Re: Dad died

May 13, 2006

, I so very much appreciated your fine story. We do know all the

horrors, and you made the finale very beautiful. Thank for sharing.

Imogene

Caregiver for my True Texas Gentleman husband of 35 years. He has LBD with

Parkinsonism, and Frontal Lobe Disease with Apathy

In a message dated 5/13/2006 7:07:31 AM Central Daylight Time,

james@... writes:

Hi folks

As Sally told you 2 weeks ago my dad (66) has passed away. I thought I'd

scribble some stuff to you all but don't worry, it's not likely to be a

sad and horrible thing. In truth I'm not so upset about his death. He

has cheated LBD out of a cruel and horrible death. I'm remarkably calm

about that. OK, I'm a bit tearful at times but let's face it, life

wasn't going to get better for him. Indeed it would probably have got

significantly worse. The fact that he died earlier rather than later is

not so bad.

A bit of history for those who don't know me. (I was quite active on the

site a couple of years ago and more recently was involved in a failed

attempt to get an LBD charity going over here. But I guess many of you

won't know me...)

I live in Kent, England. Mum and dad are in Yorkshire about 250 miles

away. Mum (65) was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis many years ago. She

is now in a nursing home unable to move or communicate. There is some

debate about how aware she is but I'm pretty convinced she knows what is

going on around her. I don't think she remembers it for long though.

As mum got really bad about 4 years ago dad was diagnosed with LBD. We'd

all thought he was warn out looking after mum and so missed the early

signs. It really became evident when he came down here just after taking

the first PD drugs and started seeing people who weren't there...

Freaked my missus out a bit!

He still lived at home until about 6 months ago when they took him into

hospital to tweak his meds a bit. They weren't happy to let him home

again because he physically couldn't cope. We always kept the visions to

a minimum at the expense of his physical abilities. Well it's pointless

being able to do an army assault course if you are barking mad... About

a month before he died we got him a place in the home with mum. The move

didn't do him any favours to be honest but we were hopeful that he'd

settle down and recover a bit.

Then a couple of weeks ago he picked up a chest infection. They hit him

with antibiotics which, by the Thursday, were helping but sadly they

weren't able to get his normal meds down him and on the Friday he

suddenly went down hill. He died at 5am on the 29th of April. My sister

got in the car and was with him when he died. I got in the car and got a

migraine so that was me stuffed. I set off at 5 when Joanne called to

say he'd died.

The funeral was OK. Almost good if that's possible. It was the sort of

thing that he would have approved of. Close family followed the hearse

15 miles to the crematorium in the next town. We trundled through the

North Yorkshire countryside at 40 miles per hour. A beautiful sunny

spring day with the sweet smell and yellow flowers of the oil seed rape

crops at the road side. Dad would have liked that. He was a farmer when

he was young and loved the countryside. He was never a fast driver so

he'd have been amused by the HUGE queue of traffic stuck behind us too!

After a short service a few of us belted down the motorway to have a

short service in the nursing home for mum. We left her brother to be

with her afterwards and the rest of us trundled back to the old

Methodist church in town where dad worshipped. We had a remembrance

service there with about 80 or so people. One of dads lifelong friends

went into the Methodist church and has slowly made his way up through

the ranks. He came and took part of the service which was lovely. He did

part of my sisters wedding service too. He's fast becoming our families

private Reverend! We collected £250 which will go to the Parkinson's

people. As much as dad had LBD he always thought of himself as having

PD. And since there isn't an LBD charity over here yet there wasn't much

choice.

One of the saddest parts for me was a chap called Colin. Dad worked with

Colin a few years ago and he was a bit older than dad. He was a retired

police driving instructor and a really nice happy sort of chap. He

taught me to drive but any failings with that are entirely my fault! He

was a police man of the traditional English mold. A big well built chap.

Bobby on the beat, clip round the ear and don't do it again sort of

chap.... Dad and Colin worked with mentally handicapped who are a truly

lovely bunch of people. Unusually one of them started to be aggressive

and the police man in Colin came out and he dropped this chap to the

floor and sat on him until he calmed down. Then they helped each up and

went off laughing. Anyway Joanne and I wondered for a week how to find

him or even if he would still be alive. Eventually we failed but his

wife spotted the announcement in the news paper and he turned up at the

service. I spotted him, much thinner and smaller than I remembered him,

beaming at me. I went over and it was instantly obvious that all was not

well with him. I found out afterwards that he has Alzheimer's. Very sad

indeed.

Dad's final resting place will be in a place called Thorganby, just

south of York. It's a small village where he grew up. My Nana and

Grandad are buried in a wonderful church yard there. That's where dad's

ashes will be buried. I don't remember Grandad much but I remember Nana

and she was a lovely old lady. The sort of grand parent who treated you

to sweeties that she kept out of reach on top of the grandfather clock.

It's a fitting place for both dad and eventually mum to go. To be with

people who were kind and full of love.

The Grandfather clock will come and live with me at my house very soon.

And I might even put a tin with sweeties on the top for when my friends

children come round.

.

May 16, 2006

, your service for your dad sounds lovely, hope your taking care of

yourself.

.xx

Dad died