's court sentencing

[Guest guest]

I got sentenced yesterday. I felt very calm going in, had decided that

it would all be God's doing, and that every word that came out of the

judge's mouth was from God. And that it would all be what I needed to

hear.

There were newspaper reporters and a photographer this time. Okay, I

just did my best to love what is.

I was called up, it was moved up to the beginning of the docket) and

with my attorney, we stood facing judge. She invited me to sit down.

My attorney said a few things, including that if I hadn't pleaded

guilty, there may not have been enough evidence to convict me. Then he

gave judge a character reference a friend had wrote.

(judge) then asked prosecutor to state his case. Same stuff

he'd said last week.

Then judge took a breath, paused, and spoke of how she'd spent a great

deal of time over the week reviewing the case, looking for other cases

to compare it to, considering my actions, etc. She spoke for what

seemed to me a long time, going over everything, pro and con.

Oh, before I sat down, she asked me if I had anything to say. You can

read my reply further down if you want to click on newspaper article.

She read some quotes from the character references, like how I

volunteered after hurricanes, some other positive stuff. Mostly I just

sat there gazing upon her, she's pretty. I'd seen her in some of my

meditations, when I washed her feet, and when she was with me at

origin of fire, and she turned into little girl and played with bear

cubs. At one point in meditation I laid my hands on her, it felt like

I was doing some sort of healing energy work.

She read the written report I gave a few days after the fire. That was

the only rather challenging part of that court session, as I found

myself returning to it all. The terror of what I'd done, of the

thought I'd started a forest fire. At times I thought what I'd written

would be beneficial in the case, other times it would be detrimental.

A few times I was reminded of what some of you have reminded me of in

here, that what others do is THEIR business, not mine. I was just

'lady sitting listening.' Not a stressful story.

She talked about my ability to pay off a 4.1 million dollar

restitution. She acknowledge I don't live like most people, and had

earlier in one of the letters read about how I've given most of my

belongings away. She said I live basically like a " monk or nun. " (I

liked that part, I guess I like that 'story' of me)

Finally she had me stand, and asked if I had anything more to say

before she pronounced sentence. I thanked her for all the time and

thought she'd put into the case.

Oh wait, one more back-up. She said she'd had to refer to the 'mission

statement' or something like that I can't quite remember exactly, of

how to look at a crime and sentencing. It was definitely

unintentional, and I had no criminal history, well, you can read that

further down by clicking on, anyway she gave each of the steps she

considered while determining sentence.

Finally she said she was going to have me serve 3 days, $5000 fine,

with $5000 suspended, and I was to pay restitution, at a rate of $150

per month, and if I couldn't pay that I could do community service

instead, but she wanted me to try and do something that would benefit

taxpayers, like perhaps do volunteer work for park service. That would

continue for two years (I was given two years probation) then at that

time the balance, how I was doing, etcetra would be discussed. At that

time, the park service could choose to sue me for the balance if they

so wished.

I was pretty calm through the sentencing part, actually a tad bit

disappointed as I had psyched myself up for a longer jail term. Was

surprised she'd suspended all the fine.

After she finished, I went over and shook the prosecutor's hand. If

you click on the article, there's a picture of me, as I sat listening

to the prosecutor state the case against me.

I don't agree with all the article about me says. 'Infrequent

employment' that one I've struggled with. I got a calendar and figured

I've worked/volunteered nearly 70% of the time over the last 22

months. I did a worksheet on that since though, and realized the

stress I was feeling was directing me towards questioning the belief

there is a certain amount I should be working. That was definitely a

story I was holding, but not conscious of.

I also didn't like how they said I threw water and dirt on the fire.

She read all I did in court in my written statement. But I still cling

to wanting people to know the effort I made.

People need to know the effort I made. Is that true? No

I did a worksheet on 'I am mad at Wenatchee World (newspaper) because

once again they paint image of me being a homeless worthless non

giver.' That's when it became clear to me I was holding story that I

need to work as much of other people think I should. I let go of much

of that, and then saw the reporters as children, all at easels,

happinly painting pictures of whatever they felt like. They were so

happy, the paint was aflyin' and I felt so happy that they allowed

themselves the freedom to paint what they wanted to. Then I looked at

their pictures of me, they were so funny. Then I saw myself painting a

picture, and it was of the newspaper building, and there was a

heavenly light coming from all the windows. Beautiful.

I did not like how my attorney had last week presented the alfred

plea. At the beginning yesterday, once again said I was

pleading to the alfred plea, and she looked at me and asked me if that

was correct. I looked to my attorney and he was shaking his head yes.

I went ahead and said yes. I think I need to do a worksheet on that.

Reality is what is.

" I was satisfied before I walked into the courtroom " . ?? I don't at

all recall saying that.

" There's nothing negative about her " one of my friends was quoted.

Wow, I'll have to do a worksheet on that too. Is that true???

Today I spent looking for a job. A friend said she'd give me the $89 I

need to pay upfront before I can do my jail time, which I think I'll

be doing this coming Monday.

I guess I won't be running this story anymore when I no longer feel I

need to write/talk about it.

aka Ray of Sunshine

[Guest guest]

hi mary,

thanks for sharing. i tried to read the whole thing, but it's a bit

too much for my english. (hope i got the meaning.) what i got sounds

good to me. so! what a continuation of surprises. vivid life. how

nice! : )

soar fine, eagle, lr

[Guest guest]

> i think you should start a work group as communicty service..

> love, roslyn

I love that idea. What a beautiful community service idea. Beautiful

ideas come from beautiful minds.

Love,