Re: I don't really know.

[Guest guest]

Do I want to get a reply from you?

The question is:

Do you want to reply me?

If you do that is what I want

And I am only talking to myself

Who else is out there???

-- Re: I don't really know.

>

> ac, when did you start writing about your situation in this group?

> how often did you repeat yourself?

> how often did you " get people into " your play?

> how often have you moved from victim to rescuer to persecutor ...?

> how long will you continue to stay within the old familiar

dynamics?

> th,lr

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

> AC.. I don't get the part where you wont leave her because of her

> parents and your parents..

> GEt in 2006...

> Those days are over... Time to live your life..

> THe way you want..

Reality check

The way he WANTS to live his life

Is to be with his wife

How do I know that?

He is with her!!!!

So I know tat he is confused thinking he doesn't want to be with her

He is where he wants to be

So everything is good and perfect

T

[Guest guest]

If you currently intend to remain in this marriage, you might want to consider

looking at your morning routine.

Is it true that you need preparation time in the morning? Are you absolutely

sure?

Imagine life without this preparation time: ie. a happier wife not threatening

to kill you.

Have you ever heard the expression " Man plans and God laughs " ? Can you really be

sure your preparation time " to think, to clear my mind, to set my goals and

priorities and to really get ready for the day " accomplishes any of that?

I used to think my edge in business over my competitors was the time spent in

planning and thinking ahead. I eventually realized it was mostly a waste of time

and something usually happened that I could not foresee and did not enter into

my plans.

Perhaps you can examine further your wife's thoughts that " it is not for people

with families " and see if there isn't some truth in it. Waking up at 3:30 AM and

getting too little sleep and contending with a job, children and a wife doesn't

sound like a good formula to me.

Vivian

I don't really know.

I have really wanted to have

ample " preparation " time in the morning!

I have believed that it gives me SPACE

to BE, to plan, to think, to clear my

mind, to set my goals and priority and

to really get ready for my day.

One major thing that I think I have

really wanted but have been always

missing in my family life is:

About two hours (or maybe, little

more) in the morning for...

o Meditation (15 minutes)

o Yoga (30 minutes)

o Planning the day (15 minutes)

o Study spirituality, meditation,

growth, learning, psychology,

philosophy, management, communication,

technology. (45 minutes)

o Checking email (15 minutes)

o Good nutrition (egg protein or

salmon) (15 minutes)

I don't do it because I have seen my

wife many times shout at me, hit me,

abuse me, curse me, and blame me

because of doing it.

I have tried talking to my wife

several times about it and asking her

permission to allow me to do it and

have expressed my willingness to sleep

two hours less to make time for it.

In response, she has told me that she

doesn't want me to do any of this, it

is not for those with families and she

will do her best to make sure that I

don't do any of it. She had gone as far

as to say that if required, she will

kill me if she has to make sure that I

don't do these things.

I have tried talking to her parents,

her borthers, my parents, freinds

and pretty much everyone has advised

her to give me freedom to do it

- yet, she hasn't allowed me to do so.

Many times, I have tried to do it in

hiding and have setup alarm to getup

around 3.30AM or so - usually she has

gotten up soon after and has started

shouting at me at finding me doing any

of the above things. Sometimes when

shouting has not really worked, she has

started shouting at children and has

threatened to hit or kill them if I

don't change. She has said that by

doing these things I am being very

" corrupt " .

I have totally failed to understand

the " logic " and " reasoning " behind it

and when I have tried to understand it;

it has really driven me nuts i.e. I

have never understood why someone would

act this way because of seemingly

innocent things like my reading what I

like to read.

When I don't do it - sometimes, I

greatly resent it, sometimes, I feel

very bad, sometimes, I feel like

leaving her and but, then I stop

thinking of our children, her parents

and my parents.

When I don't do it - I feel that there

is something lacking in my day. I feel

that I am not really ready. I feel I am

not fully prepared for my 'work day'. I

feel that I don't have clear idea of

what I want to do in the day. Unless I

do that, I feel at kind of loss and I

feel I am not able to perform at the

level I want to.

When I don't do it - sometimes, I try

to do some of it at office or much

worse without planning my day, I end up

spending my time in unplanned,

undocumented, unconscious way and then

I feel I am not fully ready to face my

manager, my superior . I don't feel

confident in facing them. I don't feel

sure whether I am doing my " duty " with

intelligence, planning and preparedness

that I think I owe to my job. It gives

me fear and guilty feeling. I feel like

hiding from people and I feel

uncomfortable having this feeling that

by working in a " lesser " way that I

think my job deserves and I am capable

of - I am " cheating " my job. I feel

like a lair. I feel living below my

integrity.

When I don't get to do it - sometimes

I try to leave for office early so that

I can do it at office. But, in office I

don't feel privacy to do it. Plus,

doing it will mean that I should stay

longer to finish rest of the work -

which my wife doesn't allow. Plus, I

have to drop my daughter at her school

which means I can not really come early

anyway.

When I don't do it - sometimes I try

to stay late at office and make time to

do it. When I say that to my wife - my

wife shouts, complains and I usually

change my plan because f it.

When I don't do it - sometimes, I

greatly resent it and sometimes I shout

at my wife because of it.

And, this is just the beginning of

restrictions that my wife puts one me.

Then, there is... I shouldn't talk to

my brother. If talk to my brother... I

shouldn't ask him about his studies or

advise him regarding his career (but, I

should definitely do that to my wife's

brother.). I should try my best to make

sure that my sister doesn't study and

doesn't become have good working career.

I don't comprehend any of it.

Sometimes, I feel greatly stiffened by

it. Sometimes, I feel like not doing

anything and I lose all my motivation.

I think my wife has been greatly

successful in manipulating me with her

temper, her " hate " , her complains and I

have ended 'giving up' most times. She

has gotten away with things that I

thought were quite bizarre, insane and

not worth doing to any human being and

my high 'tolerance' level has allowed

that to happen.

I am not sure whether my " attitude "

[of being put up with it] has done more

good or bad. And, I am not sure what I

should do in the future.

Someone said:

*****by being kind to an oppressor; you end

up being unkind to the oppressed;

you end up playing part in killing the innocents.****

I don't clearly know what I should

really do.

Of course, if I don't does anything

major, the same story is likely to just

keep repeating itself endlessly in the

future.

[Guest guest]

>

> I have really wanted to have

> ample " preparation " time in the morning!

> I have believed that it gives me SPACE

> to BE, to plan, to think, to clear my

> mind, to set my goals and priority and

> to really get ready for my day.

[...]

> When I don't do it - sometimes I try

> to stay late at office and make time to

> do it. When I say that to my wife - my

> wife shouts, complains and I usually

> change my plan because f it.

>

> When I don't do it - sometimes, I

> greatly resent it and sometimes I shout

> at my wife because of it.

>

> And, this is just the beginning of

> restrictions that my wife puts one me.

> Then, there is... I shouldn't talk to

> my brother. If talk to my brother... I

> shouldn't ask him about his studies or

> advise him regarding his career (but, I

> should definitely do that to my wife's

> brother.). I should try my best to make

> sure that my sister doesn't study and

> doesn't have a good working career.

> I don't comprehend any of it.

>

> Sometimes, I feel greatly stiffened by

> it. Sometimes, I feel like not doing

> anything and I lose all my motivation.

> I think my wife has been greatly

> successful in manipulating me with her

> temper, her " hate " , her complains and I

> have ended 'giving up' most times. She

> has gotten away with things that I

> thought were quite bizarre, insane and

> not worth doing to any human being and

> my high 'tolerance' level has allowed

> that to happen.

>

> I am not sure whether my " attitude "

> [of being put up with it] has done more

> good or bad. And, I am not sure what I

> should do in the future.

>

> Someone said:

>

> *****by being kind to an oppressor; you end

> up being unkind to the oppressed;

> you end up playing part in killing the innocents.****

>

Take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim.

Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented.

~ Elie Wiesel.

Freedom is never voluntarily given by the oppressor; it must be

demanded by the oppressed -- Luther King, Jr.

> I don't clearly know what I should

> really do.

>

> Of course, if I don't does anything

> major, the same story is likely to just

> keep repeating itself endlessly in the

> future.

>

[Guest guest]

I notice you keep shifting the ground of what is the issue. If someone responds

to you about A regarding your wife, you shift and complain about B. Try solving

A and then congratulate yourself on that and take time to enjoy it before

moving to B. Globally all the issues you've built up again her are just too much

to deal with, or at least that is how it would appear to me if I had to face all

that.

Vivian

Re: I don't really know.

>

> I have really wanted to have

> ample " preparation " time in the morning!

> I have believed that it gives me SPACE

> to BE, to plan, to think, to clear my

> mind, to set my goals and priority and

> to really get ready for my day.

