Guest guest Posted December 11, 2007 Report Share Posted December 11, 2007 I should help me around the house more. That's definite. If I think something around the house needs doing, then I'm the one that should do it. Don't wait for someone else to do it. That person might not think it needs doing, or might do it in a way you don't approve of. If you want something done, then do it. It gets done at exactly the time you think it should and in exactly the way you think it should be done. My husband thinks something should be cleaned with a paper towel and I prefer a sponge. So if I clean it, I get to do it in my image and there is nothing for me to be upset about. My husband wants me to help with the yardwork and I don't like to. He's finally come to realize what a gift I've given him. He gets to decide what flowers to plant, where to plant, when to do what. I don't complain because he's done all the work and he gets to have it exactly how he wants to. I go outside occasionally and tell him he's done a good job and we're both happy. Vivian Turn Around Help Good evening to everyone. I am new to the work. I have read most of the book " Loving What Is " and I have started listening to the audio book " I Need Your Love Is That True " . My husand is gone on business travel this week and I thought this would be a great opportunity to spend some quite, alone time to do some of The Work on some beliefs I have about him and my step son. I am struggling with some turn arounds and thought you would be a great group of people to get some help from. The belief is: My husband should help me around the house more. The turn arounds I came up with are: I should help me around the house more. I should help my husband around the house more. My husband should not help me around the house more. Ok I can see the last one. He should not help me around the house more until he does. That's the reality. It's the first 2 I'm having trouble with. Now that I have written it out and started thinking more could the 2nd onone be that I should help my husband more because maybe I've been refusing to help him because I'm angry he doesn't help me? Still struggling with that first one though. Any suggestions? Thanks for listening and the help. Amy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 11, 2007 Report Share Posted December 11, 2007 " I should help me around the house more. " Close yourself and see yourself doing housework without the thought " My husband should help me more around the house " , what do you see? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 12, 2007 Report Share Posted December 12, 2007 Dear Amy, you could post the whole worksheet so we wouldn't have to see the turnarounds isolated. That way it can be easier to understand how they could be true. Working with what we have: The belief is: My husband should help me around the house more. > The turn arounds I came up with are: TA1: >> I should help me around the house more. When is it your original thought causes uneasiness, distress, whatever it is? Isn't it when you see the - let's call it " mess " - in the house? Or when you are cleaning and you see how much there still is to do, together with a thought that suggests what you are doing isn't what you are really doing? Or that you are only doing it, because you have to? And isn't it that believing the thought comes on top of the work itself? Look at how you answered question 4. How would the work around the house be easier: believing the thought or not? So that's one way how you could help yourself around the house more. See if there's other thoughts around the housework that cause stress and investigate those, as well. Because for me all life comes easier without the stress. TA2: >> My husband should not help me around the house more. > Ok I can see the last one. He should not help me around the house more > until he does. That's the reality. you got that. It's his life. Who's choice is it how much you should do around the house? Who's choice is it, how much your husband should do around the house? You want a trimmed garden? Get it trimmed, then. Your husband is not available? Thank you for asking, and ask someone else. And you could be the one being asked, as well. You don't want to? Oh, well! Then it looks like theres something that is more important to you than a trimmed garden. > It's the first 2 I'm having trouble with. >>I should help my husband around the house more. > Now that I have written it out and started thinking more could the 2nd > onone be that I should help my husband more because maybe I've been > refusing to help him because I'm angry he doesn't help me? Oh, do you? Then you know how it feels not to want to help. And you can share with him that sometimes you don't want to help. Not to manipulate him into helping, just so that you can hear your truth. That's pretty much everything I can come up with these