Answering my own question now, for those to come: What to expect after surgery

[Guest guest]

When I first joined, I asked what to expect after surgery and how best to get

ready for it, and many of you were kind enough to share your experiences. I

thought there might be others in the future with the same questions, so I

thought I would summarize what I've learned from all this while I still remember

it.

1. Learn how to do a proper log roll from a qualified physical therapist or

download the instructions online and practice before you go in. Every shift I

had a different nurse looking after me, and they all had different ideas about

how it was supposed to work, many of them confusing, painful or useless. The

most awkward thing in the first few recovery days is not being able to roll over

by yourself to hit the call button to get your nurse to come help you with

something.

The best trick I heard was the one about tightening your core muscles while you

are doing it. That really did help--and my abs weren't in any pain so it was a

good set of muscles to use. Staying in any one position for very long gets

uncomfortable, so you will wnat to be able to roll around a bit.

1.5 Immediately post surgery, keep your spine and hips aligned at all times, no

matter what. Even a slight torque is shudderingly awful. This will get better in

a few days. Having good core muscles before you go in helps with this. Read up

on ergonomic websites about how to sit up properly on your sitzbones,and avoid

slumping, slouching or leaning on armrests, because you really will be more

comfortable that way. It takes a few weeks to build up your " sitting up straight

muscles " if you're a habitual armrester like me, and it's nice to do that

beforehand. (I was lucky and happened to be taking classes on this to treat an

unrelated elbow/wrist injury--who knew it would turn out to be useful for this,

too?)

2. Having friends/family visit in the hospital is actually useful. I thought I

would not want much company (not the chatty type when in pain/drugged), but I

found that with people who understood that they were there to watch over me and

not necessarily to socialize, the nursing care I got was greatly improved. If

you're the " just leave me alone until I need something " type, tell them to bring

a book. (Wishing all of you understanding loved ones like mine.)

3. Avoid annoying the nurses, and don't waste time arguing with them. They have

an awful lot of power over what happens to you, and how long it takes to happen.

That being said, if anyone tries something outright obnoxious, like trying to

convert you to their religion, or persuade you that you are mentally ill when

you're pretty sure you're not, feel free to make a note of it and report it to

their management after you are safely home. (I'm so not kidding about this--one

nurse did try to engage me in " theological debate " at a truly inappropriate

time, and I also overheard them trying to persuade the patient in the next bed

that she was demented and didn't know what day it was. She had pissed them off

about something else and they were retaliating by forcing her to use a bedpan

when she felt ready to get up and use the commode.) My response to the

" missionary " was to simply tell her I didn't want to continue the conversation

and to pretend to go to sleep. She accepted that and didn't seem too offended.

Her management was gobsmacked when I reported it though, and I hope they will

provide her with appropriate training on the subject.

4. Bedpans are hideous after spinal surgery--the " lift up your bottom " position

to get into them is agonizing. If you can get upright enough to use the commode,

things are much better. Honestly, I would rather have wet the bed than use one

of those things.

5. Prune juice is your friend, but go easy on the stuff 'cause it is powerful.

6. They gave me a 5 pound weight limit on what I could lift and I found that for

the first few weeks, that included the clothes I was wearing. I had to trade in

my old terry bathrobe for a microfleece one, because the terry felt like trying

to walk in plate mail.

I also wanted to wear clothes with no waistband for a long while, and found

myself wishing for my grandmother's housecoats. My mom helped out by finding a

few nice long nightshirts in reasonably modern styles. Having someone to shop

for me was great, because I didn't feel up to going shopping for a long while. I

hate shopping in the first place, so maybe that's just me. For those of you who

find malls during the winter holidays cheery places, maybe this wouldn't be such

an issue.I wanted to hibernate and shuffle around in my bathrobe and slippers

for a week or two, which is when I needed the new clothes the most.

7. As soon as you can walk (if you are able to walk) do as much of it as you

can. It's good for you, and it helps convince people that you are well enough to

discharge. Recovering is much nicer at home if you don't really need ongoing

medical care.

8. Sitting in a car is hideous awful. They are not designed to let you sit

upright the way you want to after surgery, and the layback position is not a

good one post surgery. If your car ride home is more than 20 minutes, take lots

of pain meds before you begin, and stop every 20 minutes or so to stand up and

straighten out. Warn your driver in advance that these are the rules, and plan

some pit stops.

9. Watch carefully for signs of urinary tract infections--you may not be able to

feel them right aftr surgery, but they are very common. Your pee should not

smell funny.

10. Do lots of slow deep, deep breathing while you are lying on your back the

first few days--the lungs don't inflate well in that position and that leaves

you prone to infections. Hey, you haven't much else to do while you're lying

there, so it's something to do anyway.

11. Having stitches pulled out feels a bit like having your eyebrows plucked.

You can feel it but it's no big deal. (I didn't know that, and I was worried

about it).

12. I get tired a lot. I can go about fairly normal for a while,and then I " hit

the wall " and am suddenly compeltely exhausted and need a nap. (Even without

taking any pain medications, but especially with.) I'm told this is perfectly

normal. Having childcare during my naptime is still 100% essential. Even if the

baby doesn't nap, I still need to.

I think that's about it for tonight. Hope this was helpful, and wishing all of

you the best of health and healing.