Guest guest Posted September 1, 2007 Report Share Posted September 1, 2007 Donna, Thank you, i like that Doctor s order and i will try it, the problem with socks, i have tile floor and she would probably try to go to the rest room in socks and she will fall. Thank you, you are a blessing to this group and have great ideas that i plan to use. I will keep you posted. Maggie --- Donna Mido wrote: > Maggie, > > Another thought I had was that you can even write > the " Doctor's order. " And let her know it just > came. She might want them on to keep her feet warm. > I know we are all hot in this weather, but they > aren't. > > I had a pair of the socks that heat up and Mom liked > those on her feet. No matter how many blankets she > had cold feet. > > Hugs, > > Donna R > > Caregave for Mom (after I brought her from WI to MI) > for 3 years and 4th year in a nh. > She was almost 89 when she died in '02. No dx other > than mine. > > > Re: Feedback please > > Thank you for feedback , > > Even more than the shoes, i am worried about > what is next?...What will doing this do to her > feet, bacteria? Infection? It has been HOT here. > > So confused, but i will try eveything recommended > and see how things go. > > What a dilema ??? > > Maggie > > > --- daniel campbell > wrote: > > > Maggie, our LO's can go through so many of these > > weird things. My granda refused to take his > slippers > > off when he went to bed also. How about gently > > slipping into the conversation at bedtime that > she'd > > asked you earlier on to have her shoes re-soled or > > heeled and if she takes them off then you can take > > them first thing in the morning. > > .xx > > Feedback please > > > > > > My mother has LBD and has refused to put on her > > Pajamas for 1 year now, sleeps in her regular > > clothes. > > > > I figured she might agree to put on Pajamas one > > day. > > But Nothing. > > > > Now she wants to sleep with shoes on, and i go > > thru > > this speech nightly. Mom your feet need to > breath > > and your need to relax., let's take your shoes > > off, > > i even take them off and she will put them back > > on. > > > > Now it has been 2 months and she will not do it. > > > > Anyone have any ideas? > > > > Maggie/So California > > > > > > > __________________________________________________________ > > Sick sense of humor? Visit Yahoo! TV's > > Comedy with an Edge to see what's on, when. > > http://tv.yahoo.com/collections/222 > > > > > > > > > > [Non-text portions of this message have been > > removed] > > > > > > > > > ________________________________________________________________________________\ ____ > Take the Internet to Go: Yahoo!Go puts the Internet > in your pocket: mail, news, photos & more. > http://mobile.yahoo.com/go?refer=1GNXIC > > > > [Non-text portions of this message have been > removed] > > ________________________________________________________________________________\ ____ Fussy? Opinionated? Impossible to please? Perfect. Join Yahoo!'s user panel and lay it on us. http://surveylink.yahoo.com/gmrs/yahoo_panel_invite.asp?a=7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 1, 2007 Report Share Posted September 1, 2007 Maggie, My 4 year old granddaughter does the same thing with her Mom (my daughter). She will do just about anything I ask her to do. It really is the same process. But I don't have to live with g-daughter every day, all day. I just know her Mom isn't accomplishing anything with her, so why waste the energy. This is not your fault and you must remember you are powerless to change it. So you just have to think outside the box. I use to tell Mom she had an MD appointment. Of course, her answer was, " I'm not going. " I said ok, but you just made that appointment yesterday (she didn't, I did, but she doesn't know that) and you have to call the MD and cancel it. Now I knew she couldn't remember how to dial a phone. And I also knew she wouldn't want to fight with the MD. I just went and did what ever else I was doing and she went and got dressed. She could do that and it was easier for her than to try and cancel it. You still want her to be rational. Boy, I remember when I was there. She isn't and won't be rational unless she is working at it, like at the MDs office. And even then she won't be to rational But the other part of that is that I could get away with a lot because she really didn't know when I was lying to her and when I wasn't. And I only did it in her best interest. We call it " loving lies. " I went and got a transport chair, not a wheel chair, as I thought she would never use a wheel chair. Well, she wasn't going to ever ride a transport chair either. But it got to the point she would only go to one church and the parking lot was to far away for her to walk and if I dropped her off, I didn't know where she would be when I got back. So one day we were real late. And the parking space that was open was a block away from church. I parked there and went to get her out. We both looked at the church and how far away it was on this particular day, and I said, it is to far to walk and it is so late. To bad you won't ride the transport chair over to church. You wouldn't have to stay in it, just ride over there in it. Guess we have to go home. And I started to get back in the car. I knew she wanted to go to church far more than I did. She explained to me she would ride the chair, but just into the building. I told her how glad I was because otherwise we would have had to go home. And that is how I got her to start using the transport chair. And in case you are wondering. A transport chair is the same as a wheel chair except the wheels are all small and they can only be pushed by someone other than the rider. The people in them can't do anything but ride. Thus transport chairs. It was so much easier than fighting with her. Course I drug that chair around in my car for at least 3 months before the opportunity presented itself. Just use lots of creativity. It was the only thing anyone can do when our LOs refuse to do what has to be done. And for those things that don't make any difference, forget them. Hope this helps. Hugs, Donna R Caregave for Mom (after I brought her from WI to MI) for 3 years and 4th year in a nh. She was almost 89 when she died in '02. No dx other than mine. Re: Feedback please > > > > June, > > > > Thank you. > > I have tried that, but will try again tonight. > > She will actually wake up from sleep and she will > > go crazy looking for them, one time i put them > > high up inside her closet, she picked another pair > > of > > shoe and put those on to bed. > > > > Maggie > > > === message truncated === ________________________________________________________________________________\ ____ Moody friends. Drama queens. Your life? Nope! - their life, your story. Play Sims Stories at Yahoo! Games. http://sims.yahoo.com/ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 1, 2007 Report Share Posted September 1, 2007 Donna, I had my husband tell her and she likes him. and she told him you are crazy,,,Shut up or something like that, started laughing at him. I am so patient with her, but it takes a toll on me sometimes. But i am not giving up, that is for sure When i have a challenge and try to work on it. Time will tell, but your ideas are great and i know one of them will do the trick I plan to give you a full report Thank you again Maggie --- Donna Mido wrote: > Maggie, > > Have you told the MD and had him tell her she can't > wear them to bed. Sometimes it just takes the right > person. > > Does she have a favorite person, even a little one? > Have them ask her how come she is wearing her shoes. > > > Somewhere in her head she has a good reason and if > you can find out what it is, it might be easier to > solve. Some times they are worried they won't be > " ready " in time. > > These are just a few of my thoughts.Hope things work > out. > > Hugs, > > Donna R > > Caregave for Mom (after I brought her from WI to MI) > for 3 years and 4th year in a nh. > She was almost 89 when she died in '02. No dx other > than mine. > > > Re: Feedback please > > June, > > Thank you. > I have tried that, but will try again tonight. > She will actually wake up from sleep and she will > go crazy looking for them, one time i put them > high up inside her closet, she picked another pair > of > shoe and put those on to bed. > > Maggie > > > > --- June Christensen > wrote: > > > Have you tried taking them off after she is asleep > > and > > then putting them where she can't see them? If > she > > asks for them, tell her you had to take them to > the > > repairman for repairs and see what happens. > > > > > > --- M Sumner wrote: > > > > > Thank you Courage, > > > > > > I will not give up. I am more worried about her > > > feet's health...If she might get infection > > > or something. > > > > > > Like i said in other e mails, the temperature > > > here has been over 100, these are not open > > > shoes, they are closed shoes, they must be > > > getting sweatty and all. > > > > > > Just don 't know what to do, i tried > > > changing her shoes to sandals and same thing > > > she will go OHHH NO and put them back. > > > > > > Strange. > > > > > > Maggie > > > --- gaat wrote: > > > > > > > HI Maggie, > > > > > > > > What a time you must be having. > > > > Would you mother wear those leisure suits - > > track > > > > pants and tops? Maybe if you brought in a set > > for > > > > her as a present and asked her to wear it you > > may > > > > slowly be able to replace her wearing her > > regular > > > > clothes with these - a lot more comfy I'm > sure. > > > > You've got me stumped on the shoes. > > > > Best of luck and please let us know how you > make > > > > out. > > > > Courage > > > > > > > > Feedback please > > > > > > > > > > > > My mother has LBD and has refused to put on > > her > > > > Pajamas for 1 year now, sleeps in her > regular > > > > clothes. > > > > > > > > I figured she might agree to put on Pajamas > > one > > > > day. > > > > But Nothing. > > > > > > > > Now she wants to sleep with shoes on, and i > go > > > > thru > > > > this speech nightly. Mom your feet need to > > > breath > > > > and your need to relax., let's take your > shoes > > > > off, > > > > i even take them off and she will put them > > back > > > > on. > > > > > > > > Now it has been 2 months and she will not do > > it. > > > > > > > > Anyone have any ideas? > > > > > > > > Maggie/So California > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > __________________________________________________________ > > > > Sick sense of humor? Visit Yahoo! TV's > > > > Comedy with an Edge to see what's on, when. > > > > http://tv.yahoo.com/collections/222 > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > [Non-text portions of this message have been > > > > removed] > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > ________________________________________________________________________________\ ____ > > > Be a better Heartthrob. Get better relationship > > > answers from someone who knows. Yahoo! Answers - > > > Check it out. > > > > > > http://answers.yahoo.com/dir/?link=list & sid=396545433 > > > > > > > > > > > > > > ________________________________________________________________________________\ ____ > > Need a vacation? Get great deals > > to amazing places on Yahoo! Travel. > > http://travel.yahoo.com/ > > > > > > > ________________________________________________________________________________\ ____ > Pinpoint customers who are looking for what you > sell. > http://searchmarketing.yahoo.com/ > > > > [Non-text portions of this message have been > removed] > > ________________________________________________________________________________\ ____ Moody friends. Drama queens. Your life? Nope! - their life, your story. Play Sims Stories at Yahoo! Games. http://sims.yahoo.com/ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 1, 2007 Report Share Posted September 1, 2007 Donna, Thank you. Everything you say hits home. It's exactly what i need to hear, at times it does get gloomy and you feel like you are stuck and don' t have any sense of direction. Thank you for telling me about transport chair i have seen them and you know what, they are as expensive as regular wheel chair i can not understand that, but i have seen it for almost 200 dollars. This is a very big job. I never saw it coming or imagined it would consume my entire days and nights, caring for my mother. I will be keeping you posted as to result. Take care Maggie --- Donna Mido wrote: > Maggie, > > My 4 year old granddaughter does the same thing with > her Mom (my daughter). She will do just about > anything I ask her to do. It really is the same > process. But I don't have to live with g-daughter > every day, all day. > > I just know her Mom isn't accomplishing anything > with her, so why waste the energy. > > This is not your fault and you must remember you are > powerless to change it. So you just have to think > outside the box. > > I use to tell Mom she had an MD appointment. Of > course, her answer was, " I'm not going. " I said ok, > but you just made that appointment yesterday (she > didn't, I did, but she doesn't know that) and you > have to call the MD and cancel it. Now I knew she > couldn't remember how to dial a phone. And I also > knew she wouldn't want to fight with the MD. I just > went and did what ever else I was doing and she went > and got dressed. She could do that and it was > easier for her than to try and cancel it. > > You still want her to be rational. Boy, I remember > when I was there. She isn't and