Re: My daughter shouldn´t be disappointed in me

[Guest guest]

hi maria- this seems somehow related to your prior work about YOUR

disappointment in YOUR mother... or perhaps what you have written here

could be your mother's work on you! just a thought. thank you for doing the

work and sharing it on here. it is good for me to read. lovingly, laurie

>

> 1. Who angers, confuses, saddens, or disappoints you, and why? What

> is it about her that you don't like?

> I am sad because my daughter is angry and disappointed at me all the

> time.

> Is it true? No, not all the time.

> So she shouldn´t be angry and disappointed in you, is that true? No,

> she should feel what she feels.

> Whose business is your feelings? Mine. And whose business is hers?

> Hers.

> How do you react when you believe this thought? My stomach hurts. I

> feel guilty. I start to defend myself so it ends up with us yelling

> at eachother. It´s all very painful.

> Who would you be if you couldn´t believe the story " she shouldn´t be

> angry and disappointed in me " ? I would see her. Really see her

> clearly. And I would listen. I would listen to everything she has to

> say without taking it personally. And I would ask myself if any of

> this is true. Maybe she´s right?

> TA I am sad because my daughter is angry and disappointed at me all

> the time:

> I am not sad because my daughter is angry and disappointed at me all

> the time. That´s true. It´s only when I think about that I get sad.

> For all I know she could be furious at me right now.

> I am sad because I´m angry and disappointed at my daughter all the

> time. Yes. And especially when she is disappointed. I am disappointed

> that she isnt more content. She is not good enough for me.

> I´m sad because I´m angry and disappointed at myself all the time.

> Yes. I beat myself up a lot for not being a good enough mother. For

> being too selfish. For not really listening all the time. And I could

> go on and on.

>

> 2. How do you want her to change? What do you want her to do?

> I want Emelie to be more understanding.

> Is it true? No. I want her to be happy, regardless of what she

> understands or not.

> How do you react when you believe this thought? I get angry at her

> when she won´t understand me, or at least I think she doesn´t. I feel

> irritation and frustration.

> Who would you be without that thought? I would mind my own business,

> and not expect Emelie, or anyone else to understand anything. That

> would be very peaceful.

> TA I want Emelie to be more understanding:

> I don´t want Emelie to be more understanding. I can find how that is

> truer. If there are no problems in the real world then my daughter is

> acting just as she is supposed to.

> I want me to be more understanding to Emelie. Yes, and especially

> understand that she sometimes doesn´t understand me and be fine with

> it.

> I want me to be more understanding to me. Yes. Sometimes I feel like

> a mystery and I don´t get me at all. Pretty insane then how I can

> expect others to understand me.

>

> 3. What is it that she should or shouldn't do, be, think, or feel?

> What advice could you offer?

> Emelie should understand how much I love her.

> Is it true? No.

> How do you react when you believe that thought? I want my daughter to

> be grateful for the things I do for her, and see how much love I put

> behind it. Although this doesn´t sound loving at all to me, it sounds

> like manipulation.

> Who would you be without your story? All that remains would be love.

> Unconditional love.

> TA Emelie should understand how much I love her:

> Emelie shouldn´t understand how much I love her. Yes. She only

> understands what she does, and not one bit more.

> I should understand how much she loves me. And I´m sure I don´t

> always get that. Or appreciate all the things she does för me out of

> love.

>

> 4. Do you need anything from her? What does she need to do in order

> for you to be happy?

> I need Emelie to love me as I am.

> Is it true? No.

> How do you react when you believe that story? I want space and

> freedom to do whatever I like and I don´t want any critisism. When I

> get it I get mad. I get angry because I don´t have unconditional

> love, or so I percieve it.

> Who would you be without your story? I would probably feel loved the

> whole time, and realize that no one has to love me as I am. People

> only love what they love. That´s a nice thought.

> TA I need Emelie to love me as I am:

> I don´t need Emelie to love me as I am. Right. I see that I´m doing

> just fine either way.

> I need me to love Emelie as she is. And I don´t always do that. So I

> can hardly expect her to do it when I can´t.

> I need me to love me as I am. Oh boy, that´s a powerful one. There

> are so many things I don´t love about myself. I guess it all have to

> start with me.

>

> 5. What do you think of her? Make a list.

> She is beautiful, very kind, generous, funny, dissatisfied, angry,

> disappointed.

> TA: I am beautiful, very kind, generous, funny, dissatisfied, angry,

> disappointed.

>

> 6. What is it that you don't want to experience with her again?

> I don't ever want Emelie to be disappointed in me again.

> TA: I look forward to Emelie being diappointed at me again. If it

> hurts, I know what to do.

>

> Thanks for listening. Any comments are welcome.

>

> Love,

>

>

>

--

B. Shuman

Licensed Salesperson

Christensen RealtyUSA

Home Office-375-6592

Cell Phone- 276-8071

712 Street, Clayton NY 13624

office:

PLEASE ASK FOR LAUREN

office fax

E-Mail -laurie.shuman@...

[Guest guest]

> >

> > 1. Who angers, confuses, saddens, or disappoints you, and why?

What

> > is it about her that you don't like?

> > I am sad because my daughter is angry and disappointed at me all

the

> > time.

> > Is it true? No, not all the time.

> > So she shouldn´t be angry and disappointed in you, is that true?

No,

> > she should feel what she feels.

> > Whose business is your feelings? Mine. And whose business is hers?

> > Hers.

> > How do you react when you believe this thought? My stomach hurts.

I

> > feel guilty. I start to defend myself so it ends up with us

yelling

> > at eachother. It´s all very painful.

> > Who would you be if you couldn´t believe the story " she shouldn´t

be

> > angry and disappointed in me " ? I would see her. Really see her

> > clearly. And I would listen. I would listen to everything she has

to

> > say without taking it personally. And I would ask myself if any of

> > this is true. Maybe she´s right?

> > TA I am sad because my daughter is angry and disappointed at me

all

> > the time:

> > I am not sad because my daughter is angry and disappointed at me

all

> > the time. That´s true. It´s only when I think about that I get

sad.

> > For all I know she could be furious at me right now.

> > I am sad because I´m angry and disappointed at my daughter all the

> > time. Yes. And especially when she is disappointed. I am

disappointed

> > that she isnt more content. She is not good enough for me.

> > I´m sad because I´m angry and disappointed at myself all the time.

> > Yes. I beat myself up a lot for not being a good enough mother.

For

> > being too selfish. For not really listening all the time. And I

could

> > go on and on.

> >

> > 2. How do you want her to change? What do you want her to do?

> > I want Emelie to be more understanding.

> > Is it true? No. I want her to be happy, regardless of what she

> > understands or not.