[...]

> When I don't do it - sometimes I try

> to stay late at office and make time to

> do it. When I say that to my wife - my

> wife shouts, complains and I usually

> change my plan because f it.

>

> When I don't do it - sometimes, I

> greatly resent it and sometimes I shout

> at my wife because of it.

>

> And, this is just the beginning of

> restrictions that my wife puts one me.

> Then, there is... I shouldn't talk to

> my brother. If talk to my brother... I

> shouldn't ask him about his studies or

> advise him regarding his career (but, I

> should definitely do that to my wife's

> brother.). I should try my best to make

> sure that my sister doesn't study and

> doesn't have a good working career.

> I don't comprehend any of it.

>

> Sometimes, I feel greatly stiffened by

> it. Sometimes, I feel like not doing

> anything and I lose all my motivation.

> I think my wife has been greatly

> successful in manipulating me with her

> temper, her " hate " , her complains and I

> have ended 'giving up' most times. She

> has gotten away with things that I

> thought were quite bizarre, insane and

> not worth doing to any human being and

> my high 'tolerance' level has allowed

> that to happen.

>

> I am not sure whether my " attitude "

> [of being put up with it] has done more

> good or bad. And, I am not sure what I

> should do in the future.

>

> Someone said:

>

> *****by being kind to an oppressor; you end

> up being unkind to the oppressed;

> you end up playing part in killing the innocents.****

>

Take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim.

Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented.

~ Elie Wiesel.

Freedom is never voluntarily given by the oppressor; it must be

demanded by the oppressed -- Luther King, Jr.

> I don't clearly know what I should

> really do.

>

> Of course, if I don't does anything

> major, the same story is likely to just

> keep repeating itself endlessly in the

> future.

>

[Guest guest]

Adythia,

You know exactly what you need to do. You chose to live this way.

I respect why you will decide to live your life the way you want to, It is

difficult to comprehend why you think you are doing your kids a favor.

You are part of it, you make yourself part of that story and you will be

until you make another choice. That is only my story, I feel for your kids, you

are not a victim until you chose to be one. Is that true? hell yeah!! for me

anyway.

with all my respect,

adithya_comming wrote:

I have really wanted to have

ample " preparation " time in the morning!

I have believed that it gives me SPACE

to BE, to plan, to think, to clear my

mind, to set my goals and priority and

to really get ready for my day.

One major thing that I think I have

really wanted but have been always

missing in my family life is:

About two hours (or maybe, little

more) in the morning for...

o Meditation (15 minutes)

o Yoga (30 minutes)

o Planning the day (15 minutes)

o Study spirituality, meditation,

growth, learning, psychology,

philosophy, management, communication,

technology. (45 minutes)

o Checking email (15 minutes)

o Good nutrition (egg protein or

salmon) (15 minutes)

I don't do it because I have seen my

wife many times shout at me, hit me,

abuse me, curse me, and blame me

because of doing it.

I have tried talking to my wife

several times about it and asking her

permission to allow me to do it and

have expressed my willingness to sleep

two hours less to make time for it.

In response, she has told me that she

doesn't want me to do any of this, it

is not for those with families and she

will do her best to make sure that I

don't do any of it. She had gone as far

as to say that if required, she will

kill me if she has to make sure that I

don't do these things.

I have tried talking to her parents,

her borthers, my parents, freinds

and pretty much everyone has advised

her to give me freedom to do it

- yet, she hasn't allowed me to do so.

Many times, I have tried to do it in

hiding and have setup alarm to getup

around 3.30AM or so - usually she has

gotten up soon after and has started

shouting at me at finding me doing any

of the above things. Sometimes when

shouting has not really worked, she has

started shouting at children and has

threatened to hit or kill them if I

don't change. She has said that by

doing these things I am being very

" corrupt " .

I have totally failed to understand

the " logic " and " reasoning " behind it

and when I have tried to understand it;

it has really driven me nuts i.e. I

have never understood why someone would

act this way because of seemingly

innocent things like my reading what I

like to read.

When I don't do it - sometimes, I

greatly resent it, sometimes, I feel

very bad, sometimes, I feel like

leaving her and but, then I stop

thinking of our children, her parents

and my parents.

When I don't do it - I feel that there

is something lacking in my day. I feel

that I am not really ready. I feel I am

not fully prepared for my 'work day'. I

feel that I don't have clear idea of

what I want to do in the day. Unless I

do that, I feel at kind of loss and I

feel I am not able to perform at the

level I want to.

When I don't do it - sometimes, I try

to do some of it at office or much

worse without planning my day, I end up

spending my time in unplanned,

undocumented, unconscious way and then

I feel I am not fully ready to face my

manager, my superior . I don't feel

confident in facing them. I don't feel

sure whether I am doing my " duty " with

intelligence, planning and preparedness

that I think I owe to my job. It gives

me fear and guilty feeling. I feel like

hiding from people and I feel

uncomfortable having this feeling that

by working in a " lesser " way that I

think my job deserves and I am capable

of - I am " cheating " my job. I feel

like a lair. I feel living below my

integrity.

When I don't get to do it - sometimes

I try to leave for office early so that

I can do it at office. But, in office I

don't feel privacy to do it. Plus,

doing it will mean that I should stay

longer to finish rest of the work -

which my wife doesn't allow. Plus, I

have to drop my daughter at her school

which means I can not really come early

anyway.

When I don't do it - sometimes I try

to stay late at office and make time to

do it. When I say that to my wife - my

wife shouts, complains and I usually

change my plan because f it.

When I don't do it - sometimes, I

greatly resent it and sometimes I shout

at my wife because of it.

And, this is just the beginning of

restrictions that my wife puts one me.

Then, there is... I shouldn't talk to

my brother. If talk to my brother... I

shouldn't ask him about his studies or

advise him regarding his career (but, I

should definitely do that to my wife's

brother.). I should try my best to make

sure that my sister doesn't study and

doesn't become have good working career.

I don't comprehend any of it.

Sometimes, I feel greatly stiffened by

it. Sometimes, I feel like not doing

anything and I lose all my motivation.

I think my wife has been greatly

successful in manipulating me with her

temper, her " hate " , her complains and I

have ended 'giving up' most times. She

has gotten away with things that I

thought were quite bizarre, insane and

not worth doing to any human being and

my high 'tolerance' level has allowed

that to happen.

I am not sure whether my " attitude "

[of being put up with it] has done more

good or bad. And, I am not sure what I

should do in the future.

Someone said:

*****by being kind to an oppressor; you end

up being unkind to the oppressed;

you end up playing part in killing the innocents.****

I don't clearly know what I should

really do.

Of course, if I don't does anything

major, the same story is likely to just

keep repeating itself endlessly in the

future.

---------------------------------

Get your own web address for just $1.99/1st yr. We'll help. Yahoo! Small

Business.

[Guest guest]

ac, when did you start writing about your situation in this group?

how often did you repeat yourself?

how often did you " get people into " your play?

how often have you moved from victim to rescuer to persecutor ...?

how long will you continue to stay within the old familiar dynamics?

th,lr

[Guest guest]

hi tami

are you talking to yourself, generally to the list, or to rose?

and do you want to get a reply by/of rose?

lr

> You know what I think?

> I think ac is my teacher

> A teacher of how to be a listener,

> A listener to someone in need,

> Even though that you think that he is off topic

>

> May I add that I fail this lesson over and over again

> Cause I care less about his marriage

>

> Tomorrow is a new day

>

> T

>

> -- Re: I don't really know.

>

> ac, when did you start writing about your situation in this group?

> how often did you repeat yourself?

> how often did you " get people into " your play?

> how often have you moved from victim to rescuer to persecutor ...?

> how long will you continue to stay within the old familiar

dynamics?

> th,lr

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

hey tami, is anything wrong? you responded! )) wow! )

to me your latest words are like " philosophy " .

at the moment i feel no impulse to reply to your former mail, i

wanted to know if you had felt an impulse to get a reply.

lr

> Do I want to get a reply from you?

>

> The question is:

> Do you want to reply me?

> If you do that is what I want

>

> And I am only talking to myself

> Who else is out there???

>

> -- Re: I don't really know.

> >

> > ac, when did you start writing about your situation in this

group?

> > how often did you repeat yourself?

> > how often did you " get people into " your play?

> > how often have you moved from victim to rescuer to

persecutor ...?

> > how long will you continue to stay within the old familiar

> dynamics?

> > th,lr

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

>

> I have really wanted to have

> ample " preparation " time in the morning!

***Is this true? I hear that you are not ususally doing it, so, you

don't Really want it. YOu want to avoid your wife's reactions more

than you want the above.