won't be rational > unless she is working at it, like at the MDs office. > And even then she won't be to rational > > But the other part of that is that I could get away > with a lot because she really didn't know when I was > lying to her and when I wasn't. And I only did it > in her best interest. We call it " loving lies. " > > I went and got a transport chair, not a wheel chair, > as I thought she would never use a wheel chair. > Well, she wasn't going to ever ride a transport > chair either. But it got to the point she would > only go to one church and the parking lot was to far > away for her to walk and if I dropped her off, I > didn't know where she would be when I got back. > > So one day we were real late. And the parking space > that was open was a block away from church. I > parked there and went to get her out. We both > looked at the church and how far away it was on this > particular day, and I said, it is to far to walk and > it is so late. To bad you won't ride the transport > chair over to church. You wouldn't have to stay in > it, just ride over there in it. Guess we have to go > home. And I started to get back in the car. > > I knew she wanted to go to church far more than I > did. She explained to me she would ride the chair, > but just into the building. I told her how glad I > was because otherwise we would have had to go home. > > > And that is how I got her to start using the > transport chair. And in case you are wondering. A > transport chair is the same as a wheel chair except > the wheels are all small and they can only be pushed > by someone other than the rider. The people in them > can't do anything but ride. Thus transport chairs. > > > It was so much easier than fighting with her. > Course I drug that chair around in my car for at > least 3 months before the opportunity presented > itself. > > Just use lots of creativity. It was the only thing > anyone can do when our LOs refuse to do what has to > be done. And for those things that don't make any > difference, forget them. > > Hope this helps. > > Hugs, > > Donna R > > Caregave for Mom (after I brought her from WI to MI) > for 3 years and 4th year in a nh. > She was almost 89 when she died in '02. No dx other > than mine. > > > Re: Feedback please > > Donna, > > You are incredible. Everything you said is so > true, she will just not take what she thinks > of as orders and as you say, that is the little > control she has left and she is going to keep it. > Not until you said it, i could tell it does > have correct a ring to it, like when she would > rather > wipe her wet hands on her blouse, rather than > to take a clean paper towel from me. She had > an angry look as if i am not going to listen or > do what you want...type look. > > I have never gotten doctors e mail address > but i will look into it. > > I am going to do as you say, get my daughter > to give her some slippers maybe made of cotton > then her feet could breathe and i won t have to > worry, and possibly as you say coming from another > person, she will even see it as a good idea and > not resist. > > You always have your thinking cap on and maybe > my frustration as you say had me going in circles > and not getting very far with this problem. > > Thank you once again. > > You are great support to all of us in this group > and i appreciate it very much > > Maggie > > > > > --- Donna Mido wrote: > > > Maggie, > > > > Call the MD before you go and tell him what your > > problem is or email him. Ask him for his support > in > > telling her not to wear shoes to bed. Or maybe > that > > she has to wear slippers to bed these days. > > > > Yes, there are going to be other things. I hear > the > > frustration in your email. I bet she hears it > when > > you talk to her. Each time that happens for her, > > she is reminded she has a problem of dementia. I > > think she doesn't hear the worry you have, I think > > she hears that she is a problem! > > > > Get her some nice bedroom slippers that she can't > > resist that you can give her as a gift that she > will > > like and can wear to bed. Lots of fuzzy and warm > and > > colorful. Maybe some of those animal ones. Trade > > her! Shoes for slippers. If you make this play, > it > > might work. Get someone else to give her the > > slippers. That might work even better. > > > > It is important for you to understand she won't be > > told what to do, or it sounds that way to me from > > what you told us here.. When she does the > dangerous > > thing or whatever, you need to know how to handle > > that too. My daughter could do stuff with Mom > that > > I couldn't do. Even strangers could, So I had my > > daughter and strangers help when I needed it. > > > > As much as they are grown ups, they are thinking > > more and more like a child. So you need to match > > that thought process. > > It is the little control she has left. And if I > > were you, I wouldn't tell her every day about the > > shoes. She doesn't remember that message, (short > > term is going, going gone,.) She is back fighting > > with her mother (you) long time ago. > > > > Hope you find a way that isn't so stressful for > you. > > Wonder if you could wrap her feet or use socks > that > > to big to put into her shoes? Mom use to give up > if > > it were to hard to do. > > > > Hugs, > > > > Donna R > > > > > > Caregave for Mom (after I brought her from WI to > MI) > > for 3 years and 4th year in a nh. > > She was almost 89 when she died in '02. No dx > other > === message truncated === ________________________________________________________________________________\ ____ Be a better Globetrotter. Get better travel answers from someone who knows. Yahoo! Answers - Check it out. http://answers.yahoo.com/dir/?link=list & sid=396545469 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 1, 2007 Report Share Posted September 1, 2007 Hi Maggie, My mom's paranoia is shown by her believing that people are coming into her apartment and moving and/or adding things to her cupboards, drawers etc. She is an extremely neat person and because she believes this, she is always angry, wants to move, says it doesn't even feel like her apartment etc. Because of her fears, she is reluctant to leave anything out and as is quite typical I believe, she hides things and then can't find them. I was thinking that if your mom may have similar fears, that she is keeping her clothes and shoes on so that no one can take them away from her. We are very fortunate to have a caregiver service provided by the government at no charge and they are situated right in her senior's building.We live in Mississauga just outside of Toronto Canada. It is the gov't's way of allowing seniors with conditions, to remain in their own environment as long as possible and to alleviate the overload in the NH situation. They monitor meds, baths, do housekeeping, will cook and do laundry. I am very involved in her caregiving and we work as a team to keep mom safe and healthy. I don't say happy because she is never happy. So she is 'independent' in her apartment with the assistance of this service. Eventually she will be in NH but the Links will help us to decide when that is necessary. Unfortunately she is constantly fighting having the service and hating them and it is them that she thinks are coming in and rearranging things. As with your mom, I think she does not realize her limitations in terms of everyday activities. She knows that she can't remember or learn things and keeps on saying that she is stupid but doesn't carry over that idea to the one that says that she should accept the help that is provided. Now having said that she is very nice to all of these workers, but I get all of the complaints. As with your mom, my mom's situation is changing and the disease is progressing. We caught it very early on and it has been since Mar. 2004 that she was dx with AD and then since March 2005 that it was changed to LBD. The hallucinations have come back and she is mixing up her dreams with reality and then getting very confused. I have been reading the board since 2005 and have learned so much about what to expect and how to handle things that nothing surprises me. We take each day as it comes and just deal with things and then try to see the positive, or between my sister and I, see the humour in the situation. (although that is sometimes hard). Sorry I went on so long but the thoughts just kept on coming. Take care and once again good luck in finding the best solution until the next situation arises. Doris in Canada Feedback please > > > > > > My mother has LBD and has refused to put on her > > Pajamas for 1 year now, sleeps in her regular > > clothes. > > > > I figured she might agree to put on Pajamas one > > day. > > But Nothing. > > > > Now she wants to sleep with shoes on, and i go > > thru > > this speech nightly. Mom your feet need to breath > > and your need to relax., let's take your shoes > > off, > > i even take them off and she will put them back > > on. > > > > Now it has been 2 months and she will not do it. > > > > Anyone have any ideas? > > > > Maggie/So California > > > > > > > ____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ > _________ _ > > Sick sense of humor? Visit Yahoo! TV's > > Comedy with an Edge to see what's on, when. > > http://tv.yahoo. com/collections/ 222 > > > > > > > > > > [Non-text portions of this message have been > > removed] > > > > > > ____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ > _________ _ > Take the Internet to Go: Yahoo!Go puts the Internet > in your pocket: mail, news, photos & more. > http://mobile. yahoo.com/ go?refer= 1GNXIC > > > > [Non-text portions of this message have been > removed] > > ____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _ Be a better Globetrotter. Get better travel answers from someone who knows. Yahoo! Answers - Check it out. http://answers. yahoo.com/ dir/?link= list & sid= 396545469 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 1, 2007 Report Share Posted September 1, 2007 Doris In Canada, What a neat service.! Do we have it on our links section? Maybe you could share with how you accessed it? This might be a help to others from Canada who aren't aware of it? I am sure will include it in our links somewhere if we don't have it already. It doesn't sound familiar to me. We really need something like that in the States. It would sure be less costly than nhs. Thanks for sharing. Glad to hear from you. It has been a little while. Hugs, Donna R Caregave for Mom (after I brought her from WI to MI) for 3 years and 4th year in a nh. She was almost 89 when she died in '02. No dx other than mine. Re: Feedback please Hi Maggie, My mom's paranoia is shown by her believing that people are coming into her apartment and moving and/or adding things to her cupboards, drawers etc. She is an extremely neat person and because she believes this, she is always angry, wants to move, says it doesn't even feel like her apartment etc. Because of her fears, she is reluctant to leave anything out and as is quite typical I believe, she hides things and then can't find them. I was thinking that if your mom may have similar fears, that she is keeping her clothes and shoes on so that no one can take them away from her. We are very fortunate to have a caregiver service provided by the government at no charge and they are situated right in her senior's building.We live in Mississauga just outside of Toronto Canada. It is the gov't's way of allowing seniors with conditions, to remain in their own environment as long as possible and to alleviate the overload in the NH situation. They monitor meds, baths, do housekeeping, will cook and do laundry. I am very involved in her caregiving and we work as a team to keep mom safe and healthy. I don't say happy because she is never happy. So she is 'independent' in her apartment with the assistance of this service. Eventually she will be in NH but the Links will help us to decide when that is necessary. Unfortunately she is constantly fighting having the service and hating them and it is them that she thinks are coming in and rearranging things. As with your mom, I think she does not realize her limitations in terms of everyday activities. She knows that she can't remember or learn things and keeps on saying that she is stupid but doesn't carry over that idea to the one that says that she should accept the help that is provided. Now having said that she is very nice to all of these workers, but I get all of the complaints. As with your mom, my mom's situation is changing and the disease is progressing. We caught it very early on and it has been since Mar. 2004 that she was dx with AD and then since March 2005 that it was changed to LBD. The hallucinations have come back and she is mixing up her dreams with reality and then getting very confused. I have been reading the board since 2005 and have learned so much about what to expect and how to handle things that nothing surprises me. We take each day as it comes and just deal with things and then try to see the positive, or between my sister and I, see the humour in the situation. (although that is sometimes hard). Sorry I went on so long but the thoughts just kept on coming. Take care and once again good luck in finding the best solution until the next situation arises. Doris in Canada Feedback please > > > > > > My mother has LBD and has refused to put on her > > Pajamas for 1 year now, sleeps in her regular > > clothes. > > > > I figured she might agree to put on Pajamas one > > day. > > But Nothing. > > > > Now she wants to sleep