turnarounds. Love, tryingtoblend schrieb: Good evening to everyone. I am new to the work. I have read most of the book " Loving What Is " and I have started listening to the audio book " I Need Your Love Is That True " . My husand is gone on business travel this week and I thought this would be a great opportunity to spend some quite, alone time to do some of The Work on some beliefs I have about him and my step son. I am struggling with some turn arounds and thought you would be a great group of people to get some help from. The belief is: My husband should help me around the house more. The turn arounds I came up with are: I should help me around the house more. I should help my husband around the house more. My husband should not help me around the house more. Ok I can see the last one. He should not help me around the house more until he does. That's the reality. It's the first 2 I'm having trouble with. Now that I have written it out and started thinking more could the 2nd onone be that I should help my husband more because maybe I've been refusing to help him because I'm angry he doesn't help me? Still struggling with that first one though. Any suggestions? Thanks for listening and the help. Amy --------------------------------- Ihr erstes Fernweh? Wo gibt es den schönsten Strand. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 12, 2007 Report Share Posted December 12, 2007 Another possible turnaround? " My thoughts should help me more around the house. " tryingtoblend wrote: Good evening to everyone. I am new to the work. I have read most of the book " Loving What Is " and I have started listening to the audio book " I Need Your Love Is That True " . My husand is gone on business travel this week and I thought this would be a great opportunity to spend some quite, alone time to do some of The Work on some beliefs I have about him and my step son. I am struggling with some turn arounds and thought you would be a great group of people to get some help from. The belief is: My husband should help me around the house more. The turn arounds I came up with are: I should help me around the house more. I should help my husband around the house more. My husband should not help me around the house more. Ok I can see the last one. He should not help me around the house more until he does. That's the reality. It's the first 2 I'm having trouble with. Now that I have written it out and started thinking more could the 2nd onone be that I should help my husband more because maybe I've been refusing to help him because I'm angry he doesn't help me? Still struggling with that first one though. Any suggestions? Thanks for listening and the help. Amy --------------------------------- Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with Yahoo! Search. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 12, 2007 Report Share Posted December 12, 2007 amy- there are many ways to help yourself around the house as others havementioned- some could be-that you sit and discuss with your husband what you need help with- and come to an understanding about how much each of you will do... you might hire someone to do some of it...... you might let go of some of it needing to be done.... and of course you work on your thinking about what needs to be done and your thoughts about it. > Good evening to everyone. I am new to the work. I have read most of > the book " Loving What Is " and I have started listening to the audio > book " I Need Your Love Is That True " . My husand is gone on business > travel this week and I thought this would be a great opportunity to > spend some quite, alone time to do some of The Work on some beliefs I > have about him and my step son. > > I am struggling with some turn arounds and thought you would be a great > group of people to get some help from. > > The belief is: My husband should help me around the house more. > > The turn arounds I came up with are: > I should help me around the house more. > I should help my husband around the house more. > My husband should not help me around the house more. > > Ok I can see the last one. He should not help me around the house more > until he does. That's the reality. > > It's the first 2 I'm having trouble with. > > Now that I have written it out and started thinking more could the 2nd > onone be that I should help my husband more because maybe I've been > refusing to help him because I'm angry he doesn't help me? > > Still struggling with that first one though. > > Any suggestions? > > Thanks for listening and the help. > > Amy > > > -- B. Shuman Licensed Salesperson Christensen RealtyUSA Home Office-375-6592 Cell Phone- 276-8071 712 Street, Clayton NY 13624 office: PLEASE ASK FOR LAUREN office fax E-Mail -laurie.shuman@... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 12, 2007 Report Share Posted December 12, 2007 Hi , I love how you mention the practical ways in addition to doing The Work. Sometimes it seems all we have to do with any problem is doing The Work. I have been in a relationship where I worked relentlessly on not needing him to call me etc. Until one day I realized: I don't want to be with somebody who doesn't call me. J The same with house work. Doing The Work is great. Really great. And having a conversation with my partner about how the house work is split up, what I and he are willing to do and what not, what is important and what not etc. is something we sometimes forget. At least I do sometimes. It then it becomes using The Work to force myself into making peace with the way things are and not acknowledging my part in it. If I don't ask, how can get it? --- www.TheWorkForBreakfast.com From: Loving-what-is [mailto:Loving-what-is ] On Behalf Of Shuman Sent: Wednesday, December 12, 2007 1:05 PM To: Loving-what-is Subject: Re: Turn Around Help amy- there are many ways to help yourself around the house as others havementioned- some could be-that you sit and discuss with your husband what you need help with- and come to an understanding about how much each of you will do... you might hire someone to do some of it...... you might let go of some of it needing to be done.... and of course you work on your thinking about what needs to be done and your thoughts about it. On Dec 11, 2007 10:05 PM, tryingtoblend <tryingtoblend@... <mailto:tryingtoblend%40yahoo.com> > wrote: > Good evening to everyone. I am new to the work. I have read most of > the book " Loving What Is " and I have started listening to the audio > book " I Need Your Love Is That True " . My husand is gone on business > travel this week and I thought this would be a great opportunity to > spend some quite, alone time to do some of The Work on some beliefs I > have about him and my step son. > > I am struggling with some turn arounds and thought you would be a great > group of people to get some help from. > > The belief is: My husband should help me around the house more. > > The turn arounds I came up with are: > I should help me around the house more. > I should help my husband around the house more. > My husband should not help me around the house more. > > Ok I can see the last one. He should not help me around the house more > until he does. That's the reality. > > It's the first 2 I'm having trouble with. > > Now that I have written it out and started thinking more could the 2nd > onone be that I should help my husband more because maybe I've been > refusing to help him because I'm angry he doesn't help me? > > Still struggling with that first one though. > > Any suggestions? > > Thanks for listening and the help. > > Amy > > > -- B. Shuman Licensed Salesperson Christensen RealtyUSA Home Office-375-6592 Cell Phone- 276-8071 712 Street, Clayton NY 13624 office: PLEASE ASK FOR LAUREN office fax E-Mail -laurie.shuman@... <mailto:-laurie.shuman%40gmail.com> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 12, 2007 Report Share Posted December 12, 2007 Hi , Is simply hiring someone to do the housework not an option? This way you both can be free to do whatever it is that pleases you with no hurt feelings. joy > > > Good evening to everyone. I am new to the work. I have read most of > > the book " Loving What Is " and I have started listening to the audio > > book " I Need Your Love Is That True " . My husand is gone on business > > travel this week and I thought this would be a great opportunity to > > spend some quite, alone time to do some of The Work on some beliefs I > > have about him and my step son. > > > > I am struggling with some turn arounds and thought you would be a great > > group of people to get some help from. > > > > The belief is: My husband should help me around the house more. > > > > The turn arounds I came up with are: > > I should help me around the house more. > > I should help my husband around the house more. > > My husband should not help me around the house more. > > > > Ok I can see the last one. He should not help me around the house more > > until he does. That's the reality. > > > > It's the first 2 I'm having trouble with. > > > > Now that I have written it out and started thinking more could the 2nd > > onone be that I should help my husband more because maybe I've been > > refusing to help him because I'm angry he doesn't help me? > > > > Still struggling with that first one though. > > > > Any suggestions? > > > > Thanks for listening and the help. > > > > Amy > > > > > > > > -- > B. Shuman > Licensed Salesperson > Christensen RealtyUSA > Home Office-375-6592 > Cell Phone- 276-8071 > 712 Street, Clayton NY 13624 > office: > PLEASE ASK FOR LAUREN > office fax > E-Mail -laurie.shuman@... <mailto:-laurie.shuman%40gmail.com> > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 12, 2007 Report Share Posted December 12, 2007 Hi Joy, Hiring someone is an option we have selected for many years. But I