I need him to love me

[Guest guest]

here i go again..

I need him to love me

1, yes

2, no he's not even here at the moment, he's 6000 miles away.

3, I feel sad and lonely that he's gone, I feel flat and tired and

grumpy, I notice he hasn't called me ( thats not true actually he

called to thank me for sorting out a place for him to stay and left a

message on my machine.

i'm not present here with me, i feel disconnected, i'm busy feeling

lonely and no one is home for me.

i feel angry with him for not calling and seeing how i am,

my mind travels to the future and feeling like i'm always gonna feel

like this, i'm never gonna get over it.

i feel desperate, depressed, unlovable, scared, confused,

i want to withdraw my love and manipulate a response from him.

I get an agenda.

i get to believe there's something wrong with me, i'm flawed in some

way and that i did something wrong.

the worst thing that would happen if i couldn't believe this thought

anymore is I would loose him, I wouldn't know what to do with my life

( yes thats the truth of it) it feels like i've had this thought so

long that when i am without a relationship I feel like my life just

flatlines, it feels dull.

I remember when rich split up with me 3 years ago the first thing i

said to him was well what am i gonna do now! so i see that i have

been using this relationship with shali to avoid my boredom with life

and my beating myself up..thats why the hot and cold excite me

because they are just like my relationship with my father.

any thoughts on this anyone ..?

what i resist persists huh??

peacefully, aware of typing these words, present with myself, sitting

in my bedroom, possibly feeling gratitude towards him for helping me

see all of this. less fearful, hoping he's having a great time in

Florida, giving myself the space i need to heal, giving him space,

knowing he'll call when he's ready to, sitting back and watching it

all unfold, trusting the process, excited about the next chapter,

treating him like an equal, loving him even if he doesn't love me

back, caring about him, not cutting myself off from these feelings of

love and gratitude i have for him. chatting to him in my mind if i

need. holding space for myself for whatever comes up, willing to be

there for myself and not get that big stick out and beat myself up

for my feelings , telling myself i'm getting it right ...looking

after myself and asking for what i want.

i would live my life differently by feeling whole within myself, by

looking out for myself and never selling myself short, by being open

about my desires and wants, by being present with myself. by letting

me be who i am and allowing him the same courtesy.

I would love people unconditionally and feel so much gratitude for my

life. i'm feeling more spacious now. less stressed.

T.A I don't need him to love me

truer

1, he's not here now and i'm still breathing,

2, maybe i'll meet someone who wants to have a relationship like the

one i'd like ( he wasn't into kissing very much)

3, truer because he loved the story of me when i wasn't emotional and

didn't like the one about me when i was and it's just his story what

does it have to do with me .

T.A I need me to love him

truer

1,yes I wasn't very loving when i couldn't manipulate my needs out of

him,

2,i didn't love him when he didn't support my emotions so i guess we

are the same there.

3, yes can i love him uncondionally , let me be the teacher of that.

4, because it hurts me when i don't

T.A I need me to love me

truer

1, by asking for what I want

2, by not telling myself i did something wrong or that i'm broken in

anyway when he doesn't respond

3, by alowing me t have my feelings and not telling myself i should

be over it.

4, by taking a look at whats underneath this obsession.

5, by not taking what he says to me personally and just finding

it..where have i thought that about myself and questioning it .

Feedback more than welcome

[Guest guest]

Good work again - ah, the drama of the love affair :-) So great that you

see that.

Here's a slightly funky turnaround that occurs to me: I need my thinking to

love me.

Because at the moment, your thinking appears to be telling you that love

comes from outside not in. Naughty thinking!

Thanks

Love

I need him to love me

here i go again..

I need him to love me

1, yes

2, no he's not even here at the moment, he's 6000 miles away.

3, I feel sad and lonely that he's gone, I feel flat and tired and

grumpy, I notice he hasn't called me ( thats not true actually he

called to thank me for sorting out a place for him to stay and left a

message on my machine.

i'm not present here with me, i feel disconnected, i'm busy feeling

lonely and no one is home for me.

i feel angry with him for not calling and seeing how i am,

my mind travels to the future and feeling like i'm always gonna feel

like this, i'm never gonna get over it.

i feel desperate, depressed, unlovable, scared, confused,

i want to withdraw my love and manipulate a response from him.

I get an agenda.

i get to believe there's something wrong with me, i'm flawed in some

way and that i did something wrong.

the worst thing that would happen if i couldn't believe this thought

anymore is I would loose him, I wouldn't know what to do with my life

( yes thats the truth of it) it feels like i've had this thought so

long that when i am without a relationship I feel like my life just

flatlines, it feels dull.

I remember when rich split up with me 3 years ago the first thing i

said to him was well what am i gonna do now! so i see that i have

been using this relationship with shali to avoid my boredom with life

and my beating myself up..thats why the hot and cold excite me

because they are just like my relationship with my father.

any thoughts on this anyone ..?

what i resist persists huh??

peacefully, aware of typing these words, present with myself, sitting

in my bedroom, possibly feeling gratitude towards him for helping me

see all of this. less fearful, hoping he's having a great time in

Florida, giving myself the space i need to heal, giving him space,

knowing he'll call when he's ready to, sitting back and watching it

all unfold, trusting the process, excited about the next chapter,

treating him like an equal, loving him even if he doesn't love me

back, caring about him, not cutting myself off from these feelings of

love and gratitude i have for him. chatting to him in my mind if i

need. holding space for myself for whatever comes up, willing to be

there for myself and not get that big stick out and beat myself up

for my feelings , telling myself i'm getting it right ...looking

after myself and asking for what i want.

i would live my life differently by feeling whole within myself, by

looking out for myself and never selling myself short, by being open

about my desires and wants, by being present with myself. by letting

me be who i am and allowing him the same courtesy.

I would love people unconditionally and feel so much gratitude for my

life. i'm feeling more spacious now. less stressed.

T.A I don't need him to love me

truer

1, he's not here now and i'm still breathing,

2, maybe i'll meet someone who wants to have a relationship like the

one i'd like ( he wasn't into kissing very much)

3, truer because he loved the story of me when i wasn't emotional and

didn't like the one about me when i was and it's just his story what

does it have to do with me .

T.A I need me to love him

truer

1,yes I wasn't very loving when i couldn't manipulate my needs out of

him,

2,i didn't love him when he didn't support my emotions so i guess we

are the same there.

3, yes can i love him uncondionally , let me be the teacher of that.

4, because it hurts me when i don't

T.A I need me to love me

truer

1, by asking for what I want

2, by not telling myself i did something wrong or that i'm broken in

anyway when he doesn't respond

3, by alowing me t have my feelings and not telling myself i should

be over it.

4, by taking a look at whats underneath this obsession.

5, by not taking what he says to me personally and just finding

it..where have i thought that about myself and questioning it .

Feedback more than welcome