Guest guest Posted May 9, 2006 Report Share Posted May 9, 2006 , I am so sorry to hear of what you are going through with your sister having breast cancer. On a much lighter note, I had a shoulder replacement a year ago, which Mom should have related to, having had one 13 years ago now. I related my surgery to her for weeks before, preparing her for the month or so I wouldn't be in to see her, and then after, to affirm why I missed visiting for a few weeks. No response at all, even though she now has a very painful and frozen shoulder post op and from the rigidity she suffers. I truly thought she would relate and react, but didn't. However, as much as her non-reaction hurt, I still feel I did the right thing to inform her because of my absence for a while. Your sharing is a tough call. I told Mom the end of Dec. her " boyfriend " of 15 years had died, again no response, no memory of my telling her. If it is important for your sister to share, tell her once, with the positive side, then let it go. If she retains the information, good, it is something she was able to register and retain. If not, let it go. I know this is hard on you all. Breast cancer is something she would want to share with her mom and so she should. However, non-reaction hurts and prepare her for that. She is not the mom your sister would have shared with, but should anyway. You just may have to be there as back up. Good luck in her treatment and recovery. Worrisome for you all. , Oakville Ont. Mom 92, 12 1/2 years " Parkinsons " 3 1/2 years ago LBD diagnosis, evident much longer in hindsight. Encouraged to give up her licence 6 years ago. Currently immobile, in tilt wheelchair, spoonfed pureed food. Spends most of days behind closed eyes. Eltroxin, Tylenol twice a day. Off Aricept since Feb./06 > > Hi all > > The last time I posted was just prior to Easter - > > When I was trying to catch up on all the posts - I started to sort > through those I wanted to welcome and those I wanted to sent sympathy > to but the list became so long I became overwhelmed. Anyway - welcome > to the Newbies and my sincere condolonces to those whose have had to > say good bye to loved ones. > > I was following with interest the discussion regarding telling our > loved ones about the death of friends and family. My sisters and I > have been struggling with something similar. My older sister told us > on Easter Sunday that she has breast cancer. She had a mastectomy on > the following Tuesday. The good news is - the surgeon is positve that > all the cancer was removed and Kathleen will only have one round of > chemotherapy plus some hormone treatments. Kathleen's attitude is > good and her mood is cheerful. She has shortened her visits to Mum > but Mum does not seem to have noticed. > > At this point we have not told Mum and are not sure if we should. > Five years ago, maybe even three, Mum would have been the first person > Kathleen would have turned to for support. None of us want to bring > sadness or worry to Mum and we are not even sure if she would grasp > the concept anyway. Are we right to withhold this information from > her?? > > Mum has been relatively stable over the last few months - we have > reduced the seroquel to 25mg x 1 per day with no adverse effects. > > I value this group's opinion. > > from Cresswell ON Canada > Long distance CG to Margaret (Mum) aged 76 > Lives at The Briton House, Memory Floor, Toronto > DX Early Onset AD & PD approx. 2002 > DX LBD 01/2005 > Current Meds: Seroquel, Aricept, LD ASA, Levothyroxin, Calcium Suppl. > Was on: Sinemet, Excelon > Was given Risperdal in NH for a few weeks (Feb '05) > Haldol several times in Hospital Jan 05 > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 9, 2006 Report Share Posted May 9, 2006 , It doesn't seem to make a big difference if you tell her or not. If she hasn't missed your sister's visit much, and if your sister is going to be fine, what is the purpose? I don't think it is as much " keeping it from her " as it is would she know the difference? She obviously can't be the support your sister needs. And your family seems to be handling that. And even if you tell her, she may not know it the next time anyway. I don't think it is always necessary to tell them everything as they can't process it anyway and why put them through all that. I do thinks some things stay in their mind or it gets mixed up in their mind, and they have enough to cope with to just do their own stuff daily. I always thought of Mom as " child like " and it sometimes helped me know how to handle situations. Would I tell a child this info, and if not, do I have to tell Mom.. When I had to tell Mom her sister died I did that once and she did remember. I was afraid she was going to ask to go to the funeral, it was 12 hours away, but she didn't ask and she did remember she had died. Her sister had been writing letters to us, so I assumed Mom might notice the change. These are some of my thoughts and in the end you have to be the one to decide what is best for you and your family. Good wishes and hugs, Donna R Do you want to read more about Lewy Body? You can also read the Thistle, the LBD Newsletter. Just click on: http://www.lewybodydementia.org Checking in Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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