would suggest that if there may be a more serious issue than housework involved and if that is so, hiring someone is simply a bandaid and not a solution. For example, what if the issue is My husband doesn't do things along with me? Or my husband doesn't participate in ways to make our life better? Then a housekeeper is not addressing the real issue. Vivian Re: Turn Around Help Hi , Is simply hiring someone to do the housework not an option? This way you both can be free to do whatever it is that pleases you with no hurt feelings. joy > > > Good evening to everyone. I am new to the work. I have read most of > > the book " Loving What Is " and I have started listening to the audio > > book " I Need Your Love Is That True " . My husand is gone on business > > travel this week and I thought this would be a great opportunity to > > spend some quite, alone time to do some of The Work on some beliefs I > > have about him and my step son. > > > > I am struggling with some turn arounds and thought you would be a great > > group of people to get some help from. > > > > The belief is: My husband should help me around the house more. > > > > The turn arounds I came up with are: > > I should help me around the house more. > > I should help my husband around the house more. > > My husband should not help me around the house more. > > > > Ok I can see the last one. He should not help me around the house more > > until he does. That's the reality. > > > > It's the first 2 I'm having trouble with. > > > > Now that I have written it out and started thinking more could the 2nd > > onone be that I should help my husband more because maybe I've been > > refusing to help him because I'm angry he doesn't help me? > > > > Still struggling with that first one though. > > > > Any suggestions? > > > > Thanks for listening and the help. > > > > Amy > > > > > > > > -- > B. Shuman > Licensed Salesperson > Christensen RealtyUSA > Home Office-375-6592 > Cell Phone- 276-8071 > 712 Street, Clayton NY 13624 > office: > PLEASE ASK FOR LAUREN > office fax > E-Mail -laurie.shuman@... <mailto:-laurie.shuman%40gmail.com> > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 13, 2007 Report Share Posted December 13, 2007 <Is simply hiring someone to do the housework not an option? This way you both can be free to do whatever it is that pleases you with no hurt feelings.> I have read that teaching our children to clean physcial messes teaches them the skills to clean their emotional messes. I would look at the underlying belifs about what else you " should " be doing, more " important " things, and how your house " should look " . --------------------------------- Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with Yahoo! Search. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 13, 2007 Report Share Posted December 13, 2007 For the turn around " I should help me around the house more " my mind goes to the place where you could give yourself a break when not as much gets done around the house as you think " should " get done (the part that your husband is 'supposed' to do). It would be a great help to me not to expect others to do what they dont do and to know that what gets done is exactly what is supposed to get done, never more, never less. cheers, c > > Good evening to everyone. I am new to the work. I have read most of > the book " Loving What Is " and I have started listening to the audio > book " I Need Your Love Is That True " . My husand is gone on business > travel this week and I thought this would be a great opportunity to > spend some quite, alone time to do some of The Work on some beliefs I > have about him and my step son. > > I am struggling with some turn arounds and thought you would be a great > group of people to get some help from. > > The belief is: My husband should help me around the house more. > > The turn arounds I came up with are: > I should help me around the house more. > I should help my husband around the house more. > My husband should not help me around the house more. > > Ok I can see the last one. He should not help me around the house more > until he does. That's the reality. > > It's the first 2 I'm having trouble with. > > Now that I have written it out and started thinking more could the 2nd > onone be that I should help my husband more because maybe I've been > refusing to help him because I'm angry he doesn't help me? > > Still struggling with that first one though. > > Any suggestions? > > Thanks for listening and the help. > > Amy > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 13, 2007 Report Share Posted December 13, 2007 > > > Good evening to everyone. I am new to the work. I have read most of > > the book " Loving What Is " and I have started listening to the audio > > book " I Need Your Love Is That True " . My husand is gone on business > > travel this week and I thought this would be a great opportunity to > > spend some quite, alone time to do some of The Work on some beliefs I > > have about him and my step son. > > > > I am struggling with some turn arounds and thought you would be a great > > group of people to get some help from. > > > > The belief is: My husband should help me around the house more. > > > > The turn arounds I came up with are: > > I should help me around the house more. > > I should help my husband around the house more. > > My husband should not help me around the house more. > > > > Ok I can see the last one. He should not help me around the house more > > until he does. That's the reality. > > > > It's the first 2 I'm having trouble with. > > > > Now that I have written it out and started thinking more could the 2nd > > onone be that I should help my husband more because maybe I've been > > refusing to help him because I'm angry he doesn't help me? > > > > Still struggling with that first one though. > > > > Any suggestions? > > > > Thanks for listening and the help. > > > > Amy > > > > > > > > -- > B. Shuman > Licensed Salesperson > Christensen RealtyUSA > Home Office-375-6592 > Cell Phone- 276-8071 > 712 Street, Clayton NY 13624 > office: > PLEASE ASK FOR LAUREN > office fax > E-Mail -laurie.shuman@... <mailto:-laurie.shuman%40gmail.com> > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 13, 2007 Report Share Posted December 13, 2007 q - Housework should be a shared responsibility between this husband and wife. Is that true? joy > > > > > Good evening to everyone. I am new to the work. I have read most > of > > > the book " Loving What Is " and I have started listening to the > audio > > > book " I Need Your Love Is That True " . My husand is gone on > business > > > travel this week and I thought this would be a great opportunity > to > > > spend some quite, alone time to do some of The Work on some > beliefs I > > > have about him and my step son. > > > > > > I am struggling with some turn arounds and thought you would be a > great > > > group of people to get some help from. > > > > > > The belief is: My husband should help me around the house more. > > > > > > The turn arounds I came up with are: > > > I should help me around the house more. > > > I should help my husband around the house more. > > > My husband should not help me around the house more. > > > > > > Ok I can see the last one. He should not help me around the house > more > > > until he does. That's the reality. > > > > > > It's the first 2 I'm having trouble with. > > > > > > Now that I have written it out and started thinking more could > the 2nd > > > onone be that I should help my husband more because maybe I've > been > > > refusing to help him because I'm angry he doesn't help me? > > > > > > Still struggling with that first one though. > > > > > > Any suggestions? > > > > > > Thanks for listening and the help. > > > > > > Amy > > > > > > > > > > > > > -- > > B. Shuman > > Licensed Salesperson > > Christensen RealtyUSA > > Home Office-375-6592 > > Cell Phone- 276-8071 > > 712 Street, Clayton NY 13624 > > office: > > PLEASE ASK FOR LAUREN > > office fax > > E-Mail -laurie.shuman@ <mailto:-laurie.shuman%40gmail.com> > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 14, 2007 Report Share Posted December 14, 2007 Apparently it is not true, at least not right now. It might be true or at least more true at some time in the future. I can think of many reasons for not wanting someone else to share the responsibility of doing housework. Can you? Perhaps writing down some of those reasons would make you appreciate the freedom and flexibility you currently enjoy to do housework your way. Vivian Re: Turn Around Help q - Housework should be a shared responsibility between this husband and wife. Is that true? joy > > > > > Good evening to everyone. I am new to the work. I have read most > of > > > the book " Loving What Is " and I have started listening to the > audio > > > book " I Need Your Love Is That True " . My husand is gone on > business > > > travel this week and I thought this would be a great opportunity > to > > > spend some quite, alone time to do some of The Work on some > beliefs I > > > have about him and my step son. > > > > > > I am struggling with some turn arounds and thought you would be a > great > > > group of people to get some help from. > > > > > > The belief is: My husband should help me around the house more. > > > > > > The turn arounds I came up with are: > > > I should help me around the house more. > > > I should help my husband around the house more. > > > My husband should not help me around the house more. > > > > > > Ok I can see the last one. He should not help me around the house > more > > > until he does. That's the reality. > > > > > > It's the first 2 I'm having trouble with. > > > > > > Now that I have written it out and started thinking more could > the 2nd > > > onone be that I should help my