> > How do you react when you believe this thought? I get angry at her

> > when she won´t understand me, or at least I think she doesn´t. I

feel

> > irritation and frustration.

> > Who would you be without that thought? I would mind my own

business,

> > and not expect Emelie, or anyone else to understand anything. That

> > would be very peaceful.

> > TA I want Emelie to be more understanding:

> > I don´t want Emelie to be more understanding. I can find how that

is

> > truer. If there are no problems in the real world then my

daughter is

> > acting just as she is supposed to.

> > I want me to be more understanding to Emelie. Yes, and especially

> > understand that she sometimes doesn´t understand me and be fine

with

> > it.

> > I want me to be more understanding to me. Yes. Sometimes I feel

like

> > a mystery and I don´t get me at all. Pretty insane then how I can

> > expect others to understand me.

> >

> > 3. What is it that she should or shouldn't do, be, think, or feel?

> > What advice could you offer?

> > Emelie should understand how much I love her.

> > Is it true? No.

> > How do you react when you believe that thought? I want my

daughter to

> > be grateful for the things I do for her, and see how much love I

put

> > behind it. Although this doesn´t sound loving at all to me, it

sounds

> > like manipulation.

> > Who would you be without your story? All that remains would be

love.

> > Unconditional love.

> > TA Emelie should understand how much I love her:

> > Emelie shouldn´t understand how much I love her. Yes. She only

> > understands what she does, and not one bit more.

> > I should understand how much she loves me. And I´m sure I don´t

> > always get that. Or appreciate all the things she does för me out

of

> > love.

> >

> > 4. Do you need anything from her? What does she need to do in

order

> > for you to be happy?

> > I need Emelie to love me as I am.

> > Is it true? No.

> > How do you react when you believe that story? I want space and

> > freedom to do whatever I like and I don´t want any critisism.

When I

> > get it I get mad. I get angry because I don´t have unconditional

> > love, or so I percieve it.

> > Who would you be without your story? I would probably feel loved

the

> > whole time, and realize that no one has to love me as I am. People

> > only love what they love. That´s a nice thought.

> > TA I need Emelie to love me as I am:

> > I don´t need Emelie to love me as I am. Right. I see that I´m

doing

> > just fine either way.

> > I need me to love Emelie as she is. And I don´t always do that.

So I

> > can hardly expect her to do it when I can´t.

> > I need me to love me as I am. Oh boy, that´s a powerful one. There

> > are so many things I don´t love about myself. I guess it all have

to

> > start with me.

> >

> > 5. What do you think of her? Make a list.

> > She is beautiful, very kind, generous, funny, dissatisfied, angry,

> > disappointed.

> > TA: I am beautiful, very kind, generous, funny, dissatisfied,

angry,

> > disappointed.

> >

> > 6. What is it that you don't want to experience with her again?

> > I don't ever want Emelie to be disappointed in me again.

> > TA: I look forward to Emelie being diappointed at me again. If it

> > hurts, I know what to do.

> >

> > Thanks for listening. Any comments are welcome.

> >

> > Love,

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>

> --

> B. Shuman

> Licensed Salesperson

> Christensen RealtyUSA

> Home Office-375-6592

> Cell Phone- 276-8071

> 712 Street, Clayton NY 13624

> office:

> PLEASE ASK FOR LAUREN

> office fax

> E-Mail -laurie.shuman@...

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Suggestion, for what it is worth: These seem like two very significant, very

large topics. I would not attempt to deal with both relationships at the same

time. I'd pick one and really go at it.

Also, when you do the responses and the turnarounds are you really taking them

in or are you rushing on to the next item on the list? Be still and sit with

your answers and see if they really resonate for you. Don't just give what you

think is the " correct " answer and push on to the next item, rushing to finish

the worksheet.

Perhaps I'm all wrong here and don't be shy about saying so. But that's my

reaction to the two emails of yours that I've read.

Vivian

Re: My daughter shouldn´t be disappointed in me

> >

> > 1. Who angers, confuses, saddens, or disappoints you, and why?

What

> > is it about her that you don't like?

> > I am sad because my daughter is angry and disappointed at me all

the

> > time.

> > Is it true? No, not all the time.

> > So she shouldn´t be angry and disappointed in you, is that true?

No,

> > she should feel what she feels.

> > Whose business is your feelings? Mine. And whose business is hers?

> > Hers.

> > How do you react when you believe this thought? My stomach hurts.

I

> > feel guilty. I start to defend myself so it ends up with us

yelling

> > at eachother. It´s all very painful.

> > Who would you be if you couldn´t believe the story " she shouldn´t

be

> > angry and disappointed in me " ? I would see her. Really see her

> > clearly. And I would listen. I would listen to everything she has

to

> > say without taking it personally. And I would ask myself if any of

> > this is true. Maybe she´s right?

> > TA I am sad because my daughter is angry and disappointed at me

all

> > the time:

> > I am not sad because my daughter is angry and disappointed at me

all

> > the time. That´s true. It´s only when I think about that I get

sad.

> > For all I know she could be furious at me right now.

> > I am sad because I´m angry and disappointed at my daughter all the

> > time. Yes. And especially when she is disappointed. I am

disappointed

> > that she isnt more content. She is not good enough for me.

> > I´m sad because I´m angry and disappointed at myself all the time.

> > Yes. I beat myself up a lot for not being a good enough mother.

For

> > being too selfish. For not really listening all the time. And I

could

> > go on and on.

> >

> > 2. How do you want her to change? What do you want her to do?

> > I want Emelie to be more understanding.

> > Is it true? No. I want her to be happy, regardless of what she

> > understands or not.

> > How do you react when you believe this thought? I get angry at her

> > when she won´t understand me, or at least I think she doesn´t. I

feel

> > irritation and frustration.

> > Who would you be without that thought? I would mind my own

business,

> > and not expect Emelie, or anyone else to understand anything. That

> > would be very peaceful.

> > TA I want Emelie to be more understanding:

> > I don´t want Emelie to be more understanding. I can find how that

is

> > truer. If there are no problems in the real world then my

daughter is

> > acting just as she is supposed to.

> > I want me to be more understanding to Emelie. Yes, and especially

> > understand that she sometimes doesn´t understand me and be fine

with

> > it.

> > I want me to be more understanding to me. Yes. Sometimes I feel

like

> > a mystery and I don´t get me at all. Pretty insane then how I can

> > expect others to understand me.

> >

> > 3. What is it that she should or shouldn't do, be, think, or feel?

> > What advice could you offer?

> > Emelie should understand how much I love her.

> > Is it true? No.

> > How do you react when you believe that thought? I want my

daughter to

> > be grateful for the things I do for her, and see how much love I

put

> > behind it. Although this doesn´t sound loving at all to me, it

sounds

> > like manipulation.

> > Who would you be without your story? All that remains would be

love.