with shoes on, and i go > > thru > > this speech nightly. Mom your feet need to breath > > and your need to relax., let's take your shoes > > off, > > i even take them off and she will put them back > > on. > > > > Now it has been 2 months and she will not do it. > > > > Anyone have any ideas? > > > > Maggie/So California > > > > > > > ____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ > _________ _ > > Sick sense of humor? Visit Yahoo! TV's > > Comedy with an Edge to see what's on, when. > > http://tv.yahoo. com/collections/ 222 > > > > > > > > > > [Non-text portions of this message have been > > removed] > > > > > > ____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ > _________ _ > Take the Internet to Go: Yahoo!Go puts the Internet > in your pocket: mail, news, photos & more. > http://mobile. yahoo.com/ go?refer= 1GNXIC > > > > [Non-text portions of this message have been > removed] > > ____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _ Be a better Globetrotter. Get better travel answers from someone who knows. Yahoo! Answers - Check it out. http://answers. yahoo.com/ dir/?link= list & sid= 396545469 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 1, 2007 Report Share Posted September 1, 2007 Hi all - From a professional persepctive, I'd say the closest thing here are agencies such as visiting nurse association, home care agencies, hospital-based visitng nurse programs (run out of the Department of Medicine and Department of Nursing), and hospice home care. Note: people do not need to be at " end stage " for hospice: we have a number of residents in our indepedent facility who have been on hospice care for multiple years. And with the proper MD orders, Medicare will pay for these services. Some private insurers do, also. There is also a rather nationally-widespread program called " parish nurses. " This was developed about 25 years ago by a pastor-psychologist - congregations (of all denominations) work with local hospitals to provide nurses trained in elder/homebound issues to routinely visit the ill in their homes. They manage meds, conduct physical examd, monitor vital signs, etc. I know of some small communities with this program, and most cities include congregations who sponsor the nurses. Just more ideas . . . Peace, Lin Donna Mido wrote: Doris In Canada, What a neat service.! Do we have it on our links section? Maybe you could share with how you accessed it? This might be a help to others from Canada who aren't aware of it? I am sure will include it in our links somewhere if we don't have it already. It doesn't sound familiar to me. We really need something like that in the States. It would sure be less costly than nhs. Thanks for sharing. Glad to hear from you. It has been a little while. Hugs, Donna R Caregave for Mom (after I brought her from WI to MI) for 3 years and 4th year in a nh. She was almost 89 when she died in '02. No dx other than mine. Re: Feedback please Hi Maggie, My mom's paranoia is shown by her believing that people are coming into her apartment and moving and/or adding things to her cupboards, drawers etc. She is an extremely neat person and because she believes this, she is always angry, wants to move, says it doesn't even feel like her apartment etc. Because of her fears, she is reluctant to leave anything out and as is quite typical I believe, she hides things and then can't find them. I was thinking that if your mom may have similar fears, that she is keeping her clothes and shoes on so that no one can take them away from her. We are very fortunate to have a caregiver service provided by the government at no charge and they are situated right in her senior's building.We live in Mississauga just outside of Toronto Canada. It is the gov't's way of allowing seniors with conditions, to remain in their own environment as long as possible and to alleviate the overload in the NH situation. They monitor meds, baths, do housekeeping, will cook and do laundry. I am very involved in her caregiving and we work as a team to keep mom safe and healthy. I don't say happy because she is never happy. So she is 'independent' in her apartment with the assistance of this service. Eventually she will be in NH but the Links will help us to decide when that is necessary. Unfortunately she is constantly fighting having the service and hating them and it is them that she thinks are coming in and rearranging things. As with your mom, I think she does not realize her limitations in terms of everyday activities. She knows that she can't remember or learn things and keeps on saying that she is stupid but doesn't carry over that idea to the one that says that she should accept the help that is provided. Now having said that she is very nice to all of these workers, but I get all of the complaints. As with your mom, my mom's situation is changing and the disease is progressing. We caught it very early on and it has been since Mar. 2004 that she was dx with AD and then since March 2005 that it was changed to LBD. The hallucinations have come back and she is mixing up her dreams with reality and then getting very confused. I have been reading the board since 2005 and have learned so much about what to expect and how to handle things that nothing surprises me. We take each day as it comes and just deal with things and then try to see the positive, or between my sister and I, see the humour in the situation. (although that is sometimes hard). Sorry I went on so long but the thoughts just kept on coming. Take care and once again good luck in finding the best solution until the next situation arises. Doris in Canada Feedback please > > > > > > My mother has LBD and has refused to put on her > > Pajamas for 1 year now, sleeps in her regular > > clothes. > > > > I figured she might agree to put on Pajamas one > > day. > > But Nothing. > > > > Now she wants to sleep with shoes on, and i go > > thru > > this speech nightly. Mom your feet need to breath > > and your need to relax., let's take your shoes > > off, > > i even take them off and she will put them back > > on. > > > > Now it has been 2 months and she will not do it. > > > > Anyone have any ideas? > > > > Maggie/So California > > > > > > > ____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ > _________ _ > > Sick sense of humor? Visit Yahoo! TV's > > Comedy with an Edge to see what's on, when. > > http://tv.yahoo. com/collections/ 222 > > > > > > > > > > [Non-text portions of this message have been > > removed] > > > > > > ____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ > _________ _ > Take the Internet to Go: Yahoo!Go puts the Internet > in your pocket: mail, news, photos & more. > http://mobile. yahoo.com/ go?refer= 1GNXIC > > > > [Non-text portions of this message have been > removed] > > ____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _ Be a better Globetrotter. Get better travel answers from someone who knows. Yahoo! Answers - Check it out. http://answers. yahoo.com/ dir/?link= list & sid= 396545469 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 1, 2007 Report Share Posted September 1, 2007 Hi Donna, To tell you the truth we just were lucky in finding out about this service. My mom transferred from one senior's apartment building to another which is closer to me in 2002. When she was diagnosed in 2004/2005 and I started researching available services, I discovered that on the first floor of her building was the office for Peel Senior Links. I didn't even know that they existed, because they are not in every senior's building. They only take 15 clients and when I called, they luckily had an opening and we started with the service right away. We just had to have proof of mom's diagnosis. So needless to say this has been a godsend. The link is: www.peelseniorlink.com. I'm not sure if there is such a service in the city of Toronto. I live about 20 min. west of the city and my region is called Peel Region. It would be a good thing if this type of service were available in more areas and to more people. Hope this helps. Doris Feedback please > > > > > > My mother has LBD and has refused to put on her > > Pajamas for 1 year now, sleeps in her regular > > clothes. > > > > I figured she might agree to put on Pajamas one > > day. > > But Nothing. > > > > Now she wants to sleep with shoes on, and i go > > thru > > this speech nightly. Mom your feet need to breath > > and your need to relax., let's take your shoes > > off, > > i even take them off and she will put them back > > on. > > > > Now it has been 2 months and she will not do it. > > > > Anyone have any ideas? > > > > Maggie/So California > > > > > > > ____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ > _________ _ > > Sick sense of humor? Visit Yahoo! TV's > > Comedy with an Edge to see what's on, when. > > http://tv.yahoo. com/collections/ 222 > > > > > > > > > > [Non-text portions of this message have been > > removed] > > > > > > ____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ > _________ _ > Take the Internet to Go: Yahoo!Go puts the Internet > in your pocket: mail, news, photos & more. > http://mobile. yahoo.com/ go?refer= 1GNXIC > > > > [Non-text portions of this message have been > removed] > > ____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _ Be a better Globetrotter. Get better travel answers from someone who knows. Yahoo! Answers - Check it out. http://answers. yahoo.com/ dir/?link= list & sid= 396545469 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 1, 2007 Report Share Posted September 1, 2007 Dear Maggie, You've gotten lots of good advice and info about this shoes thing. Am sure some of the ideas will fit into how you deal with your mom. It took me a long time to get to my current mindset about such matters, but here's where I now am: My mom has LBD. She isn't going to " get better. " Every day a new problem arises that could and sometimes does cause me to go quietly mad (just in my head - I don't have a caregiver for myself yet!). My mom has done all the things you're concerned about. She does them because she is demented. Period. She cannot change, cannot understand why not to do them, and is enraged when I want something different. So while I still worry, I don't tell her what to do. I just " outsmart " her, much as we do with small children rather than get involved in no-win stress. My mom can feel in control, and I get accomplished at least part of what I think is important. I know you'll find a way to resolve this particular issue - and all of them that will come up in future. Let us know how it goes. Lin M Sumner wrote: Hi Doris, First of all thank you. As i was telling the group. It's as if shoes give her security of some kind. I did try hiding and her anger was terrible, she then put on another pair to bed. She would go OHH NO you are not going to do that to me and repeated OHH NO, and stuff that does not make sense to anyone. About paranoia, i don t think so, at least not at this time. What is your mom doing in this area? I was telling the group, what scares me even more than the shoes, is what will she resist next ? Will she refuse to hold my hand going over an obstacle on the side walk, or crossing the parking lot at a store, my worry is now about shoes causing her health problem, but it goes deeper that she could pull this in another form of some kind. I will try to stay in touch. I am not giving up So nice of you to write GOD BLESS Maggie --- DORIS KARATOPRAK wrote: > Hi Maggie, > > I was just wondering if she wears socks. If she > isn't wearing them in her shoes, might it be > possible to put socks on her feet and maybe she'll > let you take the shoes off? Also, because we are > going through the paranoia stage with my mom right > now, I'm wondering if she thinks that someone will > take her shoes or clothes if she doesn't wear them. > Does she suffer from paranoia? Also can you hide > her shoes or will that agitate her too much? > > Good Luck > > Doris in Canada > > > > Feedback please > > > > > > My mother has LBD and has refused to put on her > > Pajamas for 1 year now, sleeps in her regular > > clothes. > > > > I figured she might agree to put on Pajamas one > > day. > > But Nothing. > > > > Now she wants to sleep with shoes on, and i go > > thru > > this speech nightly. Mom your feet need to breath > > and your need to relax., let's take your shoes > > off, > > i even take them off and she will put them back > > on. > > > > Now it has been 2 months and she will not do it. > > > > Anyone have any ideas? > > > > Maggie/So California > > > > > > > ____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ > _________ _ > > Sick sense of humor? Visit Yahoo! TV's > > Comedy with an Edge to see what's on, when. > > http://tv.yahoo. com/collections/ 222 > > > > > > > > > > [Non-text portions of this message have been > > removed] > > > > > > ____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ > _________ _ > Take the Internet to Go: Yahoo!Go puts the Internet > in your pocket: mail, news, photos & more. > http://mobile. yahoo.com/ go?refer= 1GNXIC > > > > [Non-text portions of this message have been > removed] > > ________________________________________________________________________________\ ____ Be a better Globetrotter. Get better travel answers from someone who knows. Yahoo! Answers - Check it out. http://answers.yahoo.com/dir/?link=list & sid=396545469 Welcome to LBDcaregivers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 1, 2007 Report Share Posted September 1, 2007 Dear Maggie, A " longer drying time " is a good idea. Specific ideas may