> I have believed that it gives me SPACE

> to BE, to plan, to think, to clear my

> mind, to set my goals and priority and

> to really get ready for my day.

***SO, you need this time in the morning in order to really get

ready for your day. Is that true? Can you think of times when you

didnt 'get ready' and everything was fine? Can you find at least

3Examples?

>

> One major thing that I think I have

> really wanted but have been always

> missing in my family life is:

>

> About two hours (or maybe, little

> more) in the morning for...

>

> o Meditation (15 minutes)

>

> o Yoga (30 minutes)

>

> o Planning the day (15 minutes)

>

> o Study spirituality, meditation,

> growth, learning, psychology,

> philosophy, management, communication,

> technology. (45 minutes)

>

> o Checking email (15 minutes)

>

> o Good nutrition (egg protein or

> salmon) (15 minutes)

>

>

> I don't do it because I have seen my

> wife many times shout at me, hit me,

> abuse me, curse me, and blame me

> because of doing it.

***Yes, you want *peace* with your wife more than the above listed

things. Good to know. If I was choosing to live with someone who

had said and did these things, I would probably choose not to have

the things you listed in my life as well.

>

>

> I have tried talking to my wife

> several times about it and asking her

> permission to allow me to do it and

> have expressed my willingness to sleep

> two hours less to make time for it.

***You need your wife's permission, Is that true? And please don't

give me another explaination of her reactions, I hear you the first

time.

>

> In response, she has told me that she

> doesn't want me to do any of this, it

> is not for those with families and she

> will do her best to make sure that I

> don't do any of it. She had gone as far

> as to say that if required, she will

> kill me if she has to make sure that I

> don't do these things.

***Your wife's answer is very clear. What part of it do you not

understand? When we ask for permission from someone No is always an

option as an answer that they may give. She is sharing with you

what she believes, and you choose to live with it.

***Interesting. Well, if someone will tell me that they will kill

me, I may beleive them or not. And I do what I want to do and see

what happens. I would question all the things that keep me in a

relationship with someone who says they would kill me. Inquire into

what you think you need with this relationship.

>

>

> I have tried talking to her parents,

> her borthers, my parents, freinds

> and pretty much everyone has advised

> her to give me freedom to do it

> - yet, she hasn't allowed me to do so.

***Not surprising since she has been so clear all along. THis is her

integrity and nothing is swaying her from it. She gives you quite

an amazing example of someone living from their integrity and not

being talked out of it. She REALLY believes her story, doesnt she?

> Many times, I have tried to do it in

> hiding and have setup alarm to getup

> around 3.30AM or so - usually she has

> gotten up soon after and has started

> shouting at me at finding me doing any

> of the above things. Sometimes when

> shouting has not really worked, she has

> started shouting at children and has

> threatened to hit or kill them if I

> don't change. She has said that by

> doing these things I am being very

> " corrupt " .

***Again, she gives you clearly her story. No wonder she doesnt

want you to do these things! She believes she is saving you from

corruption!!

>

> I have totally failed to understand

> the " logic " and " reasoning " behind it

> and when I have tried to understand it;

> it has really driven me nuts i.e. I

> have never understood why someone would

> act this way because of seemingly

> innocent things like my reading what I

> like to read.

***Forget *your* idea of logic and reasoning. She believes her

story of why you should not do these things and tells you clearly.

What dont you understand about that?

>

> When I don't do it - sometimes, I

> greatly resent it, sometimes, I feel

> very bad, sometimes, I feel like

> leaving her and but, then I stop

> thinking of our children, her parents

> and my parents.

***Your *STORY* about your children (wow...amazing to me that your

story is that this situation is BEST for your children in any way ~

your story is just as insane as hers and isnt it interesting that we

all believe our own story) and your *STORY* about your parents keeps

you here, not your wife and her insane rantings and threats..

>

> When I don't do it - I feel that there

> is something lacking in my day.

***Only because you are running a story of *needing* to do these

things which you do not do. Again, you may want to question the

idea that you *Need* to *Prepare* when you dont.

I feel

> that I am not really ready. I feel I am

> not fully prepared for my 'work day'. I

> feel that I don't have clear idea of

> what I want to do in the day. Unless I

> do that, I feel at kind of loss and I

> feel I am not able to perform at the

> level I want to.

>

***Of course you feel these things. It matches your story.

> When I don't do it - sometimes, I try

> to do some of it at office or much

> worse without planning my day, I end up

> spending my time in unplanned,

> undocumented, unconscious way and then

.. I feel

> like a lair. I feel living below my

> integrity.

***That's because you are.

>

> When I don't get to do it - sometimes

> I try to leave for office early so that

> I can do it at office. But, in office I

> don't feel privacy to do it. Plus,

> doing it will mean that I should stay

> longer to finish rest of the work -

> which my wife doesn't allow.

***Which YOU dont allow so that you dont have to deal with wife's

reaction. Your wife DOES NOT control you AT ALL. Not one little

bit. Your thinking about what your wife says and does controls you

only TOTALLY.

Plus, I

> have to drop my daughter at her school

> which means I can not really come early

> anyway.

***Good that you drop your daughter at her school and therefore

cannot leave early. You need to leave early, is that true?

> When I don't do it - sometimes I try

> to stay late at office and make time to

> do it. When I say that to my wife - my

> wife shouts, complains and I usually

> change my plan because f it.

***No kidding. How many times does she have to shout for you to

hear her answer? And how many times do you have to ask in order to

remember? No wonder she is shouting...you dont seem to be hearing

this.

> When I don't do it - sometimes, I

> greatly resent it and sometimes I shout

> at my wife because of it.

***Lovely mirror image here.

>

> And, this is just the beginning of

> restrictions that my wife puts one me.

***This is the beginnign of the restrictions YOUR THINKING puts on

YOU. Of course. As long as you both keep running the stories you

are running and beleiving them, this will go on and on and on. The

list is endless. And you are okay with that because you stay. Can

you notice that?

> Then, there is... I shouldn't talk to

> my brother. If talk to my brother... I

> shouldn't ask him about his studies or

> advise him regarding his career (but, I

> should definitely do that to my wife's

> brother.). I should try my best to make

> sure that my sister doesn't study and

> doesn't become have good working career.

> I don't comprehend any of it.

***What is to comprehend? She is believing what she thinks and

living from that place, jsut like you. You make this complicated,

not her. She is sharing her belief system with you, plan and simple.

>

> Sometimes, I feel greatly stiffened by

> it. Sometimes, I feel like not doing

> anything and I lose all my motivation.

> I think my wife has been greatly

> successful in manipulating me with her

> temper, her " hate " , her complains and I

> have ended 'giving up' most times.

***Your wife has never manipulated you. You want something from her

so you do what she wants. Are you still enjoying the story of being

her victim? It is only a story. She has no control over you and

you know it. Big smoke screen to avoid seeing this doesnt make it

any less true. YOur thinking and your thinking alone keep you here.

And that's a good thing to know, and not good or bad, just is.

She

> has gotten away with things that I

> thought were quite bizarre, insane and

> not worth doing to any human being and

> my high 'tolerance' level has allowed

> that to happen.

***She is your mirror. And it is your thinking that allows all

things, not your *tolerance*.

>

> I am not sure whether my " attitude "

> [of being put up with it] has done more

> good or bad.

***None of your business. The concepts of good and bad are useless.

And, I am not sure what I

> should do in the future.

***Again, None of your business. Try being present and

understanding that...forget the " future'.

>

> Someone said:

>

> *****by being kind to an oppressor; you end

> up being unkind to the oppressed;

> you end up playing part in killing the innocents.****

>

>

>

>

> I don't clearly know what I should

> really do.

***Inquire and find out why you are choosing to live this way. It

has nothing to do with your wife.

>

> Of course, if I don't does anything

> major, the same story is likely to just

> keep repeating itself endlessly in the

> future.

***Glad you noticed!!!

>

[Guest guest]

dear AC

In your business as usual.. time to live my life the way i want..

That was for me.. i forgot.. love, roslyn

> >

> > I have really wanted to have

> > ample " preparation " time in the morning!

> > I have believed that it gives me SPACE

> > to BE, to plan, to think, to clear my

> > mind, to set my goals and priority and

> > to really get ready for my day.

> >

> > One major thing that I think I have

> > really wanted but have been always

> > missing in my family life is:

> >

> > About two hours (or maybe, little

> > more) in the morning for...

> >

> > o Meditation (15 minutes)

> >

> > o Yoga (30 minutes)

> >

> > o Planning the day (15 minutes)

> >

> > o Study spirituality, meditation,

> > growth, learning, psychology,

> > philosophy, management, communication,

> > technology. (45 minutes)

> >

> > o Checking email (15 minutes)

> >

> > o Good nutrition (egg protein or

> > salmon) (15 minutes)

> >

> >

> > I don't do it because I have seen my

> > wife many times shout at me, hit me,

> > abuse me, curse me, and blame me

> > because of doing it.