husband more because maybe I've > been > > > refusing to help him because I'm angry he doesn't help me? > > > > > > Still struggling with that first one though. > > > > > > Any suggestions? > > > > > > Thanks for listening and the help. > > > > > > Amy > > > > > > > > > > > > > -- > > B. Shuman > > Licensed Salesperson > > Christensen RealtyUSA > > Home Office-375-6592 > > Cell Phone- 276-8071 > > 712 Street, Clayton NY 13624 > > office: > > PLEASE ASK FOR LAUREN > > office fax > > E-Mail -laurie.shuman@ <mailto:-laurie.shuman%40gmail.com> > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 15, 2007 Report Share Posted December 15, 2007 After a lifetime of cleaning my own and others (private and public sectors), I am in a place where I can safely say that I would RELISH the notion of someone coming in a cleaning. Yes. Do my laundry. Yes. Do the dishes. Yes, scrub my fridge and after that do my bed and wash the floors, walls and windows - so that I can free up my energy to do stuff that's fun, laid back and enriches my mind. Oh dear, yes. Maid - manifest now! joy > > > > > > > Good evening to everyone. I am new to the work. I have read > most > > of > > > > the book " Loving What Is " and I have started listening to the > > audio > > > > book " I Need Your Love Is That True " . My husand is gone on > > business > > > > travel this week and I thought this would be a great > opportunity > > to > > > > spend some quite, alone time to do some of The Work on some > > beliefs I > > > > have about him and my step son. > > > > > > > > I am struggling with some turn arounds and thought you would > be a > > great > > > > group of people to get some help from. > > > > > > > > The belief is: My husband should help me around the house > more. > > > > > > > > The turn arounds I came up with are: > > > > I should help me around the house more. > > > > I should help my husband around the house more. > > > > My husband should not help me around the house more. > > > > > > > > Ok I can see the last one. He should not help me around the > house > > more > > > > until he does. That's the reality. > > > > > > > > It's the first 2 I'm having trouble with. > > > > > > > > Now that I have written it out and started thinking more > could > > the 2nd > > > > onone be that I should help my husband more because maybe > I've > > been > > > > refusing to help him because I'm angry he doesn't help me? > > > > > > > > Still struggling with that first one though. > > > > > > > > Any suggestions? > > > > > > > > Thanks for listening and the help. > > > > > > > > Amy > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > -- > > > B. Shuman > > > Licensed Salesperson > > > Christensen RealtyUSA > > > Home Office-375-6592 > > > Cell Phone- 276-8071 > > > 712 Street, Clayton NY 13624 > > > office: > > > PLEASE ASK FOR LAUREN > > > office fax > > > E-Mail -laurie.shuman@ <mailto:-laurie.shuman%40gmail.com> > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 15, 2007 Report Share Posted December 15, 2007 Hey Joy, I love it - " Maid - mainifest now! " I also love doing The Work on this kind of stuff, really getting into the corners and cleaning the 'dirt' out by looking at beliefs like: - I'd be happier if a maid did the cleaning - Cleaning is not fun, not laid back and does not enrich my mind - There are more important things to do than cleaning With love :-) Jon http://www.selfhappiness.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 17, 2007 Report Share Posted December 17, 2007 Unloading on others frees up your energy. Is that true? A - It may be true as in the instance where throwing a tantrum takes the edge off an unbearably tight feeling in the chest. It may feel good to displace anger ordinarily directed at self onto another, thereby freeing up some space within to gloat and feel smug and superior. It may feel empowering to unload onto another, giving them a part of your high and mighty knowledge and wisdom about how things need to be. Ultimately, I think it's not true, it's a farce, it's fake, it's a ploy by the ego, where for a moment you gain temporary strength, but in the long run, you get left by the curb, because after a while people get hip to your BS. TA - Unloading on others doesn't free up your energy Unloading on yourself frees up your energy Unloading on others frees up your energy Unloading on yourself doesn't free up your energy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 17, 2007 Report Share Posted December 17, 2007 Alaexander, Please back off. I appreciate your help, but I can do without the negativity. Is that true - yes it is. Thanks, joy > > > > Apparently it is not true, at least not right now. It might be true > or at least more true at some time in the future. > > > > I can think of many reasons for not wanting someone else to share > the responsibility of doing housework. Can you? Perhaps writing down > some of those reasons