Re: In my mind,my husband has criticized me

[Guest guest]

>

> Hello

> Whatever i' ve done,i think it's bad.My thought is the story that

my

> husband has criticized me.Whenever my husband criticized my children

> because for example,they haven't done their chores,i felt myself

> concerned.That thougt stresses me a lot,I was been

> afraid,angry,irritable.

> I have answered 4 questions of Byron but my trouble is still

in

> my mind.

> Have you got any suggestions to help me?

>

Do you love your husband?

The man you love, shouldn't have the freedom

to criticize you, even if he wants to...

is that true?

You give freedom to do what he chooses

to the man you really love,

is that true?

[Guest guest]

Thank you for posting this because I can see that it is also true of me.

I can not answer why you are stuck but I can do my own Work and if it is

useful great and if not then so be it.

Nora

In my mind,my husband has criticized me

Hello

Whatever i've done, i think its bad.My thought is the story that my

husband has criticized me.Whenever my husband criticized my children

because for example, they haven't done their chores, i felt myself

concerned. That thought stresses me a lot. I was been afraid, angry,

irritable.

I have answered 4 questions of Byron but my trouble is still in my

mind.

Have you got any suggestions to help me?

My husband has criticized me __.

Is it true?

Well sometimes he says things I interpret as critical. Compliments and

criticism are more in my mind than his. Some things that feel to me like

criticism are the house is not tidy and the laundry is not done after he

asked me to do it. I understand from asking him that he feel

uncomfortable in an untidy house and I can see that not having work

shirts is important for him to work so he is really asking for me to

help him feel safe and comfortable. I want to do this and I feel

frustrated and sad when I can not do these things. So it is easier for

me to label him as critical (bad) than for me to feel guilty about not

doing these things. I have trouble controlling my day and I have trouble

keeping track of things. I feel pretty helpless and useless if I can not

do these things. (Note: do work on my feelings of uselessness another

time)

Can I know that it is really true?

I can't know because it is really his business how he feels when he

talks to me. It is my business to try and understand his message. I do

that because I love him and like to see him happy, and because it makes

my life easier when he is happy.

How do I feel when I think the thought that my husband criticized me?

I feel many things. Sometimes I feel like I am useless and can't do

anything right. This is an old story and needs Work.

Sometimes I feel angry that he does not appreciate what I do. This is

another story

Sometimes I feel angry that he feels entitled to criticize me. Who does

he think he is? Then he feels like the oppressive patriarchal man who

thinks he should be in charge. This is another story.

Who would you be without that thought?

I would be freer to love him just as he is. I could listen to him and

really hear what he is saying without my defenses up all the time;

feeling fear and anguish and self loathing. I could be my loving self

and not my angry fearful self.

I have criticized my husband

Very true. I have seen him as all those things I wrote about above. I

have judged him to be wrong so I could be right. I have used my judgment

to try and protect myself against my own judgments about who I fear I

am.

My husband has not criticized me.

Well I have no idea if he is criticizing me but if he is then it is

reality and so he does. Mostly it is about me deciding that he is

criticizing me. If he does it is not my business. My business is to see

how I react when I feel he is criticizing me so I can do the Work. My

business is to use the questions to see who I think I am in this

situation, and how I feel so I can be freer.

If he is not then I am not being very fair to him, am I? And I am not

being fair to me as I am blocking my own happiness.

I have criticize me

I do criticize me. That is reality. I try and make me do things by being

hard on myself. I feel like I won't do the right thing unless I am hard

on myself. This feels sad to me. I see myself as bad and unwilling to be

good just like I felt when I was small. When I was small I wanted to

please people but I could seldom manage it. I didn't get a lot of praise

and I got a whole lot of trouble from my mother. I am still being that

projected and perceived mother in my head with myself and I am still

being that perceived child. (Note: Work on these mental projections.)

I haven't got clear of the root of my criticism story but I can see that

it is not my husband who is abusing me in this situation.

Thanks for letting me work through this as well as I could here. Often,

for me I find I need to Work it though and then I kind reach a sad point

where I stop and sit with it for a while. And then the positive thoughts

start coming.

Thanks, Nora

[Guest guest]

hi there,

I just did the work on this too and what i saw was

that i had an underlying belief that my boyfriend was

talking t me as if i was stupid and basically i got to

see that i hear everything throughmy filter of being

stupid and i don't know if he says things to me as if

'm stupid at all!

Can you just hear him literally without your filter.

what is he telling you about you?

i think you might findpeace here,

plus you could question he critisizes me is it true?

sit inthe question for awhile, find your proof how he

doesn't critisize you.

peace xxpipxxx

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[Guest guest]

> >

> > Hello

> > Whatever i' ve done,i think it's bad.My thought is the story that

> my

> > husband has criticized me.Whenever my husband criticized my children

> > because for example,they haven't done their chores,i felt myself

> > concerned.That thougt stresses me a lot,I was been

> > afraid,angry,irritable.

> > I have answered 4 questions of Byron but my trouble is still

> in

> > my mind.

> > Have you got any suggestions to help me?

> >

>

>

>

> Do you love your husband? I don't know if i really love my

husband. byron said that without our story,there is a only love.

>

>

>

> The man you love, shouldn't have the freedom

> to criticize you, even if he wants to...

> is that true?No it'isn't true because he did it.But I also criticized

him.

