CJ - Re: Oldie but goodie - Jerry Newport on AS, dating and marriage

[Guest guest]

HI CJ,

There is no copyright date on this article (I suppose a google search may yield

the answer to that but I am so sleepy I can barely type now, LOL) I know it's at

least 8 or 9 years old. And going by the cultural reference in the piece, he

refers to the movie Men in Black, produced in 1997, so it could be as old as

that.

Jerry, an autistic savant, was one of the torchbearers in the early days of the

high functioning autism discovery movement. He was probably speaking for those

who were at the more extreme end of the spectrum, as those were among the first

to be diagnosed.

Jerry's writing style at that time was also rather provocative, and he has

mellowed over the years. Our understanding of how Aspergers impacts upon

relationships is also evolving.

Then, and now, I looked at it as a satirical piece with a lot of truth to it.

However, like with anything else, it is one person's experience and therefore

can not be taken as gospel by everyone with Asperger Syndrome, because everyone

has different experiences, wants and needs.

In 2007, Jerry wrote about his courtship, marriage, split and reunion with

in " Mozart and the Whale. "

http://books.simonandschuster.com/Mozart-And-The-Whale/Jerry-Newport/97807432728\

41

And, as you know, a movie, loosely based his story, was made a year later. He

was then interviewed by CBS News in this story.

When Jerry Met

By Leung February 11, 2009 7:50 PM

http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2004/09/29/60II/main646311.shtml

None of this is answering your question, nor will the following, I doubt, LOL,

because outcomes are so highly individual. Status and security is important to

many women. Me? I couldn't give a rats *$$. I want the emotional connection, I

want to have fun with my partner and if I have those things, and I have good

friends to be with, and I can eat, and have a warm place over my head, all good.

I'll now paste in something I wrote to earlier (I was combing through old

archives and following the progression of the awareness of adult autism.) The

thinking about AS and its prognosis, once discovered, has changed since Jerry

wrote that piece, and ironically makes what he says seem prophetic to some.

" The belief back then was that knowledge of AS was the key to the " cure " in and

of itself. Since then, the realization has hit home that there are some things

that some AS can never change. How can you delete a personality?

Oh it helps knowing about AS all right. But after that, it's about adapting, and

those who had good adaptation skills to begin with will continue to adapt, but

for those whose ability to roll with the punches was never good, the prognosis

is not quite so sunny.

Early awareness and intervention for children is crucial for the more severely

impacted. But trying to do that retroactively with adults, as some spouses try

to do, will be an uphill (and mostly loosing) battle, especially if the partner

doesn't see anything that needs to be fixed. "

Of course, CJ, it's not just about AS miscommunication, which was the main point

of Jerry's piece. There are so many factors, his baggage, her baggage,

personalities, wants, wishes ...

Did think that Jerry's closing statement is as true now as it was then. We now

also know both partners need to go into this union with their eyes wide open,

and being prepared to make accommodations to both partners needs.

Jerry said, " If they get married at all and if it is to be a good marriage, it

will only happen after they learn to love themselves first and seek a

complimentary, compatible partner, probably close to but not in, the Autism

Spectrum "

- Helen