> > Unconditional love.

> > TA Emelie should understand how much I love her:

> > Emelie shouldn´t understand how much I love her. Yes. She only

> > understands what she does, and not one bit more.

> > I should understand how much she loves me. And I´m sure I don´t

> > always get that. Or appreciate all the things she does för me out

of

> > love.

> >

> > 4. Do you need anything from her? What does she need to do in

order

> > for you to be happy?

> > I need Emelie to love me as I am.

> > Is it true? No.

> > How do you react when you believe that story? I want space and

> > freedom to do whatever I like and I don´t want any critisism.

When I

> > get it I get mad. I get angry because I don´t have unconditional

> > love, or so I percieve it.

> > Who would you be without your story? I would probably feel loved

the

> > whole time, and realize that no one has to love me as I am. People

> > only love what they love. That´s a nice thought.

> > TA I need Emelie to love me as I am:

> > I don´t need Emelie to love me as I am. Right. I see that I´m

doing

> > just fine either way.

> > I need me to love Emelie as she is. And I don´t always do that.

So I

> > can hardly expect her to do it when I can´t.

> > I need me to love me as I am. Oh boy, that´s a powerful one. There

> > are so many things I don´t love about myself. I guess it all have

to

> > start with me.

> >

> > 5. What do you think of her? Make a list.

> > She is beautiful, very kind, generous, funny, dissatisfied, angry,

> > disappointed.

> > TA: I am beautiful, very kind, generous, funny, dissatisfied,

angry,

> > disappointed.

> >

> > 6. What is it that you don't want to experience with her again?

> > I don't ever want Emelie to be disappointed in me again.

> > TA: I look forward to Emelie being diappointed at me again. If it

> > hurts, I know what to do.

> >

> > Thanks for listening. Any comments are welcome.

> >

> > Love,

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>

> --

> B. Shuman

> Licensed Salesperson

> Christensen RealtyUSA

> Home Office-375-6592

> Cell Phone- 276-8071

> 712 Street, Clayton NY 13624

> office:

> PLEASE ASK FOR LAUREN

> office fax

> E-Mail -laurie.shuman@...

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

> > >

> > > 1. Who angers, confuses, saddens, or disappoints you, and

why?

> What

> > > is it about her that you don't like?

> > > I am sad because my daughter is angry and disappointed at me

all

> the

> > > time.

> > > Is it true? No, not all the time.

> > > So she shouldn´t be angry and disappointed in you, is that

true?

> No,

> > > she should feel what she feels.

> > > Whose business is your feelings? Mine. And whose business is

hers?

> > > Hers.

> > > How do you react when you believe this thought? My stomach

hurts.

> I

> > > feel guilty. I start to defend myself so it ends up with us

> yelling

> > > at eachother. It´s all very painful.

> > > Who would you be if you couldn´t believe the story " she

shouldn´t

> be

> > > angry and disappointed in me " ? I would see her. Really see her

> > > clearly. And I would listen. I would listen to everything she

has

> to

> > > say without taking it personally. And I would ask myself if

any of

> > > this is true. Maybe she´s right?

> > > TA I am sad because my daughter is angry and disappointed at

me

> all

> > > the time:

> > > I am not sad because my daughter is angry and disappointed at

me

> all

> > > the time. That´s true. It´s only when I think about that I

get

> sad.

> > > For all I know she could be furious at me right now.

> > > I am sad because I´m angry and disappointed at my daughter

all the

> > > time. Yes. And especially when she is disappointed. I am

> disappointed

> > > that she isnt more content. She is not good enough for me.

> > > I´m sad because I´m angry and disappointed at myself all the

time.

> > > Yes. I beat myself up a lot for not being a good enough

mother.

> For

> > > being too selfish. For not really listening all the time. And

I

> could

> > > go on and on.

> > >

> > > 2. How do you want her to change? What do you want her to do?

> > > I want Emelie to be more understanding.

> > > Is it true? No. I want her to be happy, regardless of what she

> > > understands or not.

> > > How do you react when you believe this thought? I get angry

at her

> > > when she won´t understand me, or at least I think she

doesn´t. I

> feel

> > > irritation and frustration.

> > > Who would you be without that thought? I would mind my own

> business,

> > > and not expect Emelie, or anyone else to understand anything.

That

> > > would be very peaceful.

> > > TA I want Emelie to be more understanding:

> > > I don´t want Emelie to be more understanding. I can find how

that

> is

> > > truer. If there are no problems in the real world then my

> daughter is

> > > acting just as she is supposed to.

> > > I want me to be more understanding to Emelie. Yes, and

especially

> > > understand that she sometimes doesn´t understand me and be

fine

> with

> > > it.

> > > I want me to be more understanding to me. Yes. Sometimes I

feel

> like

> > > a mystery and I don´t get me at all. Pretty insane then how I

can

> > > expect others to understand me.

> > >

> > > 3. What is it that she should or shouldn't do, be, think, or

feel?

> > > What advice could you offer?

> > > Emelie should understand how much I love her.

> > > Is it true? No.

> > > How do you react when you believe that thought? I want my

> daughter to

> > > be grateful for the things I do for her, and see how much

love I

> put

> > > behind it. Although this doesn´t sound loving at all to me,

it

> sounds

> > > like manipulation.

> > > Who would you be without your story? All that remains would

be

> love.

> > > Unconditional love.

> > > TA Emelie should understand how much I love her:

> > > Emelie shouldn´t understand how much I love her. Yes. She only

> > > understands what she does, and not one bit more.

> > > I should understand how much she loves me. And I´m sure I

don´t

> > > always get that. Or appreciate all the things she does för me

out

> of

> > > love.

> > >

> > > 4. Do you need anything from her? What does she need to do in

> order

> > > for you to be happy?

> > > I need Emelie to love me as I am.

> > > Is it true? No.

> > > How do you react when you believe that story? I want space and

> > > freedom to do whatever I like and I don´t want any critisism.

> When I

> > > get it I get mad. I get angry because I don´t have

unconditional

> > > love, or so I percieve it.

> > > Who would you be without your story? I would probably feel

loved

> the

> > > whole time, and realize that no one has to love me as I am.

People

> > > only love what they love. That´s a nice thought.

> > > TA I need Emelie to love me as I am:

> > > I don´t need Emelie to love me as I am. Right. I see that I´m

> doing

> > > just fine either way.

> > > I need me to love Emelie as she is. And I don´t always do

that.

> So I

> > > can hardly expect her to do it when I can´t.

> > > I need me to love me as I am. Oh boy, that´s a powerful one.

There

> > > are so many things I don´t love about myself. I guess it all

have

> to

> > > start with me.

> > >

> > > 5. What do you think of her? Make a list.

