Thank you all...

[Guest guest]

I slept deeply and dreamlessly last night... I'm now starting to feel

the sense of loss and the next couple of days, at least, will be very

difficult as we plan things for mom. I'm so grateful for this board

and thank each and every one of you who have been with me during this

journey. I still am in question as to what happened. Why she had the

seizures and did we do the right thing by declining a tube to help

her breath. I imagine that the seizures couldn't do anything positive

to her brain, and that had she survived this ordeal she wouldn't be

the same as she was the days before. I hope mom feels that we did

well for her, that it would have just been selfish of us to keep her

hanging on when she has to be much happier now.

My plans today are to go to the NH and clean out her room - all the

activities I purchased will go to the Activities Director so others

can benefit from them. I'll have my SO drop off our pledges at the

Memory Walk and leave the LBD stuff I had for the walk at the NH

table - maybe they'll give us a small corner to display the

materials. My cousins will make the calls to mom's friends & family.

My SO will call my friends. My sister & I will go to the funeral home

to make the arrangements -- of course none of it was done... We don't

even know for sure what my mom wanted. My gut is telling me to have

her cremated and bury some ashes with my dad; some ashes to go out

into the ocean of Marshfield, MA near a lighthouse which was what her

brother's family did; and some ashes to go back to the Dominican

Republic with my brother so that he could perform a Dominican service

for her there.

My brother talked to my mom over the phone last night - forgot to

mention that - my sister was smart enough to think of that. It

allowed some closure for my brother since he lives in the Dominican

Republic.

How ironic that the main reason I switched jobs was to allow more

time with my mom...

The ten year anniversary of my dad's death is 10/10 and now mom is

with him...

I also think it's odd that although mom was with us in the present

time, she still talked about her parents - but as though they were

still alive now. Maybe they were with her in spirit - with such

strong spirit - that the sense of presence in the present tense was

accurate. And she saw dad. She spoke with my grandmother on the phone

(even though she passed). My uncle called his brother's phone # by

accident instead of his home # and heard his brother's voice last

night b/c it's still on the answering machine. I think that meant

that his brother was with those 4 living siblings (mom's siblings and

mom) during our journey last night.

I'm sad for my loss, but grateful for all the time we had...

NARANJA