RE: RE: Struggling Tonight

[Guest guest]

Hi Jenn, yes I know.....worry is just praying for exactly what you don't want!

lol I know that I will just have to deal with things as they come...just like

everybody and everything else in life. It's not that I just sit around worrying

all the time...I guess some recent family matters have just brought things to

the forefront for me a bit. Fortunately I didn't have to make that trip to

Indiana. My son's conditon is getting better and although I would love every

opportunity to see him, he is doing much better so I think I will wait and see

how things go. It is not a life threatening type of thing and he is in really

good hands for now. I guess a lot of fears popped up for me as I was faced with

making a trip like that. I would have made it, somehow, because he is my son and

I love him, but I honestly just didnt know how I was going to do it. I can use

my cane if I'm stumbling, I can use my wc when I cant walk but I cant eaze the

pain at all without

lying down, sometimes for a few hours, sometimes for days. I have been on the

floor of an airport before...not my favorite place lol. Well, I am ecstatic he

is doing better and although I would love nothing more than to wrap my arms

around him, I will wait til we can both enjoy each other better

As for my dog, LOL, I would need the dog whisperer to make her into a service

dog! I could certainly train her to help around the house but as for taking

her into business's and such...ROFL. My Mom coordinates puppy raisers for

CCI...but even dogs who are trained from birth sometimes flunk out at boot-camp.

Some temperments just dont cut it.

Today, my friend is taking me out for a lovely day. She understands when I have

had enough so I dont feel pressured to overdo Hope everyone has a wonderful

Sunday

Subject: RE: RE: Struggling Tonight

To: tetheredspinalcord

Date: Sunday, January 25, 2009, 6:29 AM

,

I understand the fear and frustration that comes with losing function. But

worrying about what will (or won't) come down the pike is just wasted

energy. Between my 2nd and 3rd surgeries I lost function so rapidly that

while there was fear of what the future would hold, most of my frustration

was derived from the simple inability to do just about anything. Right

before my 3rd surgery, while I could walk, it was marginal. I had to wear

shoes as long as I was awake because I needed them to hold the AFOs on. I

couldn't cook or really do anything in the kitchen because my hands and arms

were occupied with holding myself up on forearm crutches. What I could do, I

had to eat/drink in the kitchen at the counter because I didn't have a free

hand to carry anything anywhere else. I couldn't carry anything other than

what would fit in a purse to class. There is no way to carry a backpack or

any heavy texts or computer in that state. Then, I could no longer drive.

When I woke up from my 3rd surgery, I was a T12 paraplegic. But, in all

honesty, it was actually easier than the way I was before the surgery - as

far as mobility. Granted, I wouldn't mind my bowel function back (I don't

want bladder function back until I can squat over a public john), but the OT

I received after the surgery and using a chair was for more functional than

trying to walk with AFOs and forearm crutches. While there are a lot of

different things I miss, I get along just fine sans walking everyday. I

rarely even think about it. The only thing I REALLY miss is my career than

can't be done from the seated position. Just take it day by day, don't worry

what the future will hold. Its not like worrying will change it anyway -

just give you a headache and ulcer in the meantime. Who knows, you may find

that the future will be easier than your current state.

About your dog - there are places that will train your own dog to be a

service dog. There are also videos and manuals about how to train your own

dog to be a service dog.

Jenn

From: tetheredspinalcord@ yahoogroups. com

[mailto:tetheredspinalcord@ yahoogroups. com] On Behalf Of Clement

Sent: Saturday, January 24, 2009 12:49 PM

To: tetheredspinalcord@ yahoogroups. com

Subject: Re: RE: Struggling Tonight

I too worry about my future and what it will hold. I can walk some days,

some I need a cane, any distance or shopping I need my wheelchair. Up until

now I have been able to lift my very lightweight chair up into the extended

cab of my little truck. But recently my pain has been too bad and my arms

too weak (which may be my severe anemia too). I am having to think about

whether to get a lift for my truck...if so..a scooter instead of a chair? I

do have trouble with inclines and such...have to roll up backwards and put

my feet down to hold my position while I inch my way up. I also just hate to

think of a life filled with this pain. I'm not trying to have a pity party

here, I know there are people with much bigger problems than mine, but that

doesnt negate the fear and frustration I feel. I agree, staying busy (as we

can) helps, in fact distraction is all I have.

I sew dog scarves that are sold for an orginization that trains dogs for

handicapped people. No money for me in it but my Mom is getting ready to get

her third dog from them (hearing dog), each dog works for about 7-9 years.

CCI doesnt charge for their dogs, which is fantastic because some charge 20k

plus for service dogs. I have thought

about one for myself but my wolf-hybrid is too protective of me and wouldnt

allow it...yet she couldnt be trained to be my service dog because of the

same reason lol. Oh well, wouldnt give up her furry snuggles for anything

Again, so very happy to know that someone out there understands, it makes

life a bit less lonely.