> > > She is beautiful, very kind, generous, funny, dissatisfied,

angry,

> > > disappointed.

> > > TA: I am beautiful, very kind, generous, funny, dissatisfied,

> angry,

> > > disappointed.

> > >

> > > 6. What is it that you don't want to experience with her

again?

> > > I don't ever want Emelie to be disappointed in me again.

> > > TA: I look forward to Emelie being diappointed at me again.

If it

> > > hurts, I know what to do.

> > >

> > > Thanks for listening. Any comments are welcome.

> > >

> > > Love,

> > >

> > >

> > >

> >

> >

> >

> > --

> > B. Shuman

> > Licensed Salesperson

> > Christensen RealtyUSA

> > Home Office-375-6592

> > Cell Phone- 276-8071

> > 712 Street, Clayton NY 13624

> > office:

> > PLEASE ASK FOR LAUREN

> > office fax

> > E-Mail -laurie.shuman@

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

And I´m really curious how you came to the conclusion that I rush

onto the next item, don´t sit still with my answers and try to come

up with the correct answer. Can you tell me how?

That's an excellent question . I've heard many many people do the Work

orally, some with and some with others. Reading your answers just reminded

me of the ones that would give the automatic answer.

I sometimes felt that could ask them anything and they would agree with

her or give an answer they thought would please her. Sometimes she would react

that way as well.

I guess I just got the impression (and I could be dead wrong) that you were

rushing through and not stopping and really looking at each answer and seeing if

it true for you. The turnarounds do not work everytime for everyone. Don't be

afraid to hold with your original belief if that still seems accurate to you.

For example, I've worked on mother many times. I too believe my mother is crazy.

If asked is it true, I'd still say yes. Can I really know it? Perhaps not in the

legal or medical sense. But her behaviors over the years sure seemed crazy to

me.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it. What it comes down to eventually is that

the only one hurt by that story is me. She doesn't even know I'm thinking it and

she doesn't care. So I hurt me everytime I think my mother is crazy. Also, I

keep myself from letting go and moving on because I hold to the belief she is

crazy.

Hope that helps a little.

Vivian

Re: My daughter shouldn´t be disappointed in me

> > >

> > > 1. Who angers, confuses, saddens, or disappoints you, and

why?

> What

> > > is it about her that you don't like?

> > > I am sad because my daughter is angry and disappointed at me

all

> the

> > > time.

> > > Is it true? No, not all the time.

> > > So she shouldn´t be angry and disappointed in you, is that

true?

> No,

> > > she should feel what she feels.

> > > Whose business is your feelings? Mine. And whose business is

hers?

> > > Hers.

> > > How do you react when you believe this thought? My stomach

hurts.

> I

> > > feel guilty. I start to defend myself so it ends up with us

> yelling

> > > at eachother. It´s all very painful.

> > > Who would you be if you couldn´t believe the story " she

shouldn´t

> be

> > > angry and disappointed in me " ? I would see her. Really see her

> > > clearly. And I would listen. I would listen to everything she

has

> to

> > > say without taking it personally. And I would ask myself if

any of

> > > this is true. Maybe she´s right?

> > > TA I am sad because my daughter is angry and disappointed at

me

> all

> > > the time:

> > > I am not sad because my daughter is angry and disappointed at

me

> all

> > > the time. That´s true. It´s only when I think about that I

get

> sad.

> > > For all I know she could be furious at me right now.

> > > I am sad because I´m angry and disappointed at my daughter

all the

> > > time. Yes. And especially when she is disappointed. I am

> disappointed

> > > that she isnt more content. She is not good enough for me.

> > > I´m sad because I´m angry and disappointed at myself all the

time.

> > > Yes. I beat myself up a lot for not being a good enough

mother.

> For

> > > being too selfish. For not really listening all the time. And

I

> could

> > > go on and on.

> > >

> > > 2. How do you want her to change? What do you want her to do?

> > > I want Emelie to be more understanding.

> > > Is it true? No. I want her to be happy, regardless of what she

> > > understands or not.

> > > How do you react when you believe this thought? I get angry

at her

> > > when she won´t understand me, or at least I think she

doesn´t. I

> feel

> > > irritation and frustration.

> > > Who would you be without that thought? I would mind my own

> business,

> > > and not expect Emelie, or anyone else to understand anything.

That

> > > would be very peaceful.

> > > TA I want Emelie to be more understanding:

> > > I don´t want Emelie to be more understanding. I can find how

that

> is

> > > truer. If there are no problems in the real world then my

> daughter is

> > > acting just as she is supposed to.

> > > I want me to be more understanding to Emelie. Yes, and

especially

> > > understand that she sometimes doesn´t understand me and be

fine

> with

> > > it.

> > > I want me to be more understanding to me. Yes. Sometimes I

feel

> like

> > > a mystery and I don´t get me at all. Pretty insane then how I

can

> > > expect others to understand me.

> > >

> > > 3. What is it that she should or shouldn't do, be, think, or

feel?

> > > What advice could you offer?

> > > Emelie should understand how much I love her.

> > > Is it true? No.

> > > How do you react when you believe that thought? I want my

> daughter to

> > > be grateful for the things I do for her, and see how much

love I

> put

> > > behind it. Although this doesn´t sound loving at all to me,

it

> sounds

> > > like manipulation.

> > > Who would you be without your story? All that remains would

be

> love.

> > > Unconditional love.

> > > TA Emelie should understand how much I love her:

> > > Emelie shouldn´t understand how much I love her. Yes. She only

> > > understands what she does, and not one bit more.

> > > I should understand how much she loves me. And I´m sure I

don´t

> > > always get that. Or appreciate all the things she does för me

out

> of

> > > love.

> > >

> > > 4. Do you need anything from her? What does she need to do in

> order

> > > for you to be happy?

> > > I need Emelie to love me as I am.

> > > Is it true? No.

> > > How do you react when you believe that story? I want space and

> > > freedom to do whatever I like and I don´t want any critisism.

> When I

> > > get it I get mad. I get angry because I don´t have

unconditional

> > > love, or so I percieve it.

> > > Who would you be without your story? I would probably feel

loved

> the

> > > whole time, and realize that no one has to love me as I am.

People

> > > only love what they love. That´s a nice thought.

> > > TA I need Emelie to love me as I am:

> > > I don´t need Emelie to love me as I am. Right. I see that I´m

> doing

> > > just fine either way.

> > > I need me to love Emelie as she is. And I don´t always do

that.

> So I

> > > can hardly expect her to do it when I can´t.

> > > I need me to love me as I am. Oh boy, that´s a powerful one.

There

> > > are so many things I don´t love about myself. I guess it all

have

> to

> > > start with me.

> > >

> > > 5. What do you think of her? Make a list.