not do the full trick for you, but a general recommendation: your mom - like mine - has dementia. She can't help it, but may have some sense that something's not right with her. Our LOs don't think as we do anymore, or at least not consistently. Again, not their fault. WE have to be the ones to figure out what's really important and what to let go of - otherwise, we drive ourselves mad. Really - if you are so worried about constant shoe wearing - don't wait for the MD appointment. Call a local podiatrist or your own MD. Ask the nurse to ask the doc and get back to you. Why worry for two weeks? You are bathing her feet every day and see no sign of infection. I do understand the concern, but infection is not a reality today. Use a preventive powder or gel and please try to relax if your dear mom wants her shoes on. This may well be a phase she's going through - and which she can't really explain. I say let go as best you can - and practice now. It took me way too long to learn not to worry about what I consider the smaller stuff. No, I wouldn't wan to wear shoes 24/7 either, or go to see friends in 4 different patterned clothes, or slap my doctor. All things my mom does. Okay, so we just work around it. She may want many odd things in future. Figure out what's really important (for me: mom is properly medicated, sees her MD regularly to avoid other health issues, has my love and respect, is physically safe, and gets socialization with others her age) - and what's not (for me being angry at me, wanting control over her possessions, getting confused, refusing to speak to friends some days, etc.). One thing that generally works with my mom is to engage her in whatever I'm trying to do for her. EXAMPLES: in bathroom - here are the two towel holders, Mom. Want a towel from the top rack or the bottom rack? crossing parking lot: my feet hurt a lot today, mom. Would you please hold onto me for a little support? Well, this sounds kind of preachy - I do apologize. Guess I just hope you will not exhaust yourself fighting battles that may not be worth the war. You love and cherish your mom and want all the best for her. Part of caring for our LOs involves accepting the reality of the disease so we can better cope. Of course you are " horrified " about what may come next: we all are. But as best you can, while you educate yourself about LBD, try to live in today with your mom. And know you have lots of love and support here. Lin M Sumner wrote: Thank you so much Lin, I greatly appreciate all your in put . Today i took a better approach and after her bath had her sit on a chair and took away her shoes while i dried her feet and while a blow dryed her hair, so today she got 1/2 hour without her shoes. Another thing i did today, during the drive to her day care, told her to please at night, remove your shoes...I will try to mention each day, and see if after the end of the month, one of those comments maybe stick . I can only hope. She has been doing this for 2 months, so i have not notice any damage, but it is just not natural i know, i can not stand to have shoes on that long. She does have appointment in 15 days with doctor i will see what he says, that is a good idea you had to check with a doctor, but it sure worries me. We talk all day long, we probably only connect 4 minutes a day, so if i can tap in and let her know about her shoes at times like that, i will have won the battle. Even more than shoes, i am just horrified what else she might have coming in similar style or whatever you might call it. Take care and thank you Maggie - l pratt wrote: > Dear maggie, i missed your post from yesterday when > replying to today's message. When you bathe her > feet, do you see any sign of infection? If not, you > can probably relax. My mom becomes hysterical if I > hide anything or try to tell her " why' she needs to > do any given thing. So like I said elsewhere, I take > a very circuitous route. What about two foot baths a > day during this heat that worries you? And has your > mom seen - or have you consulted - a podiatrist? You > can explain your concern and what you are able to do > with the foot bath. Of course we know our feet are > supposed to " breathe. " And only you can judge to > what degree this needs to be an issue. But perhaps > getting an expert opinion from a podiatrist who > works with elders and the demented would be helpful. > > Peace, Lin > > M Sumner wrote: > Thank you Lin, > > The only time she takes them off, is during > shower and after for 5 minutes till i use blow > dryer to make sure they are totally dry and not > be wearing shoes with wet feet. > > I think she does not know why she does it. > > She will go, OHH NO, OHH NO and if i slip them > off, she gets out of bed and he has them on > 1 minute later. > > It is so strange > > Maggie > --- l pratt wrote: > > > Hi, maggie - > > Maybe this is pretty widespread - I don't know. > > And I don't know " why " it happens - just another > odd > > twist of LBD. My mom goes through phases like > you're > > describing. The pj thing from time to time. So > > sometimes she sleeps in regular clothes - I don't > > really care as long as she sleeps. Does your mom > say > > " why " she won't wear pjs? My mom said they were > for > > babies! And she doesn't want to put on shoes. I > > can't convince her to do anything at such times, > so > > I no longer try. I have taken her out to > restaurants > > without shoes (she doesn't walk anymore)! I'm > > probably suspected of elder abuse. Would your mom > > take shoes off during the day for awhile? If so, > > this would give them the breathing time you want. > > Let us know how it goes. > > Lin > > M Sumner wrote: > > My mother has LBD and has refused to put on her > > Pajamas for 1 year now, sleeps in her regular > > clothes. > > > > I figured she might agree to put on Pajamas one > day. > > But Nothing. > > > > Now she wants to sleep with shoes on, and i go > thru > > this speech nightly. Mom your feet need to breath > > and your need to relax., let's take your shoes > off, > > i even take them off and she will put them back > on. > > > > Now it has been 2 months and she will not do it. > > > > Anyone have any ideas? > > > > Maggie/So California > > > > > > > > > ________________________________________________________________________________\ ____ > > Sick sense of humor? Visit Yahoo! TV's > > Comedy with an Edge to see what's on, when. > > http://tv.yahoo.com/collections/222 > > > > > > Welcome to LBDcaregivers. > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 1, 2007 Report Share Posted September 1, 2007 <snip> > but it is just not natural <snip> Maggie, As other's have had trouble with their LO's I have responded to their posts by telling them they have to pick their battles and it should be things that are really important (life threatening). Work around the things that are important, but not life threatening (like getting your Mother slipper). I have almost told people that you have to lower your standards, but that's not quite right. When you said " it is just not natural " or you could have said " normal " that's when I realized that what I wanted to say is that your LO is defining a new " normal. " Your LO is a different person than they used to be and you have to let them be that new person. At times they will act or sound like their old selves, but that person won't be around very much. It's hard, but you have to let go of the old image and adapt to the new and every changing image. If you can " go with the flow " life will be calmer. There's an old curse, " May you live in interesting times. " When LBD enters you life you are living in interesting times. It's hard to keep up with the changes and find ways to work around the problems. Fortunately, we have this forum were we can get ideas on how to handled things just as you have done. I don't know that I have helped you, but you have help me put into words what I have struggled to do with my Mother. Before LBD we had a very good relationship, so that was very hard to give up. We still have times that we connect, but not very often. Good luck, in Dallas Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 1, 2007 Report Share Posted September 1, 2007 maggie, oh my gosh how i can relate and lins letter is so good,but i had to put my input, as caregivers first we have to take care of our selves first and foremost so we can be good caregivers, so do not override that tiredness you are feeling, the cold that you are fighting or whatever. please take care of yourself first, even your loved one seeing you brush your teeth maybe a good thing for them to see you do, and insteill the want for them to do it too. second thing is you must pick your battles. otherwise you are going to fight all the time over everything .could your mom's feet be cold, maybe she just needs some socks on at night to keep her feet warm, you can suggest at night, hey mom, lets take your shoes off, they must be uncomfortable to sleep in, and lets put this nice clean pair of socks on to keep your feet warm, give her a suggestion of no more than TWO items, otherwise you can confuse them . also maybe getting those ballet type slippers will work for her if she insists on wearing shoes at night, maybe at night she has dreams that scare her and she is afraid she has to run out of th e house and doesnt want ot be barefoot. you have to think with an lbd logic not your own. with lbd we cannot know or read their minds so we have to try to figure it out, daddy hated showers until i had hospice come in and they gave him the shower instead of me, i wasnt the bad guy making him take the shower and so i wasnt yelled on as much about that. dad went thru enough a time when he couldnt get enough to eat especially sweets, he would eat a whole pacakge of oreo double stuffed cookies and then 30 min utes later eat a complete dinner and hten at 8 wanted icecream and cookies. my dad wasnt diabetic and i figured eventually he would need all these extra calories to help him thru the hardtimes so as long as he was eating i was happy. he would eat like a bird, all day long, but he was still losing weight thanks to lbd. i didnt argue about his eating as long as he ate and drank enough. anohter war i didnt want to have, but showering until hospice was a war and da he ddy would be disgusting as he would have poops in his britches and i wouldnt know about it for a while and he would war with me to get him cleaned up. it was terrible, he would call me everything but his loving daughter, it was terrible many many times. but that was a battle i had to win, i couldnt let him sit in his poop and get sick or bed sores etc. daddy had a favorite outfit, he only wanted navy blue shorts so that is all i got him, who cares if he wears teh same color everyday. he had a few shirts he liked so i let him chose his shirts i picked out 2 and asked him whcih one did he want ot wear. that way he still felt some in control and i got him in clean clothes. daddy wouldnt wear boht shorts and underwear which his choice was boxers, and with the frontal lobe where inhibitions are we discovered better to have him in sport type shorts instead of boxers where he would let it all hang out. he didnt understand not to play with 'it' infront of people and would do so without blinking an eye, so instead of fighting about it, we just let him wear the sport type shorts, 100% cotton, no fly elastic waist. an easy fix to that situation. so you must decide is it really important that she wears mixmatched clothing or that she is tkaing meds and is safe. hard to do, but you will feel much better and she will feel safer if you let her make some decisions. hugs, sharon ---- l pratt wrote: Dear Maggie, A " longer drying time " is a good idea. Specific ideas may not do the full trick for you, but a general recommendation: your mom - like mine - has dementia. She can't help it, but may have some sense that something's not right with her. Our LOs don't think as we do anymore, or at least not consistently. Again, not their fault. WE have to be the ones to figure out what's really important and what to let go of - otherwise, we drive ourselves mad. Really - if you are so worried about constant shoe wearing - don't wait for the MD appointment. Call a local podiatrist or your own MD. Ask the nurse to ask the doc and get back to you. Why worry for two weeks? You are bathing her feet every day and see no sign of infection. I do understand the concern, but infection is not a reality today. Use a preventive powder or gel and please try to relax if your dear mom wants her shoes on. This may well be a phase she's going through - and which she can't really explain. I say let go as best you can - and practice now. It took me way too long to learn not to worry about what I consider the smaller stuff. No, I wouldn't wan to wear shoes 24/7 either, or go to see friends in 4 different patterned clothes, or slap my doctor. All things my mom does. Okay, so we just work around it. She may want many odd things in future. Figure out what's really important (for me: mom is properly medicated, sees her MD regularly to avoid other health issues, has my love and respect, is physically safe, and gets socialization with others her age) - and what's not (for me being angry at me, wanting control over her possessions, getting confused, refusing to speak to friends some days, etc.). One thing that generally works with my mom is to engage her in whatever I'm trying to do for her. EXAMPLES: in bathroom - here are the two towel holders, Mom. Want a towel from the top rack or the