look after themselves?

Probably but the short of it is that we all do what we feel we have to to get by

each day. Your not wrong for feeling the way you do or getting sick. Your only

human. Keep coming here. I know it's not the same as having a face to face with

another caregiver or getting some time to chill but we're open 24/7 365 days a

year. We never close.

Take care

.xx

sorry off topic, (just need to vent a little)

Hi everyone.Went back to the doctor today for myself because Im not having

much luck at feeling better.Wanted to discuss staying tired, forgetting,dramatic

weight gain and loss and basically I guess I was hoping that I could treat some

of this with medication of some sort.My big thing is I dont want to get sick and

not be able to take care of mom.

Since starting the lewy trip Ive been put on zoloft for depression and

prevacid for stomache woes.So Im thinking we will treat these new symtoims and

go from there.

Well when I get there I find that my blood pressure is 175 over 115.And Ive

gained 34 pounds in a month after losing over 70 pounds in 6 months.So I have my

list of what to talk to the dr about and I read it off to her and she instantly

goes into a long tyrade of me not taking care of myself.So I try to explain to

her that Im a 24 hour caregiver and it just basically gets worse.We never did

see eye to eye and I got nothing to help me with my problems so basically I just

got more stress from being so irate at the lack of understanding I get in my

life.So Im laying it out to anyone hear that will listen.And i respect oppinions

and reeally would like to know if Im wrong and if I really can change my

situation;

1.Its very important to me not to put mom in the care of a stranger.I could

explain it but its long and just hate to go into it now

2If I could get more help from family members I would its that simple there is

a million things Id like to do but If the help isnt there then I cant change

that.

3.I really feel like if it isnt me doin this then mom is screwed and in a nh.

4.I dont think Id enjoy my life anyway if I turned my back like the rest of my

siblings seem to be able to do.

Basically thats how I feel I just wanted something to help me cope with all

this and keep me from getting sick and instead Im feeling like Im wrong for

being this way AND I got absolutely no help today at all to deal with the

memory, sleep, fatigue, and weight fluxuations.Can someone just tell me how the

hell I am supposed to change my lifestyle doing this?If I could wake the hell up

in the morning and be a famous rock star I would but Im ron and I take care of

my mom and everytime I ask for help I get advice that just doesnt even apply to

my life.

---------------------------------

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October 15, 2007

Dear Ron,

OMG, I am so sorry to hear all of this. I have experienced something similar

to this but not quite. I have had depression and anxiety problems since my

mid-twenties, I'm 46 now. Anyway, when I first went down and brought mom up here

from FL I put her in assisted living and later got her an apartment directly

downstairs from me. I thought I was going to lose my mind!!! It was a very tough

adjustment! She was suddenly sooo needy, and was so good at giving the guilt

trips.( I don't think this is the case with you but I think the result was the

same) I became very depressed and tired and lost 30 pounds in just a few months,

I was no longer able to work because mom took up almost all of my time and plus

I just became no good at dealing with people. I hate to admit this part but I

ended up really not taking care of myself to the point that I was no good for

anybody. Well I decided to pull myself together and start taking care of myself.

I went on a 3 day vacation(it would have

been longer if I could have afforded it) I didn't even go out of town but very

few people knew where I was. I got someone to sit with mom, and spent the entire

3 days just thinking of what I needed. Somehow during that time I learned not to

let my mom " guilt trip " me. I don't know how that happened but it was a

liberating experience. I somehow just figured out how to balance my life better.

I went to the doctor and was prescribed prozac and klonopin for depression and

anxiety. Thank God I had a doctor that would do that! She's not a good doctor

for anything else but she listened to what I felt that I needed. And oh how it

has helped me. I have now gained back all the weight I lost and then some, but I

am doing so much better.

Well then there's my husband. He is now having a hard time adjusting to the

Lewy coaster that's going on. As long as my mom didn't live with us he didn't

have to deal with much. Well now he has high blood pressure, depression and

anxiety. The doctor has given him something for the bp and depression but won't

prescribe anything for anxiety or sleeping problems. He has lost about 10 pounds

this month and watching him is like seeing myself back when I first started

caring for mom. I think it is a very normal reaction to this kind of situation.

This is just not easy and I don't think anybody would want to see their loved

one suffer from this.

Like your siblings, my sister has nothing to do with care for my mom. In fact

she lived in the town that I had to go and get my mom from. I would have loved

for mom to be able to stay in the state that she loved among familiar people.

But my sister needs her own kind of help. and that's a whole other story.

Anyway, I don't think there's anything that I can actually say to make

anything any better, but don't let anybody make you feel any worse! If there's

any way to go to a different doctor? Ron, just know I'm here when ever you need

to vent. Like I said, you have been a good shoulder for me, I'm here for you.

Please take good care of yourself! Let me know how you're doing!

Hugs to you,

Keli

ron frye wrote:

Hi everyone.Went back to the doctor today for myself because Im not

having much luck at feeling better.Wanted to discuss staying tired,

forgetting,dramatic weight gain and loss and basically I guess I was hoping that

I could treat some of this with medication of some sort.My big thing is I dont

want to get sick and not be able to take care of mom.

Since starting the lewy trip Ive been put on zoloft for depression and prevacid

for stomache woes.So Im thinking we will treat these new symtoims and go from

there.