Re: Re: does a marital relationship work, if one has no trust into whatsoeever?

[Guest guest]

> >

> Nana,

> I was in a similar situation with my husband two years ago; and I too had to

make a difficult decision. It was prior to his discovery of having ASD. He was

self-medicating to a point that we had no relationship and his anger was equally

out of control! Thus, I left him; not to leave him so much but to put him in the

position of saving himself and seeking out the answers himself. As long as

> I was in the picture, he would lame me for his anger and pot usage!

Undoubtedly, he loved me more than life, but I was not and could not be the

reason for him; only the motivation. At a long distance, I continued to give

him support. After a year and 1/2 he is back in my life; no longer

self-medicating; replacing it it group support as well as mine. It was so

difficult, and still is at times, but nothing like before! We are removed from

the family embers who were not supportive and caused more harm than good, that

was necessary for him to grow. Our marriage took a beating, but we survived it,

a distance apart, but together.

> Be sure that you do all that you can before taking such a drastic move to the

" D " word, such as seek out support groups in your area. Never put yourself in a

position of regret!

Yes, support and distance can go together, if only he would be able to

see this.

I dont want to abandon him.

I really want to have the chance to heal from my own biggie health

scare from 2008, which I did not yet have the chance to.

On the contrary, fighting off a big infection in hospital he was the

one who was at wits end and wanted to end his life, I took some time to

leave hospital between two treatments to talk with him at home and do

some support talk, so he was able to go on.

It seems, I have no time for my own coping as long as he does not trust

me enough to let me go on a " longer leash " so to say.

I feel very suffocated by his needs and anxieties.

They are real and very scary, and still, I cant really help him with

them.

I feel like whenever I need his support, it is too much and whenever he

needs mine, I dont give the kind he needs.

This makes it hard to be in an open mindset sometimes, because I feel

squeezed dry at times of need (when I am not so well myself)

It is a biggie for him, if he had one bad night.

I have more bad than good nights since my three brain surgeries in

three following months in 2008.

I guess, he cant imagine how draining this alone is to me.

There is not enough breath for me to keep telling him, how few my

" spoons " are, that I can spend.

And I have reserved a few of my prescious spoons for him and his needs

besides all the things that need doing every day.

I am so stressed since November last year, that I have gained weight

alone from being so stressed, not from overeating.

--

nana.