bottom rack? crossing parking lot: my feet hurt a lot today, mom. Would you please hold onto me for a little support? Well, this sounds kind of preachy - I do apologize. Guess I just hope you will not exhaust yourself fighting battles that may not be worth the war. You love and cherish your mom and want all the best for her. Part of caring for our LOs involves accepting the reality of the disease so we can better cope. Of course you are " horrified " about what may come next: we all are. But as best you can, while you educate yourself about LBD, try to live in today with your mom. And know you have lots of love and support here. Lin M Sumner wrote: Thank you so much Lin, I greatly appreciate all your in put . Today i took a better approach and after her bath had her sit on a chair and took away her shoes while i dried her feet and while a blow dryed her hair, so today she got 1/2 hour without her shoes. Another thing i did today, during the drive to her day care, told her to please at night, remove your shoes...I will try to mention each day, and see if after the end of the month, one of those comments maybe stick . I can only hope. She has been doing this for 2 months, so i have not notice any damage, but it is just not natural i know, i can not stand to have shoes on that long. She does have appointment in 15 days with doctor i will see what he says, that is a good idea you had to check with a doctor, but it sure worries me. We talk all day long, we probably only connect 4 minutes a day, so if i can tap in and let her know about her shoes at times like that, i will have won the battle. Even more than shoes, i am just horrified what else she might have coming in similar style or whatever you might call it. Take care and thank you Maggie - l pratt wrote: > Dear maggie, i missed your post from yesterday when > replying to today's message. When you bathe her > feet, do you see any sign of infection? If not, you > can probably relax. My mom becomes hysterical if I > hide anything or try to tell her " why' she needs to > do any given thing. So like I said elsewhere, I take > a very circuitous route. What about two foot baths a > day during this heat that worries you? And has your > mom seen - or have you consulted - a podiatrist? You > can explain your concern and what you are able to do > with the foot bath. Of course we know our feet are > supposed to " breathe. " And only you can judge to > what degree this needs to be an issue. But perhaps > getting an expert opinion from a podiatrist who > works with elders and the demented would be helpful. > > Peace, Lin > > M Sumner wrote: > Thank you Lin, > > The only time she takes them off, is during > shower and after for 5 minutes till i use blow > dryer to make sure they are totally dry and not > be wearing shoes with wet feet. > > I think she does not know why she does it. > > She will go, OHH NO, OHH NO and if i slip them > off, she gets out of bed and he has them on > 1 minute later. > > It is so strange > > Maggie > --- l pratt wrote: > > > Hi, maggie - > > Maybe this is pretty widespread - I don't know. > > And I don't know " why " it happens - just another > odd > > twist of LBD. My mom goes through phases like > you're > > describing. The pj thing from time to time. So > > sometimes she sleeps in regular clothes - I don't > > really care as long as she sleeps. Does your mom > say > > " why " she won't wear pjs? My mom said they were > for > > babies! And she doesn't want to put on shoes. I > > can't convince her to do anything at such times, > so > > I no longer try. I have taken her out to > restaurants > > without shoes (she doesn't walk anymore)! I'm > > probably suspected of elder abuse. Would your mom > > take shoes off during the day for awhile? If so, > > this would give them the breathing time you want. > > Let us know how it goes. > > Lin > > M Sumner wrote: > > My mother has LBD and has refused to put on her > > Pajamas for 1 year now, sleeps in her regular > > clothes. > > > > I figured she might agree to put on Pajamas one > day. > > But Nothing. > > > > Now she wants to sleep with shoes on, and i go > thru > > this speech nightly. Mom your feet need to breath > > and your need to relax., let's take your shoes > off, > > i even take them off and she will put them back > on. > > > > Now it has been 2 months and she will not do it. > > > > Anyone have any ideas? > > > > Maggie/So California > > > > > > > > > ________________________________________________________________________________\ ____ > > Sick sense of humor? Visit Yahoo! TV's > > Comedy with an Edge to see what's on, when. > > http://tv.yahoo.com/collections/222 > > > > > > Welcome to LBDcaregivers. > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 1, 2007 Report Share Posted September 1, 2007 Sharon, So sweet of you. The temperature in California has been over 106 degrees, so she is not trying to keep feet warm. Her feet must be boiling instead. I had climbed her shoes last night top of closet,and had switched her to another pair less fabric (thin) so it was a cooler shoe, guess what, this morning she had the other pair on, she managed to get shoes, from top of the closet and she is only 5 feet tall...i asked her, How did you get those shoes and she started laughing very hard. I have tried everybody's suggestion and as of now nothing is working. One last thing i will try is what Donna suggested, someone she likes give her a pair of slipper, maybe with an animal on it, something cute and since she gets a little hostile with me sometimes, she might consider wearing them at night and maybe i can find something in cotton...This is only trick i have not tried yet..Temperature today again 106, so we did not get out of the house. I am trying to keep my cool and take baby steps toward trying to find a solution. Something has to work....As i was telling the group...if she resist listening to me with taking off shoes, and yesterday refusing to take paper towel and dryed her hand on her blouse rather than listening to me What worries me is what will she pull next? Just like your situation, LBD makes them behave like they are another person. I will keep everyone posted Thank you for your kind e mail Maggie --- LadySmilingAtU2@... wrote: > maggie, > oh my gosh how i can relate and lins letter is so > good,but i had to put my input, as caregivers first > we have to take care of our selves first and > foremost so we can be good caregivers, so do not > override that tiredness you are feeling, the cold > that you are fighting or whatever. please take care > of yourself first, even your loved one seeing you > brush your teeth maybe a good thing for them to see > you do, and insteill the want for them to do it too. > > second thing is you must pick your battles. > otherwise you are going to fight all the time over > everything .could your mom's feet be cold, maybe > she just needs some socks on at night to keep her > feet warm, you can suggest at night, hey mom, lets > take your shoes off, they must be uncomfortable to > sleep in, and lets put this nice clean pair of socks > on to keep your feet warm, give her a suggestion > of no more than TWO items, otherwise you can confuse > them . also maybe getting those ballet type > slippers will work for her if she insists on wearing > shoes at night, maybe at night she has dreams that > scare her and she is afraid she has to run out of th > e house and doesnt want ot be barefoot. you have to > think with an lbd logic not your own. with lbd we > cannot know or read their minds so we have to try to > figure it out, daddy hated showers until i had > hospice come in and they gave him the shower instead > of me, i wasnt the bad guy making him take the > shower and so i wasnt yelled on as much about that. > dad went thru enough a time when he couldnt get > enough to eat especially sweets, he would eat a > whole pacakge of oreo double stuffed cookies and > then 30 min utes later eat a complete dinner and > hten at 8 wanted icecream and cookies. my dad wasnt > diabetic and i figured eventually he would need all > these extra calories to help him thru the hardtimes > so as long as he was eating i was happy. he would > eat like a bird, all day long, but he was still > losing weight thanks to lbd. i didnt argue about > his eating as long as he ate and drank enough. > anohter war i didnt want to have, > but showering until hospice was a war and da he ddy > would be disgusting as he would have poops in his > britches and i wouldnt know about it for a while and > he would war with me to get him cleaned up. it was > terrible, he would call me everything but his > loving daughter, it was terrible many many times. > but that was a battle i had to win, i couldnt let > him sit in his poop and get sick or bed sores etc. > daddy had a favorite outfit, he only wanted navy > blue shorts so that is all i got him, who cares if > he wears teh same color everyday. he had a few > shirts he liked so i let him chose his shirts i > picked out 2 and asked him whcih one did he want ot > wear. that way he still felt some in control and i > got him in clean clothes. daddy wouldnt wear boht > shorts and underwear which his choice was boxers, > and with the frontal lobe where inhibitions are we > discovered better to have him in sport type shorts > instead of boxers where he would let it all hang > out. he didnt understand not to play with 'it' > infront of people and would do so without blinking > an eye, so instead of fighting about it, we just let > him wear the sport type shorts, 100% cotton, no fly > elastic waist. an easy fix to that situation. > so you must decide is it really important that she > wears mixmatched clothing or that she is tkaing meds > and is safe. hard to do, but you will feel much > better and she will feel safer if you let her make > some decisions. hugs, sharon > ---- l pratt wrote: > Dear Maggie, > A " longer drying time " is a good idea. Specific > ideas may not do the full trick for you, but a > general recommendation: your mom - like mine - has > dementia. She can't help it, but may have some sense > that something's not right with her. Our LOs don't > think as we do anymore, or at least not > consistently. Again, not their fault. WE have to be > the ones to figure out what's really important and > what to let go of - otherwise, we drive ourselves > mad. Really - if you are so worried about constant > shoe wearing - don't wait for the MD appointment. > Call a local podiatrist or your own MD. Ask the > nurse to ask the doc and get back to you. Why worry > for two weeks? You are bathing her feet every day > and see no sign of infection. I do understand the > concern, but infection is not a reality today. Use a > preventive powder or gel and please try to relax if > your dear mom wants her shoes on. This may well be a > phase she's going through - and which she can't > really explain. > > I say let go as best you can - and practice now. > It took me way too long to learn not to worry about > what I consider the smaller stuff. No, I wouldn't > wan to wear shoes 24/7 either, or go to see friends > in 4 different patterned clothes, or slap my doctor. > All things my mom does. > Okay, so we just work around it. She may want many > odd things in future. Figure out what's really > important (for me: mom is properly medicated, sees > her MD regularly to avoid other health issues, has > my love and respect, is physically safe, and gets > socialization with others her age) - and what's not > (for me being angry at me, wanting control over her > possessions, getting confused, refusing to speak to > friends some days, etc.). > > One thing that generally works with my mom is to > engage her in whatever I'm trying to do for her. > EXAMPLES: in bathroom - here are the two towel > holders, Mom. Want a towel from the top rack or the > bottom rack? crossing parking lot: my feet hurt a > lot today, mom. Would you please hold onto me for a > little support? > > Well, this sounds kind of preachy - I do > apologize. Guess I just hope you will not exhaust > yourself fighting battles that may not be worth the > war. You love and cherish your mom and want all the > best for her. Part of caring for our LOs involves > accepting the reality of the disease so we can > better cope. Of course you are " horrified " about > what may come next: we all are. But as best you can, > while you educate yourself about LBD, try to live in > today with your mom. > > And know you have lots of love and support here. > > Lin > > M Sumner wrote: > > > Thank you so much Lin, > > I greatly appreciate all your in put . > Today i took a better approach and after her bath > had her sit on a chair and took away her shoes > while i dried her feet and while a blow dryed her > hair, so today she got 1/2 hour without her shoes. > > Another thing i did today, during the drive to > her day care, told her to please at night, remove > your shoes...I will try to mention each day, and > see if after the end of the month, one of those > comments maybe stick . I can only hope. > > She has been doing this for 2 months, so i have > not notice any damage, but it is just not natural > i know, i can not stand to have shoes on that long. > > She does have appointment in 15 days with doctor > i will see what he says, that is a good idea you had > to check with a doctor, but it sure worries me. > > We talk all day long, we probably only connect > 4 minutes a day, so if i can tap in and let her know > about her shoes at times like that, i will have won > the battle. Even more than shoes, i am just > horrified > what