> >

> >

> > I have tried talking to my wife

> > several times about it and asking her

> > permission to allow me to do it and

> > have expressed my willingness to sleep

> > two hours less to make time for it.

> >

> > In response, she has told me that she

> > doesn't want me to do any of this, it

> > is not for those with families and she

> > will do her best to make sure that I

> > don't do any of it. She had gone as far

> > as to say that if required, she will

> > kill me if she has to make sure that I

> > don't do these things.

> >

> >

> > I have tried talking to her parents,

> > her borthers, my parents, freinds

> > and pretty much everyone has advised

> > her to give me freedom to do it

> > - yet, she hasn't allowed me to do so.

> >

> > Many times, I have tried to do it in

> > hiding and have setup alarm to getup

> > around 3.30AM or so - usually she has

> > gotten up soon after and has started

> > shouting at me at finding me doing any

> > of the above things. Sometimes when

> > shouting has not really worked, she has

> > started shouting at children and has

> > threatened to hit or kill them if I

> > don't change. She has said that by

> > doing these things I am being very

> > " corrupt " .

> >

> > I have totally failed to understand

> > the " logic " and " reasoning " behind it

> > and when I have tried to understand it;

> > it has really driven me nuts i.e. I

> > have never understood why someone would

> > act this way because of seemingly

> > innocent things like my reading what I

> > like to read.

> >

> > When I don't do it - sometimes, I

> > greatly resent it, sometimes, I feel

> > very bad, sometimes, I feel like

> > leaving her and but, then I stop

> > thinking of our children, her parents

> > and my parents.

> >

> > When I don't do it - I feel that there

> > is something lacking in my day. I feel

> > that I am not really ready. I feel I am

> > not fully prepared for my 'work day'. I

> > feel that I don't have clear idea of

> > what I want to do in the day. Unless I

> > do that, I feel at kind of loss and I

> > feel I am not able to perform at the

> > level I want to.

> >

> > When I don't do it - sometimes, I try

> > to do some of it at office or much

> > worse without planning my day, I end up

> > spending my time in unplanned,

> > undocumented, unconscious way and then

> > I feel I am not fully ready to face my

> > manager, my superior . I don't feel

> > confident in facing them. I don't feel

> > sure whether I am doing my " duty " with

> > intelligence, planning and preparedness

> > that I think I owe to my job. It gives

> > me fear and guilty feeling. I feel like

> > hiding from people and I feel

> > uncomfortable having this feeling that

> > by working in a " lesser " way that I

> > think my job deserves and I am capable

> > of - I am " cheating " my job. I feel

> > like a lair. I feel living below my

> > integrity.

> >

> > When I don't get to do it - sometimes

> > I try to leave for office early so that

> > I can do it at office. But, in office I

> > don't feel privacy to do it. Plus,

> > doing it will mean that I should stay

> > longer to finish rest of the work -

> > which my wife doesn't allow. Plus, I

> > have to drop my daughter at her school

> > which means I can not really come early

> > anyway.

> > When I don't do it - sometimes I try

> > to stay late at office and make time to

> > do it. When I say that to my wife - my

> > wife shouts, complains and I usually

> > change my plan because f it.

> > When I don't do it - sometimes, I

> > greatly resent it and sometimes I shout

> > at my wife because of it.

> >

> > And, this is just the beginning of

> > restrictions that my wife puts one me.

> > Then, there is... I shouldn't talk to

> > my brother. If talk to my brother... I

> > shouldn't ask him about his studies or

> > advise him regarding his career (but, I

> > should definitely do that to my wife's

> > brother.). I should try my best to make

> > sure that my sister doesn't study and

> > doesn't become have good working career.

> > I don't comprehend any of it.

> >

> > Sometimes, I feel greatly stiffened by

> > it. Sometimes, I feel like not doing

> > anything and I lose all my motivation.

> > I think my wife has been greatly

> > successful in manipulating me with her

> > temper, her " hate " , her complains and I

> > have ended 'giving up' most times. She

> > has gotten away with things that I

> > thought were quite bizarre, insane and

> > not worth doing to any human being and

> > my high 'tolerance' level has allowed

> > that to happen.

> >

> > I am not sure whether my " attitude "

> > [of being put up with it] has done more

> > good or bad. And, I am not sure what I

> > should do in the future.

> >

> > Someone said:

> >

> > *****by being kind to an oppressor; you end

> > up being unkind to the oppressed;

> > you end up playing part in killing the innocents.****

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > I don't clearly know what I should

> > really do.

> >

> > Of course, if I don't does anything

> > major, the same story is likely to just

> > keep repeating itself endlessly in the

> > future.

> >

>

[Guest guest]

> >

> > I have really wanted to have

> > ample " preparation " time in the morning!

> > I have believed that it gives me SPACE

> > to BE, to plan, to think, to clear my

> > mind, to set my goals and priority and

> > to really get ready for my day.

> >

> > One major thing that I think I have

> > really wanted but have been always

> > missing in my family life is:

> >

> > About two hours (or maybe, little

> > more) in the morning for...

> >

> > o Meditation (15 minutes)

> >

> > o Yoga (30 minutes)

> >

> > o Planning the day (15 minutes)

> >

> > o Study spirituality, meditation,

> > growth, learning, psychology,

> > philosophy, management, communication,

> > technology. (45 minutes)

> >

> > o Checking email (15 minutes)

> >

> > o Good nutrition (egg protein or

> > salmon) (15 minutes)

> >

> >

> > I don't do it because I have seen my

> > wife many times shout at me, hit me,

> > abuse me, curse me, and blame me

> > because of doing it.

> >

> >

> > I have tried talking to my wife

> > several times about it and asking her

> > permission to allow me to do it and

> > have expressed my willingness to sleep

> > two hours less to make time for it.

> >

> > In response, she has told me that she

> > doesn't want me to do any of this, it

> > is not for those with families and she

> > will do her best to make sure that I

> > don't do any of it. She had gone as far

> > as to say that if required, she will

> > kill me if she has to make sure that I

> > don't do these things.

> >

> >

> > I have tried talking to her parents,

> > her borthers, my parents, freinds

> > and pretty much everyone has advised

> > her to give me freedom to do it

> > - yet, she hasn't allowed me to do so.

> >

> > Many times, I have tried to do it in

> > hiding and have setup alarm to getup

> > around 3.30AM or so - usually she has

> > gotten up soon after and has started

> > shouting at me at finding me doing any

> > of the above things. Sometimes when

> > shouting has not really worked, she has

> > started shouting at children and has

> > threatened to hit or kill them if I

> > don't change. She has said that by

> > doing these things I am being very

> > " corrupt " .

> >

> > I have totally failed to understand

> > the " logic " and " reasoning " behind it

> > and when I have tried to understand it;

> > it has really driven me nuts i.e. I

> > have never understood why someone would

> > act this way because of seemingly

> > innocent things like my reading what I

> > like to read.

> >

> > When I don't do it - sometimes, I

> > greatly resent it, sometimes, I feel

> > very bad, sometimes, I feel like

> > leaving her and but, then I stop

> > thinking of our children, her parents

> > and my parents.

> >

> > When I don't do it - I feel that there

> > is something lacking in my day. I feel

> > that I am not really ready. I feel I am

> > not fully prepared for my 'work day'. I

> > feel that I don't have clear idea of

> > what I want to do in the day. Unless I

> > do that, I feel at kind of loss and I

> > feel I am not able to perform at the

> > level I want to.

> >

> > When I don't do it - sometimes, I try

> > to do some of it at office or much

> > worse without planning my day, I end up

> > spending my time in unplanned,

> > undocumented, unconscious way and then

> > I feel I am not fully ready to face my

> > manager, my superior . I don't feel

> > confident in facing them. I don't feel

> > sure whether I am doing my " duty " with

> > intelligence, planning and preparedness

> > that I think I owe to my job. It gives

> > me fear and guilty feeling. I feel like

> > hiding from people and I feel

> > uncomfortable having this feeling that

> > by working in a " lesser " way that I

> > think my job deserves and I am capable

> > of - I am " cheating " my job. I feel

> > like a lair. I feel living below my

> > integrity.

> >

> > When I don't get to do it - sometimes

> > I try to leave for office early so that

> > I can do it at office. But, in office I

> > don't feel privacy to do it. Plus,

> > doing it will mean that I should stay

> > longer to finish rest of the work -

> > which my wife doesn't allow. Plus, I

> > have to drop my daughter at her school

> > which means I can not really come early

> > anyway.

