Dad? Kerry

[Guest guest]

I understand where you are coming from as that is where Mom was just before she

came to live with me. (She died in '02)

What I had to very casually do is get smarter than her. I was blamed the whole

four years for everything that went wrong anyway.

Partly you are right and partly your husband is right. If it is a safety issue,

you must find a way to intercede. I would quietly remove $500. from his wallet

and replace it with either $10.00 bills or $5.00 bills. (Put a lot of $5.00

bills in and he will think there is more than $500.00.) I think that is a

safety issue as some young kid gets a look at that and could harm him to get it.

Lose stuff. Let him lose his card at the ATM. and have it take forever to go

get it. That will keep him away from the ATM and he will have no reason to go

there.

I just had to think faster than she could. I kept my Mom busy one whole day

looking for where she hid her money. Otherwise I would go look at the usual

places she put it and then be accused of putting it there or how else did I know

where it was? Finally one day she just forgot about money. I kept a few

dollars in her pocket or her dresser. but it wasn't an issue.

Your husband is right if it is no concern. If he is missing socks or shirts or

whatever, he can go buy whatever he need with what he has in his wallet. Or

take a bag all packed over for him that you just leave there all the time. Then

you can always give him cell phone on the way out the door.

You are in the hardest time with the trying to outsmart him. He still knows

enough to argue, and that will fade. Soon the MD will be telling him what he

can't do and you will just tell him it's the MD not you and you have to do what

he says. I hope he isn't driving. We have people here who put a inexpensive

lock on the starter and it can't be started unless you know. But he doesn't

sound like he should be driving anyway.

Talk to the MD with email or ahead of time and have his MD tell things. It

sounds so much better coming from someone else.

And while he can still think as clearly as he is get all the Legal things done;

DPO, and Health DPO and anything else he can still sign while they will let him.

I use to get so upset while talking with Mom as she asked and asked the same

question over and over in the middle of a fairly sane conversation. Then I

agreed with myself that I really had to only answer one question as many times

as she asked. I didn't have to think up lots of stuff and it took the pressure

off instead of getting all angry because of her behavior.

It is hard and more you come here, the more others will tell you how they solved

their problem. It helps to know different answers, and you know you aren't the

only one.

And there is no more easy stages to the disease. I would always forget Mom's

irration might mean a UTI. (Urinary Track Infection.) And I would forget it

every time. I just had a good MD and he always reminded me when I was at my

wits end.

Hope some of this helps. And do go to the links at the Yahoo site, (click on

Links at the bottom of this email) and see all the good information that has

already been collected.

Let us know what part of the country you are in and maybe we can find someone

close for phone conversations. The other thing I did was make a SW friend at

the Alzheimers Association that I could drop in on and spew for an hour when I

needed to.

Hugs,

Donna R

Caregave for Mom (after I brought her from WI to MI) for 3 years and 4th year in

a nh.

She was almost 89 when she died in '02. No dx other than mine.