would make you appreciate the freedom and > flexibility you currently enjoy to do housework your way. > > > > Vivian > > > Heute schon einen Blick in die Zukunft von E-Mails wagen? Versuchen Sie´s mit dem neuen Yahoo! Mail. www.yahoo.de/mail > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 17, 2007 Report Share Posted December 17, 2007 Others unloading on me frees up my energy - is that true? Yes, in a way, it frees up my energy to do The Work on the thoughts I have as they're unloading on me. joyshechinah wrote: Unloading on others frees up your energy. Is that true? A - It may be true as in the instance where throwing a tantrum takes the edge off an unbearably tight feeling in the chest. It may feel good to displace anger ordinarily directed at self onto another, thereby freeing up some space within to gloat and feel smug and superior. It may feel empowering to unload onto another, giving them a part of your high and mighty knowledge and wisdom about how things need to be. Ultimately, I think it's not true, it's a farce, it's fake, it's a ploy by the ego, where for a moment you gain temporary strength, but in the long run, you get left by the curb, because after a while people get hip to your BS. TA - Unloading on others doesn't free up your energy Unloading on yourself frees up your energy Unloading on others frees up your energy Unloading on yourself doesn't free up your energy. --------------------------------- Never miss a thing. Make Yahoo your homepage. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 17, 2007 Report Share Posted December 17, 2007 Hey Tammy, I'd also go with this one when it pulls me out of my self-absorbed thoughts - I get some perspective on stuff I'm facing when others share what is happening for them. I often notice I feel freer when others share their stuff - freer to share my own :-) I don't know where this thread started or who started with this concept of unloading, but I like questioning the thought " They are unloading on me " - maybe it's not unloading, maybe it is just sharing what's happening for them right now. I can certainly see this with some people in my own life - " They are complaining (and they shouldn't be) " - when I'm believing this thought is when I'm complaining/unloading on them :-) With love, Jon > > Others unloading on me frees up my energy - is that true? > > Yes, in a way, it frees up my energy to do The Work on the thoughts I have as they're unloading on me. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 17, 2007 Report Share Posted December 17, 2007 Great points, thanks! Jon Willis wrote: Hey Tammy, I'd also go with this one when it pulls me out of my self-absorbed thoughts - I get some perspective on stuff I'm facing when others share what is happening for them. I often notice I feel freer when others share their stuff - freer to share my own :-) I don't know where this thread started or who started with this concept of unloading, but I like questioning the thought " They are unloading on me " - maybe it's not unloading, maybe it is just sharing what's happening for them right now. I can certainly see this with some people in my own life - " They are complaining (and they shouldn't be) " - when I'm believing this thought is when I'm complaining/unloading on them :-) With love, Jon > > Others unloading on me frees up my energy - is that true? > > Yes, in a way, it frees up my energy to do The Work on the thoughts I have as they're unloading on me. > --------------------------------- Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with Yahoo! Search. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 18, 2007 Report Share Posted December 18, 2007 Dear Joy, I am searching in 's post for the " negativity " that you refer to and I am unable to find it? To what " negativity " were you referring to? Thanks, Steve D. > > > > > > Apparently it is not true, at least not right now. It might be > true > > or at least more true at some time in the future. > > > > > > I can think of many reasons for not wanting someone else to share > > the responsibility of doing housework. Can you? Perhaps writing > down > > some of those reasons would make you appreciate the freedom and > > flexibility you currently enjoy to do housework your way. > > > > > > Vivian > > > > > > Heute schon einen Blick in die Zukunft von E-Mails wagen? > Versuchen Sie´s mit dem neuen Yahoo! Mail. www.yahoo.de/mail > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 18, 2007 Report Share Posted December 18, 2007 This is one of things I love about The Work - it brings me face to face with my beliefs, if I just take the time to look - and I'm not pointing at anyone other than myself :-) How I can project so much onto other people, how the mental pictures I build of someone can be based on someone so 'innocent' as a name - for example, Steve - I have a good friend called Steve, already I'm imagining