> > When I don't do it - sometimes I try

> > to stay late at office and make time to

> > do it. When I say that to my wife - my

> > wife shouts, complains and I usually

> > change my plan because f it.

> > When I don't do it - sometimes, I

> > greatly resent it and sometimes I shout

> > at my wife because of it.

> >

> > And, this is just the beginning of

> > restrictions that my wife puts one me.

> > Then, there is... I shouldn't talk to

> > my brother. If talk to my brother... I

> > shouldn't ask him about his studies or

> > advise him regarding his career (but, I

> > should definitely do that to my wife's

> > brother.). I should try my best to make

> > sure that my sister doesn't study and

> > doesn't become have good working career.

> > I don't comprehend any of it.

> >

> > Sometimes, I feel greatly stiffened by

> > it. Sometimes, I feel like not doing

> > anything and I lose all my motivation.

> > I think my wife has been greatly

> > successful in manipulating me with her

> > temper, her " hate " , her complains and I

> > have ended 'giving up' most times. She

> > has gotten away with things that I

> > thought were quite bizarre, insane and

> > not worth doing to any human being and

> > my high 'tolerance' level has allowed

> > that to happen.

> >

> > I am not sure whether my " attitude "

> > [of being put up with it] has done more

> > good or bad. And, I am not sure what I

> > should do in the future.

> >

> > Someone said:

> >

> > *****by being kind to an oppressor; you end

> > up being unkind to the oppressed;

> > you end up playing part in killing the innocents.****

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > I don't clearly know what I should

> > really do.

> >

> > Of course, if I don't does anything

> > major, the same story is likely to just

> > keep repeating itself endlessly in the

> > future.

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Roslyn wrote...

Time to live your life..

> The way you want..

From B.

Isn't that exactly what AC is doing? Why argue with

his reality? He is doing what he is supposed to be

doing. How do I know? Because he is living HIS life.

There is nothing else that AC can do.

--- catherineantle wrote:

>

> > >

> > > I have really wanted to have

> > > ample " preparation " time in the morning!

> > > I have believed that it gives me SPACE

> > > to BE, to plan, to think, to clear my

> > > mind, to set my goals and priority and

> > > to really get ready for my day.

> > >

> > > One major thing that I think I have

> > > really wanted but have been always

> > > missing in my family life is:

> > >

> > > About two hours (or maybe, little

> > > more) in the morning for...

> > >

> > > o Meditation (15 minutes)

> > >

> > > o Yoga (30 minutes)

> > >

> > > o Planning the day (15 minutes)

> > >

> > > o Study spirituality, meditation,

> > > growth, learning, psychology,

> > > philosophy, management, communication,

> > > technology. (45 minutes)

> > >

> > > o Checking email (15 minutes)

> > >

> > > o Good nutrition (egg protein or

> > > salmon) (15 minutes)

> > >

> > >

> > > I don't do it because I have seen my

> > > wife many times shout at me, hit me,

> > > abuse me, curse me, and blame me

> > > because of doing it.

> > >

> > >

> > > I have tried talking to my wife

> > > several times about it and asking her

> > > permission to allow me to do it and

> > > have expressed my willingness to sleep

> > > two hours less to make time for it.

> > >

> > > In response, she has told me that she

> > > doesn't want me to do any of this, it

> > > is not for those with families and she

> > > will do her best to make sure that I

> > > don't do any of it. She had gone as far

> > > as to say that if required, she will

> > > kill me if she has to make sure that I

> > > don't do these things.

> > >

> > >

> > > I have tried talking to her parents,

> > > her borthers, my parents, freinds

> > > and pretty much everyone has advised

> > > her to give me freedom to do it

> > > - yet, she hasn't allowed me to do so.

> > >

> > > Many times, I have tried to do it in

> > > hiding and have setup alarm to getup

> > > around 3.30AM or so - usually she has

> > > gotten up soon after and has started

> > > shouting at me at finding me doing any

> > > of the above things. Sometimes when

> > > shouting has not really worked, she has

> > > started shouting at children and has

> > > threatened to hit or kill them if I

> > > don't change. She has said that by

> > > doing these things I am being very

> > > " corrupt " .

> > >

> > > I have totally failed to understand

> > > the " logic " and " reasoning " behind it

> > > and when I have tried to understand it;

> > > it has really driven me nuts i.e. I

> > > have never understood why someone would

> > > act this way because of seemingly

> > > innocent things like my reading what I

> > > like to read.

> > >

> > > When I don't do it - sometimes, I

> > > greatly resent it, sometimes, I feel

> > > very bad, sometimes, I feel like

> > > leaving her and but, then I stop

> > > thinking of our children, her parents

> > > and my parents.

> > >

> > > When I don't do it - I feel that there

> > > is something lacking in my day. I feel

> > > that I am not really ready. I feel I am

> > > not fully prepared for my 'work day'. I

> > > feel that I don't have clear idea of

> > > what I want to do in the day. Unless I

> > > do that, I feel at kind of loss and I

> > > feel I am not able to perform at the

> > > level I want to.

> > >

> > > When I don't do it - sometimes, I try

> > > to do some of it at office or much

> > > worse without planning my day, I end up

> > > spending my time in unplanned,

> > > undocumented, unconscious way and then

> > > I feel I am not fully ready to face my

> > > manager, my superior . I don't feel

> > > confident in facing them. I don't feel

> > > sure whether I am doing my " duty " with

> > > intelligence, planning and preparedness

> > > that I think I owe to my job. It gives

> > > me fear and guilty feeling. I feel like

> > > hiding from people and I feel

> > > uncomfortable having this feeling that

> > > by working in a " lesser " way that I

> > > think my job deserves and I am capable

> > > of - I am " cheating " my job. I feel

> > > like a lair. I feel living below my

> > > integrity.

> > >

> > > When I don't get to do it - sometimes

> > > I try to leave for office early so that

> > > I can do it at office. But, in office I

> > > don't feel privacy to do it. Plus,

> > > doing it will mean that I should stay

> > > longer to finish rest of the work -

> > > which my wife doesn't allow. Plus, I

> > > have to drop my daughter at her school

> > > which means I can not really come early

> > > anyway.

> > > When I don't do it - sometimes I try

> > > to stay late at office and make time to

> > > do it. When I say that to my wife - my

> > > wife shouts, complains and I usually

> > > change my plan because f it.

> > > When I don't do it - sometimes, I

> > > greatly resent it and sometimes I shout

> > > at my wife because of it.

> > >

> > > And, this is just the beginning of

> > > restrictions that my wife puts one me.

> > > Then, there is... I shouldn't talk to

> > > my brother. If talk to my brother... I

> > > shouldn't ask him about his studies or

> > > advise him regarding his career (but, I

> > > should definitely do that to my wife's

> > > brother.). I should try my best to make

> > > sure that my sister doesn't study and

> > > doesn't become have good working career.

> > > I don't comprehend any of it.

> > >

> > > Sometimes, I feel greatly stiffened by

> > > it. Sometimes, I feel like not doing

> > > anything and I lose all my motivation.

> > > I think my wife has been greatly

> > > successful in manipulating me with her

> > > temper, her " hate " , her complains and I

> > > have ended 'giving up' most times. She

> > > has gotten away with things that I

> > > thought were quite bizarre, insane and

> > > not worth doing to any human being and

> > > my high 'tolerance' level has allowed

> > > that to happen.

> > >

> > > I am not sure whether my " attitude "

> > > [of being put up with it] has done more

> > > good or bad. And, I am not sure what I

> > > should do in the future.

> > >

> > > Someone said:

> > >

> > > *****by being kind to an oppressor; you end

> > > up being unkind to the oppressed;

> > > you end up playing part in killing the

> innocents.****

> > >

> > >

>

=== message truncated ===

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

your right tami.. and anyway i was in his business..

theres organizations for women being abused by their husbands

but i dont know of any for men but maybe there is one out

there..maybe one on the internet.. usually its women who stay with

someone who is abuisive.. but

im sure there are men out there in the same boat.

And will be in that boat.. till they are ready to leave..

People who are abused give up thier power. and tend to need a group

for support..

but i dont know that.. its just something i assume

and in other business again. never mind..

i guess i assume ACs wife is the problem..

DR phil says people treat us the way we allow them to treat us..

But it sounds like if he gets mad back it will be worse.

it sounds very scary to me.. and thats my story.. only..

AC--I dont like psychiatry but i do think some sort of group might be

helpful.. like a support group for abused spouses.. boy then she would

really really be mad.. oh well.. never mind me.. i will go back to my

own business.. love, roslyn

-- In Loving-what-is , Tami wrote:

>

> > AC.. I don't get the part where you wont leave her because of her

> > parents and your parents..

> > GEt in 2006...

> > Those days are over... Time to live your life..