> > > She is beautiful, very kind, generous, funny, dissatisfied,

angry,

> > > disappointed.

> > > TA: I am beautiful, very kind, generous, funny, dissatisfied,

> angry,

> > > disappointed.

> > >

> > > 6. What is it that you don't want to experience with her

again?

> > > I don't ever want Emelie to be disappointed in me again.

> > > TA: I look forward to Emelie being diappointed at me again.

If it

> > > hurts, I know what to do.

> > >

> > > Thanks for listening. Any comments are welcome.

> > >

> > > Love,

> > >

> > >

> > >

> >

> >

> >

> > --

> > B. Shuman

> > Licensed Salesperson

> > Christensen RealtyUSA

> > Home Office-375-6592

> > Cell Phone- 276-8071

> > 712 Street, Clayton NY 13624

> > office:

> > PLEASE ASK FOR LAUREN

> > office fax

> > E-Mail -laurie.shuman@

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

> > > >

> > > > 1. Who angers, confuses, saddens, or disappoints you, and

> why?

> > What

> > > > is it about her that you don't like?

> > > > I am sad because my daughter is angry and disappointed at

me

> all

> > the

> > > > time.

> > > > Is it true? No, not all the time.

> > > > So she shouldn´t be angry and disappointed in you, is that

> true?

> > No,

> > > > she should feel what she feels.

> > > > Whose business is your feelings? Mine. And whose business

is

> hers?

> > > > Hers.

> > > > How do you react when you believe this thought? My stomach

> hurts.

> > I

> > > > feel guilty. I start to defend myself so it ends up with us

> > yelling

> > > > at eachother. It´s all very painful.

> > > > Who would you be if you couldn´t believe the story " she

> shouldn´t

> > be

> > > > angry and disappointed in me " ? I would see her. Really see

her

> > > > clearly. And I would listen. I would listen to everything

she

> has

> > to

> > > > say without taking it personally. And I would ask myself if

> any of

> > > > this is true. Maybe she´s right?

> > > > TA I am sad because my daughter is angry and disappointed

at

> me

> > all

> > > > the time:

> > > > I am not sad because my daughter is angry and disappointed

at

> me

> > all

> > > > the time. That´s true. It´s only when I think about that I

> get

> > sad.

> > > > For all I know she could be furious at me right now.

> > > > I am sad because I´m angry and disappointed at my daughter

> all the

> > > > time. Yes. And especially when she is disappointed. I am

> > disappointed

> > > > that she isnt more content. She is not good enough for me.

> > > > I´m sad because I´m angry and disappointed at myself all

the

> time.

> > > > Yes. I beat myself up a lot for not being a good enough

> mother.

> > For

> > > > being too selfish. For not really listening all the time.

And

> I

> > could

> > > > go on and on.

> > > >

> > > > 2. How do you want her to change? What do you want her to

do?

> > > > I want Emelie to be more understanding.

> > > > Is it true? No. I want her to be happy, regardless of what

she

> > > > understands or not.

> > > > How do you react when you believe this thought? I get angry

> at her

> > > > when she won´t understand me, or at least I think she

> doesn´t. I

> > feel

> > > > irritation and frustration.

> > > > Who would you be without that thought? I would mind my own

> > business,

> > > > and not expect Emelie, or anyone else to understand

anything.

> That

> > > > would be very peaceful.

> > > > TA I want Emelie to be more understanding:

> > > > I don´t want Emelie to be more understanding. I can find

how

> that

> > is

> > > > truer. If there are no problems in the real world then my

> > daughter is

> > > > acting just as she is supposed to.

> > > > I want me to be more understanding to Emelie. Yes, and

> especially

> > > > understand that she sometimes doesn´t understand me and be

> fine

> > with

> > > > it.

> > > > I want me to be more understanding to me. Yes. Sometimes I

> feel

> > like

> > > > a mystery and I don´t get me at all. Pretty insane then how

I

> can

> > > > expect others to understand me.

> > > >

> > > > 3. What is it that she should or shouldn't do, be, think,

or

> feel?

> > > > What advice could you offer?

> > > > Emelie should understand how much I love her.

> > > > Is it true? No.

> > > > How do you react when you believe that thought? I want my

> > daughter to

> > > > be grateful for the things I do for her, and see how much

> love I

> > put

> > > > behind it. Although this doesn´t sound loving at all to me,

> it

> > sounds

> > > > like manipulation.

> > > > Who would you be without your story? All that remains would

> be

> > love.

> > > > Unconditional love.

> > > > TA Emelie should understand how much I love her:

> > > > Emelie shouldn´t understand how much I love her. Yes. She

only

> > > > understands what she does, and not one bit more.

> > > > I should understand how much she loves me. And I´m sure I

> don´t

> > > > always get that. Or appreciate all the things she does för

me

> out

> > of

> > > > love.

> > > >

> > > > 4. Do you need anything from her? What does she need to do

in

> > order

> > > > for you to be happy?

> > > > I need Emelie to love me as I am.

> > > > Is it true? No.

> > > > How do you react when you believe that story? I want space

and

> > > > freedom to do whatever I like and I don´t want any

critisism.

> > When I

> > > > get it I get mad. I get angry because I don´t have

> unconditional

> > > > love, or so I percieve it.

> > > > Who would you be without your story? I would probably feel

> loved

> > the

> > > > whole time, and realize that no one has to love me as I am.

> People

> > > > only love what they love. That´s a nice thought.

> > > > TA I need Emelie to love me as I am:

> > > > I don´t need Emelie to love me as I am. Right. I see that

I´m

> > doing

> > > > just fine either way.

> > > > I need me to love Emelie as she is. And I don´t always do

> that.

> > So I

> > > > can hardly expect her to do it when I can´t.

> > > > I need me to love me as I am. Oh boy, that´s a powerful

one.

> There

> > > > are so many things I don´t love about myself. I guess it

all

> have

> > to

> > > > start with me.

> > > >

> > > > 5. What do you think of her? Make a list.

> > > > She is beautiful, very kind, generous, funny, dissatisfied,

> angry,

> > > > disappointed.

> > > > TA: I am beautiful, very kind, generous, funny,

dissatisfied,

> > angry,

> > > > disappointed.

> > > >

> > > > 6. What is it that you don't want to experience with her

> again?

> > > > I don't ever want Emelie to be disappointed in me again.

> > > > TA: I look forward to Emelie being diappointed at me again.

> If it

> > > > hurts, I know what to do.

> > > >

> > > > Thanks for listening. Any comments are welcome.

> > > >

> > > > Love,

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > --

> > > B. Shuman

> > > Licensed Salesperson

> > > Christensen RealtyUSA

> > > Home Office-375-6592

> > > Cell Phone- 276-8071

> > > 712 Street, Clayton NY 13624

> > > office:

> > > PLEASE ASK FOR LAUREN

> > > office fax

> > > E-Mail -laurie.shuman@

> > >

> > >

> > >

[Guest guest]

,

YOu may certainly be correct. I made an observation and it doesn't seem to work

for you. Throw it out. No problem.