this friendly, warm, comforting guy Joy - I know someone called Joy that I've had a few run-ins with over the years - and I also have an Aunt called Joy who is very down to earth and friendly. - I don't know anyone directly called , but I'm picturing someone a bit arrogant, tall, thin (just from the name). Tammy - I have a soon to be ex-sister-in-law called Tami - so there's this overlay of this very busy person. All good assumptions (beliefs) for me to notice :-) And as I typed this the idea that I can 'know' anyone, even myself, seems amusing. With love, Jon Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 18, 2007 Report Share Posted December 18, 2007 Hi Steve, In trying to formulate an inquiry it was suggested by someone here - to focus on asking what I want from my family. Which is a huge issue in itself - what do I want from them really? Nothing. But what the heck - you know - I'll just ask and see what comes from that - felt he needed to join in with: *Why do you need THEM to be free? Or what is your proof of them not being free? And when you do a worksheet: you may find that you are your own neighbour. Love,...* To which I was - WTF. But whatever. Not only did I not conjure up the original through - went along with it anyway - and now someone is telling me that it's not *right*. OK I can live with that. But the funny thing is - I was feeling that my boundaries were being stepped over - I just dropped the whole inquiry. Yesterday - to which you're referring - in the negativity - I hear - *> that wasn't the question. That's the side you had already found....* Excuse me for really living here. Did I hire an echo? Or did I ask for feedback? Were his comments warranted in the critical way that they were conveyed? I'm bleeding like a calf, I'm menapausal, my washing machine broke down, I'm living in a fckn war zone and sheep and bedouin are my next door neighbors with the smell of feces and urine in my brain - DO I NEED MORE RIGHT NOW? I don't think so. Just let me do my inquiries in peace and if I need feedback I'll ask. Thanks. joy > > > > > > > > Apparently it is not true, at least not right now. It might be > > true > > > or at least more true at some time in the future. > > > > > > > > I can think of many reasons for not wanting someone else to > share > > > the responsibility of doing housework. Can you? Perhaps writing > > down > > > some of those reasons would make you appreciate the freedom and > > > flexibility you currently enjoy to do housework your way. > > > > > > > > Vivian > > > > > > > > > Heute schon einen Blick in die Zukunft von E-Mails wagen? > > Versuchen Sie´s mit dem neuen Yahoo! Mail. www.yahoo.de/mail > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 18, 2007 Report Share Posted December 18, 2007 you might want to try unloading anger when your home alone. like hitting a ball or milk carton around the yard.. when your alone.. or yelling when your alone.. etc. releasing rh > > Unloading on others frees up your energy. Is that true? > > A - It may be true as in the instance where throwing a tantrum takes > the edge off an unbearably tight feeling in the chest. It may feel > good to displace anger ordinarily directed at self onto another, > thereby freeing up some space within to gloat and feel smug and > superior. It may feel empowering to unload onto another, giving them > a part of your high and mighty knowledge and wisdom about how things > need to be. Ultimately, I think it's not true, it's a farce, it's > fake, it's a ploy by the ego, where for a moment you gain temporary > strength, but in the long run, you get left by the curb, because > after a while people get hip to your BS. > > TA - Unloading on others doesn't free up your energy > Unloading on yourself frees up your energy > Unloading on others frees up your energy > Unloading on yourself doesn't free up your energy. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 18, 2007 Report Share Posted December 18, 2007 i didnt find this negative.. funny but not negative. for me its easy to allow dishes to be dishes and to be dirty at that and its a good thing because i am the only one who does them.. at my house. whats negative about that? my story is its fine. oh well.. roslyn > > > > > > Apparently it is not true, at least not right now. It might be > true > > or at least more true at some time in the future. > > > > > > I can think of many reasons for not wanting someone else to share > > the responsibility of doing housework. Can you? Perhaps writing > down > > some of those reasons would make you appreciate the freedom and > > flexibility you currently enjoy to do housework your way. > > > > > > Vivian > > > > > > Heute schon einen Blick in die Zukunft von E-Mails wagen? > Versuchen Sie´s mit dem neuen Yahoo! Mail. www.yahoo.de/mail > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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