Re: picking up girls

[Guest guest]

Hi to everyone on the list and Merry Christmas. I'm new here and have been

lurking for a wee while, however your message and the message about the

dysfunctional family have made me " de-cloak " . I have been doing BK's Work

alongside EFT. (Emotional Freedom Technique). EFT really really works! Some

people may know it as " tapping " . It unblocks stored emotional energy from past

traumas and also things like phobias - it would be great for your social phobia.

Here is the link - http://www.emofree.com/splash/video_popup.asp that tells

you all about it. You can do it on anything - emotional problems, pain, phobias,

addictions - just about everything. Alongside BK, it's truly amazing. Unlike

other " gurus " Craig wants everyone to know about it and use it and so his

videos are fairly cheap. I would recommend going to a professionally trained EFT

practitioner for deep traumas though.

Sorry if this has been discussed before, I haven't checked the archives.

With love,

Anne

picking up girls

needless to say i suck at it.

i have hard time talking to strangers or feel comfortable around

them.

i even find myself being carefull about looking at them for too long

cuz maybe they'l catch me or something .. i done know..

with girls it's the hardest.. i need their aproaval so much, not to

mention girls im interested in, i simply dont recognize myself, im

everything but relaxed and free around them.

im not sure what thoughts should i investigate.

i'v done the work many times on stuff like " i need her " or " i need

them " .. " i need her to like me " and so forth.. im not sure it's

exactly hitting the point for me.. ok so i need me to like me.. i

know that..

and i have a question..

i'v been dealing with this for all of my life, and some behavior

systems claim that you have to kinda force yourself to do stuff you'r

afraid of, like aproaching girls many times.. till you get the feel

for it,

my question is if the work or changing belief systems can give the

same result without have to force myself dealing with my fears by

taking risks?

will i find myself one day capable of aproaching a beautiful girl

simply by doing the work a lot?

cuz byron katie is basicly saying that you really dont have to do

anything and that things will fall into place once you do those

things from inside.

sorry for writing a lot.. its hard for me to find the words on

subjects that carey havey weight for me.

i hope i got my question..

thanks.

[Guest guest]

will you find yourself capable of approaching beautiful girls by

doing the work enough? is this the question?

hhmmm. doing the work with a motive never works. the work is a way

to find out what is true for us, to question our beliefs.

you may find it helpful to question any stressful beliefs that you

have around relationships or others in general. one thing that comes

to mind is : i should approach beautiful woman

i need a partner

girls should like me/want to be with me

have you read 'i need your love, is that true?' a great book that

deal specifically with seeking love, approval and attention and how

to really find those things.

do you have any judgements about girls that you have attempted to

pick up but have been unsuccessful with? that may be a good place to

start.

what we all want is happiness, whether we are able to attract others

or not.......and a happy person usually is attractive....without even

trying......

good luck!

c

>

> needless to say i suck at it.

> i have hard time talking to strangers or feel comfortable around

> them.

> i even find myself being carefull about looking at them for too

long

> cuz maybe they'l catch me or something .. i done know..

> with girls it's the hardest.. i need their aproaval so much, not to

> mention girls im interested in, i simply dont recognize myself, im

> everything but relaxed and free around them.

> im not sure what thoughts should i investigate.

> i'v done the work many times on stuff like " i need her " or " i need

> them " .. " i need her to like me " and so forth.. im not sure it's

> exactly hitting the point for me.. ok so i need me to like me.. i

> know that..

> and i have a question..

> i'v been dealing with this for all of my life, and some behavior

> systems claim that you have to kinda force yourself to do stuff

you'r

> afraid of, like aproaching girls many times.. till you get the feel

> for it,

> my question is if the work or changing belief systems can give the

> same result without have to force myself dealing with my fears by

> taking risks?

> will i find myself one day capable of aproaching a beautiful girl

> simply by doing the work a lot?

> cuz byron katie is basicly saying that you really dont have to do

> anything and that things will fall into place once you do those

> things from inside.

> sorry for writing a lot.. its hard for me to find the words on

> subjects that carey havey weight for me.

> i hope i got my question..

> thanks.

>

[Guest guest]

Maybe doing the work on:

I am unlovable

I am not good enough

I will be rejected again

may help?

