Re: Any idea what this means?

[Guest guest]

Hi Nankekeke Yes sometimes I feel like I am his watchdog but he doesn't like it when I try to protect him so I try to do it in ways where he doesn't realize I'm protecting him otherwise he feels that I'm emasculating him. I want to slug them too or just shake them to get some sense into them. We've lost many friends because they really weren't friends. I've lost almost all my friends because no one ever understood my feelings, or sadness. They could never understand why we were late(late cause he would try to start a fight so that we wouldn't go), and they couldn't understand why I couldn't make it out. I just got tired of lying and making up excuses because I'm not very good at it, that it was easier to avoid them. Oh wow, you're spot on, My husband is so sweet natured he always says the same thing as your husband "must be just a misunderstanding." BTW I know this is an email so it can be misinterpreted when your not face to face in a conversation so you can't see if someone is smiling or sad behind these emails. But I didn't interpret your emails as bashing or complaining about your hubby. I've been there, and perhaps all of us have been there most of our lives with our hubby so I saw it as you describing your feelings honestly in this space, where because we all have a mutual understanding, no one will judge you or myself, and everyone should be able to feel safe here. So much of my relationship, has required me to be very careful what I say because my hubby is quite sensitive, he gets set off even when I don't use caution when speaking to family and friends. So it's so nice to find a place like this where I can express my real and raw emotions without being judged or feeling isolated.Our feelings are very real because we live the NT/AS relationship every second of our lives. There isn't a moment where I'm not living it, not even when I'm sleeping or gone to the ladies room.On a side note: Wondering if anyone has actually made friends with another NT/AS couple meeting face to face? We were so fortunate to have found one couple and the day we met can't even be described in words. I think if we were a movie any NT or AS individual could just feel the emotions oozing out of this moment. My husband felt relief which is significant because for 36 years of his life he's never had anyone in his life who understood him. I can't imagine living that long and to not have had that type of understanding from anyone. The pain and happiness I felt when I met the other wife was the most magical and the first time I felt peace. She just got me and we never had to explain or sugar coat what we were feeling because we just got each other. It was the first time I ever saw my husband cry publicly (I've only seen him cry once & we were alone). And the first time I saw him have real emotions & accept who he was. This is the meeting, where he decided to seek a Dx, because prior to this I was the one pushing him to get Dx. He even fought me and tried to pick a fight so that we didn't have to meet the other couple, but after he realized how important it was for him and he actually thanked me publicly, he's never appreciated me alone, let alone in front of others.

Christian, do you know my husband? Your analysis of so called friends is spot on. Jay believes everything at good face value, and has been stabbed in the back numerous times by more socially adroit co workers and bosses.It's absolutely maddening for me, because I see their using behavior a mile away. I want to punch those fools in the face.

It does no good to explain to Jay how there are predatory people who will shank you in the back, crawl over your bleeding body just to further their goals. He always has a reason "why it's probably a misunderstanding."Nan

[Guest guest]

Hello, my name is (NT spouse) & husband(in the midst of Aspie DX, 2psyc's have told us most likely Asperger's). I'd like to write more of an introduction in another thread but for now I'd like to respond to CJ's question first, since my husband had the same questions.Hi , I’m so glad you are here! JMy interpretation in regards to my husband:- " social unsung hero " = like my husband who never receives praise or is given credit for what he does in the work place or amongst family & friends. NT's are very good at socializing and using that to receive praise and credit, & perhaps take credit for something that an Aspie has done. Even when he is so generous with his friends such as helping them, he is never seen as the hero or isn't given praise for it, people only remember that he is quiet so he remains invisible to them in the social scene. My husband is the true hero in the social scene because he's probably the only one that never judges or back stabs his friends. NT's see this as weak and not a heroic quality, but it really is, because you can't find a lot of people out there with such a pure and genuine nature.Thank you for saying so eloquently what I would have said about too. It is one of the things I love so much about him; his generosity of spirit, with not even a thought about wanting, let alone expecting, anything in return.- " with trusting optimism " = he believes that his friends/family only have good intentions and sees only the good in them, so he bends over backwards for them when they need help and never expects or wants anything in return, so he trusts them because he views them from the optimistic perspective. He trusts that they will be good to him in return even though he doesn't expect it. - " frequent victim of social weaknesses of others, while steadfast in the belief of the possibility of genuine friendship " =the social weaknesses of humans such as insecurity, low self-esteem, selfishness, & patriarchy ...etc. for example: my husband thought he had genuine friends who would always ask him to help them with tech stuff, or if they needed a ride etc. but he would never ask any of these so called genuine friends for help when he needed it. This friend was selfish and saw my husband as non-threatening because of his quiet nature, so in this case my husband was the target (frequent victim) because of his friend's selfishness (social weakness). It was easy for this friend to have my husband as a friend because my husband never asked him for anything or required anything from him; the only thing my husband wanted was a friend that accepted him, but he did not see this friend as taking advantage of him (steadfast in the belief of genuine friendship). suffered from this very much more so when he was a child and into his 30s. Then he became jaded and cut himself off from people and he is only now in his 50s starting to emerge from that seclusion and trust that friendship may be possible. I thank Phil and a few other Aspie men for this because it is with them that feels most safe, and I am so grateful for that!This is my own interpretation (I'm no expert), I wish other people like our family and friends could see these great qualities and instead of taking advantage of my husband, I wish they would make more efforts to be a better friend or family member to him, because once they lose him as a friend or family member for using him for petty things, they'll never find any friend or family who will be as real, or as loyal, or as caring as he was to them. Hoped this helped CJ, my husband still doesn't understand the meanings, but I'm still learning how to communicate Aspergean so that he understands. >> > > I just came across a comment within a list of Aspie traits and am not > quite sure how to interpret it.> > Any thoughts what the following comment means?> > > " " social unsung hero " with trusting optimism: frequent victim of social > weaknesses of others, while steadfast in the belief of the possibility > of genuine friendship " > > > For context, see the Figure 1 section of> > http://www.thegraycenter.org/get-help/articles/96> > > IMO, this portion of the article seems to more closely resemble the > author's informal notes, rather than something intended for an audience.> > Best,> ~CJ>