Vivian

Re: My daughter shouldn´t be disappointed in me

> > > >

> > > > 1. Who angers, confuses, saddens, or disappoints you, and

> why?

> > What

> > > > is it about her that you don't like?

> > > > I am sad because my daughter is angry and disappointed at

me

> all

> > the

> > > > time.

> > > > Is it true? No, not all the time.

> > > > So she shouldn´t be angry and disappointed in you, is that

> true?

> > No,

> > > > she should feel what she feels.

> > > > Whose business is your feelings? Mine. And whose business

is

> hers?

> > > > Hers.

> > > > How do you react when you believe this thought? My stomach

> hurts.

> > I

> > > > feel guilty. I start to defend myself so it ends up with us

> > yelling

> > > > at eachother. It´s all very painful.

> > > > Who would you be if you couldn´t believe the story " she

> shouldn´t

> > be

> > > > angry and disappointed in me " ? I would see her. Really see

her

> > > > clearly. And I would listen. I would listen to everything

she

> has

> > to

> > > > say without taking it personally. And I would ask myself if

> any of

> > > > this is true. Maybe she´s right?

> > > > TA I am sad because my daughter is angry and disappointed

at

> me

> > all

> > > > the time:

> > > > I am not sad because my daughter is angry and disappointed

at

> me

> > all

> > > > the time. That´s true. It´s only when I think about that I

> get

> > sad.

> > > > For all I know she could be furious at me right now.

> > > > I am sad because I´m angry and disappointed at my daughter

> all the

> > > > time. Yes. And especially when she is disappointed. I am

> > disappointed

> > > > that she isnt more content. She is not good enough for me.

> > > > I´m sad because I´m angry and disappointed at myself all

the

> time.

> > > > Yes. I beat myself up a lot for not being a good enough

> mother.

> > For

> > > > being too selfish. For not really listening all the time.

And

> I

> > could

> > > > go on and on.

> > > >

> > > > 2. How do you want her to change? What do you want her to

do?

> > > > I want Emelie to be more understanding.

> > > > Is it true? No. I want her to be happy, regardless of what

she

> > > > understands or not.

> > > > How do you react when you believe this thought? I get angry

> at her

> > > > when she won´t understand me, or at least I think she

> doesn´t. I

> > feel

> > > > irritation and frustration.

> > > > Who would you be without that thought? I would mind my own

> > business,

> > > > and not expect Emelie, or anyone else to understand

anything.

> That

> > > > would be very peaceful.

> > > > TA I want Emelie to be more understanding:

> > > > I don´t want Emelie to be more understanding. I can find

how

> that

> > is

> > > > truer. If there are no problems in the real world then my

> > daughter is

> > > > acting just as she is supposed to.

> > > > I want me to be more understanding to Emelie. Yes, and

> especially

> > > > understand that she sometimes doesn´t understand me and be

> fine

> > with

> > > > it.

> > > > I want me to be more understanding to me. Yes. Sometimes I

> feel

> > like

> > > > a mystery and I don´t get me at all. Pretty insane then how

I

> can

> > > > expect others to understand me.

> > > >

> > > > 3. What is it that she should or shouldn't do, be, think,

or

> feel?

> > > > What advice could you offer?

> > > > Emelie should understand how much I love her.

> > > > Is it true? No.

> > > > How do you react when you believe that thought? I want my

> > daughter to

> > > > be grateful for the things I do for her, and see how much

> love I

> > put

> > > > behind it. Although this doesn´t sound loving at all to me,

> it

> > sounds

> > > > like manipulation.

> > > > Who would you be without your story? All that remains would

> be

> > love.

> > > > Unconditional love.

> > > > TA Emelie should understand how much I love her:

> > > > Emelie shouldn´t understand how much I love her. Yes. She

only

> > > > understands what she does, and not one bit more.

> > > > I should understand how much she loves me. And I´m sure I

> don´t

> > > > always get that. Or appreciate all the things she does för

me

> out

> > of

> > > > love.

> > > >

> > > > 4. Do you need anything from her? What does she need to do

in

> > order

> > > > for you to be happy?

> > > > I need Emelie to love me as I am.

> > > > Is it true? No.

> > > > How do you react when you believe that story? I want space

and

> > > > freedom to do whatever I like and I don´t want any

critisism.

> > When I

> > > > get it I get mad. I get angry because I don´t have

> unconditional

> > > > love, or so I percieve it.

> > > > Who would you be without your story? I would probably feel

> loved

> > the

> > > > whole time, and realize that no one has to love me as I am.

> People

> > > > only love what they love. That´s a nice thought.

> > > > TA I need Emelie to love me as I am:

> > > > I don´t need Emelie to love me as I am. Right. I see that

I´m

> > doing

> > > > just fine either way.

> > > > I need me to love Emelie as she is. And I don´t always do

> that.

> > So I

> > > > can hardly expect her to do it when I can´t.

> > > > I need me to love me as I am. Oh boy, that´s a powerful

one.

> There

> > > > are so many things I don´t love about myself. I guess it

all

> have

> > to

> > > > start with me.

> > > >

> > > > 5. What do you think of her? Make a list.

> > > > She is beautiful, very kind, generous, funny, dissatisfied,

> angry,

> > > > disappointed.

> > > > TA: I am beautiful, very kind, generous, funny,

dissatisfied,

> > angry,

> > > > disappointed.

> > > >

> > > > 6. What is it that you don't want to experience with her

> again?

> > > > I don't ever want Emelie to be disappointed in me again.

> > > > TA: I look forward to Emelie being diappointed at me again.

> If it

> > > > hurts, I know what to do.

> > > >

> > > > Thanks for listening. Any comments are welcome.

> > > >

> > > > Love,

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > --

> > > B. Shuman

> > > Licensed Salesperson

> > > Christensen RealtyUSA

> > > Home Office-375-6592

> > > Cell Phone- 276-8071

> > > 712 Street, Clayton NY 13624

> > > office:

> > > PLEASE ASK FOR LAUREN

> > > office fax

> > > E-Mail -laurie.shuman@

> > >

> > >

> > >

[Guest guest]

Vivian,

Your answer to was really helpful for me personally.

I'm seeing that my pain is coming from a desire for someone to be

different than they are. So the pain comes from my attachment to the

thought ~ She should not be a crazy, control freak ~ when for the last

25 years she's been a crazy control freak.

Somehow, accepting and understanding who she appears to be, gives me

some space and relief. It's the denying that's just how she is, that

sucks. So, I am learning how to be a loving human being instead of

trying to control the control freak.