I am getting married again and found these type of beliefs surface over and

over again. Doing the work on the above helped me a lot.

Hanle

picking up girls

> needless to say i suck at it.

> i have hard time talking to strangers or feel comfortable around

> them.

> i even find myself being carefull about looking at them for too long

> cuz maybe they'l catch me or something .. i done know..

> with girls it's the hardest.. i need their aproaval so much, not to

> mention girls im interested in, i simply dont recognize myself, im

> everything but relaxed and free around them.

> im not sure what thoughts should i investigate.

> i'v done the work many times on stuff like " i need her " or " i need

> them " .. " i need her to like me " and so forth.. im not sure it's

> exactly hitting the point for me.. ok so i need me to like me.. i

> know that..

> and i have a question..

> i'v been dealing with this for all of my life, and some behavior

> systems claim that you have to kinda force yourself to do stuff you'r

> afraid of, like aproaching girls many times.. till you get the feel

> for it,

> my question is if the work or changing belief systems can give the

> same result without have to force myself dealing with my fears by

> taking risks?

> will i find myself one day capable of aproaching a beautiful girl

> simply by doing the work a lot?

> cuz byron katie is basicly saying that you really dont have to do

> anything and that things will fall into place once you do those

> things from inside.

> sorry for writing a lot.. its hard for me to find the words on

> subjects that carey havey weight for me.

> i hope i got my question..

> thanks.

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Facy102,

What struck me about your posting most of all was the subject -

'picking up girls' - maybe just a turn of phrase, but maybe more than

that.

Some things to look at might be:

Girls / women can be picked up

Girls / women are ... (complete this sentence)

Beautiful girls / women are ...

(Beautiful) girls / women won't like me because ...

Strangers are ...

People don't like being looked at.

Another area to look at is what you want from them - as you say to

like you / get their approval - and if you get that, what will you

then get - companionship, kisses, sex? Then inquire into those.

Lastly, look at what the worst is that might happen - what do you

imagine might happen if you go up to someone and talk to them?

Just writing that last sentence has me seeing the difference for me

between going up to someone to talk to them (in the moment with no

motive) and trying to pick someone up (future-based with a motive).

I hope these help - it's helped me writing this!

With thanks,

Jon

http://www.selfhappiness.com

[Guest guest]

> have you read 'i need your love, is that true?' a great book that

> deal specifically with seeking love, approval and attention and how

> to really find those things.

i have, it was the first book of i'v read.. there were nice things

there.. though nothing really touched things that related to me.

actually most of her stuff are 'woman' related .. i rarely heared

anything related to more " guys " stuff.

> do you have any judgements about girls that you have attempted to

> pick up but have been unsuccessful with? that may be a good place

to

> start.

good question.. hmm.. usually i dont know them.. if i uahve judgment?

i admire them, they are beautiful, they dont paying attention to me..

i dont think they want to talk to me.. most of my attempts failed, so

this days im not even trying.. cuz it became a reality for me, woman

allmost never saying yes to me.

it's a hard rooted belief i have which has been manifested again and

again.. i dont have a clue how to investigate it.

thank you.

[Guest guest]

facy102 wrote: " .. good question.. hmm.. usually i

dont know them.. if i uahve judgment?

i admire them, they are beautiful, they dont paying attention to me..

i dont think they want to talk to me.. most of my attempts failed, so... "

What else do you think is beautiful? A rose, maybe? Try thinking of those

beautiful women (or strangers) like beautiful roses. You'd experience the rose

without worrying about what it thinks of you. It's beautiful. You

automatically love it. It's about appreciating and loving the rose just because

it exists... not about getting the response you *think* you need from the rose.

If it occurs to you to say hi to people, say hi. Say it to hear yourself say

it. Listen to what a beautiful voice you have... be aware of the smile on your

face and how good your own smile feels!... realize what a beautiful thing it is

to acknowledge the presence of others just by looking into their eyes, giving

them a smile, and saying hi to them... Sometimes you'll get a smile and a hi

back... sometimes you'll get completely ignored. Either way, you've had an

experience with yourself and with another human being.

