new here...

[Guest guest]

Hello all,

I am happy to have found this group. I wrote my details in the " Introduction "

section of files on the home page, called " My Challenges... "

It is amazing to me to find so many people with such severe daily pain that can

still offer a smile and words of encouragement. Some of our experiences are

absolutely horrific.

My ability to cope varies. I don't have to explain here how pain impacts every

comment, relationship, activity and thought. I am doing better lately and had

two days this past week that were good (pain was mild and I could move fairly

easily - still with medication, but getting up and out of bed, starting my day,

was much better). I haven't used a cane in some months and understand the

reluctance. Being a recovering alcoholic and addict, I also went for years

without and then under - medicated.

I now realize that I am open to doing whatever I need to in order to have some

semblance of a life and the hope for joy on a daily basis. I suffer enough for

me and don't need to willingly invite more. Partly, this has to do with self

esteem issues and, I know, is best discussed with a therapist. I am following

behavior mod or the concept of " act as if... "

I have yet to find a pain doc that is proactive with me. I'd also like to find a

local pain support group and meet with people in person. Comparatively speaking,

I feel fortunate for what I've been dealt - that it isn't worse (although it is

worsening as I age) - and sometimes need to remind myself that I qualify for

these services. I don't necessarily look like I have difficulties and then when

I do need a cane, people react with catastrophizing comments ( " what happened to

YOU??). *sigh* Very tiresome to explain... again (I usually just say that I

sometimes have difficulty getting around and need some help, adding that it will

pass).

I have discovered that Darvocet sometimes make me moody. I have double

depression and have meds that - so happily! - work, but also know that it is all

related. This can best be described as a kind of " break through " depression

where I get highly irritated with everyone/thing, which is related to one type

of depression I have (learning about the concept of " break through " pain here

has been helpful).

I believe that I can lessen the pain by cleaning up my diet, staying away from

inflammatory foods, for example, and routinely practicing yoga and meditation. I

need to lose weight to lessen the burden on my body. This is not as simple as it

reads - I don't do these things and wonder about my emotional attachment to my

limitations. I'd love to hear some thoughts on this. Please let me be clear:

I have daily pain. It is real. I have been through periods of surrendering to it

completely and have been unable to get out of bed. I am often unsure of what I

can and cannot do, how active I can be. I am often unsure in the moment of when

I am doing too much or of what is causing an increase or decrease in level of

pain. There are times when I consciously choose not to be aggressive in my own

treatment. I get emotionally tired too.

I would like to come to a place where this is all okay. I am moving in that

direction. This is a crazy making experience as my pain changes, sometimes

moment to moment - in location, severity, etc.

I am happy you are all here and write so frequently.

Please feel free to contact me off list: RKSlavin@...

peace,

Robin

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