> > THe way you want..

>

> Reality check

> The way he WANTS to live his life

> Is to be with his wife

> How do I know that?

> He is with her!!!!

>

> So I know tat he is confused thinking he doesn't want to be with her

>

> He is where he wants to be

> So everything is good and perfect

>

> T

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

As katie would say.. no new stories.. they are ancient..

im sure i have done things for my parents as well.

AC -im just as guilty

says we cant make anyone else happy.

love, roslyn

-- In Loving-what-is , " catherineantle "

wrote:

>

>

> > >

> > > I have really wanted to have

> > > ample " preparation " time in the morning!

> > > I have believed that it gives me SPACE

> > > to BE, to plan, to think, to clear my

> > > mind, to set my goals and priority and

> > > to really get ready for my day.

> > >

> > > One major thing that I think I have

> > > really wanted but have been always

> > > missing in my family life is:

> > >

> > > About two hours (or maybe, little

> > > more) in the morning for...

> > >

> > > o Meditation (15 minutes)

> > >

> > > o Yoga (30 minutes)

> > >

> > > o Planning the day (15 minutes)

> > >

> > > o Study spirituality, meditation,

> > > growth, learning, psychology,

> > > philosophy, management, communication,

> > > technology. (45 minutes)

> > >

> > > o Checking email (15 minutes)

> > >

> > > o Good nutrition (egg protein or

> > > salmon) (15 minutes)

> > >

> > >

> > > I don't do it because I have seen my

> > > wife many times shout at me, hit me,

> > > abuse me, curse me, and blame me

> > > because of doing it.

> > >

> > >

> > > I have tried talking to my wife

> > > several times about it and asking her

> > > permission to allow me to do it and

> > > have expressed my willingness to sleep

> > > two hours less to make time for it.

> > >

> > > In response, she has told me that she

> > > doesn't want me to do any of this, it

> > > is not for those with families and she

> > > will do her best to make sure that I

> > > don't do any of it. She had gone as far

> > > as to say that if required, she will

> > > kill me if she has to make sure that I

> > > don't do these things.

> > >

> > >

> > > I have tried talking to her parents,

> > > her borthers, my parents, freinds

> > > and pretty much everyone has advised

> > > her to give me freedom to do it

> > > - yet, she hasn't allowed me to do so.

> > >

> > > Many times, I have tried to do it in

> > > hiding and have setup alarm to getup

> > > around 3.30AM or so - usually she has

> > > gotten up soon after and has started

> > > shouting at me at finding me doing any

> > > of the above things. Sometimes when

> > > shouting has not really worked, she has

> > > started shouting at children and has

> > > threatened to hit or kill them if I

> > > don't change. She has said that by

> > > doing these things I am being very

> > > " corrupt " .

> > >

> > > I have totally failed to understand

> > > the " logic " and " reasoning " behind it

> > > and when I have tried to understand it;

> > > it has really driven me nuts i.e. I

> > > have never understood why someone would

> > > act this way because of seemingly

> > > innocent things like my reading what I

> > > like to read.

> > >

> > > When I don't do it - sometimes, I

> > > greatly resent it, sometimes, I feel

> > > very bad, sometimes, I feel like

> > > leaving her and but, then I stop

> > > thinking of our children, her parents

> > > and my parents.

> > >

> > > When I don't do it - I feel that there

> > > is something lacking in my day. I feel

> > > that I am not really ready. I feel I am

> > > not fully prepared for my 'work day'. I

> > > feel that I don't have clear idea of

> > > what I want to do in the day. Unless I

> > > do that, I feel at kind of loss and I

> > > feel I am not able to perform at the

> > > level I want to.

> > >

> > > When I don't do it - sometimes, I try

> > > to do some of it at office or much

> > > worse without planning my day, I end up

> > > spending my time in unplanned,

> > > undocumented, unconscious way and then

> > > I feel I am not fully ready to face my

> > > manager, my superior . I don't feel

> > > confident in facing them. I don't feel

> > > sure whether I am doing my " duty " with

> > > intelligence, planning and preparedness

> > > that I think I owe to my job. It gives

> > > me fear and guilty feeling. I feel like

> > > hiding from people and I feel

> > > uncomfortable having this feeling that

> > > by working in a " lesser " way that I

> > > think my job deserves and I am capable

> > > of - I am " cheating " my job. I feel

> > > like a lair. I feel living below my

> > > integrity.

> > >

> > > When I don't get to do it - sometimes

> > > I try to leave for office early so that

> > > I can do it at office. But, in office I

> > > don't feel privacy to do it. Plus,

> > > doing it will mean that I should stay

> > > longer to finish rest of the work -

> > > which my wife doesn't allow. Plus, I

> > > have to drop my daughter at her school

> > > which means I can not really come early

> > > anyway.

> > > When I don't do it - sometimes I try

> > > to stay late at office and make time to

> > > do it. When I say that to my wife - my

> > > wife shouts, complains and I usually

> > > change my plan because f it.

> > > When I don't do it - sometimes, I

> > > greatly resent it and sometimes I shout

> > > at my wife because of it.

> > >

> > > And, this is just the beginning of

> > > restrictions that my wife puts one me.

> > > Then, there is... I shouldn't talk to

> > > my brother. If talk to my brother... I

> > > shouldn't ask him about his studies or

> > > advise him regarding his career (but, I

> > > should definitely do that to my wife's

> > > brother.). I should try my best to make

> > > sure that my sister doesn't study and

> > > doesn't become have good working career.

> > > I don't comprehend any of it.

> > >

> > > Sometimes, I feel greatly stiffened by

> > > it. Sometimes, I feel like not doing

> > > anything and I lose all my motivation.

> > > I think my wife has been greatly

> > > successful in manipulating me with her

> > > temper, her " hate " , her complains and I

> > > have ended 'giving up' most times. She

> > > has gotten away with things that I

> > > thought were quite bizarre, insane and

> > > not worth doing to any human being and

> > > my high 'tolerance' level has allowed

> > > that to happen.

> > >

> > > I am not sure whether my " attitude "

> > > [of being put up with it] has done more

> > > good or bad. And, I am not sure what I

> > > should do in the future.

> > >

> > > Someone said:

> > >

> > > *****by being kind to an oppressor; you end

> > > up being unkind to the oppressed;

> > > you end up playing part in killing the innocents.****

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > I don't clearly know what I should

> > > really do.

> > >

> > > Of course, if I don't does anything

> > > major, the same story is likely to just

> > > keep repeating itself endlessly in the

> > > future.

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

i thought he was living his life according to the dictates of his

wife. but i guess it is according to the dictates of his thinking just

like all of us..

its all for spiritual growth.

yes , he is living his life perfectly for what ever he needs to learn.

and i should mind my own business.

thanks rh

- In Loving-what-is , Barning wrote:

>

> Roslyn wrote...

> Time to live your life..

> > The way you want..

>

> From B.

> Isn't that exactly what AC is doing? Why argue with

> his reality? He is doing what he is supposed to be

> doing. How do I know? Because he is living HIS life.

> There is nothing else that AC can do.

>

> --- catherineantle wrote:

>

> >

> > > >

> > > > I have really wanted to have

> > > > ample " preparation " time in the morning!

> > > > I have believed that it gives me SPACE

> > > > to BE, to plan, to think, to clear my

> > > > mind, to set my goals and priority and

> > > > to really get ready for my day.

> > > >

> > > > One major thing that I think I have

> > > > really wanted but have been always

> > > > missing in my family life is:

> > > >

> > > > About two hours (or maybe, little

> > > > more) in the morning for...

> > > >

> > > > o Meditation (15 minutes)

> > > >

> > > > o Yoga (30 minutes)

> > > >

> > > > o Planning the day (15 minutes)

> > > >

> > > > o Study spirituality, meditation,

> > > > growth, learning, psychology,

> > > > philosophy, management, communication,

> > > > technology. (45 minutes)

> > > >

> > > > o Checking email (15 minutes)

> > > >

> > > > o Good nutrition (egg protein or

> > > > salmon) (15 minutes)

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > I don't do it because I have seen my

> > > > wife many times shout at me, hit me,

> > > > abuse me, curse me, and blame me

> > > > because of doing it.

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > I have tried talking to my wife

> > > > several times about it and asking her

> > > > permission to allow me to do it and

> > > > have expressed my willingness to sleep

> > > > two hours less to make time for it.

> > > >

> > > > In response, she has told me that she

> > > > doesn't want me to do any of this, it

> > > > is not for those with families and she

> > > > will do her best to make sure that I

> > > > don't do any of it. She had gone as far

> > > > as to say that if required, she will

> > > > kill me if she has to make sure that I

> > > > don't do these things.