... hoo boy. It's getting deep in here. I better go outside and smell the

roses!

Peace.

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[Guest guest]

> What else do you think is beautiful? A rose, maybe? Try

thinking of those beautiful women (or strangers) like beautiful

roses. You'd experience the rose without worrying about what it

thinks of you. It's beautiful. You automatically love it. It's

about appreciating and loving the rose just because it exists... not

about getting the response you *think* you need from the rose. If it

occurs to you to say hi to people, say hi. Say it to hear yourself

say it. Listen to what a beautiful voice you have... be aware of the

smile on your face and how good your own smile feels!... realize what

a beautiful thing it is to acknowledge the presence of others just by

looking into their eyes, giving them a smile, and saying hi to

them... Sometimes you'll get a smile and a hi back... sometimes

you'll get completely ignored. Either way, you've had an experience

with yourself and with another human being.

i can't possible to smile at them not to mention speak to them, im so

in their business and out of myself in that situation i freak out.

[Guest guest]

facy102 wrote: i can't possible to smile at them

not to mention speak to them, im so

in their business and out of myself in that situation i freak out.

> I understand. I've had lots of stressful thoughts that freak me out. I've

actually had panic attacks over walking into a crowded room and other social

situations. Thanks for sharing here. It's helping me inquire about a lot of my

own fears and stressful thoughts about the same situations.

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[Guest guest]

How would you feel without the thought " I am afraid " ?

i can't possible to smile at

them not to mention speak to them, im so

> in their business and out of myself in that situation i freak out.

>

> > I understand. I've had lots of stressful thoughts that freak

me out. I've actually had panic attacks over walking into a crowded

room and other social situations. Thanks for sharing here. It's

helping me inquire about a lot of my own fears and stressful

thoughts about the same situations.

>

>

> Recent Activity

>

> 8

> New Members

>

> Visit Your Group

> Yahoo! Health

> Live Better Longer

> Find new ways

> to stay healthy.

>

> FruitaBü Parents

> on Yahoo! Groups

> teaching families

> how to eat healthy.

>

> Biz Resources

> Y! Small Business

> Articles, tools,

> forms, and more.

>

>

>

> .

>

>

>

>

>

> ---------------------------------

> Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Yahoo!

Mobile. Try it now.

>

>

[Guest guest]

I can relate to what you say a lot...as I have had some similar

feelings/experiences/beliefs...but with men.

When you wrote down some possible judgments you have about girls these

ones made me think you could do the four questions on them...

" they dont paying attention to me... "

Is that true? Can you *absolutely* know that's true?

(I used to think that men didn't notice me. But as I became less

introverted I started finding out otherwise...men were paying

attention to me...but I wasn't paying attention to them. I was sooo

convinced that they didn't notice me that I couldn't see that they

noticed me. Also, when I was shy I hardly made eye contact or looked

at people's faces, much like you, and so it wasn't possible for me to

realize others were paying attention to me...because I wasn't looking

at them.)

And of course finish with the other questions and turn arounds.

" i dont think they want to talk to me.. most of my attempts failed, "

Is it true that they don't want to talk to you? Can you absolutely

know that it's true that they don't want to talk to you?

Again...go through the whole process.

Also about the women are beautiful comment that you made? Can you do

the turnaround and see that you are beautiful?

This can be very hard for men to do, even those that are considered

attractive by society's standards...so it may be very likely to be

even harder for a man who isn't " attractive by society's standards " to

accept that he is beautiful. But I know that it's true that you are

beautiful no matter what. So I hope you will find that out for

yourself too.

Last, I would just do The Work on all sorts of things (judgements

towards family, friends, co-workers, etc)...you may find out that they

are unexpectedly connected to your ability to approach women in ways

that you may not have realized.

I am new to Byron , but over the past several years I have done

much work on changing my thinking (although through methods that

aren't quite as quick as The Work) and I tell you it has changed not

only my attitude and confidence, which makes me more attractive...but

to some degree my physical appearance has changed as well...I look

like I've had a sort of eye lift I guess for one thing (my eyes used

to look almost half shut all the time but now are wide open). And I

find guys approaching me far more often than I ever have in my life.

So it can make a big difference...just keep at it.

Best wishes.