Guest guest Posted December 14, 2007 Report Share Posted December 14, 2007 Things haven´t been so good between me and my daughter for a while. So I started to think about what I think about her and this is what´s came up: My daughter shouldn´t criticize me. She shouldn´t judge me. She shouldn´t be angry and disappointed with me. She should understand me. She should appreciate me. She should show me that she love me. It´s a handfull, so I´ll start at the top. My daughter shouldn´t criticize me. Is it true? No, that is what she is doing. Seems to be her job right now. Whose business are you in? Hers. It´s none of my business who she criticize or not. How do you react when you believe this story? I get very angry at my daughter. And sad. I feel like the worst mother on earth. Feel sorry for myself. I defend myself. I go out to war with my daghter, and myself. Yes, there is a war going on inside of me. Who would you be without this story? Open. Open to anything she may say without fear. I would see that there is nothing to be afraid of. I would be excited to hear what she has to tell me so that I can learn something. I would be a listener. And kind. TA: My daughter should criticize me. That is true. She is, so anything else would be arguing with reality. I shouldn´t criticize her. Right. I do that. And especially when she criticize me. And I just can´t help myself. Just like her. We stop when we see a better alternative. I shouldn´t criticize myself. This one hurts. I do this a lot. Everything my daughter blame me for, I blame me for too. I can see how I hurt myself with all this blaming all day long. Please comment! Love, Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 16, 2007 Report Share Posted December 16, 2007 Dear Jon, thank you for your suggestions. Actually, when I ask myself who I would be without this story, I come to see that what my daughter is saying is harmless opinions. So in that moment I understand that " critisism " is a label I put on it. Thanks again, > > Hi , > > This inquiry is great - I can see it in my own life with my wife, > parents, friends :-) > > The thing that comes up for me is inquiring into the belief that " She > is criticizing me " - as you already say, maybe this then becomes about > hearing what she is saying differently - maybe what she says could be > heard as something other than criticism? > > Also, how about getting really judgmental about your daughter, listing > all the criticisms you have about her - how you think she should be > different, how she should and shouldn't live her life, then doing The > Work on those. > > With love, > > Jon > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 16, 2007 Report Share Posted December 16, 2007 Dear Vivian, > > And I just can´t help myself......... > > Is that true? Yes, in that moment I don´t seem to have a choise, I just act. If I could go back and correct myself I would. When you do the Work, it is an attempt to help yourself. Yes, this is what we can do afterwards. And sometimes we can´t do the Work either. I believe that your Worksheet is quite thorough. Good work. Thank you! Love, > > Vivian > Thoughts > > > Things haven´t been so good between me and my daughter for a while. > So I started to think about what I think about her and this is what´s > came up: > > My daughter shouldn´t criticize me. > She shouldn´t judge me. > She shouldn´t be angry and disappointed with me. > She should understand me. > She should appreciate me. > She should show me that she love me. > > It´s a handfull, so I´ll start at the top. > > My daughter shouldn´t criticize me. > Is it true? No, that is what she is doing. Seems to be her job right > now. Whose business are you in? Hers. It´s none of my business who > she criticize or not. > How do you react when you believe this story? I get very angry at my > daughter. And sad. I feel like the worst mother on earth. Feel sorry > for myself. I defend myself. I go out to war with my daghter, and > myself. Yes, there is a war going on inside of me. > Who would you be without this story? Open. Open to anything she may > say without fear. I would see that there is nothing to be afraid of. > I would be excited to hear what she has to tell me so that I can > learn something. I would be a listener. And kind. > TA: My daughter should criticize me. That is true. She is, so > anything else would be arguing with reality. > I shouldn´t criticize her. Right. I do that. And especially when she > criticize me. And I just can´t help myself. Just like her. We stop > when we see a better alternative. > I shouldn´t criticize myself. This one hurts. I do this a lot. > Everything my daughter blame me for, I blame me for too. I can see > how I hurt myself with all this blaming all day long. > > Please comment! > > Love, > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 16, 2007 Report Share Posted December 16, 2007 my sons nick name for me is debbie downer.. i bet your daughter doesnt say that.. i just accept it.. because its so true.. damn.. Have you criticized your mom.. judged your mom.. etc.. well we all have.. I also blame myself.. its crazy.. dads dont do this.. and maybe its because they arent so close.. well we were for 9 months.. prior to birth.. DIanetics says we have engrams- moments of pain.. and moms restimulate those times.. unconsiously.. well i dont know how it happens but it happens.. And kids who are about to leave the nest seem to be the worse. Maybe we are all programmed to be jerks.. What if she never criticized and never was angry.. it would mean you were not close at all.. self expression is a good thing.. i like your work... thanks roslyn -- In Loving-what-is , " " wrote: > > Things haven´t been so good between me and my daughter for a while. > So I started to think about what I think about her and this is what´s > came up: > > My daughter shouldn´t criticize me. > She shouldn´t judge me. > She shouldn´t be angry and disappointed with me. > She should understand me. > She should appreciate me. > She should show me that she love me. > > It´s a handfull, so I´ll start at the top. > > My daughter shouldn´t criticize me. > Is it true? No, that is what she is doing. Seems to be her job right > now. Whose business are you in? Hers. It´s none of my business who > she criticize or not. > How do you react when you believe this story? I get very angry at my > daughter. And sad. I feel like the worst mother on earth. Feel sorry > for myself. I defend myself. I go out to war with my daghter, and > myself. Yes, there is a war going on inside of me. > Who would you be without this story? Open. Open to anything she may > say without fear. I would see that there is nothing to be afraid of. > I would be excited to hear what she has to tell me so that I can > learn something. I would be a listener. And kind. > TA: My daughter should criticize me. That is true. She is, so > anything else would be arguing with reality. > I shouldn´t criticize her. Right. I do that. And especially when she > criticize me. And I just can´t help myself. Just like her. We stop > when we see a better alternative. > I shouldn´t criticize myself. This one hurts. I do this a lot. > Everything my daughter blame me for, I blame me for too. I can see > how I hurt myself with all this blaming all day long. > > Please comment! > > Love, > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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