else she might have coming in similar style or > whatever you might call it. > > Take care and thank you > > Maggie > > - l pratt wrote: > > > Dear maggie, i missed your post from yesterday > when > > replying to today's message. When you bathe her > > feet, do you see any sign of infection? If not, > you > > can probably relax. My mom becomes hysterical if I > > hide anything or try to tell her " why' she needs > to > > do any given thing. So like I said elsewhere, I > take > > a very circuitous route. What about two foot baths > a > > day during this heat that worries you? And has > your > > mom seen - or have you consulted - a podiatrist? > You > > can explain your concern and what you are able to > do > > with the foot bath. Of course we know our feet are > > supposed to " breathe. " And only you can judge to > > what degree this needs to be an issue. But perhaps > > getting an expert opinion from a podiatrist who > > works with elders and the demented would be > helpful. > > > > Peace, Lin > > > > M Sumner wrote: > === message truncated === ________________________________________________________________________________\ ____ Yahoo! oneSearch: Finally, mobile search that gives answers, not web links. http://mobile.yahoo.com/mobileweb/onesearch?refer=1ONXIC Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 1, 2007 Report Share Posted September 1, 2007 , I thank you for all your very valuable comments. I assure you i will do my best to take it easier, because it is only hurting me. The situation started when i realized it has been 2 months since she took off her shoes and with heat at 106 degree in California recently, i feel she might get a fungus or some other infection, since her feet can not breathe. I will keep trying and keep everyone posted but as you say, work on things that are more important, and i need to remember that. Thanks again GOD BLESS Maggie --- lauraf13 wrote: > > <snip> > > but it is just not natural > <snip> > > Maggie, > > As other's have had trouble with their LO's I have > responded to their posts by telling them > they have to pick their battles and it should be > things that are really important (life > threatening). Work around the things that are > important, but not life threatening (like > getting your Mother slipper). I have almost told > people that you have to lower your > standards, but that's not quite right. When you said > " it is just not natural " or you could > have said " normal " that's when I realized that what > I wanted to say is that your LO is > defining a new " normal. " Your LO is a different > person than they used to be and you have > to let them be that new person. At times they will > act or sound like their old selves, but > that person won't be around very much. It's hard, > but you have to let go of the old image > and adapt to the new and every changing image. If > you can " go with the flow " life will be > calmer. > > There's an old curse, " May you live in interesting > times. " When LBD enters you life you are > living in interesting times. It's hard to keep up > with the changes and find ways to work > around the problems. Fortunately, we have this forum > were we can get ideas on how to > handled things just as you have done. > > I don't know that I have helped you, but you have > help me put into words what I have > struggled to do with my Mother. Before LBD we had a > very good relationship, so that was > very hard to give up. We still have times that we > connect, but not very often. > > Good luck, > in Dallas > > > > > ________________________________________________________________________________\ ____ Park yourself in front of a world of choices in alternative vehicles. Visit the Yahoo! Auto Green Center. http://autos.yahoo.com/green_center/ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 1, 2007 Report Share Posted September 1, 2007 Lin, You are totally correct. She just wants her shoes on and it could be a phase that might go away, and true i can extend the feet drying time..Even i plan to offer her, more pedicures, normally i get her a manicure and pedicure every two weeks, i might have to increase to weekly so i can be at peace with the whole scenario. Your idea are so smart, i will be trying to see how they work. Thank you so much Maggie --- l pratt wrote: > Dear Maggie, > A " longer drying time " is a good idea. Specific > ideas may not do the full trick for you, but a > general recommendation: your mom - like mine - has > dementia. She can't help it, but may have some sense > that something's not right with her. Our LOs don't > think as we do anymore, or at least not > consistently. Again, not their fault. WE have to be > the ones to figure out what's really important and > what to let go of - otherwise, we drive ourselves > mad. Really - if you are so worried about constant > shoe wearing - don't wait for the MD appointment. > Call a local podiatrist or your own MD. Ask the > nurse to ask the doc and get back to you. Why worry > for two weeks? You are bathing her feet every day > and see no sign of infection. I do understand the > concern, but infection is not a reality today. Use a > preventive powder or gel and please try to relax if > your dear mom wants her shoes on. This may well be a > phase she's going through - and which she can't > really explain. > > I say let go as best you can - and practice now. > It took me way too long to learn not to worry about > what I consider the smaller stuff. No, I wouldn't > wan to wear shoes 24/7 either, or go to see friends > in 4 different patterned clothes, or slap my doctor. > All things my mom does. > Okay, so we just work around it. She may want many > odd things in future. Figure out what's really > important (for me: mom is properly medicated, sees > her MD regularly to avoid other health issues, has > my love and respect, is physically safe, and gets > socialization with others her age) - and what's not > (for me being angry at me, wanting control over her > possessions, getting confused, refusing to speak to > friends some days, etc.). > > One thing that generally works with my mom is to > engage her in whatever I'm trying to do for her. > EXAMPLES: in bathroom - here are the two towel > holders, Mom. Want a towel from the top rack or the > bottom rack? crossing parking lot: my feet hurt a > lot today, mom. Would you please hold onto me for a > little support? > > Well, this sounds kind of preachy - I do > apologize. Guess I just hope you will not exhaust > yourself fighting battles that may not be worth the > war. You love and cherish your mom and want all the > best for her. Part of caring for our LOs involves > accepting the reality of the disease so we can > better cope. Of course you are " horrified " about > what may come next: we all are. But as best you can, > while you educate yourself about LBD, try to live in > today with your mom. > > And know you have lots of love and support here. > > Lin > > M Sumner wrote: > > > Thank you so much Lin, > > I greatly appreciate all your in put . > Today i took a better approach and after her bath > had her sit on a chair and took away her shoes > while i dried her feet and while a blow dryed her > hair, so today she got 1/2 hour without her shoes. > > Another thing i did today, during the drive to > her day care, told her to please at night, remove > your shoes...I will try to mention each day, and > see if after the end of the month, one of those > comments maybe stick . I can only hope. > > She has been doing this for 2 months, so i have > not notice any damage, but it is just not natural > i know, i can not stand to have shoes on that long. > > She does have appointment in 15 days with doctor > i will see what he says, that is a good idea you had > to check with a doctor, but it sure worries me. > > We talk all day long, we probably only connect > 4 minutes a day, so if i can tap in and let her know > about her shoes at times like that, i will have won > the battle. Even more than shoes, i am just > horrified > what else she might have coming in similar style or > whatever you might call it. > > Take care and thank you > > Maggie > > - l pratt wrote: > > > Dear maggie, i missed your post from yesterday > when > > replying to today's message. When you bathe her > > feet, do you see any sign of infection? If not, > you > > can probably relax. My mom becomes hysterical if I > > hide anything or try to tell her " why' she needs > to > > do any given thing. So like I said elsewhere, I > take > > a very circuitous route. What about two foot baths > a > > day during this heat that worries you? And has > your > > mom seen - or have you consulted - a podiatrist? > You > > can explain your concern and what you are able to > do > > with the foot bath. Of course we know our feet are > > supposed to " breathe. " And only you can judge to > > what degree this needs to be an issue. But perhaps > > getting an expert opinion from a podiatrist who > > works with elders and the demented would be > helpful. > > > > Peace, Lin > > > > M Sumner wrote: > > Thank you Lin, > > > > The only time she takes them off, is during > > shower and after for 5 minutes till i use blow > > dryer to make sure they are totally dry and not > > be wearing shoes with wet feet. > > > > I think she does not know why she does it. > > > > She will go, OHH NO, OHH NO and if i slip them > > off, she gets out of bed and he has them on > > 1 minute later. > > > > It is so strange > > > > Maggie > > --- l pratt wrote: > > > > > Hi, maggie - > > > Maybe this is pretty widespread - I don't know. > > > And I don't know " why " it happens - just another > > odd > > > twist of LBD. My mom goes through phases like > > you're > > > describing. The pj thing from time to time. So > > > sometimes she sleeps in regular clothes - I > don't > > > really care as long as she sleeps. Does your mom > > say > > > " why " she won't wear pjs? My mom said they were > > for > > > babies! And she doesn't want to put on shoes. I > > > can't convince her to do anything at such times, > > so > > > I no longer try. I have taken her out to > > restaurants > > > without shoes (she doesn't walk anymore)! I'm > > > probably suspected of elder abuse. Would your > mom > > > take shoes off during the day for awhile? If so, > > > this would give them the breathing time you > want. > > > Let us know how it goes. > > > Lin > > > M Sumner wrote: > > > My mother has LBD and has refused to put on her > > > Pajamas for 1 year now, sleeps in her regular > > > clothes. > > > > > > I figured she might agree to put on Pajamas one > > day. > > > But Nothing. > > > > > > Now she wants to sleep with shoes on, and i go > > thru > > > this speech nightly. Mom your feet need to > breath > > > and your need to relax., let's take your shoes > > off, > > > i even take them off and she will put them back > > on. > > > > > > Now it has been 2 months and she will not do it. > > > > > > Anyone have any ideas? > > > > > > Maggie/So California > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > ________________________________________________________________________________\ ____ > === message truncated === ________________________________________________________________________________\ ____ Luggage? GPS? Comic books? Check out fitting gifts for grads at Yahoo! Search http://search.yahoo.com/search?fr=oni_on_mail & p=graduation+gifts & cs=bz Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 2, 2007 Report Share Posted September 2, 2007 Get several pairs of the same shoe. Rotate them dailly, treating with with some product to keep them from becoming laden with any bacteria. You know she's clean and safe, and she thinks she is winning. At least she is changing everyday and the shoes are being kept dry and clean everyday. As long as she is getting her way, and she is wearing those shoes, you can kinds relax before the rollercoaster takes a new turn. Shoes will seem like nothing further down the line. You probaly need 3 pairs of the same shoe so when she has an accident and you need to throw a pair out, you are not panicked that she will insist on wearing a pair that may not ever be safe for her to wear again. (I am also pondering the fruit-eze scenario here.) Face it, poop happens! Just a thought. Carol --------------------------------- Pinpoint customers who are looking for what you sell. