Re: (article) Aspie/NT Relationships: An adult perspective on conflict resolution & listening

[Guest guest]

CJ,I like this a lot! It gives me the ability to have my feelings heard, since the other party will let me get them out-haltingly- even though I may have to define each part of the sentence, because I do not have simple concrete words for why I feel the way I do. it helps me to understand the feelings of the other person, because they will need to take the time to explain them, and not just assume I understand it, or be impatient and blame me for not understanding it.The other thing it does is declare that we are playing things straight- and I believe that my ex was not really willing to play by rules such as these, because he was a huge manipulator. He needed to have a fight going on, because he needed to

win something over me frequently, and I did not realize that if I had just learned to "play dumb" a few times, I might have let him have the illusion of winning, and then he would not create fights by being manipulative, just so that he could feel he won them. I hate the idea of being with someone who is manipulative like that- with a drive to do it- not that people like that never have good relationships, but that as an AS, that is one extra layer that is exhausting for me to deal with, and really not fair, since I have trouble reading dishonesty when someone is good at concealing it. I want to trust the person I am with, and will not if that is what is going on- and hopefully, if I cannot spot the manipulation, then friends or family will see it and alert me. I think that willingness to go through this structure is certainly an indicator that i may have a person who has some

willingness to be honest- maybe, a lot of desire to be honest- and that is one of the things I need in a relationship.Thanks for posting.All the best, To: CJ Sent: Saturday, December 17, 2011 6:07 AM Subject: (article) Aspie/NT Relationships: An adult perspective on

conflict resolution & listening

Some good stuff here about communication and hypersensitivity to

criticism. Ignore the title of the article, as the content can apply to

all forms of communication between all sorts of people.

"There may be a tendency for adults with Aspergers to feel persecuted at

times. As children and young adults the world may have come at them

unevenly and it is also likely that their responses were at times

uneven. It is understandable that if someone has grown up with social

errors blowing up in their face, seemingly out of the blue, then they

might be sensitive to criticism. Sometimes they may even perceive

criticism when none is given or intended."

more...

http://30daysofautism.wordpress.com/2011/12/08/aspient-relationships-an-adult-perspective-on-conflict-resolution-and-listening/

Enjoy,

~CJ