Re: Rudeness...

[Guest guest]

Emma

As many will tell you it isn't the person who is speaking, it's the LBD. Our

LOs know who they can blow up at and who they can't. They know we will not

go away even when they are nasty.

Sometimes its the meds that are doing the deed. Has she been put on anything

new or has any of her meds been increased lately?

My Mom told me she wanted to kill me. She said I was no good and never was

and wished she had aborted me. That hurt to hear but a very good friend told

me she didn't mean it. A few days later she cried and told me she was sorry. It

turned out she had an UTI. Maybe this is the problem with your grandmother.

Just an idea.

Good Luck and Cyber Hugs,

Jacqui in So Fl

************************************** Get a sneak peek of the all-new AOL at

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[Guest guest]

Emma,

This is the hardest thing I have had to adjust to with my Mother. We

always had a good relationship, more like friends, and then she

started calling me names and telling me I was worthless. I knew it was

the LBD talking, but it's hard to hear.

The way I have dealt with it is to filter out all of the bad stuff. I

listen for those words that indicate I need to do something. If she

talks about hurting or she's thirsty or she's hungry then I hear her

and do something, but if she's name calling or bad mouthing then I

ignore it. I don't react and I pretend she hasn't said anything. You

have to work on it and it won't work everyday, but you can get to

where you just don't hear it. I believe that some married people use

this technique.

Also, you have to learn what battles to fight and when to fight. If

the situation is not potentially harmful then you need to just let it

slide. If it's something that needs to be done, but it can wait then

you can wait for her to be in a more receptive frame of mind. Smelly

breath and dirty teeth aren't very nice, but they also aren't

immediately life threatening.

I hope this helps.

in Dallas

>

> Hi all,

> I guess this will be a little bit of a rant AND a question. I am

SOOOO frustrated with

> Grandma at the moment. She has been in such a good mood and so

receptive to help the

> last few months and now (I hope for not much longer) that has all

changed. She is

> combative and name calling and just plain RUDE. Medically there

isn't anything new wrong

> with her. For example " You know, I've been doing this (brushing

teeth) for 30 years and

> then YOU come along you little squirt trying to tell me how to do

it. " Little squirt?!?! I'm

> 27, I know thats young to her but hardly a " little squirt " . or " You

shouldn't eat that much

> you're getting fat. " I've spent the last 8 months getting in shape

and LOSING weight, I've

> lost 51 lbs, what the heck?!?!

> So I guess what I'm wondering is if I should respond to this the

same way I would respond,

> ok maybe a LITTLE more politely, to anyone else who said these

things to me? Is it even

> worth it to tell her that she's being rude and hurting my feelings?

It might make ME feel a

> little better to tell her how the things she says make me feel but

will it make any dent in

> her changing her attitude? At this point I just ignore it and don't

respond at all but

> bottling it up is making me crazy. I burst into tears at random

moments and have to fight

> the urge to scream quite often. I know it must be hard to not

remember how to do things

> or to think you're doing it right and have someone correct you, how

do I help her get to a

> place where she can accept help again? I can't let her walk around

with nasty breath and I

> shudder to think what ugly things would be brewing in her mouth if

she continues to

> brush her way (not taking out denture at all, just rubbing 2 tooth

brushes together and

> then saying she's done when the brushes NEVER even touched her

mouth). She also

> refuses to use mouth wash. That was my next idea when she refuses

to let me help her

> brush.

> I guess I'm just frustrated and out of ideas...

> Emma

>

[Guest guest]

Emma, i so identify with these times and to be honest if you look closely your

frustration and the tears are probably about what's happening to her as opposed

to her being rude.

My granda didn't do it often to me but when he did i would tell him he was being

rude or i would just tell him to be quiet.

Somewhere, somehow he knew i would never be rude to him so by my saying these

things he would know something was wrong. There were times when he would say

sorry and that he didn't know why he said it.

He tried to throw me out of his house one day and i simply picked up my bag and

told him i'd been thrown out of better places than this, he just started to

laugh.

By far the person who bore the brunt of his anger and frustration was my mum as

he always seemed more angry in the morning and this was her time of day to be

with him but she would simply grin and bare it as she knew it really wasn't him,

i on the other hand would cry when i got home to my own house. The man i knew

was disappearing before my eyes and i felt helpless to do anything about it.

I know this might not be of any help but i hope it lets you know that we've all

had experiences similar or the same as you.

.xx

Rudeness...

Hi all,

I guess this will be a little bit of a rant AND a question. I am SOOOO

frustrated with

Grandma at the moment. She has been in such a good mood and so receptive to

help the

last few months and now (I hope for not much longer) that has all changed. She

is

combative and name calling and just plain RUDE. Medically there isn't anything

new wrong

with her. For example " You know, I've been doing this (brushing teeth) for 30

years and

then YOU come along you little squirt trying to tell me how to do it. " Little

squirt?!?! I'm

27, I know thats young to her but hardly a " little squirt " . or " You shouldn't

eat that much

you're getting fat. " I've spent the last 8 months getting in shape and LOSING

weight, I've

lost 51 lbs, what the heck?!?!

So I guess what I'm wondering is if I should respond to this the same way I

would respond,

ok maybe a LITTLE more politely, to anyone else who said these things to me?

Is it even

worth it to tell her that she's being rude and hurting my feelings? It might

make ME feel a

little better to tell her how the things she says make me feel but will it

make any dent in

her changing her attitude? At this point I just ignore it and don't respond at

all but

bottling it up is making me crazy. I burst into tears at random moments and

have to fight

the urge to scream quite often. I know it must be hard to not remember how to

do things

or to think you're doing it right and have someone correct you, how do I help

her get to a

place where she can accept help again? I can't let her walk around with nasty

breath and I

shudder to think what ugly things would be brewing in her mouth if she

continues to

brush her way (not taking out denture at all, just rubbing 2 tooth brushes

together and

then saying she's done when the brushes NEVER even touched her mouth). She

also

refuses to use mouth wash. That was my next idea when she refuses to let me

help her

brush.