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 2, 2007 Report Share Posted September 2, 2007 When my mother needed assistance to stay in her apartment we accessed the government services and were not offered anything like what Doris and her mother are receiving. Mom lived about 45 min. from Doris' mother. Assistance was sent in to help Mom, but not nearly the amount of support and supervision Doris' mom receives. So it is not universal here! , Oakville Ont. Mother, age 92, died Aug. 12/06 after 13 year decline from PDD > > > > > Maggie, our LO's can go through so many of these > > > weird things. My granda refused to take his > > slippers > > > off when he went to bed also. How about gently > > > slipping into the conversation at bedtime that > > she'd > > > asked you earlier on to have her shoes re-soled or > > > heeled and if she takes them off then you can take > > > them first thing in the morning. > > > .xx > > > Feedback please > > > > > > > > > My mother has LBD and has refused to put on her > > > Pajamas for 1 year now, sleeps in her regular > > > clothes. > > > > > > I figured she might agree to put on Pajamas one > > > day. > > > But Nothing. > > > > > > Now she wants to sleep with shoes on, and i go > > > thru > > > this speech nightly. Mom your feet need to breath > > > and your need to relax., let's take your shoes > > > off, > > > i even take them off and she will put them back > > > on. > > > > > > Now it has been 2 months and she will not do it. > > > > > > Anyone have any ideas? > > > > > > Maggie/So California > > > > > > > > > > > ____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ > > _________ _ > > > Sick sense of humor? Visit Yahoo! TV's > > > Comedy with an Edge to see what's on, when. > > > http://tv.yahoo. com/collections/ 222 > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > [Non-text portions of this message have been > > > removed] > > > > > > > > > > ____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ > > _________ _ > > Take the Internet to Go: Yahoo!Go puts the Internet > > in your pocket: mail, news, photos & more. > > http://mobile. yahoo.com/ go?refer= 1GNXIC > > > > > > > > [Non-text portions of this message have been > > removed] > > > > > > ____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _ > Be a better Globetrotter. Get better travel answers from someone who knows. Yahoo! Answers - Check it out. > http://answers. yahoo.com/ dir/?link= list & sid= 396545469 > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 2, 2007 Report Share Posted September 2, 2007 Carol, Great idea, i will work on that. I would prefer that for sleeping she would change to something made of cotton... Time will tell. I do appreciate your tip...thank you so much Maggie --- carol king wrote: > Get several pairs of the same shoe. > > Rotate them dailly, treating with with some > product to keep them from becoming laden with any > bacteria. You know she's clean and safe, and she > thinks she is winning. > > At least she is changing everyday and the shoes > are being kept dry and clean everyday. > > As long as she is getting her way, and she is > wearing those shoes, you can kinds relax before the > rollercoaster takes a new turn. > > Shoes will seem like nothing further down the > line. > > You probaly need 3 pairs of the same shoe so when > she has an accident and you need to throw a pair > out, you are not panicked that she will insist on > wearing a pair that may not ever be safe for her to > wear again. (I am also pondering the fruit-eze > scenario here.) Face it, poop happens! > > Just a thought. > > Carol > > > > > > > > > > > --------------------------------- > Pinpoint customers who are looking for what you > sell. > > [Non-text portions of this message have been > removed] > > ________________________________________________________________________________\ ____ Be a better Heartthrob. Get better relationship answers from someone who knows. Yahoo! Answers - Check it out. http://answers.yahoo.com/dir/?link=list & sid=396545433 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 2, 2007 Report Share Posted September 2, 2007 Doris, You are lucky to have help for your mother. But getting back to the paranoia, i really don't know. My mother you could say lives 100 percent inside her hallucinations, she has not talked about anyone taking for moving things, but for some strange reason, she feels shoes gives her a comfort or security that i do not understand. I will give you a tiny bit of background and see if anything makes sense to you. We went to J C Penney's to get her a new pair of shoes, her other shoes are almost 2 years old and starting to look old, she sees these shoes (that i am complaining about) called SKETCHERS...she grabs them, and i ordered one pair for her and one pair for me, these shoes are very HOT, specially now Summer she then told me, why don' t we leave the old pair in the store LOL, i did bring them home. This is when the problem started, she has not wanted them off, even to take a shower it becomes a battle she wants to go in shower with them. LOL For sure this is a horrible disease and we never know what is coming next. I will keep everyone posted as to what happens next I managed to get sandals on her for about 10 minutes last night, i have a similar pair and i kept telling her mom, look we are twins, the minute she got up to go to the rest room, she changed shoes... I thank you for your e mail, it was not long at all i enjoy other in put, because this illness can drive you crazy. Feel free to write Maggie --- DORIS KARATOPRAK wrote: > Hi Maggie, > > My mom's paranoia is shown by her believing that > people are coming into her apartment and moving > and/or adding things to her cupboards, drawers etc. > She is an extremely neat person and because she > believes this, she is always angry, wants to move, > says it doesn't even feel like her apartment etc. > Because of her fears, she is reluctant to leave > anything out and as is quite typical I believe, she > hides things and then can't find them. I was > thinking that if your mom may have similar fears, > that she is keeping her clothes and shoes on so that > no one can take them away from her. > > We are very fortunate to have a caregiver service > provided by the government at no charge and they are > situated right in her senior's building.We live in > Mississauga just outside of Toronto Canada. It is > the gov't's way of allowing seniors with conditions, > to remain in their own environment as long as > possible and to alleviate the overload in the NH > situation. They monitor meds, baths, do > housekeeping, will cook and do laundry. I am very > involved in her caregiving and we work as a team to > keep mom safe and healthy. I don't say happy > because she is never happy. So she is 'independent' > in her apartment with the assistance of this > service. Eventually she will be in NH but the Links > will help us to decide when that is necessary. > > Unfortunately she is constantly fighting having the > service and hating them and it is them that she > thinks are coming in and rearranging things. As > with your mom, I think she does not realize her > limitations in terms of everyday activities. She > knows that she can't remember or learn things and > keeps on saying that she is stupid but doesn't carry > over that idea to the one that says that she should > accept the help that is provided. Now having said > that she is very nice to all of these workers, but I > get all of the complaints. > > As with your mom, my mom's situation is changing and > the disease is progressing. We caught it very > early on and it has been since Mar. 2004 that she > was dx with AD and then since March 2005 that it was > changed to LBD. The hallucinations have come back > and she is mixing up her dreams with reality and > then getting very confused. > > I have been reading the board since 2005 and have > learned so much about what to expect and how to > handle things that nothing surprises me. We take > each day as it comes and just deal with things and > then try to see the positive, or between my sister > and I, see the humour in the situation. (although > that is sometimes hard). > > Sorry I went on so long but the thoughts just kept > on coming. > > Take care and once again good luck in finding the > best solution until the next situation arises. > > Doris in Canada > > > > > > > > > Feedback please > > > > > > > > > My mother has LBD and has refused to put on her > > > Pajamas for 1 year now, sleeps in her regular > > > clothes. > > > > > > I figured she might agree to put on Pajamas one > > > day. > > > But Nothing. > > > > > > Now she wants to sleep with shoes on, and i go > > > thru > > > this speech nightly. Mom your feet need to > breath > > > and your need to relax., let's take your shoes > > > off, > > > i even take them off and she will put them back > > > on. > > > > > > Now it has been 2 months and she will not do it. > > > > > > Anyone have any ideas? > > > > > > Maggie/So California > > > > > > > > > > > ____________ _________ _________ _________ > _________ > === message truncated === ________________________________________________________________________________\ ____ Choose the right car based on your needs. Check out Yahoo! Autos new Car Finder tool. http://autos.yahoo.com/carfinder/ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 2, 2007 Report Share Posted September 2, 2007 Doris, You are lucky to have help for your mother. But getting back to the paranoia, i really don't know. My mother you could say lives 100 percent inside her hallucinations, she has not talked about anyone taking for moving things, but for some strange reason, she feels shoes gives her a comfort or security that i do not understand. I will give you a tiny bit of background and see if anything makes sense to you. We went to J C Penney's to get her a new pair of shoes, her other shoes are almost 2 years old and starting to look old, she sees these shoes (that i am complaining about) called SKETCHERS...she grabs them, and i ordered one pair for her and one pair for me, these shoes are very HOT, specially now Summer she then told me, why don' t we leave the old pair in the store LOL, i did bring them home. This is when the problem started, she has not wanted them off, even to take a shower it becomes a battle she wants to go in shower with them. LOL For sure this is a horrible disease and we never know what is coming next. I will keep everyone posted as to what happens next I managed to get sandals on her for about 10 minutes last night, i have a similar pair and i kept telling her mom, look we are twins, the minute she got up to go to the rest room, she changed shoes... I thank you for your e mail, it was not long at all i enjoy other in put, because this illness can drive you crazy. Feel free to write Maggie --- DORIS KARATOPRAK wrote: > Hi Maggie, > > My mom's paranoia is shown by her believing that > people are coming into her apartment and moving > and/or adding things to her cupboards, drawers etc. > She is an extremely neat person and because she > believes this, she is always angry, wants to move, > says it doesn't even feel like her apartment etc. > Because of her fears, she is reluctant to leave > anything out and as is quite typical I believe, she > hides things and then can't find them. I was > thinking that if your mom may have similar fears, > that she is keeping her clothes and shoes on so that > no one can take them away from her. > > We are very fortunate to have a caregiver service > provided by the government at no charge and they are > situated right in her senior's building.We live in > Mississauga just outside of Toronto Canada. It is > the gov't's way of allowing seniors with conditions, > to remain in their own environment as long as > possible and to alleviate the overload in the NH > situation. They monitor meds, baths, do > housekeeping, will cook and do laundry. I am very > involved in her caregiving and we work as a team to > keep mom safe and healthy. I don't say happy > because she is never happy. So she is 'independent' > in her apartment with the assistance of this > service. Eventually she will be in NH but the Links > will help us to decide when that is necessary. > > Unfortunately she is constantly fighting having the > service and hating them and it is them that she > thinks are coming in and rearranging things. As > with your mom, I think she does not realize her > limitations in terms of everyday activities. She > knows that she can't remember or learn things and > keeps on saying that she is stupid but doesn't carry > over that idea to the one that says that she should > accept the help that is provided. Now having said > that she is very nice to all of these workers, but I > get all of the complaints. > > As with your mom, my mom's situation is changing and > the disease is progressing. We caught it very > early on and it has been since Mar. 2004 that she > was dx with AD and then since March 2005 that it was > changed to LBD. The hallucinations have come back > and she is mixing up her dreams with reality and > then getting very confused. > > I have been reading the board since 2005 and have > learned so much about what to expect and how to > handle things that nothing surprises me. We take > each day as it comes and just deal with things and > then try to see the positive, or between my sister > and I, see the humour in the situation. (although > that is sometimes hard). > > Sorry I went on so long but the thoughts just kept > on coming. > > Take care and once again good luck in finding the > best solution until the next situation arises. > > Doris in Canada > > > > > > > > > Feedback please > > > > > > > > > My mother has LBD and has refused to put on her > > > Pajamas for 1 year now, sleeps in her regular > > > clothes. > > > > > > I figured she might agree to put on Pajamas one > > > day. > > > But Nothing. > > > > > > Now she wants to sleep with shoes on, and i go > > > thru > > > this speech nightly. Mom your feet need to > breath > > > and your need to relax., let's take your shoes > > > off, > > > i even take them off and she will put them back > > > on. > > > > > > Now it has been 2 months and she will not do it. > > > > > > Anyone have any ideas? > > > > > > Maggie/So California > > > > > > > > > > > ____________ _________ _________ _________ > _________ > === message truncated === ________________________________________________________________________________\ ____ Pinpoint customers who are looking for what you sell. http://searchmarketing.yahoo.com/ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 2, 2007 Report Share Posted September 2, 2007 Lin, I thank you for your e mail. But i think what you said fits perfect to all of us. We have to outsmart