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > I have tried talking to her parents,

> > > > her borthers, my parents, freinds

> > > > and pretty much everyone has advised

> > > > her to give me freedom to do it

> > > > - yet, she hasn't allowed me to do so.

> > > >

> > > > Many times, I have tried to do it in

> > > > hiding and have setup alarm to getup

> > > > around 3.30AM or so - usually she has

> > > > gotten up soon after and has started

> > > > shouting at me at finding me doing any

> > > > of the above things. Sometimes when

> > > > shouting has not really worked, she has

> > > > started shouting at children and has

> > > > threatened to hit or kill them if I

> > > > don't change. She has said that by

> > > > doing these things I am being very

> > > > " corrupt " .

> > > >

> > > > I have totally failed to understand

> > > > the " logic " and " reasoning " behind it

> > > > and when I have tried to understand it;

> > > > it has really driven me nuts i.e. I

> > > > have never understood why someone would

> > > > act this way because of seemingly

> > > > innocent things like my reading what I

> > > > like to read.

> > > >

> > > > When I don't do it - sometimes, I

> > > > greatly resent it, sometimes, I feel

> > > > very bad, sometimes, I feel like

> > > > leaving her and but, then I stop

> > > > thinking of our children, her parents

> > > > and my parents.

> > > >

> > > > When I don't do it - I feel that there

> > > > is something lacking in my day. I feel

> > > > that I am not really ready. I feel I am

> > > > not fully prepared for my 'work day'. I

> > > > feel that I don't have clear idea of

> > > > what I want to do in the day. Unless I

> > > > do that, I feel at kind of loss and I

> > > > feel I am not able to perform at the

> > > > level I want to.

> > > >

> > > > When I don't do it - sometimes, I try

> > > > to do some of it at office or much

> > > > worse without planning my day, I end up

> > > > spending my time in unplanned,

> > > > undocumented, unconscious way and then

> > > > I feel I am not fully ready to face my

> > > > manager, my superior . I don't feel

> > > > confident in facing them. I don't feel

> > > > sure whether I am doing my " duty " with

> > > > intelligence, planning and preparedness

> > > > that I think I owe to my job. It gives

> > > > me fear and guilty feeling. I feel like

> > > > hiding from people and I feel

> > > > uncomfortable having this feeling that

> > > > by working in a " lesser " way that I

> > > > think my job deserves and I am capable

> > > > of - I am " cheating " my job. I feel

> > > > like a lair. I feel living below my

> > > > integrity.

> > > >

> > > > When I don't get to do it - sometimes

> > > > I try to leave for office early so that

> > > > I can do it at office. But, in office I

> > > > don't feel privacy to do it. Plus,

> > > > doing it will mean that I should stay

> > > > longer to finish rest of the work -

> > > > which my wife doesn't allow. Plus, I

> > > > have to drop my daughter at her school

> > > > which means I can not really come early

> > > > anyway.

> > > > When I don't do it - sometimes I try

> > > > to stay late at office and make time to

> > > > do it. When I say that to my wife - my

> > > > wife shouts, complains and I usually

> > > > change my plan because f it.

> > > > When I don't do it - sometimes, I

> > > > greatly resent it and sometimes I shout

> > > > at my wife because of it.

> > > >

> > > > And, this is just the beginning of

> > > > restrictions that my wife puts one me.

> > > > Then, there is... I shouldn't talk to

> > > > my brother. If talk to my brother... I

> > > > shouldn't ask him about his studies or

> > > > advise him regarding his career (but, I

> > > > should definitely do that to my wife's

> > > > brother.). I should try my best to make

> > > > sure that my sister doesn't study and

> > > > doesn't become have good working career.

> > > > I don't comprehend any of it.

> > > >

> > > > Sometimes, I feel greatly stiffened by

> > > > it. Sometimes, I feel like not doing

> > > > anything and I lose all my motivation.

> > > > I think my wife has been greatly

> > > > successful in manipulating me with her

> > > > temper, her " hate " , her complains and I

> > > > have ended 'giving up' most times. She

> > > > has gotten away with things that I

> > > > thought were quite bizarre, insane and

> > > > not worth doing to any human being and

> > > > my high 'tolerance' level has allowed

> > > > that to happen.

> > > >

> > > > I am not sure whether my " attitude "

> > > > [of being put up with it] has done more

> > > > good or bad. And, I am not sure what I

> > > > should do in the future.

> > > >

> > > > Someone said:

> > > >

> > > > *****by being kind to an oppressor; you end

> > > > up being unkind to the oppressed;

> > > > you end up playing part in killing the

> > innocents.****

> > > >

> > > >

> >

> === message truncated ===

>

>

> __________________________________________________

>

[Guest guest]

¡°I do not know the thing I am, and therefore do not know what I am doing, where

I am¡¯ or how to look upon the world or myself¡±

Yet in this learning is Salvation born.

And WHAT YOU ARE will tell you of Itself.

ACIM Ch 31 V (p660 in my book)

This is a link (for me). It is the not knowing of what I have become (apparently

a human body) which causes WHO I REALLY ( a being of love itself)am to become

apparent.

Ganagaji apparently says the same thing.

Any part of the human experience can be used as a tool to lead back to the STATE

OF REAL.

For example laying sick on your back on a hospital bed (which is not really

happening) can lead to an inquiry to find your way back (home).

Similarly inquiry into experiences of ¡°romantic love¡± (which is transient and

illusory) can be used as a too; to get back to the real state.

It is the inquiry into the condition rather than the condition itself which is

useful.

> catherineantle wrote:

>

>

> >

> > I have really wanted to have

> > ample " preparation " time in the morning!

>

>

> ***Is this true? I hear that you are not ususally doing it, so, you

> don't Really want it. YOu want to avoid your wife's reactions more

> than you want the above.

>

>

> > I have believed that it gives me SPACE

> > to BE, to plan, to think, to clear my

> > mind, to set my goals and priority and

> > to really get ready for my day.

>

> ***SO, you need this time in the morning in order to really get

> ready for your day. Is that true? Can you think of times when you

> didnt 'get ready' and everything was fine? Can you find at least

> 3Examples?

>

>

>

> >

> > One major thing that I think I have

> > really wanted but have been always

> > missing in my family life is:

> >

> > About two hours (or maybe, little

> > more) in the morning for...

> >

> > o Meditation (15 minutes)

> >

> > o Yoga (30 minutes)

> >

> > o Planning the day (15 minutes)

> >

> > o Study spirituality, meditation,

> > growth, learning, psychology,

> > philosophy, management, communication,

> > technology. (45 minutes)

> >

> > o Checking email (15 minutes)

> >

> > o Good nutrition (egg protein or

> > salmon) (15 minutes)

> >

> >

> > I don't do it because I have seen my

> > wife many times shout at me, hit me,

> > abuse me, curse me, and blame me

> > because of doing it.

>

>

> ***Yes, you want *peace* with your wife more than the above listed

> things. Good to know. If I was choosing to live with someone who

> had said and did these things, I would probably choose not to have

> the things you listed in my life as well.

>

>

> >

> >

> > I have tried talking to my wife

> > several times about it and asking her

> > permission to allow me to do it and

> > have expressed my willingness to sleep

> > two hours less to make time for it.

>

>

> ***You need your wife's permission, Is that true? And please don't

> give me another explaination of her reactions, I hear you the first

> time.

>

>

> >

> > In response, she has told me that she

> > doesn't want me to do any of this, it

> > is not for those with families and she

> > will do her best to make sure that I

> > don't do any of it. She had gone as far

> > as to say that if required, she will

> > kill me if she has to make sure that I

> > don't do these things.

>

>

> ***Your wife's answer is very clear. What part of it do you not

> understand? When we ask for permission from someone No is always an

> option as an answer that they may give. She is sharing with you

> what she believes, and you choose to live with it.

>

>

> ***Interesting. Well, if someone will tell me that they will kill

> me, I may beleive them or not. And I do what I want to do and see

> what happens. I would question all the things that keep me in a

> relationship with someone who says they would kill me. Inquire into

> what you think you need with this relationship.

>

>

> >

> >

> > I have tried talking to her parents,

> > her borthers, my parents, freinds

> > and pretty much everyone has advised

> > her to give me freedom to do it

> > - yet, she hasn't allowed me to do so.

>

>

> ***Not surprising since she has been so clear all along. THis is her

> integrity and nothing is swaying her from it. She gives you quite

> an amazing example of someone living from their integrity and not

> being talked out of it. She REALLY believes her story, doesnt she?

>

>

>

> > Many times, I have tried to do it in

> > hiding and have setup alarm to getup

> > around 3.30AM or so - usually she has

> > gotten up soon after and has started

> > shouting at me at finding me doing any

> > of the above things. Sometimes when

> > shouting has not really worked, she has

> > started shouting at children and has

> > threatened to hit or kill them if I

> > don't change. She has said that by

> > doing these things I am being very

> > " corrupt " .