>

>

> You give freedom to do what he chooses

> to the man you really love,

> is that true?No it'isn't true,sometimes i manupalated him.

Your answer help me a little,thanks.

Raouda

>

[Guest guest]

>

> Thank you for posting this because I can see that it is also true of

me.

> I can not answer why you are stuck but I can do my own Work and if it

is

> useful great and if not then so be it.

>

> Nora

>

> In my mind,my husband has criticized me

>

> Hello

> Whatever i've done, i think its bad.My thought is the story that my

> husband has criticized me.Whenever my husband criticized my children

> because for example, they haven't done their chores, i felt myself

> concerned. That thought stresses me a lot. I was been afraid, angry,

> irritable.

> I have answered 4 questions of Byron but my trouble is still in

my

> mind.

> Have you got any suggestions to help me?

>

> My husband has criticized me __.

>

> Is it true?

>

> Well sometimes he says things I interpret as critical. Compliments and

> criticism are more in my mind than his. Some things that feel to me

like

> criticism are the house is not tidy and the laundry is not done after

he

> asked me to do it. I understand from asking him that he feel

> uncomfortable in an untidy house and I can see that not having work

> shirts is important for him to work so he is really asking for me to

> help him feel safe and comfortable. I want to do this and I feel

> frustrated and sad when I can not do these things. So it is easier for

> me to label him as critical (bad) than for me to feel guilty about not

> doing these things. I have trouble controlling my day and I have

trouble

> keeping track of things. I feel pretty helpless and useless if I can

not

> do these things. (Note: do work on my feelings of uselessness another

> time)

>

> Can I know that it is really true?

>

> I can't know because it is really his business how he feels when he

> talks to me. It is my business to try and understand his message. I do

> that because I love him and like to see him happy, and because it

makes

> my life easier when he is happy.

>

> How do I feel when I think the thought that my husband criticized me?

>

> I feel many things. Sometimes I feel like I am useless and can't do

> anything right. This is an old story and needs Work.

> Sometimes I feel angry that he does not appreciate what I do. This is

> another story

> Sometimes I feel angry that he feels entitled to criticize me. Who

does

> he think he is? Then he feels like the oppressive patriarchal man who

> thinks he should be in charge. This is another story.

>

> Who would you be without that thought?

>

> I would be freer to love him just as he is. I could listen to him and

> really hear what he is saying without my defenses up all the time;

> feeling fear and anguish and self loathing. I could be my loving self

> and not my angry fearful self.

>

> I have criticized my husband

>

> Very true. I have seen him as all those things I wrote about above. I

> have judged him to be wrong so I could be right. I have used my

judgment

> to try and protect myself against my own judgments about who I fear I

> am.

>

> My husband has not criticized me.

>

> Well I have no idea if he is criticizing me but if he is then it is

> reality and so he does. Mostly it is about me deciding that he is

> criticizing me. If he does it is not my business. My business is to

see

> how I react when I feel he is criticizing me so I can do the Work. My

> business is to use the questions to see who I think I am in this

> situation, and how I feel so I can be freer.

>

> If he is not then I am not being very fair to him, am I? And I am not

> being fair to me as I am blocking my own happiness.

>

> I have criticize me

>

> I do criticize me. That is reality. I try and make me do things by

being

> hard on myself. I feel like I won't do the right thing unless I am

hard

> on myself. This feels sad to me. I see myself as bad and unwilling to

be

> good just like I felt when I was small. When I was small I wanted to

> please people but I could seldom manage it. I didn't get a lot of

praise

> and I got a whole lot of trouble from my mother. I am still being that

> projected and perceived mother in my head with myself and I am still

> being that perceived child. (Note: Work on these mental projections.)

>

> I haven't got clear of the root of my criticism story but I can see

that

> it is not my husband who is abusing me in this situation. It' a good

thing to see the difference between your childhood and your relations

whith your husband.It's not my case yet.

>

> Thanks for letting me work through this as well as I could here.

Often,

> for me I find I need to Work it though and then I kind reach a sad

point

> where I stop and sit with it for a while. And then the positive

thoughts

> start coming.

>

> Thanks, Nora

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Where I go with this one is:

He/she shouldn't criticize me - is that true?

He/she critiques me - a positive connotation of being criticized.

Also, checking out what you fear will happen if you ask him to stop

criticizing you. Is it true?

With love,

Jon

[Guest guest]

or you could do the work on .. when my kids misbehave its my

fault....or its bad for kids to misbehave.

I need my kids to be perfect

kids should always do chores.

or something like that... rh-

-- In Loving-what-is , " adithya_comming "

wrote:

>

>

> >

> > Hello

> > Whatever i' ve done,i think it's bad.My thought is the story that

> my

> > husband has criticized me.Whenever my husband criticized my children

> > because for example,they haven't done their chores,i felt myself

> > concerned.That thougt stresses me a lot,I was been

> > afraid,angry,irritable.

> > I have answered 4 questions of Byron but my trouble is still

> in

> > my mind.

> > Have you got any suggestions to help me?

> >

>

>

>

> Do you love your husband?

>

>

>

> The man you love, shouldn't have the freedom

> to criticize you, even if he wants to...

> is that true?

>

>

> You give freedom to do what he chooses

> to the man you really love,

> is that true?

>