them, and as you say try to remind ourselves that they are not going to get better from here, it is all downhill as her own doctor says to me often. I can only do my best and no more This is a horrible illness and we will all have highs and lows being a caregiver. I appreciate your feedback. Maggie --- l pratt wrote: ma > Dear Maggie, > You've gotten lots of good advice and info about > this shoes thing. Am sure some of the ideas will fit > into how you deal with your mom. It took me a long > time to get to my current mindset about such > matters, but here's where I now am: My mom has LBD. > She isn't going to " get better. " Every day a new > problem arises that could and sometimes does cause > me to go quietly mad (just in my head - I don't have > a caregiver for myself yet!). My mom has done all > the things you're concerned about. She does them > because she is demented. Period. She cannot change, > cannot understand why not to do them, and is enraged > when I want something different. So while I still > worry, I don't tell her what to do. I just > " outsmart " her, much as we do with small children > rather than get involved in no-win stress. My mom > can feel in control, and I get accomplished at least > part of what I think is important. > > I know you'll find a way to resolve this > particular issue - and all of them that will come up > in future. Let us know how it goes. > > Lin > > M Sumner wrote: > Hi Doris, > > First of all thank you. > As i was telling the group. It's as if > shoes give her security of some kind. I did > try hiding and her anger was terrible, she then > put on another pair to bed. She would go OHH NO > you are not going to do that to me and repeated > OHH NO, and stuff that does not make sense to > anyone. > > About paranoia, i don t think so, at least not > at this time. What is your mom doing in this area? > > I was telling the group, what scares me even more > than the shoes, is what will she resist next ? Will > she refuse to hold my hand going over an obstacle > on the side walk, or crossing the parking lot at a > store, my worry is now about shoes causing her > health > problem, but it goes deeper that she could pull this > in another form of some kind. > > I will try to stay in touch. I am not giving up > > So nice of you to write > > GOD BLESS > > Maggie > --- DORIS KARATOPRAK wrote: > > > Hi Maggie, > > > > I was just wondering if she wears socks. If she > > isn't wearing them in her shoes, might it be > > possible to put socks on her feet and maybe she'll > > let you take the shoes off? Also, because we are > > going through the paranoia stage with my mom right > > now, I'm wondering if she thinks that someone will > > take her shoes or clothes if she doesn't wear > them. > > Does she suffer from paranoia? Also can you hide > > her shoes or will that agitate her too much? > > > > Good Luck > > > > Doris in Canada > > > > > > > > Feedback please > > > > > > > > > My mother has LBD and has refused to put on her > > > Pajamas for 1 year now, sleeps in her regular > > > clothes. > > > > > > I figured she might agree to put on Pajamas one > > > day. > > > But Nothing. > > > > > > Now she wants to sleep with shoes on, and i go > > > thru > > > this speech nightly. Mom your feet need to > breath > > > and your need to relax., let's take your shoes > > > off, > > > i even take them off and she will put them back > > > on. > > > > > > Now it has been 2 months and she will not do it. > > > > > > Anyone have any ideas? > > > > > > Maggie/So California > > > > > > > > > > > ____________ _________ _________ _________ > _________ > > _________ _ > > > Sick sense of humor? Visit Yahoo! TV's > > > Comedy with an Edge to see what's on, when. > > > http://tv.yahoo. com/collections/ 222 > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > [Non-text portions of this message have been > > > removed] > > > > > > > > > > ____________ _________ _________ _________ > _________ > > _________ _ > > Take the Internet to Go: Yahoo!Go puts the > Internet > > in your pocket: mail, news, photos & more. > > http://mobile. yahoo.com/ go?refer= 1GNXIC > > > > > > > > [Non-text portions of this message have been > > removed] > > > > > > > > > ________________________________________________________________________________\ ____ > Be a better Globetrotter. Get better travel answers > from someone who knows. Yahoo! Answers - Check it > out. > http://answers.yahoo.com/dir/?link=list & sid=396545469 > > > Welcome to LBDcaregivers. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 2, 2007 Report Share Posted September 2, 2007 , I think there is a rethink on helping many people at home. Many of the powers that be are beginning to see that without help, these people will cost a whole lot more. I think we have a few programs here in the States, but like you, they aren't all over. What I do know is that is the more isolated areas, they are having lots more problems and some more flexibility. Hugs, Donna R Caregave for Mom (after I brought her from WI to MI) for 3 years and 4th year in a nh. She was almost 89 when she died in '02. No dx other than mine. Re: Feedback please When my mother needed assistance to stay in her apartment we accessed the government services and were not offered anything like what Doris and her mother are receiving. Mom lived about 45 min. from Doris' mother. Assistance was sent in to help Mom, but not nearly the amount of support and supervision Doris' mom receives. So it is not universal here! , Oakville Ont. Mother, age 92, died Aug. 12/06 after 13 year decline from PDD > > > > > Maggie, our LO's can go through so many of these > > > weird things. My granda refused to take his > > slippers > > > off when he went to bed also. How about gently > > > slipping into the conversation at bedtime that > > she'd > > > asked you earlier on to have her shoes re-soled or > > > heeled and if she takes them off then you can take > > > them first thing in the morning. > > > .xx > > > Feedback please > > > > > > > > > My mother has LBD and has refused to put on her > > > Pajamas for 1 year now, sleeps in her regular > > > clothes. > > > > > > I figured she might agree to put on Pajamas one > > > day. > > > But Nothing. > > > > > > Now she wants to sleep with shoes on, and i go > > > thru > > > this speech nightly. Mom your feet need to breath > > > and your need to relax., let's take your shoes > > > off, > > > i even take them off and she will put them back > > > on. > > > > > > Now it has been 2 months and she will not do it. > > > > > > Anyone have any ideas? > > > > > > Maggie/So California > > > > > > > > > > > ____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ > > _________ _ > > > Sick sense of humor? Visit Yahoo! TV's > > > Comedy with an Edge to see what's on, when. > > > http://tv.yahoo. com/collections/ 222 > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > [Non-text portions of this message have been > > > removed] > > > > > > > > > > ____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ > > _________ _ > > Take the Internet to Go: Yahoo!Go puts the Internet > > in your pocket: mail, news, photos & more. > > http://mobile. yahoo.com/ go?refer= 1GNXIC > > > > > > > > [Non-text portions of this message have been > > removed] > > > > > > ____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _ > Be a better Globetrotter. Get better travel answers from someone who knows. Yahoo! Answers - Check it out. > http://answers. yahoo.com/ dir/?link= list & sid= 396545469 > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 3, 2007 Report Share Posted September 3, 2007 Thanks Doris - added to links section in 'financial assistance' area... Donna - the other service you had mentioned long ago and is also in the links section is 2-1-1 service: This link shows what states they're in now: http://www.211.org/status.html FYI: While services that are offered through 2-1-1 vary from community to community, 2-1-1 provides callers with information about and referrals to human services for every day needs and in times of crisis. For example, 2-1-1 can offer access to the following types of services: Basic Human Needs Resource: food banks, clothing closets, shelters, rent assistance, utility assistance. Physical and Mental Health Resources: health insurance programs, Medicaid and Medicare, maternal health, Children's Health Insurance Program, medical information lines, crisis intervention services, support groups, counseling, drug and alcohol intervention and rehabilitation. Employment Supports: financial assistance, job training, transportation assistance, education programs. Support for Older Americans and Persons with Disabilities: adult day care, congregate meals, Meals on Wheels, respite care, home health care, transportation, homemaker services. Support for Children, Youth and Families: childcare, after school programs, Head Start, family resource centers, summer camps and recreation programs, mentoring, tutoring, protective services. Volunteer Opportunities and Donations. > > Hi Donna, > > To tell you the truth we just were lucky in finding out about this service. My mom transferred from one senior's apartment building to another which is closer to me in 2002. When she was diagnosed in 2004/2005 and I started researching available services, I discovered that on the first floor of her building was the office for Peel Senior Links. I didn't even know that they existed, because they are not in every senior's building. They only take 15 clients and when I called, they luckily had an opening and we started with the service right away. We just had to have proof of mom's diagnosis. > > So needless to say this has been a godsend. > > The link is: www.peelseniorlink.com. > > I'm not sure if there is such a service in the city of Toronto. I live about 20 min. west of the city and my region is called Peel Region. > > It would be a good thing if this type of service were available in more areas and to more people. > > Hope this helps. > > Doris Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 3, 2007 Report Share Posted September 3, 2007 PS Doris' Peel Senior Link is provided by United Way -- 211 is also provided by United Way... > > Thanks Doris - added to links section in 'financial assistance' > area... Donna - the other service you had mentioned long ago and is > also in the links section is 2-1-1 service: > > This link shows what states they're in now: > http://www.211.org/status.html > > FYI: > > While services that are offered through 2-1-1 vary from community to > community, 2-1-1 provides callers with information about and > referrals to human services for every day needs and in times of > crisis. For example, 2-1-1 can offer access to the following types of > services: > > Basic Human Needs Resource: food banks, clothing closets, shelters, > rent assistance, utility assistance. > > Physical and Mental Health Resources: health insurance programs, > Medicaid and Medicare, maternal health, Children's Health Insurance > Program, medical information lines, crisis intervention services, > support groups, counseling, drug and alcohol intervention and > rehabilitation. > > Employment Supports: financial assistance, job training, > transportation assistance, education programs. > > Support for Older Americans and Persons with Disabilities: adult day > care, congregate meals, Meals on Wheels, respite care, home health > care, transportation, homemaker services. > > Support for Children, Youth and Families: childcare, after school > programs, Head Start, family resource centers, summer camps and > recreation programs, mentoring, tutoring, protective services. > > Volunteer Opportunities and Donations. > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 3, 2007 Report Share Posted September 3, 2007 Thanks I wasn't sure if United Way was in the States as well as Canada. Doris Re: Feedback please PS Doris' Peel Senior Link is provided by United Way -- 211 is also provided by United Way... > > Thanks Doris - added to links section in 'financial assistance' > area... Donna - the other service you had mentioned long ago and is > also in the links section is 2-1-1 service: > > This link shows what states they're in now: > http://www.211. org/status. html > > FYI: > > While services that are offered through 2-1-1 vary from community to > community, 2-1-1 provides callers with information about and > referrals to human services for every day needs and in times of > crisis. For example, 2-1-1 can offer access to the following types of > services: > > Basic Human Needs Resource: food banks, clothing closets, shelters, > rent assistance, utility assistance. > > Physical and Mental Health Resources: health insurance programs, > Medicaid and Medicare, maternal health, Children's Health Insurance > Program, medical information lines, crisis intervention services, > support groups, counseling, drug and alcohol intervention and > rehabilitation. > > Employment Supports: financial assistance, job training, > transportation assistance, education programs. > > Support for Older Americans and Persons with Disabilities: adult day > care, congregate meals, Meals on Wheels, respite care, home health > care, transportation, homemaker services. > > Support for Children, Youth and Families: childcare, after school > programs, Head Start, family resource centers, summer camps and > recreation programs, mentoring, tutoring, protective services. > > Volunteer Opportunities and Donations. > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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