>

> ***Again, she gives you clearly her story. No wonder she doesnt

> want you to do these things! She believes she is saving you from

> corruption!!

>

>

> >

> > I have totally failed to understand

> > the " logic " and " reasoning " behind it

> > and when I have tried to understand it;

> > it has really driven me nuts i.e. I

> > have never understood why someone would

> > act this way because of seemingly

> > innocent things like my reading what I

> > like to read.

>

>

> ***Forget *your* idea of logic and reasoning. She believes her

> story of why you should not do these things and tells you clearly.

> What dont you understand about that?

>

>

>

> >

> > When I don't do it - sometimes, I

> > greatly resent it, sometimes, I feel

> > very bad, sometimes, I feel like

> > leaving her and but, then I stop

> > thinking of our children, her parents

> > and my parents.

>

>

> ***Your *STORY* about your children (wow...amazing to me that your

> story is that this situation is BEST for your children in any way ~

> your story is just as insane as hers and isnt it interesting that we

> all believe our own story) and your *STORY* about your parents keeps

> you here, not your wife and her insane rantings and threats..

>

>

> >

> > When I don't do it - I feel that there

> > is something lacking in my day.

>

>

> ***Only because you are running a story of *needing* to do these

> things which you do not do. Again, you may want to question the

> idea that you *Need* to *Prepare* when you dont.

>

>

>

> I feel

> > that I am not really ready. I feel I am

> > not fully prepared for my 'work day'. I

> > feel that I don't have clear idea of

> > what I want to do in the day. Unless I

> > do that, I feel at kind of loss and I

> > feel I am not able to perform at the

> > level I want to.

> >

>

> ***Of course you feel these things. It matches your story.

>

>

> > When I don't do it - sometimes, I try

> > to do some of it at office or much

> > worse without planning my day, I end up

> > spending my time in unplanned,

> > undocumented, unconscious way and then

> . I feel

> > like a lair. I feel living below my

> > integrity.

>

>

> ***That's because you are.

>

>

> >

> > When I don't get to do it - sometimes

> > I try to leave for office early so that

> > I can do it at office. But, in office I

> > don't feel privacy to do it. Plus,

> > doing it will mean that I should stay

> > longer to finish rest of the work -

> > which my wife doesn't allow.

>

> ***Which YOU dont allow so that you dont have to deal with wife's

> reaction. Your wife DOES NOT control you AT ALL. Not one little

> bit. Your thinking about what your wife says and does controls you

> only TOTALLY.

>

>

> Plus, I

> > have to drop my daughter at her school

> > which means I can not really come early

> > anyway.

>

>

> ***Good that you drop your daughter at her school and therefore

> cannot leave early. You need to leave early, is that true?

>

>

> > When I don't do it - sometimes I try

> > to stay late at office and make time to

> > do it. When I say that to my wife - my

> > wife shouts, complains and I usually

> > change my plan because f it.

>

> ***No kidding. How many times does she have to shout for you to

> hear her answer? And how many times do you have to ask in order to

> remember? No wonder she is shouting...you dont seem to be hearing

> this.

>

>

>

>

> > When I don't do it - sometimes, I

> > greatly resent it and sometimes I shout

> > at my wife because of it.

>

>

> ***Lovely mirror image here.

>

>

> >

> > And, this is just the beginning of

> > restrictions that my wife puts one me.

>

>

> ***This is the beginnign of the restrictions YOUR THINKING puts on

> YOU. Of course. As long as you both keep running the stories you

> are running and beleiving them, this will go on and on and on. The

> list is endless. And you are okay with that because you stay. Can

> you notice that?

>

>

> > Then, there is... I shouldn't talk to

> > my brother. If talk to my brother... I

> > shouldn't ask him about his studies or

> > advise him regarding his career (but, I

> > should definitely do that to my wife's

> > brother.). I should try my best to make

> > sure that my sister doesn't study and

> > doesn't become have good working career.

> > I don't comprehend any of it.

>

> ***What is to comprehend? She is believing what she thinks and

> living from that place, jsut like you. You make this complicated,

> not her. She is sharing her belief system with you, plan and simple.

>

>

> >

> > Sometimes, I feel greatly stiffened by

> > it. Sometimes, I feel like not doing

> > anything and I lose all my motivation.

> > I think my wife has been greatly

> > successful in manipulating me with her

> > temper, her " hate " , her complains and I

> > have ended 'giving up' most times.

>

> ***Your wife has never manipulated you. You want something from her

> so you do what she wants. Are you still enjoying the story of being

> her victim? It is only a story. She has no control over you and

> you know it. Big smoke screen to avoid seeing this doesnt make it

> any less true. YOur thinking and your thinking alone keep you here.

> And that's a good thing to know, and not good or bad, just is.

>

>

>

>

>

> She

> > has gotten away with things that I

> > thought were quite bizarre, insane and

> > not worth doing to any human being and

> > my high 'tolerance' level has allowed

> > that to happen.

>

>

> ***She is your mirror. And it is your thinking that allows all

> things, not your *tolerance*.

>

>

> >

> > I am not sure whether my " attitude "

> > [of being put up with it] has done more

> > good or bad.

>

> ***None of your business. The concepts of good and bad are useless.

>

> And, I am not sure what I

> > should do in the future.

>

>

> ***Again, None of your business. Try being present and

> understanding that...forget the " future'.

>

>

>

> >

> > Someone said:

> >

> > *****by being kind to an oppressor; you end

> > up being unkind to the oppressed;

> > you end up playing part in killing the innocents.****

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > I don't clearly know what I should

> > really do.

>

>

> ***Inquire and find out why you are choosing to live this way. It

> has nothing to do with your wife.

>

>

> >

> > Of course, if I don't does anything

> > major, the same story is likely to just

> > keep repeating itself endlessly in the

> > future.

>

>

> ***Glad you noticed!!!

>

>

> >

[Guest guest]

> your right tami.. and anyway i was in his business..

Yep, and looks like you still are...

> theres organizations for women being abused by their husbands

> but i dont know of any for men but maybe there is one out

> there..maybe one on the internet.. usually its women who stay with

> someone who is abuisive.. but

> im sure there are men out there in the same boat.

> And will be in that boat.. till they are ready to leave..

sweetheart, you're in his business again...

> People who are abused give up thier power. and tend to need a group

> for support..

> but i dont know that.. its just something i assume

> and in other business again. never mind..

good you noticed.

> i guess i assume ACs wife is the problem..

nope. Your thoughts that there is a problem are a problem. To you.

> DR phil says...

who cares, ask you!

>

> AC--I dont like psychiatry but i do think some sort of group might be

> helpful.. like a support group for abused spouses.. boy then she would

> really really be mad..

Work your thoughts, THEN give suggestions.

Look at it that way: AC goes through all of this, so that *you* can

get " it " .

Once you got clear, he no longer has to go through this stuff.

> oh well.. never mind me.. i will go back to my

> own business..

Good luck!

> love, roslyn

Love,

___________________________________________________________

Telefonate ohne weitere Kosten vom PC zum PC: http://messenger.yahoo.de

[Guest guest]

--

OK i will get out of ACs business..

I need to get myself clear

my thoughts see a problem. Right.

I suppose this means i need a group this one.

what he needs he knows much better than i

.. .. thanks roslyn

- In Loving-what-is , wrote:

>

> > your right tami.. and anyway i was in his business..

> Yep, and looks like you still are...

>

> > theres organizations for women being abused by their husbands

> > but i dont know of any for men but maybe there is one out

> > there..maybe one on the internet.. usually its women who stay with

> > someone who is abuisive.. but

> > im sure there are men out there in the same boat.

> > And will be in that boat.. till they are ready to leave..

> sweetheart, you're in his business again...

>

> > People who are abused give up thier power. and tend to need a group

> > for support..

> > but i dont know that.. its just something i assume

> > and in other business again. never mind..

> good you noticed.

>

> > i guess i assume ACs wife is the problem..

> nope. Your thoughts that there is a problem are a problem. To you.

>

>

> > DR phil says...

> who cares, ask you!

>

> >

> > AC--I dont like psychiatry but i do think some sort of group might be

> > helpful.. like a support group for abused spouses.. boy then she would

> > really really be mad..

> Work your thoughts, THEN give suggestions.

>

> Look at it that way: AC goes through all of this, so that *you* can

> get " it " .

>

> Once you got clear, he no longer has to go through this stuff.

>

>

> > oh well.. never mind me.. i will go back to my

> > own business..

> Good luck!

>

> > love, roslyn

>

>

> Love,

>

>

>

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