I guess I'm just frustrated and out of ideas...

Emma

[Guest guest]

to emma,

I am new to the group, so forgive me if i am out of place...i'm in

the process of starting a new support group in my town and am

interested in any sage advice you might have concerning just what you

are talking about today... you sound like an awesome caregiver

casey at phoenix cats

>

> Hi all,

> I guess this will be a little bit of a rant AND a question. I am

SOOOO frustrated with

> Grandma at the moment. She has been in such a good mood and so

receptive to help the

> last few months and now (I hope for not much longer) that has all

changed. She is

> combative and name calling and just plain RUDE. Medically there

isn't anything new wrong

> with her. For example " You know, I've been doing this (brushing

teeth) for 30 years and

> then YOU come along you little squirt trying to tell me how to do

it. " Little squirt?!?! I'm

> 27, I know thats young to her but hardly a " little squirt " .

or " You shouldn't eat that much

> you're getting fat. " I've spent the last 8 months getting in shape

and LOSING weight, I've

> lost 51 lbs, what the heck?!?!

> So I guess what I'm wondering is if I should respond to this the

same way I would respond,

> ok maybe a LITTLE more politely, to anyone else who said these

things to me? Is it even

> worth it to tell her that she's being rude and hurting my

feelings? It might make ME feel a

> little better to tell her how the things she says make me feel but

will it make any dent in

> her changing her attitude? At this point I just ignore it and

don't respond at all but

> bottling it up is making me crazy. I burst into tears at random

moments and have to fight

> the urge to scream quite often. I know it must be hard to not

remember how to do things

> or to think you're doing it right and have someone correct you, how

do I help her get to a

> place where she can accept help again? I can't let her walk around

with nasty breath and I

> shudder to think what ugly things would be brewing in her mouth if

she continues to

> brush her way (not taking out denture at all, just rubbing 2 tooth

brushes together and

> then saying she's done when the brushes NEVER even touched her

mouth). She also

> refuses to use mouth wash. That was my next idea when she refuses

to let me help her

> brush.

> I guess I'm just frustrated and out of ideas...

> Emma

>

[Guest guest]

Welcome Casey! Just a little info to welcome you to the board and get

you acquainted... Besides the emails there's tons more on the board -

if you go to http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/LBDcaregivers/

you'll be able to read archived messages... and visit all the

different sections on the board - we have a Links section, Files

section, Database section, etc.

The following are the best documents (IMO) re: LBD - something you

can use time & time again:

The LBD brochure:

http://www.lewybodydementia.org/docs/LBDAbroch_webLGL.pdf

The Q & A Session transcript we had w/ Dr. Gomperts:

http://www.lewybodydementia.org/docs/gomperts_transcript.pdf

Dr. Boeve's Diagnostic Review & Medicine Management:

http://www.lewybodydementia.org/Boevelink.php

So - welcome to the place where noone wants to be, but grateful for

it anyway...

>

> to emma,

>

> I am new to the group, so forgive me if i am out of place...i'm in

> the process of starting a new support group in my town and am

> interested in any sage advice you might have concerning just what

you

> are talking about today... you sound like an awesome caregiver

>

> casey at phoenix cats

[Guest guest]

Welcome to Lewyville!

I have slept with every man in town.

She couldn't believe my children would evr call ME, " mom " .

She told the other people in therapy they were toofat to be exercising.

She has to be seated at a different table at the ALF for meals because she was

mean to the other ladies.

I have been accused of only being after her money.

She doesn't know why my husband ever married me, he certainly could have been

better.

The list goes on and on!!

We feel your pain, understand it, and in a few weeks, you'll probably be able

to tell someone else more crazy things with a more distanced view.

The closer you are, the more you get to be the target.

All the previous advice is good. You'll be stronger in a day or so, and

you'll wish you remembered more to share with some newly slaughtered caregiver.

MapQuest is not much help with the routes to and from LewyVille.

We try to drop breadcrumbs or pebbles to help others find the way, but you

know about the breadcrumbs and the birds.

We're with you, been that, done that, got the scars and the t-shirt!

Carol

---------------------------------

Sick sense of humor? Visit Yahoo! TV's Comedy with an Edge to see what's on,

when.

[Guest guest]

Emma,

I just hate this damned disease and what it does to us all. Has your

grandmother tried any new meds lately? Do you think she may be at the beginning

of a UTI? It is painful when our LO's lash out at us and I know you already

know its this damned disease but it still makes it hard to take - especially

when we are trying to help them take care of themselves. My mom would bite down

on the toothbrush as her disease progressed and that was the end of trying to

keep her teeth clean. Have you tried re-directing her when LBD takes over and

trying to brush later?

Courage

[Guest guest]

As strange as it sounds, my husband did better with

the battery-operated toothbrush than with a regular

one. Maybe the noise was distracting him so he didn't

know I was brushing his teeth, but he was more

cooperative with it.

--- gaat wrote:

> Emma,

>

> I just hate this damned disease and what it does to

> us all. Has your grandmother tried any new meds

> lately? Do you think she may be at the beginning of

> a UTI? It is painful when our LO's lash out at us

> and I know you already know its this damned disease

> but it still makes it hard to take - especially when

> we are trying to help them take care of themselves.

> My mom would bite down on the toothbrush as her

> disease progressed and that was the end of trying to

> keep her teeth clean. Have you tried re-directing

> her when LBD takes over and trying to brush later?

> Courage

>

>

> [Non-text portions of this message have been

> removed]

>

>

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