I have a lot to learn!

Love, nne

>

> And I´m really curious how you came to the conclusion that I rush

> onto the next item, don´t sit still with my answers and try to come

> up with the correct answer. Can you tell me how?

>

>

> That's an excellent question . I've heard many many people do

the Work orally, some with and some with others. Reading your

answers just reminded me of the ones that would give the automatic

answer.

>

> I sometimes felt that could ask them anything and they would

agree with her or give an answer they thought would please her.

Sometimes she would react that way as well.

>

> I guess I just got the impression (and I could be dead wrong) that

you were rushing through and not stopping and really looking at each

answer and seeing if it true for you. The turnarounds do not work

everytime for everyone. Don't be afraid to hold with your original

belief if that still seems accurate to you. For example, I've worked

on mother many times. I too believe my mother is crazy. If asked is it

true, I'd still say yes. Can I really know it? Perhaps not in the

legal or medical sense. But her behaviors over the years sure seemed

crazy to me.

>

> That's my story and I'm sticking to it. What it comes down to

eventually is that the only one hurt by that story is me. She doesn't

even know I'm thinking it and she doesn't care. So I hurt me everytime

I think my mother is crazy. Also, I keep myself from letting go and

moving on because I hold to the belief she is crazy.

>

> Hope that helps a little.

>

> Vivian

> Re: My daughter shouldn´t be

disappointed in me

>

>

>

> > > >

> > > > 1. Who angers, confuses, saddens, or disappoints you, and

> why?

> > What

> > > > is it about her that you don't like?

> > > > I am sad because my daughter is angry and disappointed at me

> all

> > the

> > > > time.

> > > > Is it true? No, not all the time.

> > > > So she shouldn´t be angry and disappointed in you, is that

> true?

> > No,

> > > > she should feel what she feels.

> > > > Whose business is your feelings? Mine. And whose business is

> hers?

> > > > Hers.

> > > > How do you react when you believe this thought? My stomach

> hurts.

> > I

> > > > feel guilty. I start to defend myself so it ends up with us

> > yelling

> > > > at eachother. It´s all very painful.

> > > > Who would you be if you couldn´t believe the story " she

> shouldn´t

> > be

> > > > angry and disappointed in me " ? I would see her. Really see her

> > > > clearly. And I would listen. I would listen to everything she

> has

> > to

> > > > say without taking it personally. And I would ask myself if

> any of

> > > > this is true. Maybe she´s right?

> > > > TA I am sad because my daughter is angry and disappointed at

> me

> > all

> > > > the time:

> > > > I am not sad because my daughter is angry and disappointed at

> me

> > all

> > > > the time. That´s true. It´s only when I think about that I

> get

> > sad.

> > > > For all I know she could be furious at me right now.

> > > > I am sad because I´m angry and disappointed at my daughter

> all the

> > > > time. Yes. And especially when she is disappointed. I am

> > disappointed

> > > > that she isnt more content. She is not good enough for me.

> > > > I´m sad because I´m angry and disappointed at myself all the

> time.

> > > > Yes. I beat myself up a lot for not being a good enough

> mother.

> > For

> > > > being too selfish. For not really listening all the time. And

> I

> > could

> > > > go on and on.

> > > >

> > > > 2. How do you want her to change? What do you want her to do?

> > > > I want Emelie to be more understanding.

> > > > Is it true? No. I want her to be happy, regardless of what she

> > > > understands or not.

> > > > How do you react when you believe this thought? I get angry

> at her

> > > > when she won´t understand me, or at least I think she

> doesn´t. I

> > feel

> > > > irritation and frustration.

> > > > Who would you be without that thought? I would mind my own

> > business,

> > > > and not expect Emelie, or anyone else to understand anything.

> That

> > > > would be very peaceful.

> > > > TA I want Emelie to be more understanding:

> > > > I don´t want Emelie to be more understanding. I can find how

> that

> > is

> > > > truer. If there are no problems in the real world then my

> > daughter is

> > > > acting just as she is supposed to.

> > > > I want me to be more understanding to Emelie. Yes, and

> especially

> > > > understand that she sometimes doesn´t understand me and be

> fine

> > with

> > > > it.

> > > > I want me to be more understanding to me. Yes. Sometimes I

> feel

> > like

> > > > a mystery and I don´t get me at all. Pretty insane then how I

> can

> > > > expect others to understand me.

> > > >

> > > > 3. What is it that she should or shouldn't do, be, think, or

> feel?

> > > > What advice could you offer?

> > > > Emelie should understand how much I love her.

> > > > Is it true? No.

> > > > How do you react when you believe that thought? I want my

> > daughter to

> > > > be grateful for the things I do for her, and see how much

> love I

> > put

> > > > behind it. Although this doesn´t sound loving at all to me,

> it

> > sounds

> > > > like manipulation.

> > > > Who would you be without your story? All that remains would

> be

> > love.

> > > > Unconditional love.

> > > > TA Emelie should understand how much I love her:

> > > > Emelie shouldn´t understand how much I love her. Yes. She only

> > > > understands what she does, and not one bit more.

> > > > I should understand how much she loves me. And I´m sure I

> don´t

> > > > always get that. Or appreciate all the things she does för me

> out

> > of

> > > > love.

> > > >

> > > > 4. Do you need anything from her? What does she need to do in

> > order

> > > > for you to be happy?

> > > > I need Emelie to love me as I am.

> > > > Is it true? No.

> > > > How do you react when you believe that story? I want space and

> > > > freedom to do whatever I like and I don´t want any critisism.

> > When I

> > > > get it I get mad. I get angry because I don´t have

> unconditional

> > > > love, or so I percieve it.

> > > > Who would you be without your story? I would probably feel

> loved

> > the

> > > > whole time, and realize that no one has to love me as I am.

> People

> > > > only love what they love. That´s a nice thought.

> > > > TA I need Emelie to love me as I am:

> > > > I don´t need Emelie to love me as I am. Right. I see that I´m

> > doing

> > > > just fine either way.

> > > > I need me to love Emelie as she is. And I don´t always do

> that.

> > So I

> > > > can hardly expect her to do it when I can´t.

> > > > I need me to love me as I am. Oh boy, that´s a powerful one.

> There

> > > > are so many things I don´t love about myself. I guess it all

> have

> > to

> > > > start with me.

> > > >

> > > > 5. What do you think of her? Make a list.

> > > > She is beautiful, very kind, generous, funny, dissatisfied,

> angry,

> > > > disappointed.

> > > > TA: I am beautiful, very kind, generous, funny, dissatisfied,

> > angry,

> > > > disappointed.

> > > >

> > > > 6. What is it that you don't want to experience with her

> again?

> > > > I don't ever want Emelie to be disappointed in me again.

