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died today in my arms. I finally gave him 5ml of morphine

Tuesday night to stop his choking and he never recovered from that.He

went into a fugue and never left. Today, for the first time, he

would not eat anything at all, and shortly after his favourite care

aide left I held him while he took a breath, then another and finally

no more. The choking was gone but his heart just stopped. I am so

lucky I was there and was able to hold him and be with him while he

left this world.

I wish I could believe he is now in a better place but I really

cannot. But I know he loved me with all his heart and he must have

known at the end how much I loved him and that has to be enough.

was a bricklayer in Scotland, salesman, salesmanager and company

president in Canada, and a writer, comic and commentator for NPR in

the US. He would have been 80 September 4. I will be 65 in July and

we would have had our 30th wedding anniversary in August. LBD stole

a lot of celebrations from us. Now I have to learn how to put one

foot after another in front of me until I can rejoin this world.

Today it was so tempting to just follow him where ever he has gone.

Thank you for your advice and support these last few months. I feel

close to so many people I will never meet. Only in this group could

I really communicate what I was feeling, and seeing and dreading. I

learned so much from all of you about courage and grace and kindness.

Thank you my friends, Dixie

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