> > > > TA: I look forward to Emelie being diappointed at me again.

> If it

> > > > hurts, I know what to do.

> > > >

> > > > Thanks for listening. Any comments are welcome.

> > > >

> > > > Love,

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > --

> > > B. Shuman

> > > Licensed Salesperson

> > > Christensen RealtyUSA

> > > Home Office-375-6592

> > > Cell Phone- 276-8071

> > > 712 Street, Clayton NY 13624

> > > office:

> > > PLEASE ASK FOR LAUREN

> > > office fax

> > > E-Mail -laurie.shuman@

> > >

> > >

> > >

[Guest guest]

nne,

sounds like you've found reality and are able to accept it. Good for you.

Congratulations,

Vivian

Re: My daughter shouldn´t be

disappointed in me

>

>

>

> > > >

> > > > 1. Who angers, confuses, saddens, or disappoints you, and

> why?

> > What

> > > > is it about her that you don't like?

> > > > I am sad because my daughter is angry and disappointed at me

> all

> > the

> > > > time.

> > > > Is it true? No, not all the time.

> > > > So she shouldn´t be angry and disappointed in you, is that

> true?

> > No,

> > > > she should feel what she feels.

> > > > Whose business is your feelings? Mine. And whose business is

> hers?

> > > > Hers.

> > > > How do you react when you believe this thought? My stomach

> hurts.

> > I

> > > > feel guilty. I start to defend myself so it ends up with us

> > yelling

> > > > at eachother. It´s all very painful.

> > > > Who would you be if you couldn´t believe the story " she

> shouldn´t

> > be

> > > > angry and disappointed in me " ? I would see her. Really see her

> > > > clearly. And I would listen. I would listen to everything she

> has

> > to

> > > > say without taking it personally. And I would ask myself if

> any of

> > > > this is true. Maybe she´s right?

> > > > TA I am sad because my daughter is angry and disappointed at

> me

> > all

> > > > the time:

> > > > I am not sad because my daughter is angry and disappointed at

> me

> > all

> > > > the time. That´s true. It´s only when I think about that I

> get

> > sad.

> > > > For all I know she could be furious at me right now.

> > > > I am sad because I´m angry and disappointed at my daughter

> all the

> > > > time. Yes. And especially when she is disappointed. I am

> > disappointed

> > > > that she isnt more content. She is not good enough for me.

> > > > I´m sad because I´m angry and disappointed at myself all the

> time.

> > > > Yes. I beat myself up a lot for not being a good enough

> mother.

> > For

> > > > being too selfish. For not really listening all the time. And

> I

> > could

> > > > go on and on.

> > > >

> > > > 2. How do you want her to change? What do you want her to do?

> > > > I want Emelie to be more understanding.

> > > > Is it true? No. I want her to be happy, regardless of what she

> > > > understands or not.

> > > > How do you react when you believe this thought? I get angry

> at her

> > > > when she won´t understand me, or at least I think she

> doesn´t. I

> > feel

> > > > irritation and frustration.

> > > > Who would you be without that thought? I would mind my own

> > business,

> > > > and not expect Emelie, or anyone else to understand anything.

> That

> > > > would be very peaceful.

> > > > TA I want Emelie to be more understanding:

> > > > I don´t want Emelie to be more understanding. I can find how

> that

> > is

> > > > truer. If there are no problems in the real world then my

> > daughter is

> > > > acting just as she is supposed to.

> > > > I want me to be more understanding to Emelie. Yes, and

> especially

> > > > understand that she sometimes doesn´t understand me and be

> fine

> > with

> > > > it.

> > > > I want me to be more understanding to me. Yes. Sometimes I

> feel

> > like

> > > > a mystery and I don´t get me at all. Pretty insane then how I

> can

> > > > expect others to understand me.

> > > >

> > > > 3. What is it that she should or shouldn't do, be, think, or

> feel?

> > > > What advice could you offer?

> > > > Emelie should understand how much I love her.

> > > > Is it true? No.

> > > > How do you react when you believe that thought? I want my

> > daughter to

> > > > be grateful for the things I do for her, and see how much

> love I

> > put

> > > > behind it. Although this doesn´t sound loving at all to me,

> it

> > sounds

> > > > like manipulation.

> > > > Who would you be without your story? All that remains would

> be

> > love.

> > > > Unconditional love.

> > > > TA Emelie should understand how much I love her:

> > > > Emelie shouldn´t understand how much I love her. Yes. She only

> > > > understands what she does, and not one bit more.

> > > > I should understand how much she loves me. And I´m sure I

> don´t

> > > > always get that. Or appreciate all the things she does för me

> out

> > of

> > > > love.

> > > >

> > > > 4. Do you need anything from her? What does she need to do in

> > order

> > > > for you to be happy?

> > > > I need Emelie to love me as I am.

> > > > Is it true? No.

> > > > How do you react when you believe that story? I want space and

> > > > freedom to do whatever I like and I don´t want any critisism.

> > When I

> > > > get it I get mad. I get angry because I don´t have

> unconditional

> > > > love, or so I percieve it.

> > > > Who would you be without your story? I would probably feel

> loved

> > the

> > > > whole time, and realize that no one has to love me as I am.

> People

> > > > only love what they love. That´s a nice thought.

> > > > TA I need Emelie to love me as I am:

> > > > I don´t need Emelie to love me as I am. Right. I see that I´m

> > doing

> > > > just fine either way.

> > > > I need me to love Emelie as she is. And I don´t always do

> that.

> > So I

> > > > can hardly expect her to do it when I can´t.

> > > > I need me to love me as I am. Oh boy, that´s a powerful one.

> There

> > > > are so many things I don´t love about myself. I guess it all

> have

> > to

> > > > start with me.

> > > >

> > > > 5. What do you think of her? Make a list.

> > > > She is beautiful, very kind, generous, funny, dissatisfied,

> angry,

> > > > disappointed.

> > > > TA: I am beautiful, very kind, generous, funny, dissatisfied,

> > angry,

> > > > disappointed.

> > > >

> > > > 6. What is it that you don't want to experience with her

> again?

> > > > I don't ever want Emelie to be disappointed in me again.

> > > > TA: I look forward to Emelie being diappointed at me again.

> If it

> > > > hurts, I know what to do.

> > > >

> > > > Thanks for listening. Any comments are welcome.

> > > >

> > > > Love,

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > --

> > > B. Shuman

> > > Licensed Salesperson

> > > Christensen RealtyUSA

> > > Home Office-375-6592

> > > Cell Phone- 276-8071

> > > 712 Street, Clayton NY 13624

> > > office:

> > > PLEASE ASK FOR LAUREN

> > > office fax

> > > E-Mail -laurie.shuman@

> > >

> > >

> > >